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Bridal Party Issues

Wedding Party

Bridal Party Issues

Are uneven sides okay? (Yes!) Can you kick out a pregnant bridesmaid? (No!) Ask the toughest wedding party questions here.

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Wedding Party

Bridal Party Issues

Are uneven sides okay? (Yes!) Can you kick out a pregnant bridesmaid? (No!) Ask the toughest wedding party questions here.

Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37

Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0b6d3d21-354d-4adc-8c3d-3f66b4db24b8

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Forums > Wedding Boards > Wedding Party > Bridal Party Issues

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Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 11:30 AM EST on theknot.com

crystaldalton93

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 11:47 AM EST on theknot.com

edielaura

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In Response to Bridal Party Issues:

My MOH is great. Couldn't ask for better. She helps me with everything wedding related. Wonderful friend. Great. BM1: Just turned 18 and has discovered clubbing. All she does is party and somehow manage to get drunk when she underage. Hootchie moma dancin is the only kind she knows. Shes a great friend she really is, but this wildness cannot go on at my wedding. I am marring a Baptist preacher. My church family and his church family will be there. She says she understands that but I know her. She's liable to do or say anything. There is no filter on that mouth. BM2: Also 18. Shes a great friend too but she is also wild as a buck. She txt me this morning and said she thinks she's "prego". After questioning her, I found out that she went to her dad's house in Ohio and got a little too drunk and had sex with a 28 year old guy her dad works with, whom she hadn't met until that night. She says if she is pregnant then she is going to move up there to Ohio and live with him. Maybe I'm the crazy one, but that is irresponsible. She doesn't know him from Adam. He could be crazy or something. I mean my FI is 7 years older than me but its different. I KNOW him. I live in East TN. How is she gonna do this in Ohio? BM3: My older sister...my older attention stealing whore of a sister who is a tight wad. She refuses to purchase her own dress, yet picks out the most expense. She says nothing positive about the things I pick out for the wedding and thinks she knows everything. BM4: She like 45. I guess her hormones aren't raging like the rest cause she's chill lol. Shes really great too. What should I do about these girls?
Posted by crystaldalton93

I don't see anything to "do" with them. If #3 thinks the dress it too expensive, even though she chose it, either pay the difference or pick another dress she can afford. #1, I wouldn't worry about it. If she opens her mouth, she's the one who will look bad. #2, I would mind your own business.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 11:59 AM EST on theknot.com

crystaldalton93

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I'm sorry but that completely didn't help my situation or help me to know what to do.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:04 PM EST on theknot.com

meganb1977

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None of this matters. All they need to do is be in attendance on your wedding day wearing the appropriate attire. You don't need to do anything :-)

If you're concerned that they won't get along, I think they'll manage for the short bit of time that your wedding related events will involve. If you're worried about how they will behave, it will reflect poorly on them and not on you if they don't respect the solemnity of the occasion.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:09 PM EST on theknot.com

froggatt.clare

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You asked us what to do. Edie gave you very good advice.

You are sounding a little judgey in your post. You are the one who asked your friends to be bridesmaids - because they are your friends. It is not your place to judge their life decisions.

#1: Let her party. Anything she does at your wedding reflects poorly on her, not on you.
#2: Yay! Your friend is having a baby! That's awesome. And maybe she felt a connection with this dude. If it doesn't work out, her dad lives there and can likely help her out.
#3: Not sure why you asked your sister if she is so terrible. The only thing she needs to do is get the dress and show up. If you chose a dress that was outside her budget, it would be nice if you could help her out with the cost. Yes, you may tell your bridesmaids what to wear, but only after you find out each individuals' budget and adhere to the lowest number. Don't talk about wedding stuff with her if she is going to rain on your parade.

FYI if you're looking for people to tell you to kick them out or something like that, you are on the wrong web site. Kicking people out of your wedding reflects astoundingly badly on the bride.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:31 PM EST on theknot.com

Hilraythebride

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I'm not sure what you mean when you say what should you "do" about them?

The girl who is underage and drinks and parties it sounds like you have already talked to her about the situation and she agreed to respect you and your wedding. I am sure she knows how important it is to you and how bad it will look if she drinks and gets crazy. That being said just make sure she is carded then there is no problem.

About your sister and not wanting to pay and picking the most expensive dress. If I were paying or someone in my family is (which we did we all chipped in bc we know she couldn't afford) I would tell her the price limit and ask her to stick to it because there is only so much money to go around. If she is insistant upon something out of this price range I would tell her she can pay the differance or get somthing else.

Again I really don't know what you want to "do" about these people since they are your friends and family and who you have chosen to be in your wedding.

"A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime"

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:37 PM EST on theknot.com

edielaura

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In Response to Re: Bridal Party Issues:

I'm sorry but that completely didn't help my situation or help me to know what to do.
Posted by crystaldalton93

There is nothing "to do". Just ask about the cost of the dress and ignore everything else.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:38 PM EST on theknot.com

msuprincess04

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No one here is going to tell you to "fire" your BM. No one here will tell you that you have the right to control or criticize their decisions in their own lives. If you don't like them, and the people that they are, why did you ask them to be BM in the first place? Let it go, plan your wedding, and try to have some fun.

About the only thing you have control over is your sister's dress. Give your sister a limit on what you'll spend and leave it at that.

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:39 PM EST on theknot.com

MyNameIsNot

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Let me guess. You are 18 too?

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:54 PM EST on theknot.com

jsbt2014

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BM 1: it sounds like alcohol tends to be the problem. If you're serving alcohol at the wedding, make sure the bartender is aware that she is too young. Problem solved.

BM 2: This is absolutely none of your business, nor is it any of ours. I would imagine that your friend would not be terribly happy to see such a personal matter posted in a public place. Even if she moves, she can still be a bridesmaid. Problem solved.

BM 3: Give her a REASONABLE deadline to pick out and purchase her dress. If she gets it, she stands with you, if not, she doesn't. Problem solved.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:54 PM EST on theknot.com

amymaysa

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If these people are so awful, why did you choose them to stand up in your wedding?

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:56 PM EST on theknot.com

Maggie0829

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Um...so do you have an actual question or do you just like talking sh*t about each of you BMs?

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 12:57 PM EST on theknot.com

wegsmom

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My first suggestion...if crystaldalton93 is your real name and the year you were born, you might want to change it for privacy purposes.

My second suggestion is to just relax...your bridal party's behavior is beyond your control. You've already talked to them about "beahaving" at the wedding, so let it go at that. They're all adults (at least legally speaking) so they should be able to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner. If not, they look bad, not you.

Best wishes.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 1:11 PM EST on theknot.com

jemmini6

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Um...since 2 of your BMs are 18, and your close friends, I'm guessing you are about 18 as well. So my suggestion is to wait to get married because if you are this concerned and judgemental about other people, then you aren't mature enough to get married.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 1:28 PM EST on theknot.com

TiffannieF

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In Response to Bridal Party Issues:

My MOH is great. Couldn't ask for better. She helps me with everything wedding related. Wonderful friend. Great. BM1: Just turned 18 and has discovered clubbing. All she does is party and somehow manage to get drunk when she underage. Hootchie moma dancin is the only kind she knows. Shes a great friend she really is, but this wildness cannot go on at my wedding. I am marring a Baptist preacher. My church family and his church family will be there. She says she understands that but I know her. She's liable to do or say anything. There is no filter on that mouth. BM2: Also 18. Shes a great friend too but she is also wild as a buck. She txt me this morning and said she thinks she's "prego". After questioning her, I found out that she went to her dad's house in Ohio and got a little too drunk and had sex with a 28 year old guy her dad works with, whom she hadn't met until that night. She says if she is pregnant then she is going to move up there to Ohio and live with him. Maybe I'm the crazy one, but that is irresponsible. She doesn't know him from Adam. He could be crazy or something. I mean my FI is 7 years older than me but its different. I KNOW him. I live in East TN. How is she gonna do this in Ohio? BM3: My older sister...my older attention stealing whore of a sister who is a tight wad. She refuses to purchase her own dress, yet picks out the most expense. She says nothing positive about the things I pick out for the wedding and thinks she knows everything. BM4: She like 45. I guess her hormones aren't raging like the rest cause she's chill lol. Shes really great too. What should I do about these girls?
Posted by crystaldalton93

BM1: If you are marrying a Baptist preist, will there be alcohol? Will there be inappropriate music? If not, then don't worry about it. If there is, then let her make an arse out of herself...people won't judge you for her actions...as I hope you wouldn't judge a bride for a BMs actions.

BM2: Some girls are extremely immature. The isue you brought up should have nothing to do with your wedding but more as a friend. You should, as her friend, have a sit down talk with her and discuss birth control. FWIW: I have a crazy friend who constantly makes horrible whore decisions, I've given the best advice I can for her but she continues to make bad choices. When she brings her up I just say "I've already given you my advice, take it or leave it."

BM3: If that was my sister, I would tell her to shut her flippin mouth. If she wants to be a BM then she needs to wear the dress you have chosen. If it was her wedding you would buy the dress that she has chosen and not make a big stink about it. Tell her she is stressing you out and taking away the joyous experience of a wedding.

BM4: cool.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 1:31 PM EST on theknot.com

TiffannieF

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In Response to Re: Bridal Party Issues:

Um...so do you have an actual question or do you just like talking sh*t about each of you BMs?
Posted by Maggie0829

This is exactly what I was thinking, TBH

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 1:50 PM EST on theknot.com

calliopeia2013

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In Response to Re: Bridal Party Issues:

a) This made me laugh.

b) I completely agree. (Also, I think as one PP pointed out, that 93 IS her year of birth, which would make her right around 18.)

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 2:34 PM EST on theknot.com

PhoneCardLady

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As a granddaughter of a Baptist minister, you may well consider a DRY wedding.

DO NOT tell anyone of your plans to have a dry wedding.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 2:35 PM EST on theknot.com

rlavach

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In Response to Re: Bridal Party Issues:

If these people are so awful, why did you choose them to stand up in your wedding?
Posted by amymaysa

DING DING DING

My thoughts exactly. Plus, like the PP said, I don't see a question anywhere in your posts. What exactly do you need us to help us with? 'What do I do'...about what exactly??

ETA: And if the date in your ticker is right, it is WAY too early to be asking bridesmaids anyway.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 2:43 PM EST on theknot.com

kennazebrowsky

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If they are your friends you should take them as they . The good and the bad. Nobody is perfect. Maybe you should have thought about their wild behavior before chosing them to be in the wedding if that's what you care about so much

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 2:48 PM EST on theknot.com

kennazebrowsky

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* take them as they are-Sorry for the typo , I'm on the phone

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 3:31 PM EST on theknot.com

renegade gaucho

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I can see why you don't have any actual friends that you could have asked to be in your bridal party.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 3:44 PM EST on theknot.com

LoveMuffins

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DC AREA

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You def want to change your username. I'm pretty sure I just found you on Facebook. You also might want to change how much information is available for the general public to see on Facebook, because I now know way more about you than I should. That's soooooooo incredibly dangerous.

Plus, aren't you worried that some of your bridal party might end up coming on here to talk about being in your Wedding Party? It won't be hard to identify who you are and therefore who you're talking about. Or that you threw lots of THEIR personal information out on the interwebs.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 5:00 PM EST on theknot.com

Sarah5200

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Last: 5/24/2012

"My older sister...my older attention stealing whore of a sister who is a tight wad."

That's a really terrible thing to say about your sister. How would she feel if she read that? I think you're being immature and need to TALK to these people instead of coming on here to bash them.

If you don't want them as your bridal party, you shouldn't have asked them in the first place. By the sounds of the behaviours you have described, it doesn't seem like this is brand new behaviour either on their parts - perhaps just the way they are. You can't expect your friends to flip a 180 and be little miss perfects because your dear wedding is coming up and their lives should obviously revolve around you.

Also, I don't think your friend sleeping with people older than her has anything to do with your wedding, and shouldn't even be spoken about with anyone other than her.

Remember that your wedding is about the start of your new life with your fiance, it's not just about a big party. I think you're focusing on the wrong things here. In the case anyone behaves poorly at your wedding, as PPs have said it will reflect poorly on them and them alone.

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 7:04 PM EST on theknot.com

Meghannsix

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In Response to Re: Bridal Party Issues:

If these people are so awful, why did you choose them to stand up in your wedding?
Posted by amymaysa

nail. head. right here ladies

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/7/2012 10:12 PM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

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You knew what they are like when you chose them. Why do you think they will change their character just because YOU are getting married?

Their sex lives, and what they do outside your wedding, are none of your business. This is a non-issue in terms of your wedding.

I suggest that you refrain from using the W word around your Baptist family. They don't like that sort of thing. Oh - and it's also against The Knot's rules to post language like that.

Ditto about the dry wedding, since it's a Baptist family. They don't serve alcohol OR dance, so you have nothing to worry about.

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/8/2012 12:56 AM EST on theknot.com

B&K10+13+12

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Last: 2/25/2012

In Response to Re: Bridal Party Issues:

Let me guess. You are 18 too?
Posted by MyNameIsNot

I was thinking the same thing...

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/8/2012 3:43 AM EST on theknot.com

sonya+adam

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Anyone else calling troll on this one?

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Re: Bridal Party Issues

posted at 2/8/2012 8:29 AM EST on theknot.com

Ali092011

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First: 8/14/2011

Last: 5/23/2012

This post is just ridiculous. What do you "do" about your bridesmaids?

You do whatever you would do if they were your FRIENDS. I'm assuming they're still friends, right? Or have they just become girls (I can't bring myself to say "women") who are playing a part in your PPD?

Listen to them. Offer heartfelt advice. Be there for them when they need you.

As for your sister, just don't talk about the wedding around her anymore unless it relates to BM dresses.