I agree with PP except for the 19 year old part. Although it is a bit sad to me that some 19 year olds are still so immature. At 19, I was in my second year in college and knew the difference between family and a boyfriend. Even if I would rather spend time with my boyfriend, I put my family first.

If it is important to you, talk to her and tell her how you feel. Tell her she can bring her boyfriend as a plus 1 (if you want).

The only thing you should do with those lists of duties that you see on wedding websites and in bridal mags is throw them in the trash.

Weddings are very much an industry, which does its best to convince you, from cradle onward, that this is The! Most! Important! Day! Of! Your! Life! and that it's all about you, the bride. They want your friends to believe that they're "bad" friends if they aren't willing to spend, spend, spend on attire, jewelry, shoes, and parties.  All those things pump more money back into the industry.

Stop and ask yourself a question: did I ask my bridesmaids to be in my wedding because I wouldn't dream of getting married unless they were standing beside me? Or did I  pick them because of what I think they'll do for me?

Their real responsibility: get the dress and show up sober for the wedding.

Your real responsibility: get married.

Remember that the wedding industry is finished with you once the wedding is over. They can't make more money off you, so could care less if you offended your friends and trashed your relationships over the One Perfect Day they spent millions in advertising to convince you was your right

Ask your fiance if you need help with wedding planning.  You’re marrying him, not your bridesmaids.

I'm not looking to rave about my wedding. i would just like it if she kept her bad attitude to herself. Her behavior has become a somewhat ongoing thing these past few months. At this point my 3 y.o. is acting more mature than she is. If she doesn't get things exactly how she likes, she gets moody, and will literally ignore you, when you are with her or storm off and not talk to you. I am including my daughter in a lot of the things I am doing, but with both of them it's like I have 2 children with me. I also don't want my daughter to pick up on her behavior. She has walked off just because my daughter didn't color in the lines like she wanted her to. She's 3... what 3 y.o. pays attention to the lines.  That caused my daughter to start crying because she couldn't understand why she walked away and wouldn't play with her. I have already talked to my fiance and he says he understands my concerns and that I should talk to her. Either way, the issues about her behavior will come to a head, and NO, I no longer think she is capable. I now think asking her was a mistake.

An attitude adjustment is all I'm interested in, and the fact that the boyfriend is nt invited when it comes to wedding stuff. My fiance is helping with almost everything. She did not pay for her dress, I'm not asking for a shower or a bachelorette party, I'm not asking for help with addressing invites or making the favors... nothing. 

I was looking for advice on how to talk to her, not on how to put up with her. I don't "put up" with that behavior from my kid and I definitely won't with her.