Confused Should I kick on of my bridesmaid out of my wedding?

taylor2209 · November 2010

One of my close friends is driving my crazy. I am having a destination wedding . I offered to pay for my bridesmaid dresses. This is where the drama begins. My friend asked me if I was going to pay for their shoes also.
she plans to bring her two sons age 7&8 with her. She not bringig another adult with her. I asked her who was going to watch after the boys on my wedding day? Her reply was they are going to be in the room with the the wedding party and I. I explained to they will not be in my room on my wedding day. She caught an attiude and decieded not to bring them. Two weeks later her and i got into an arguement becuase I told her i needed her to go to the store and try on the dresses that i picked out for them. (By the way she lives in a different state than I do). I told her that i wanted to order the dresses by Dec.15,2010. she is having problems with one of her sons in school. Now here where it gets worst. She told me i was incosiderate becasuse I never asked her about her son and the only thing i am worried about was my wedding day. She goes on to see that she will try to make it to davidsbridal before the 15 of dec. she also tells me if she does not make it she does not care if she is not apart of my wedding. She also tellls me that she not bringing her kids because they are not welcome and I never made an attempt to come to her home town so she can try on the dress. This is just a quick version of what happen. I told her she do not have to be in my wedding and i have not spoken tp her sense. I am i wrtong for kicking her out of my wedding?

Manwaithiel · November 2010

I'm sorry but you're going to need to retype this without putting periods in the middle of sentences and skipping every other word if you want anyone to clearly get what you're talking about.

In general, no. You should not kick out a bridesmaid. From what I could divine, she has not caused you bodily harm or tried to come on to your FI. Question answered.

direy25 · November 2010

Please read all of the other posts on this board about kicking out wedding party members. Also, spell check is your friend.

LD1970 · November 2010

This reads as ESL to me.

mbcdefg · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_confused-should-kick-of-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8ec6d148-f0dd-46e7-ab6c-879b908e3f30Post:6693ff50-3958-42ce-8710-b7a258f3dbf1">Confused Should I kick on of my bridesmaid out of my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my close friends is driving my crazy. I am having a destination wedding . I offered to pay for my bridesmaid dresses. This is where the drama begins. My friend asked me if I was going to pay for their shoes also.

If you are requiring specific shoes, then you need to pay for them. Otherwise, just say, "Since I am not asking you to buy specific shoes, please just wear something of your choice in [color that complements the BM dresses]."

she plans to bring her two sons age 7&8 with her. She not bringig another adult with her. I asked her who was going to watch after the boys on my wedding day? Her reply was they are going to be in the room with the the wedding party and I. I explained to they will not be in my room on my wedding day. She caught an attiude and decieded not to bring them.

Well, who would watch them otherwise? You're asking her to travel to your wedding, and probably spend a lot of money on airfare/car travel, a hotel room, and she'd probably want to give you a wedding gift (and maybe a shower gift, and also possibly chip in for the shower and bachelorette) on top of that.

And you're asking her to find a sitter as well? Do they have a dad in the picture who could stay at home with them? Was the dad even invited? If there's no dad in the picture, what was she supposed to do? You couldn't have looked into an on-site sitter to help her out?

Two weeks later her and i got into an arguement becuase I told her i needed her to go to the store and try on the dresses that i picked out for them.

Did she get any input on the dress? Even if you are buying it, she still has the right to help pick it out. She is the one who has to wear it, after all.

(By the way she lives in a different state than I do). I told her that i wanted to order the dresses by Dec.15,2010.

All you had to do is tell her the deadline. Then wash your hands of it. You don't get to demand that she gets to the salon ASAP, or check up on her progress. She has over a MONTH to get this done. Quit bugging her. The more you nag, the less inclined she'll be to get this finished. 

she is having problems with one of her sons in school. Now here where it gets worst. She told me i was incosiderate becasuse I never asked her about her son and the only thing i am worried about was my wedding day.

Well, HAVE you asked her about her life and her kids? Or is she correct that you only contact her when it concerns your wedding? Nobody will ever care about your wedding as much as you do, so if she's correct here then you owe her an apology.

People don't generally make stuff up like this for no reason, so if she's telling you that all you talk about is your wedding, she's probably right. 

She goes on to see that she will try to make it to davidsbridal before the 15 of dec.

O.K. ... she said she'd try to make it before the deadline. WTF is your problem with this?

she also tells me if she does not make it she does not care if she is not apart of my wedding.

An invitation to be a bridesmaid is not a subpoena. She has the right to decline if she wants. And it seems like she's pissed at you (and you seem really unbending here), so I don't blame her for possibly wanting to drop out. 

She also tellls me that she not bringing her kids because they are not welcome

Well, you have the right to a child-free wedding if you want ... but if you are asking a close friend to be a bridesmaid, travel to your destination wedding and leave her kids at home (especially tough if she's a single mom), then you really can't blame her for being pissed. She's going to have to give a LOT to be in your wedding. You can't try and accommodate her even a little bit?

It just seems like you keep asking and asking of her. And you're really not giving anything in return. She doesn't have to bend to your every request just because you're getting married. 

It's your right to have a destination wedding, but you also need to realize that destination weddings can be EXTREMELY inconvenient for your loved ones. And people shouldn't have to keep their mouths shut and suck up the inconvenience just because it's your precious wedding day. If you are inconveniencing people, then they have the right to tell you so. If you want someone at your wedding (especially a destination wedding), you're going to need to work with them to make it happen. Not just whine and moan that they're being shiitty friends for not following your every wish and demand. 

and I never made an attempt to come to her home town so she can try on the dress.

If you told her to go to the salon on her own time and try on the dress, she has nothing to complain about. Remind her that she's free to go to her own store, on her own time, anytime before December 15. 

If you are saying that you must accompany her to the salon to try on the dress, and/or if you are saying that she must come to your area to try it on, then you are being HORRIBLY unreasonable.

This is just a quick version of what happen. I told her she do not have to be in my wedding and i have not spoken tp her sense. I am i wrtong for kicking her out of my wedding?

Yes, because frankly this sounds like it's your fault for being unreasonable and unaccommodating. 

Posted by taylor2209[/QUOTE]

zitiqueen · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_confused-should-kick-of-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8ec6d148-f0dd-46e7-ab6c-879b908e3f30Post:6693ff50-3958-42ce-8710-b7a258f3dbf1">Confused Should I kick on of my bridesmaid out of my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my close friends is driving my crazy. I am having a destination wedding . I offered to pay for my bridesmaid dresses. This is where the drama begins. My friend asked me if I was going to pay for their shoes also. she plans to bring her two sons age 7&8 with her. She not bringig another adult with her. I asked her who was going to watch after the boys on my wedding day? Her reply was they are going to be in the room with the the wedding party and I. I explained to they will not be in my room on my wedding day. She caught an attiude and decieded not to bring them. Two weeks later her and i got into an arguement becuase I told her i needed her to go to the store and try on the dresses that i picked out for them. (By the way she lives in a different state than I do). I told her that i wanted to order the dresses by Dec.15,2010. she is having problems with one of her sons in school. Now here where it gets worst. She told me i was incosiderate becasuse I never asked her about her son and the only thing i am worried about was my wedding day. She goes on to see that she will try to make it to davidsbridal before the 15 of dec. she also tells me if she does not make it she does not care if she is not apart of my wedding. She also tellls me that she not bringing her kids because they are not welcome and I never made an attempt to come to her home town so she can try on the dress. This is just a quick version of what happen. I told her she do not have to be in my wedding and i have not spoken tp her sense. I am i wrtong for kicking her out of my wedding?
Posted by taylor2209[/QUOTE]

bdulli13 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_confused-should-kick-of-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8ec6d148-f0dd-46e7-ab6c-879b908e3f30Post:03657411-798d-4bdf-97d2-9d5248a8bc74">Re: Confused Should I kick on of my bridesmaid out of my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry but you're going to need to retype this without putting periods in the middle of sentences and skipping every other word if you want anyone to clearly get what you're talking about. In general, no. You should not kick out a bridesmaid. From what I could divine, she has not caused you bodily harm or tried to come on to your FI. Question answered.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

This exactly. And on top of that, you sound like a tool. If you're not asking your friends about their lives, and hassling them about a date that is a month away, yes, you are being a bad friend. If you want to see what the dress looks like on, go to David's yourself. You're just as capable. On top of THAT, you could have offered to contact your site to see if the hotel has any kind of available babysitting service for a few hours, or, ask a willing family member or friend to keep an eye on the kids while you're getting ready. I am having a DW and am hiring a babysitter for anyone who wants to take advantage of it. I recommend you do the same.

Then, take a Xanax.

saxy414 · November 2010

I had a pretty difficult time reading the post--but from what I could discern, NO you should not kick out a bridesmaid. I agree with Banana, that it seems that there were issues on both sides, but you did not handle them well. I would apologize, stat, unless you are ok with this friendship being over.

I don't think there is a problem with you not wanting two boys in the room with you, nor not paying for their shoes unless you are requiring specific shoes. But you need to have an adult discussion about that with your friend, not stomp your feet and say, "fine! don't be in my wedding." which is kind of what it sounds like happened.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

Next time, try not to type when you're so upset. It makes it very difficult to read.

shoegal715 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_confused-should-kick-of-bridesmaid-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8ec6d148-f0dd-46e7-ab6c-879b908e3f30Post:6693ff50-3958-42ce-8710-b7a258f3dbf1">Confused Should I kick on of my bridesmaid out of my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my close friends is driving my crazy. I am having a destination wedding . I offered to pay for my bridesmaid dresses. This is where the drama begins. My friend asked me if I was going to pay for their shoes also. she plans to bring her two sons age 7&8 with her. She not bringig another adult with her. I asked her who was going to watch after the boys on my wedding day? Her reply was they are going to be in the room with the the wedding party and I. I explained to they will not be in my room on my wedding day. She caught an attiude and decieded not to bring them. Two weeks later her and i got into an arguement becuase I told her i needed her to go to the store and try on the dresses that i picked out for them. (By the way she lives in a different state than I do). I told her that i wanted to order the dresses by Dec.15,2010. she is having problems with one of her sons in school. Now here where it gets worst. She told me i was incosiderate becasuse I never asked her about her son and the only thing i am worried about was my wedding day. She goes on to see that she will try to make it to davidsbridal before the 15 of dec. she also tells me if she does not make it she does not care if she is not apart of my wedding. She also tellls me that she not bringing her kids because they are not welcome and I never made an attempt to come to her home town so she can try on the dress. This is just a quick version of what happen. I told her she do not have to be in my wedding and i have not spoken tp her sense. I am i wrtong for kicking her out of my wedding?
Posted by taylor2209[/QUOTE]

<div>You come across as very bridezilla. Work on your friendship with her (and your English). Don't ruin a friendship because of a wedding.</div>

kelseydjames · November 2010

You're wedding party is supposed to made up of the people who support you the most and who will be there througout the course of your marriage. If this is a person you don't see yourself being friends with in the future, go for it. I removed one of my bridesmaids. I don't want to look back on photos and think of how horrible she was the entire time. And before anyone jumps down my throat, no, the police were never involved, but it got pretty ugly. So yes, I had a legitimate reason to ask her to no longer be a part of the wedding party. But in my opinion, if this is someone who is making your life miserable and you're going to look back and think of that, then do it.

But I have to agree, you shouldn't expect her to leave her young boys behind. She should have thought ahead and asked if that was part of the deal when she agreed to be in the wedding, but you should have filled her in on that ahead of time.

Confused Should I kick on of my bridesmaid out of my wedding?

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