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Need advice for choosing MOH
Wedding Party
Need advice for choosing MOH
Are uneven sides okay? (Yes!) Can you kick out a pregnant bridesmaid? (No!) Ask the toughest wedding party questions here.
My fiance and I are meeting with our venue this weekend and if all goes well, putting down a deposit and setting the date. Once we have the official date set in stone, I want to start asking my brides
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Wedding Party
Need advice for choosing MOH
Are uneven sides okay? (Yes!) Can you kick out a pregnant bridesmaid? (No!) Ask the toughest wedding party questions here.
My fiance and I are meeting with our venue this weekend and if all goes well, putting down a deposit and setting the date. Once we have the official date set in stone, I want to start asking my brides
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Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37
Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8b929230-bea5-4ca3-a50a-e4bc10153a7c
Forums  >  Wedding Boards  >  Wedding Party  >  Need advice for choosing MOH
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Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 9:10 AM EST on theknot.com
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Last: 5/16/2012


My fiance and I are meeting with our venue this weekend and if all goes well, putting down a deposit and setting the date. Once we have the official date set in stone, I want to start asking my bridesmaids if they will be in our wedding.

I have four in mind, all very different and unique relationships, but having a hard time picking a MOH. I'm an only child, so no sister which at times seems like the obvious choice. I plan on asking my fiance's sister, my lifelong best friend, and two cousins.

How did you choose which one would be your MOH? The friend and the Future SIL are local, the cousins are long distance (one is 1,000 miles away, and one is an hour away).Does that matter?

I don't care about who plans what, the way I see it I don't expect my MOH to do everything for me, so that's not an issue, it's more of selecting based on which relationship is the closest. How do I decide?? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks :)

PS my fiance has already figured out that he wants his 2 brothers to both be best men, and then has two  close friends.
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Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 9:21 AM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
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You should ask the one you are closest to to be MOH.  Lifelong best friend sounds like the obvious choice.

Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 9:27 AM EST on theknot.com
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Your MOH should be the girl you are the closest too. I'd pick your lifelong best friend.
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Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 9:29 AM EST on theknot.com
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In Response to Need advice for choosing MOH:
My fiance and I are meeting with our venue this weekend and if all goes well, putting down a deposit and setting the date. Once we have the official date set in stone, I want to start asking my bridesmaids if they will be in our wedding. I have four in mind, all very different and unique relationships, but having a hard time picking a MOH. I'm an only child, so no sister which at times seems like the obvious choice. I plan on asking my fiance's sister, my lifelong best friend, and two cousins. How did you choose which one would be your MOH? The friend and the Future SIL are local, the cousins are long distance (one is 1,000 miles away, and one is an hour away).Does that matter? I don't care about who plans what, the way I see it I don't expect my MOH to do everything for me, so that's not an issue, it's more of selecting based on which relationship is the closest. How do I decide?? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks :) PS my fiance has already figured out that he wants his 2 brothers to both be best men, and then has two  close friends.
Posted by Rachel405


The rule of thumb around here is your MOH should be the one you'd call at 3am when you need help burying a body.
fiancee = vag ** fiance = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born with jobs ** **They're called first loves for a reason -- more are supposed to come after. You don't get a medal for marrying your prom date. Unless you're imoan. Then you get an all-expenses paid cruise to the Mediterranean and you get to meet Jared Padalecki on the flight over while wearing your jammies. But still no medal. **

Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 9:39 AM EST on theknot.com
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Thanks. I should have mentioned that I'm really close with my cousins too. Probably equally close with one as I am with my best friend.

When best friend got married, I was in college and living 45 min away from her so she picked this girl that she had only known for a year or less as her MOH, because she "needed her to make centerpieces" and help with stuff.

I was a little perturbed by that, as this girl is her husband's best friend's wife, and she didn't even know her that well but picked her because she could help with wedding stuff.

Maybe I'm holding on to a little bit of resentment???
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Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 9:47 AM EST on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: Need advice for choosing MOH:
Maybe I'm holding on to a little bit of resentment???
Posted by Rachel405


Yes.  It has happened and it is done so it is time to move on from that.

Also, it IS ok not to have someone designated as MOH.  You can just have BMs, it really doesn't matter.  4/6 of my BMs live 1000s of miles away.  It is what it is.  My MOH lives about an hour awau but even if she lived 8 hours away I still would've chosen her because we are the closest.  If I didn't have someone I felt closest to, I just wouldn't have had an MOH.  
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Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 10:04 AM EST on theknot.com
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If you feel equally close to a cousin and a best friend, you don't have to designate a MOH. They can all just be BMs. Or you can have two MOHs. I'm having two MOHs (sister and best friend) and four BMs.

While I don't agree with how/why your bestfriend chose her MOH, it's in the past and I wouldn't let that influence your decision.
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Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 10:55 AM EST on theknot.com
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Going to have to agree with pp. If there isn't an obvious choice, than don't choose. You don't need a MOH.
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 3:38 PM EST on theknot.com
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Last: 4/13/2012


You don't have to designate someone as your MOH.  They can all just be bridesmaids.  However, if you want to have one, I think that your lifelong best friend sounds like the best choice.

Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 3:55 PM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
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I'd also go with no designation if you're not sure. Though, if you feel very close to one of your cousins, you can always ask her. But if you feel that might cause strife, just stick with four bridesmaids.

My fiance is asking his sister and his female best friend to be his groomsmaids. He isn't going to designate a best "man", because he doesn't want to cause family drama (I think he'd go with his friend over his sister).

Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 8:06 PM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
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Last: 5/24/2012


Tell them you love them too much to pick and choose from among them, so you aren't choosing an MOH.
"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/8/2012 9:27 PM EST on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: Need advice for choosing MOH:
Tell them you love them too much to pick and choose from among them, so you aren't choosing an MOH.
Posted by RetreadBride


+1.

I don't plan on having a MOH.  Aside from FSD, I've known and been close to potential members of my BP for 8-25 yrs.
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Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/10/2012 9:12 AM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
02-06-2012
BALTIMORE
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Posts: 320
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Last: 5/16/2012


Update: talked to best friend about how I might ask my cousin to be MOH (wanted to make sure there would be no hurt feelings, so I was open and honest) and she siad she was actually relieved, because she didn't want the pressure of being MOH bc she is having her second baby in June and has a lot going on in her personal life. I asked my cousin, and I'm so happy about it. Family is important to me, so I am excited to have that tie, and also, she is really excited and wants to help with planning and stuff and has a pretty free schedule (no husband/kids). So thanks for all the advice!! I am happy with my decision.

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Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/11/2012 10:23 AM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
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NORTH CAROLINA
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Posts: 12573
First: 7/20/2009

Last: 5/24/2012


Your friend shouldn't be helping you plan the wedding. That's the job of the bride and groom.

Please don't use them for free labor.
"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."

Re: Need advice for choosing MOH

posted at 2/15/2012 3:03 PM EST on theknot.com
Joined on
01-03-2012
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Last: 3/6/2012


Your friend shouldn't be helping you plan the wedding. That's the job of the bride and groom. Please don't use them for free labor.
Posted by RetreadBride


I don't understand. I thought that the usual stance was "if they WANT to help, AWESOME"

Are you saying that if they want to help that she should actually stop them and refuse to let them participate?

WHY???

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