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I don't usually post on this board, but I did some lurking here today, and I think I have a good chance of getting some common sense advice here. A couple of weeks ago, I posted on the ettiquette forum that one of my bridesmaids (T) had committed suicide. I never intended on replacing her, I wasn't worried about the sides being uneven or anything like that, was looking for advice on honoring her. I planned on having a candle burning in the place where she would have been standing. (Still the plan)
Well, 2 of my remaining bridesmaids were also friends with T. We were all housemates, and I felt like we became very close living together, which is why I chose them as bridesmaids.
After T died, I was the one that contacted them about her death, gave them the details about the funeral, etc. Neither one of them showed up, they both said they had "other obligations". These obligations included "getting f-ed up at the club" and "gettin my drink on", according to their Facebook statuses. Ok,so, they don't do funerals. I was irritated at them for blatantly lying to my face, but if they prefer to drink to her memory...not my business.
This week, we made plans to go shopping for their dresses on Saturday. We set a time and place to meet up, and I waited for over an hour before I got simultaneous texts from both of them, saying that they were sorry, that they were hungover, and couldn't make it. Awwwwesome. I go home, later that night, I call both of them, we make plans to meet the following day. Once again, neither of them showed up. I called both of them, texted both of them...nothing. No reply from either of them. Later that night, both of them had updated their Facebook statuses, one of them was having a conversation over their status about their "crazy amazing day"...so I know they were alive/not sick/not having a family emergency.
Now, as of Wednesday, neither of them have contacted me to even give me a reason why they never showed up. So, I pretty much feel like they have decided to not be in the wedding.
In addition to this, another bridesmaid had made plans to move across the country about a month after the wedding. Unfortunately, a family member of hers recently passed away, and she is wanting to move back home to be with her family sooner, probably within this month, which, I totally understand.
So, of my original 4 bridesmaids and 1 maid of honor...It is now looking like I will only have 1 maid of honor. I wouldn't be worried about the sides being a tad bit uneven, but 5 to 1 is too much.
Like I said about the two party girls, I feel like they have taken themselves out of the wedding. I know the general opinion is that if I replace a bridal party member, to be prepared to lose them as a friend. Honestly...I'm pretty much ok with that. It makes me sad that I thought we were closer than this, but since I was obviously wrong, I don't want them to be there.
Enter the gay bride attendant. One of my very best friends is a gay male, I love him to death. He was who I originally wanted in my bridal party, but FI's family did not approve, and I caved waaay too soon in saying that I wouldn't ask him. I now really, really, really regret this.
So, what do I do? In this case I feel like its ok to replace the two party girls. They don't know when or where the wedding is, they don't even have dresses, so I'm not worried about them showing up and being like uuuuuh, wtf? when someone is in their place. If they mention anything about the wedding in between now and then, I plan on just saying "Oh, I'm sorry, when you stood me up two days in a row without explanation, I assumed you weren't interested, and I asked someone else."
As far as the girl moving away, how do I gently ask her if she's going to be able to make it? Like I said, a family member just passed away, so I don't want to be bitchy...but its something I need to know, given that the wedding is less than 3 months away now.
And as far as my male friend...how do I let FI's family know that he will be there, and that they will have to just deal with it? I usually get along really well with them, they are just really traditional, and, unfortunately, pretty homophobic. Would it be ok to not tell them, and them not know until the ceremony, when he goes to stand on my side?
Thanks in advance for advice!
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