Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo

r&dbokan · September 2012

My college roommate is one of my 4 bridesmaids. She recently got a tattoo of a claddaugh with skeleton hands, a crown of thornes, and her new boyfriends name in the heart she's going thru a divorce, but she's still married with 5 kids. She asked me about getting the tattoo and I said ok, but wait until after the wedding. That being said, I'm all for tattoos, I have 2 myself, so I have no issues with that. The placement and size of the tattoo is what's the issue. Its on her chest going from the bottom of her neck to the top of her boobs and from 1 armpit to the other. Its in black now, but she wants to get it colored in.
I'm getting married in a catholic church and the bridesmaid dresses show off her tattoo rather than hide it. Without her looking different than the other girls with a sweater and using extensive cover up makeup that would have to be plastered on, I have no other choice but to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid.
She has been married twice now and I was the MOH at her first wedding and was a honorary bridesmaid at her second. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want her chest monstrosity in all my wedding pictures. I can't afford photoshopping in ALL the pictures. Please help!

Viczaesar · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_booting-out-a-bridesmaid-because-of-a-new-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1bb16135-945b-4b13-9b4f-de82ab283789Post:85170d9e-90a1-47e2-95b7-65d5959823f9">Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo</a>:
[QUOTE]My college roommate is one of my 4 bridesmaids. She recently got a tattoo of a claddaugh with skeleton hands, a crown of thornes, and her new boyfriends name in the heart she's going thru a divorce, but she's still married with 5 kids. She asked me about getting the tattoo and I said ok, but wait until after the wedding. That being said, I'm all for tattoos, I have 2 myself, so I have no issues with that. The placement and size of the tattoo is what's the issue. Its on her chest going from the bottom of her neck to the top of her boobs and from 1 armpit to the other. Its in black now, but she wants to get it colored in. I'm getting married in a catholic church and the bridesmaid dresses show off her tattoo rather than hide it. Without her looking different than the other girls with a sweater and using extensive cover up makeup that would have to be plastered on, I have no other choice but to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid. She has been married twice now and I was the MOH at her first wedding and was a honorary bridesmaid at her second. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want her chest monstrosity in all my wedding pictures. I can't afford photoshopping in ALL the pictures. Please help!
Posted by r&dbokan[/QUOTE]
Why would that be an inappropriate tattoo to have on display in a church? It's not obscene. It would be a bridezilla move to kick her out of the wedding.

jagore08 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_booting-out-a-bridesmaid-because-of-a-new-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1bb16135-945b-4b13-9b4f-de82ab283789Post:85170d9e-90a1-47e2-95b7-65d5959823f9">Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo</a>:
[QUOTE]My college roommate is one of my 4 bridesmaids. She recently got a tattoo of a claddaugh with skeleton hands, a crown of thornes, and her new boyfriends name in the heart <strong>she's going thru a divorce, but she's still married with 5 kids.</strong> She asked me about getting the tattoo and I said ok, but <strong>wait until after the wedding</strong>. That being said, I'm all for tattoos, I have 2 myself, so I have no issues with that. The placement and size of the tattoo is what's the issue. Its on her chest going from the bottom of her neck to the top of her boobs and from 1 armpit to the other. Its in black now, but she wants to get it colored in. <strong>I'm getting married in a catholic church</strong> and the bridesmaid dresses show off her tattoo rather than hide it. Without her looking different than the other girls with a sweater and using extensive cover up makeup that would have to be plastered on, <strong>I have no other choice but to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid.</strong> She has been married twice now and I was the MOH at her first wedding and was a honorary bridesmaid at her second. <strong>I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want her chest monstrosity in all my wedding pictures. </strong>I can't afford photoshopping in ALL the pictures. Please help!
Posted by r&dbokan[/QUOTE]
Starting from the top bolded and working my way down...<div>1. This has nothing to do with any of <em>your</em> issues.</div><div>2. It was out of line for you to ask someone to hold off on anything because of your wedding.</div><div>3. Getting married in a Catholic church doesn't have anything to do with her tattoo. It's not of Satan, anti-Christ, offensive language, so the Church shouldn't have a problem with it. I was raised Catholic and I knew plenty of members that have visible tattoos.</div><div>4.You do have a choice, you let her be who she is and you accept it. It's shallow of you to choose pictures over your friendship.</div><div>5. What you plan on doing, for the reasons you're doing them, will hurt her feelings. You're putting pictures above your relationship with your "friend". That's not a true friend.</div>

bridalmarch · September 2012

I have a ginormous back tattoo. Close up, it's a woman sitting at a vanity, far away, it's a giant skull. I was MOH for my BFF's wedding in a halter dress. If she had asked me to "step down" I would have...well...we wouldn't be friends anymore.

This is your wedding DAY. After that, you go back to your real LIFE. It's the same, except you're married. It's your choice if you'd like your friend out of your life for one day.

AdeleDazeem · September 2012

You most definitely have a choice and it does not involve kicking your friend out of the wedding. My goodness - it would be quite shallow to remove her over a tattoo and I'm not even a tattoo person!

Does the church have rules about display of tattoos or are you just upset that it'll be in pictures?

If the church has rules - roll with it. Tell her as much and get her a jacket. Problem solved!

If you don't want it in pictures - get over it. You're going to end up with 4,000 pictures from your wedding and only a fraction of them will ever be looked at past one year of marriage. This doesn't make or break anything about your marriage to your husband or your enjoyment of the pictures afterwards. I promise.

AdeleDazeem · September 2012

Oh, I would also remove your full names from your post! This is a public board, which means that ANYONE can come by and read what you've written. If any of them are creepers (which, let's face it, some are) now they know your full names. They can look you up on Facebook, the white pages, and figure out all sorts of things about you.

When it comes to the internet, the more anonymity, the better.

calliopeia2013 · September 2012

So, okay, if the tattoo is a big sticking point, I think it's still rude but maybe acceptable to ask her to put on a jacket or a wrap for the church and pictures. But what I'm getting from the post is that you're not even willing to do that, because you care more about having all of the bridesmaids look identical than about having your good friend in your wedding? Is that actually what you mean by "Without her looking different than the other girls with a sweater"?

Because, if so, you need to seriously re-evaluate your priorities.

GoldenCityDreamer · September 2012

I'm supprised that this is up for debate.

love your bridesmaid, they are there because they want to be.

amymaysa · September 2012

I hope you are okay knowing you probably just lost a friend over this...

That was a really crappy thing to do to a close friend. You should love them for who they are.

Maggie0829 · September 2012

Her tattoo will not ruin your PPD. Do not kick her out because if you do you are basically telling her that you do not approve of her new ink and that if she was in the wedding if would embarras you.

If you weren't getting married would this tattoo be such a big deal?

Meghannsix · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_booting-out-a-bridesmaid-because-of-a-new-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1bb16135-945b-4b13-9b4f-de82ab283789Post:93fde9b5-6c08-49d6-951f-5d0d15ffe75e">Re: Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo</a>:
[QUOTE]If it's an issue with the church, have ALL the BMS wear wraps for the ceremony. Let the photo thing go. Seriously, this is a horrbily shallow reason to end a friendship.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This. If it's a church thing, have all the girls cover up. If it's a you're extremely judgy and think your close friend's tat will ruin your PPD pics, hire models for BM's.

GoodLuckBear14 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_booting-out-a-bridesmaid-because-of-a-new-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1bb16135-945b-4b13-9b4f-de82ab283789Post:c5e51600-2889-49a3-93a4-4b1c07a2d65a">Re: Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo : Yep. OP, edit your post and take out your name. I see your FB page and I know in 2011 you got engaged,<strong> a new tattoo</strong>, and bought a car. Holy hell. Internet safety. And yeah, booting someone for their appearance is pretty lame.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Seriously? Hello pot. Meet kettle.

OP - how would you like it if sometone booted you from their wedding because they thought your tattoo was ugly?

artbyallie · September 2012

Obviously, PPs have covered how rude this is. And I'm thinking, you know, I doubt the tattoo will even be all that obvious in any of the pictures. It most likely won't be visible enough to see the details. I mean, I don't really have any pictures of my bridesmaids that are close up enough to inspect their décolletage. We're talking maybe a square centimeter of space in a picture, here, at the max. That's not going to be enough room to see more than the basic claddagh shape of her tattoo, so the skeleton hands and crown of thorns part likely won't be apparent. And even if it is, there's always Photoshop. You talk about not being about to afford it for "ALL" the pictures, but she won't be in "ALL" your pictures.

mandi195 · September 2012

This is just offensive. I'm standing up in my brothers wedding next month, and reading one of the scripture readings in front of over 300 people in our beautiful Catholic church. I also have TONS of tattoos (2 half sleeves, my legs, etc.) I will not be covering up any of them. When a family member mentioned it to my brother that maybe I should, he was very offended, and stated that he loved me for who I am, and would never dream of asking me to cover my tattoos, as they are a part of who I am. (I am so blessed and proud to have him as my brother)
That said, know that it is not a "church thing" to cover tattoos. I teach Sunday school, am a sacristine and Eucharistic minister for my church, which means I am in front of the congregation quite often. I never feel that I need to cover my tattoos at all, and no one has ever said anything about it other than to compliment me on them.
As someone who loves tattoos AND her church, I will tell you this. If one of my girlfriends had this kind of an issue with my tattoos being visible in her wedding, I'd not-so-kindly decline to be involved, and would seriously reconsider the friendship. I understand that your wedding day is all about you and your FI, but that by no means that anyone else should have to hide/alter/change who they are because you have selfish "pretty picture" wishes. Open your eyes and stop being so selfish and judgemental before you lose your friend.

s-aries8990 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_booting-out-a-bridesmaid-because-of-a-new-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1bb16135-945b-4b13-9b4f-de82ab283789Post:4b403ca1-b113-487e-aa21-c85886f0142a">Re: Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo : Seriously? Hello pot. Meet kettle. OP - how would you like it if sometone booted you from their wedding because they thought your tattoo was ugly?
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

This!

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

Don't destroy your friendship over a tattoo. It'll be entirely your fault, and you might lose more than one friend when they ll watch how you treat her. Also, almost no one hangs pictures of their bridal party. Most homes display the bride and groom photos, and let the rest collect dust. Seriously, its not a big deal.

beardo1111 · September 2012

Super shallow and rude - but I think that message had been communicated and I hope you take it to heart.

If you or the Church seriously can't stomach the tattoo - then either ask her to wear a wrap or get a different dress - perhaps one that's high in the front but still the same color/length/material as the other dresses.

These are of course secondary options to the ideal one - which is accept your friend for who she is, have some compassion that she's going through a super crappy time right now, and don't make her feel worse over her new tattoo. But it sounds like you aren't even entertaining that possibility......

[Deleted User] · September 2012

One of my bridesmaid has several tatoos & the list is growing. She did offer to cover her tatoos if I wanted. She had just gotten a new very colorful one on her shoulder. I told her that it was ok, I didn't mind them, they are a part of her. But it was nice of her to offer. If it's your thing and not religious issue, you can ask her if she would mind covering them up but then be prepared to cover the cost of the special makeup that covers up tatoos or to pay a makeup artist to do it. If she says no she won't cover them, then you need to either respect her decision and accept her the way she is, or ask her to step down which will probably end your friendship.

DaveandRoxy · September 2012

Idk why other people are so fired up about this. She's obviously been married before so she knows what it's like. She asked you before doing it and you voiced your opinion honestly but she did it anyways. I guess it depends how much you still want to remain friends with her. Yes, coverup make up would have to be plastered on... but you won't even notice it in the pix. And a shawl would probably look cute on everyone... Maybe you can make that work. I'd get with her and try to brainstorm ways to make this ok with everyone. But if this is a friendship that you're willing to toss out, by all means, kick her out. That tattoo sounds trashy looking, I have a couple and FI has 4, so I'm ok with tattoos... But neck & boobs? Ew.

EK2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_booting-out-a-bridesmaid-because-of-a-new-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1bb16135-945b-4b13-9b4f-de82ab283789Post:85170d9e-90a1-47e2-95b7-65d5959823f9">Booting out a bridesmaid because of a new tattoo</a>:
[QUOTE]My college roommate is one of my 4 bridesmaids. She recently got a tattoo of a claddaugh with skeleton hands, a crown of thornes, and her new boyfriends name in the heart she's going thru a divorce, but she's still married with 5 kids. She asked me about getting the tattoo and I said ok, but wait until after the wedding. That being said, I'm all for tattoos, I have 2 myself, so I have no issues with that. The placement and size of the tattoo is what's the issue. Its on her chest going from the bottom of her neck to the top of her boobs and from 1 armpit to the other. Its in black now, but she wants to get it colored in. I'm getting married in a catholic church and the bridesmaid dresses show off her tattoo rather than hide it. Without her looking different than the other girls with a sweater and using extensive cover up makeup that would have to be plastered on, I have no other choice but to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid. She has been married twice now and I was the MOH at her first wedding and was a honorary bridesmaid at her second. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want her chest monstrosity in all my wedding pictures. I can't afford photoshopping in ALL the pictures. Please help!
Posted by r&dbokan[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Is it actually more important to have "prettier" photos than to have one of your best friends stand up for you? Sheesh.</div>

samantha24p · September 2012

This actually aggregates me. My sister who's my MOH and one of my BMs are covered in tattoos. I've had several people ask me if it bothered me that they have tattoos......... Umm NO! Why would it bother me? I have some too just small and hidden.

Peledreamsofrain · September 2012

Bridalmarch, your tattoo sounds amazing! I have a large peice on my back too. It's a ginormous set of wings that extend from the top of my shoulders, and go all the way down to the middle of my behind. If I said boo to any one of my bridal party about tattoos, they'd die laughing at me. :P

My future sister in law is amazing though, she's putting little rhinestones on my wings where they show above my dress. I love that lady ^_^.

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

I am astounded that people still have such issues with their closest friends getting tattoos. I was kicked out of a wedding (was supposed to be MOH) because of a tattoo on my shoulder. The kicker? I had it well before I was asked to be in the wedding, and the bride was my roommate (so she was well aware that I had gotten it and what it looked like). We are no longer friends.

I was MOH in my best friend's wedding in July. I asked her if I needed to cover my ink for he Church. She told me to "rock it" all I want... and I love her dearly for that. Three weeks later, she was my MOH. She had a pawprint DRAWN ONTO her with eye liner (and set with hairspray) so she could "rock some ink too". Some of my favorite pictures involve my three "tatted" bridesmaids (two who truly do have them, then my MOH's temporary one).

Seriously, no one is going to care. And it won't ruin your pictures. If you aren't looking for it, odds are you'll barely notice.

Oh, also: I guess I should have been mad at my groom, who had his Jack Skellington tattoo visible (and photographed) for our entire ceremony. Give me a break!

pearlaqua · September 2012

What I would do, as the bride, is have all BMs wear a dress that covered the tattoo. Passive aggressive? Yep. No one feels singled out? Yep, too.

Judgments aside, a tattoo is a fashion choice.

As a bride, you get some say in the fashion of the day.

Women who never ever wear updos or shoes in barfy shades of pink (myself included) do so for weddings (provided the bride pays for them when required). It's just part of the look.

Whenever tattoos get brought up on this board, a lot of judgment about body art gets talked about more than a practical solution for all involved. If brides get twitchy about their friend's tattoos, that's an issue bigger than an online wedding board.

MyNameIsNot · September 2012

The idea that someone would treat a friend this way over physical appearance is simply disgusting.

How do you even have friends if you think this is acceptable behavior?

EK2013 · September 2012

It's also most of a year until your wedding. Have the girls actually bought their dresses yet?

These all cover at least part of the chest and come in various purples:

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=8bc1d1b5-5617-45b9-a377-8afa491ce246&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=1&colorId1=

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=ed7a0d8e-9155-4c7f-bf8a-3095cd75c5b0&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=1&colorId1=

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=ae191d32-6086-41dd-bc7c-8576b77e1c4c&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=4&colorId1=af979f03-8e01-4da0-834c-0ea8958d159e

r&dbokan · October 2012

Ok so all of you are saying that i need to have my girls wear dresses that are turtlenecks, have her get "plaster" put on her size E chest, or have some kind of wrap that covers the prettiest party of the dress and make the girls look like nuns, or have her simply wear a different dress and stand out like a sore thumb. Wow, does anyone take into account that my Church is ultra strict, my aunt is a Nun, so my family is strict, and that she asked to get it before she did, i told her to please wait a year and she didn't. Isn't that an apparent i dont care if it will be offensive to you even though it's your wedding kind of act? If she was a true friend wouldn't she have waited? Why do I have to change my BM dresses because she did this AFTER KNOWING WE WERE ENGAGED! My feelings were hurt she did this and I can't have a huge tattoo like that in my church. All Im asking for is help on how to ask her to step down.

r&dbokan · October 2012

Fyi, none of those dresses will work, they are all short and i need long. I have strict guidelines and i won't have herher wearing something different than the other girls. Her tattoo goes from bottom of her neck to the top of her chest and from 1 armpit to the other. If she were truly a friend wouldn't she have waited to get it? She knew my church had strict regulations and she choose to do this anyways. We were engaged for over 4 months when she asked about the tattoo and she knew about my church. Isn't that being a bad friend?

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