An interesting Dear Prudence

Girlie1030 · June 2012

Ok, so you will tell someone your opinion on their family planning.

I'm guessing that woman had to write to Prudence because she must have friends like you who won't give advice on likely the most devasting life event so far for her.

I just don't get it...

Megbo2012 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:be15e07c-0461-4bd2-99ca-20df9051909d">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]TK ate the post (surprise surprise), but about the pesron who asked me about abortion, that's different. In my eyes it's no different than telling someone they shouldn't murder their baby that has already been born (just comes with the pro-life view that it's just as much life in the womb as outside of it).
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

Omfg

LetsHikeToday · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:7751ee3b-6245-4a11-8240-e3570e1fb9e1">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Nope. Nor about having kids/not having kids. <strong>Or other big things in life.</strong>
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]
So you will give advice about big things by telling someone not to get an abortion. Okay.

musicalsunlight · June 2012

I think "Should I leave my husband because he beats me/threatens me with a knife/etc" can be just as life or death of a question as abortion. Just sayin.

ggirl2001 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:174c1fc4-f763-4253-839b-a4e00a1df4cb">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I think "Should I leave my husband because he beats me/threatens me with a knife/etc" can be just as life or death of a question as abortion. Just sayin.
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]<div>No, Musu, she can leave him, just can't divorce him apparently.

</div>

Lizzieyounce · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:a9a09317-cd0b-47ca-9e13-f297acf579ac">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : For me that would be a dealbreaker for me and that religion. Because if I, like my friend, found out that I was married to a child molestor, I would divorce twice for emphasis and not give a shiitt what my priest thought about it.
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Dot, the Catholic church allows annulments for adultery, marital rape, abuse, child molestation, lying about wanting to procreate (like the writer of the column's situation) and a myriad of other things. In fact, a good priest would counsel the victim to leave. Happily, the Church is getting more modern (in spite of it's stance on BC) and at the parish level (at least in my experience) the priest and the community do good work. It's why I haven't left the Church, although the bad apples make the whole barrel look rotten.</div><div>
</div><div>But, yeah, if a priest told me to suck it up, I'd tell him to go pound sand, too.</div><div>
</div>

brandichamberlain · June 2012

I hope this works. Would I be upset? Very. Would there be trust issues? Yes. Do I judge anyone who would divorce? Not for a second. Per our marriage license the only reasons we could divorce is for adultery, commission of a felony, abuse, and habitual drunkenness for more than twelve months. In order to divorce otherwise, we would have to go through counseling for two years if we did not have children. I know that my views are old fashioned and unpopular but my FI and I stand by our personal beliefs.

Megbo2012 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:174c1fc4-f763-4253-839b-a4e00a1df4cb">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I think "Should I leave my husband because he beats me/threatens me with a knife/etc" can be just as life or death of a question as abortion. Just sayin.
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

I was just about to say this. So as long as it's something you can be all preachy about, you will give your opinion. Got it.

chelseamb11 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:fd85578b-b763-4ed0-903a-7fa02394c7e7">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : So you will give advice about big things by telling someone not to get an abortion. Okay.
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]

Think about this from a pro-life perspective for a second here please. Someone asking me if they should get an abortion is literally NO DIFFERENT to me than someone asking me if they should murder someone. No different. If someone were to come to me and say "Hey, this person is pissing me off, should I kill them?" I'd be a huge asshole to not try and say, "yeah that's a bad idea".

LetsHikeToday · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:19297940-8d6e-494e-b47f-b360c5db6c5c">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope this works. Would I be upset? Very. Would there be trust issues? Yes. Do I judge anyone who would divorce? Not for a second. Per our marriage license the only reasons we could divorce is for adultery, commission of a felony, abuse, and habitual drunkenness for more than twelve months. In order to divorce otherwise, we would have to go through counseling for two years if we did not have children. I know that my views are old fashioned and unpopular but my FI and I stand by our personal beliefs.
Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]
But you could still get a divorce after 2 years right? What exactly would you get a divorce over? Or would you stick with it like Pixie said (she worded it really well)?

Nebb · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:19297940-8d6e-494e-b47f-b360c5db6c5c">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope this works. Would I be upset? Very. Would there be trust issues? Yes. Do I judge anyone who would divorce? Not for a second. Per our marriage license the only reasons we could divorce is for adultery, commission of a felony, abuse, and habitual drunkenness for more than twelve months. In order to divorce otherwise, we would have to go through counseling for two years if we did not have children. I know that my views are old fashioned and unpopular but my FI and I stand by our personal beliefs.
Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]
lol seriously? youll get divorced if the other becomes an alcoholic, but you wouldnt if they flat out lied about having had a vasectomy and allowed you to think you were infertile. oooooooK then.

ggirl2001 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:9587195b-c723-4844-89e2-113f502c4c91">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Think about this from a pro-life perspective for a second here please. Someone asking me if they should get an abortion is literally NO DIFFERENT to me than someone asking me if they should murder someone. No different. If someone were to come to me and say "Hey, this person is pissing me off, should I kill them?" I'd be a huge asshole to not try and say, "yeah that's a bad idea".
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]<div>So, in regards to abortion/divorce etc, its not about what's best for the person, but what your religion dictates. Yeah, I hope your friends never go to you for advice.

</div>

musicalsunlight · June 2012

lolol at 12 months or more. For some reason the fact that there is a number makes me laugh, sorry.

And yeah, I still see NO difference in the abortion vs possible life threatening situation with abused women.

Lizzieyounce · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:e2df4b0b-a3c7-44a6-b252-a3ea386c4cf0">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Thanks for the explanation. To be clear though, if there were no evidence to be found of the problem existing before the marriage the Church expects you to stay married regardless of the current loathesome behavior, right?
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>No, the Church doesn't. At least that's what my parish priest, my family priest and the annulment tribunal says.</div>

Blueyed228 · June 2012

This whole Chels/Brandi conversation makes me want to shoot myself in the fvcking face.

Nebb · June 2012

Not yet. I almost forgot but thats why I have this ticker in the first place, so I can remember.

monkeysip · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:5694a845-5348-41ca-ac87-d06fcfaaca67">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : So if you knowingly lie in advance of the marriage you get an anulment but if you change your mind after the marriage no go. What exactly is the difference? Sounds awfully convenient to me. Like a loop hole.
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

There's nothing convenient about it. If you lie in your vows, you didn't really make a vow. You have no marriage. If you honestly meant your vow and lied about nothing, you have a marriage. Once you have a marriage, you cannot undo it (per the scripture I gave you earlier). There is no dissolving a marriage becaues God himself creates it. Only God can undo what God creates, man cannot undo what God creates. Again, you don't have to agree, but I don't see it as illogical or a "loophole", if you held the same religious beliefs.

Megbo2012 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:9587195b-c723-4844-89e2-113f502c4c91">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Think about this from a pro-life perspective for a second here please. Someone asking me if they should get an abortion is literally NO DIFFERENT to me than someone asking me if they should murder someone. No different. If someone were to come to me and say "Hey, this person is pissing me off, should I kill them?" I'd be a huge asshole to not try and say, "yeah that's a bad idea".
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

I think this is a pretty poor analogy. People don't have abortions because a person pissed them off. Come on. There are WAY more factors that go into that.

Would you tell someone not to have an abortion even if they didn't ask your opinion? JW

ggirl2001 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:41345bc7-36b8-4e76-a790-de0c98e7690c">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : No no Nebb. Only if they maintained their drunkeness for a solid year. 10 months out of 12 and she's stuck.
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]<div>H and I probably get drunk every weekend, or at least one of us does. Would that count? </div><div>
</div><div>I don't get that, so if he becomes an alcohol and within 6 months drains your bank acct, loses his job, refuses to get help, etc, you would have to wait another 6 months?

</div>

Lizzieyounce · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:575f62e2-1442-4c1e-9292-ade19c11c716">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]All this Catholic talk is hilarious. My BFF got an annulment from the church because of this exact reason. She had been married 2 years, wasnt getting pregnant, and then found paperwork that her H had lied about having a vasectomy.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yep yep...a sacrament isn't a sacrament if one (or both) of the parties taking the sacrament is lying...

</div>

LetsHikeToday · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:8ca69c88-894b-4331-a234-6192c6d8934e">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : So, in regards to abortion/divorce etc, its not about what's best for the person, but what your religion dictates. Yeah, I hope your friends never go to you for advice.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
This is exactly what I was about to type.

brandichamberlain · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:def81b85-1a0a-4536-bd93-639e88a342eb">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : lol seriously? youll get divorced if the other becomes an alcoholic, but you wouldnt if they flat out lied about having had a vasectomy and allowed you to think you were infertile. oooooooK then.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

That isn't what I said. I said that was what my marriage license allows.

musicalsunlight · June 2012

I consider myself a Christian, not Catholic by any means, but I for real don't think Jesus gives a tick if you remarry after leaving a scumbag.

polichik · June 2012

In Response to Re:An interesting Dear Prudence:[QUOTE]Tk mobile is eating posts. All I can see is three replies and it says there are almost 50. Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]Same here. I wish I could say I was surprised :P

brandichamberlain · June 2012

Fwiw- people's decision on divorce is their own and I don't have an opinion on what anyone else does nor do I judge them. My feelings on my marriage, and my marriage alone, should not matter to anyone. I already said I can see how many would absolutely divorce over this and that is their right.

ggirl2001 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:ab44198b-43af-426c-b6f9-119667dd4c49">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I consider myself a Christian, not Catholic by any means, but I for real don't think Jesus gives a tick if you remarry after leaving a scumbag.
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]
Exactly this.

Nebb · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:e8077ac4-94ee-49c9-8c3c-59e3108b0163">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : That isn't what I said. I said that was what my marriage license allows.
Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]
How is it any different?? you will only do what this piece of paper says and it says you cant divorce someone who lies, so therefor you wouldnt do it.

monkeysip · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:003a890c-5833-4ea8-a7ec-0050f20fc1d3">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : Right but God doesn't come down and sign the docs right? A priest does I'm assuming. How does the priest know whether or not you lied at the tie or have just become a creaton?
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

That's what the annulment tribunal is for. They interview you both, they interview your friends and family. An annulment can take a couple years.

Some are more clear cut than others. With the vasectomy case, it's pretty easy to prove that the guy lied.

In an adultery case, they might go back and investigate past relationships for evidence of adultery, they would interview friends and family to see if anybody could shed light on the spouse's habits or views on the subject. Things like that.

musicalsunlight · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:e8077ac4-94ee-49c9-8c3c-59e3108b0163">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An interesting Dear Prudence : That isn't what I said. I said that was what my marriage license allows.
Posted by brandichamberlain[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>You realize that by enumerating reasons, that only makes it more likely that the reason you *might* eventually get divorced is gonna be something that you didn't specify, right? its like when people make health care directives super specific like "if my hip does this, and my lungs are doing this, then disconnect me" ...but the one thing that happens to them ends up not on their list and the doctors are left with no idea what they want. /rant</div>

Megbo2012 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_an-interesting-dear-prudence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:47144c29-1f9d-41d4-8ce5-968adc8e97b0Post:ab44198b-43af-426c-b6f9-119667dd4c49">Re: An interesting Dear Prudence</a>:
[QUOTE]I consider myself a Christian, not Catholic by any means, but I for real don't think Jesus gives a tick if you remarry after leaving a scumbag.
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

It wouldn't really align with the whole forgiveness thing, would it?

An interesting Dear Prudence

Re: An interesting Dear Prudence

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