tools:

Checklist | Budgeter | Guest List | Favorites | Wedding Website

Community Links

Check out our NEW Hairstyle Tool on WeddingChannel.com!

Try on 1000's of wedding day hairstyles now!

best of [the nest]

Wanna take a peek inside a newlywed's home?

Check it out
See all life boards.

Wedding Boards

Cat:Wedding Boards

Cousin wants to be RB

Wedding Party

Cousin wants to be RB

Are uneven sides okay? (Yes!) Can you kick out a pregnant bridesmaid? (No!) Ask the toughest wedding party questions here.

 FI and I aren't going to have kids in our wedding party.  My aunt texted me yesterday and said "Christoper has something he wants to ask you about your wedding!"  Christopher is my 10

False

Wedding Party

Cousin wants to be RB

Are uneven sides okay? (Yes!) Can you kick out a pregnant bridesmaid? (No!) Ask the toughest wedding party questions here.

 FI and I aren't going to have kids in our wedding party.  My aunt texted me yesterday and said "Christoper has something he wants to ask you about your wedding!"  Christopher is my 10

Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37

Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655

[
						{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:f388ad31-77d3-479c-b70c-539310bc2fbf","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 11, 14, 7, 520)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:2583ed58-3230-446c-a88e-d764779df841","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 12, 6, 24, 939)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:312f1b8b-54a4-4c9b-b7cf-2b1adebf6e50","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 12, 9, 7, 444)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:fdb34b83-9435-4b55-89c9-9387a0bafab8","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 12, 10, 18, 705)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:827977ba-c8a4-4f37-8d4e-4b717d8d52ca","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 12, 20, 57, 556)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:7ceb8353-f326-46c6-917d-c38e0f8418d0","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 14, 52, 57, 862)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:1e61509d-fa2a-43ca-aa7b-93072235c127","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 15, 36, 17, 197)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:5a4e23e3-2b89-4892-a6be-de8b2360ea32","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 15, 59, 18, 436)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:d08fb380-ccb5-46e1-8c96-9ca7dae253aa","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 16, 32, 9, 683)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:44772d25-bbc8-47fc-aa6e-5006ff72b8e2","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 16, 59, 27, 527)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:c1031334-c708-4a84-b1be-d42e11b17779","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 18, 42, 5, 393)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:711da61f-8075-4dde-a0ec-46544608b637","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 8, 20, 4, 38, 581)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:d20067bf-3b4e-402c-9c00-28144c096a69","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 9, 22, 51, 33, 545)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7fc23f34-4449-4e7f-9273-d61acfbfa655Post:fac070e8-26db-4ef2-ab44-f097698676e6","Timestamp" : new Date(2012, 1, 13, 14, 1, 16, 706)} 				]

Forums > Wedding Boards > Wedding Party > Cousin wants to be RB

You must be logged in to contribute. Log in | Register

Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 11:14 AM EST on theknot.com

adktd2boots

Joined on
10-24-2011
MONTANA

5095550916426535

Posts: 1231

First: 11/4/2011

Last: 5/18/2012

FI and I aren't going to have kids in our wedding party. My aunt texted me yesterday and said "Christoper has something he wants to ask you about your wedding!" Christopher is my 10 year old cousin. Right away I assumed he wanted to be the RB. When I talked to my mom this morning, she said she heard that over the weekend and it sounded like he came up with the idea on his own (according to my grandma).

I'm having a hard time believing a 10 year old came up with this on his own, only having been to 1 wedding in his life about 5 years ago. I know it's rude to ASK someone to be in their wedding, but he's a kid. He doesn't know etiquette. But the adults do and I'm feeling like someone put this idea in his head.

What can I say to him to kindly break his heart? "Thank you for wanting to be in our wedding party, but we aren't having kids"? Is there another "job" I can give him? Usher?

Help please!

Just because you saw it on Four Weddings, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 12:06 PM EST on theknot.com

heatherjking

Joined on
09-29-2011
CONNECTICUT

9780529023805468

Posts: 61

First: 10/4/2011

Last: 2/10/2012

You are probably right about where the idea came from. Could you just explain that you already have a plan for who is going to handle the rings? I would tell the aunt, "please tell him thank you for offering, but we've already asked FI's best man (or whoever) to hold these for us". You can even say that you've already planned the ceremony that way.

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 12:09 PM EST on theknot.com

msuprincess04

Joined on
04-10-2001
DC AREA

504937687502687

Posts: 470

First: 6/28/2011

Last: 5/24/2012

Ah. My cousin had this problem. She had the kids hand out programs to people as they walked in the church before the ceremony. They felt useful and involved, but no one really cared when they gave up because they didn't want to do it anymore.

Though, 10 is a little told for a ring bearer anyway.

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 12:10 PM EST on theknot.com

meganb1977

Joined on
08-26-2010
NEW ORLEANS

7932184487188907

Posts: 2448

First: 8/29/2010

Last: 5/21/2012

Yeah I think something like that, "Oh, so sweet of you to offer, but we have already planned X."

Anticipation...Anticipa-a-tion...

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 12:20 PM EST on theknot.com

adktd2boots

Joined on
10-24-2011
MONTANA

5095550916426535

Posts: 1231

First: 11/4/2011

Last: 5/18/2012

I agree with 10 being too old. On top of that, I have 5 women in my BP and between them there are 5 little boys.

I thought about the program thing, but I really don't want programs. FI does, so we'll see what we come up with there.

Just because you saw it on Four Weddings, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 2:52 PM EST on theknot.com

Simply Fated

Joined on
02-10-2009
LONG ISLAND

5378698281106518

Posts: 5079

First: 7/31/2009

Last: 5/3/2012

Age doesn't really matter. I'd pull him aside privately and ask him what he wants. I don't know any 10 year old boys who would be bouncing up and down to be a ring bearer, but seeing as how he DID only go to 1... maybe he doesn't know it's a "kids" job.

You could try the whole... "I have an even better job for you. I think you're old enough to handle it, but it's a lot of responsibilty. Instead of carrying around a ring on a pillow, would you rather help my guests to their seats? Usually it's a job for much older kids and adults, but I think it's something you'd be really good at."

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 3:36 PM EST on theknot.com

rebarobert2012

Joined on
05-10-2011
PITTSBURGH

7333406249142571

Posts: 1435

First: 6/23/2011

Last: 4/13/2012

One of my fiance's cousins wrote a message on his FB wall about how her daughter would love to be our flower girl. I thought it was really forward, and it really pissed me off. We just ignored the message since we aren't having kids in our wedding, and luckily, she didn't say anything else about it.

However, it doesn't sound like you can just ignore this. I think I would just thank him for his suggestion, but tell him that you aren't having a RB in your wedding. At least that way, he won't think the job is going to another kid.

Personally, I'm not in favor of giving people *jobs* at a wedding just to give them something to do, so I would just let it go after that. (That's just my opinion, though.)

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 3:59 PM EST on theknot.com

LittleMissCutie...

Joined on
07-06-2011

4367455111555781

Posts: 982

First: 7/15/2011

Last: 5/24/2012

So, I don't really have any experience with this. I didn't want flower girls, FI didn't want flower girls. My mom wanted flower girls. Since my Mom is paying, and frankly hasn't been pushy about a whole lot, I'd thought I'd give in. Turns out they were secretly wishing they were flower girls, and when they found out they were, they flipped! It was adorable. They're 8 and 5. My point? 10 is too old for a kid to be "begging" to be in the wedding.

This is a classic case of parents wanting to have a little piece of the attention on the day of the wedding. They want to be able to sit and watch as their kid get's oohed and ahhed at as they walk down the aisle, and then have the guests come up and say "Your Babykins is so cute!", and have the self-righteous satisfaction of knowing that their little precious angel was a "major part" of the big day. Don't give in. I'd ignore it until it comes up again. If your cousin approaches you or worse, your aunt, just smile and say that you're sorry, but you're not having any ringbearers or flower girls, because it wouldn't be fair to the other kids who didn't get the job. That's what I'd say. If he really wants a job, let him hand out programs or bubbles. If he's whiny and insistent, I wouldn't reward him by giving in, IMO.

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 4:32 PM EST on theknot.com

adktd2boots

Joined on
10-24-2011
MONTANA

5095550916426535

Posts: 1231

First: 11/4/2011

Last: 5/18/2012

In Response to Re: Cousin wants to be RB:

One of my fiance's cousins wrote a message on his FB wall about how her daughter would love to be our flower girl. I thought it was really forward, and it really pissed me off. We just ignored the message since we aren't having kids in our wedding, and luckily, she didn't say anything else about it. However, it doesn't sound like you can just ignore this. I think I would just thank him for his suggestion, but tell him that you aren't having a RB in your wedding. At least that way, he won't think the job is going to another kid. Personally, I'm not in favor of giving people *jobs* at a wedding just to give them something to do, so I would just let it go after that. (That's just my opinion, though.)
Posted by rebarobert2012

Me neither- but I think he wants involvement. I guess we'll see. I'll talk to FI about the whole usher thing. He thought you have to have ushers, and I said you don't have to have anything. But that's what people in MT do when they can't have a million GM and want their friends to feel involved.

Just because you saw it on Four Weddings, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 4:59 PM EST on theknot.com

jcbsjr

Joined on
08-19-2010
KANSAS CITY

8792178217628103

Posts: 7889

First: 9/1/2010

Last: 5/24/2012

Honestly, I don't get where people (not saying you OP) assume that everyone wants to be involved in the their weddings. I mean, I can understand maybe a 6 yo little girl wanting to be the FG. But adults or older children? I think they're 'involved' if they're there as a guest and witnessing the ceremony. Made up jobs sound like, well, made up jobs. And OP, I do agree that you don't have to have either programs or ushers. We had neither. No one missed the programs and everyone figured out where to park their butts.

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 6:42 PM EST on theknot.com

adktd2boots

Joined on
10-24-2011
MONTANA

5095550916426535

Posts: 1231

First: 11/4/2011

Last: 5/18/2012

Exactly! People up here do things so different than I'm used to and it bothers me. July 2010 I did flowers for a friend and made 71 SEVENTYONE bouts/corsages for people who had jobs. FI was a "parking attendant". He had to buy the outfit in my siggy pic and he's never worn it again. The tie, his "gift". I didn't want a WP, but he wants his brothers so I figured I could have some of my girlfriends.

We decided no children, but he asked the other day who our ushers were going to be. I said "IDK, I figured people knew how to sit in a chair" and his response was "well it's nice so that after the ceremony people know which direction to go and which rows get out." I told him I'm pretty sure people will know where to go when it's only 50 yards away and I didn't care if they went in/out the main aisle vs sides. I think he's just so used to people getting stupid jobs.

Just because you saw it on Four Weddings, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/8/2012 8:04 PM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

Joined on
12-19-2005
NORTH CAROLINA

210124875002240

Posts: 12573

First: 7/20/2009

Last: 5/24/2012

They're being rude and presumptous.

I agree that the kid probably cares less whether he's in the wedding. It's the PARENTS who want to sit beaming as their widdle pwecious prisses down the aisle. They want everyone to see how wonderful their child, and by reflection themselves, are.

You are under no obligation to enable their spoiled behavior.

"Thank you, but I've already selected the wedding party."

Then change the subject.

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/9/2012 10:51 PM EST on theknot.com

RetreadBride

Joined on
12-19-2005
NORTH CAROLINA

210124875002240

Posts: 12573

First: 7/20/2009

Last: 5/24/2012

I bet she's having the kid ask you because she thinks you'll feel guilty saying no to the child.

"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

Report Abuse

New post Reply to this post Private Message

Re: Cousin wants to be RB

posted at 2/13/2012 2:01 PM EST on theknot.com

Sydney91

Joined on
09-22-2011

5742523204892523

Posts: 439

First: 11/9/2011

Last: 4/24/2012

Sheesh, if he wants to do it and you don't want kids in the wedding, it won't hurt him any in the long-run to meet disappointment. Sparse molly-coddling of kids makes good kids.