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Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders
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Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders
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Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders
Are uneven sides okay? (Yes!) Can you kick out a pregnant bridesmaid? (No!) Ask the toughest wedding party questions here.
Ladies, please read this: Miss Manners' top 5 gentle wedding reminders 1. When you had that childhood wedding fantasy, you were a child. If you don't have better taste and a greater sense of social an
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Forums  >  Wedding Boards  >  Wedding Party  >  Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders
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Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 6/8/2010 5:50 PM EDT on theknot.com
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Ladies, please read this:

Miss Manners' top 5 gentle wedding reminders

1. When you had that childhood wedding fantasy, you were a child. If you don't have better taste and a greater sense of social and fiscal responsibility now, you're too immature to get married.

2. People are more important than menus. Figure out first whom you want to have there, and then what you can afford to serve them, not the other way around.

3. A phrase you will be happier if you forget: "the perfect wedding." Perfection does not exist this side of heaven, especially when it involves complicated arrangements and all kinds of other people, and you'll drive yourself and others crazy if you think you can achieve it.

4. Another phrase you will be happier forgetting: "It's your day." The joining of two people involves two (or more) families and other relatives and friends, and you ignore their feelings and comfort at your peril.

5. Your guests are not your personal shoppers.

Then Now

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 6/11/2010 12:12 AM EDT on theknot.com
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Oh yeah, Miss Manners? What if my childhood wedding fantasy came true, AND it's completely normal and rational? Sorry if I was such a smart. logical child and all. And that was snarky...

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 6/15/2010 7:17 PM EDT on theknot.com
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i like these reminders.
thank you miss manners.
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Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 7/1/2010 2:19 PM EDT on theknot.com
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Very logical.

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 7/11/2010 12:07 PM EDT on theknot.com
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4. Another phrase you will be happier forgetting: "It's your day." The joining of two people involves two (or more) families and other relatives and friends, and you ignore their feelings and comfort at your peril.


This is the part that kills me!!! But it is MY day..... I guess I never realized that I should worry about what other people think and feel, they don't have to live with me in the end...LOL!!!!
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Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 7/13/2010 1:28 PM EDT on theknot.com
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Anyone who thinks it is only THEIR day should not get married. The wedding is a day for BOTH the bride and groom! Also, your parents want in. It's a big deal for them too. Your say may be final, but you have to consider family (and when I say YOUR, I mean the bride and the groom).

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 7/25/2010 7:08 AM EDT on theknot.com
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Love this list. I was just talking in another post about weddings past and present. Somehow, we went from the extremes of many bride's families acting like the wedding belonged to them, and the bride and groom were just suppose to show up and suck it up (lots of that in the 80's) to now. Now the happy couples are acting like they can disregard guests, and we all know about how some brides behave.

We need a return to reason and a sane middle ground. 

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 8/2/2010 1:37 PM EDT on theknot.com
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In Response to Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders:
[QUOTE 3. A phrase you will be happier if you forget: "the perfect wedding." Perfection does not exist this side of heaven, especially when it involves complicated arrangements and all kinds of other people, and you'll drive yourself and others crazy if you think you can achieve it[/QUOTE]

I was just discusing this with my step-dad last night.  My mom has done nothing but criticize every aspect of the wedding that my FH and I have chosen.  My step-dad said "Well she just wasnts you wedding to be fantastic." So, I told him, "This is fantastic...for us!"  Just like before I was engaged and my mom asked me if my FH was perfect...I answered "He's perfect for me."
Anniversary  Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker  BabyFetus Ticker

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 8/14/2010 12:39 AM EDT on theknot.com
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Check out her new book "MM Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding" it was amazing and eye opening for me.  We are definitely following it as we plan.
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Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 8/25/2010 5:15 AM EDT on theknot.com
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Oh yeah, Miss Manners? What if my childhood wedding fantasy came true, AND it's completely normal and rational? Sorry if I was such a smart. logical child and all. And that was snarky...
Posted by mstar284


HERE! HERE!

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 10/20/2010 10:02 AM EDT on theknot.com
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LOL!! I love this
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Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 11/16/2010 1:45 PM EST on theknot.com
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I always refer to our wedding as "Our day" because my Fiance and I are joining 2 families. Our 4 (combined) children will soon have new siblings. It's not only about me.
Key Largo bound. YAY!

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 11/20/2010 8:45 AM EST on theknot.com
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I agree on a combination of most of these. My FH and I have been together for 7 years so our families are pretty much already combined. He also said this is our day but its mainly for me with a few requests from him. As for the families his mother keeps trying to plan the wedding for me. Which I don't think is right she has her own daughter and she can help her plan her wedding when the time comes. I'm not trying to be totally rude. If she would chill out I would deffinately include her in the process.
I will never throw out my childhood dream wedding I may tweek it to make it more affordable. One should never give up on their dreams!
Perfection is different for each and everyone of us. I think one should strive for the perfect wedding but also plan for things that may not go smoothly.
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Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 11/22/2010 9:13 PM EST on theknot.com
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I like these reminders, especially #s 4 and 5. I think a lot of people are way too self centered about their wedding. Brides are all like it's MY day.. well it's a lot of people's day too! Starting with the groom's. Just my 2 cents.

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 12/30/2010 7:34 PM EST on theknot.com
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I love it! Thanks for posting! :)

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 1/12/2011 7:21 PM EST on theknot.com
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Seriously?
1. my childhood wedding fantasy was basically having a the perfect princess style dress...so yeah like that was sooooo hard to find.
So mine came true, she sounds jealous she never got her fantasy wedding.
2. yeah i agree with that one.

3. It was said earlier...your "perfect wedding' is exactly that YOUR perfect wedding.  end of story.  I love a half straberry half chocolate milkshake....doesn't mean you have to.

4. IT IS MY DAY AND MY HUSBANDS DAY! LAST I CHECKED A WEDDING WAS ABOUT TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE VOWING TO SPEND THE RES TOF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER AND CELBRATING IT WITH FAMILY! this is why people have destinatin weddings with a witness on each side. Oh and sorry say but wheres the guide for wedding guests not to get too drunk act stupid and dance like morons?...or respond and not show up?..oh or maybe show up for the free food, not bring even a tacky gift and ditch out on the reception?

5. wtf? personal shoppers for what? do people even still buy actual wedding gifts? i thought most people just bought cards n stuck cash or a check in it. thats what bridal showers are for.
but if this is in regards to actual wedding stuff then um anyone who thinks that is selfish

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 1/13/2011 10:29 AM EST on theknot.com
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I agree. I’ve been making myself crazy trying to make everyone in our families happy when I should be thinking about what’s going to make me and my FH happy. It’s YOU DAY no matter how you put it. Every bride feels like a princess when she walks down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams. And if you let you family make the calls for you, you’re going to end up walking down the aisle in a dress YOU DON’T like, eating food on YOUR day you WOULDN’T have chosen for you self or you FH. I care a lot about my family and my new family..but face it your (hopefully) only going to get married once you should make your dreams come true…Not everyone else’s around you. It’s a day you get to tell you kids about..Do you really want to have to edit out the parts you don't like??

*Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.*

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 1/18/2011 1:11 PM EST on theknot.com
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Just remember, once you involve others, it's about them too.  So you do run the risk of offending them if you don't take your guests into consideration.

And while the ceremony is all about the bride and groom, the reception is for the guests.

It's important to keep all of that in perspective as you plan.
Then Now

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 1/23/2011 7:52 PM EST on theknot.com
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One problem with this is that two of these contradict each other.

Yes you want to keep in mind others are sharing this day with you. But some people seem to think you should put out the hog for them, open bars and such, and that goes against inviting everyone you care about then planning what you can afford to feed them. The most common complaint at weddings is paying for drinks, yet open bars can be a killer. We are compromising with an open bar for 2 hrs of the 4 hr reception.

And since we are paying for it, we get to decide what happens. My mom passed away last year and my father's take on this is we shouldn't have a wedding at all. But then he wants me to move back near him and become a nun i think.  I finally had to tell myself that we will do it our way, and concentrate on having a good time with those we care about. If people want to judge, they can pay for it.

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 2/10/2011 2:15 PM EST on theknot.com
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Love this!

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 2/23/2011 11:19 AM EST on theknot.com
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Love this as well.
It was OUR wedding day but you still have to take into account and appreciate what other people do and sacrafice to make the day what it is. I know I had my bridezilla moments but I was lucky to have my hubby & brother to tell me I was being a bit of diva!lolKiss
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Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 3/8/2011 11:27 AM EST on theknot.com
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You know, everyone keeps telling me it's my day and then proceeds to try and change the colors, the flowers, the cake, etc...  For it being my and my fiance's day, we'll have very little control of it if we don't put our foot (feet) down.  It is not possible to make everyone else happy, so we are trying to make ourselves happy.  And yet, I will still only know about 15 people out of the 130 at my own wedding...

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 4/7/2011 10:13 PM EDT on theknot.com
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It is a good reminder, even if we don't agree with every sentence.  I know that I am relieved that I do have much better taste in dresses and decor than I did when I was a kid.  Oh, that dress would have been awful!!!!
Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, It will set you free Be more like the man you were made to be.

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 4/18/2011 3:19 PM EDT on theknot.com
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Yes! Totally agree with #4! My mom has been telling me thats its my day...no its not! My FI is getting married too! What about him? She wanted me to pick the things on the registry because she thought it was "my registry" but what about him? It is just as much his registry as mine... he has to live with all the stuff too, so why shouldnt he be able to pick some things?

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 5/7/2011 8:29 PM EDT on theknot.com
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The day should be about the bride and the groom.  However, the feelings of both sets of parents should be considered whenever possible.  I have 5 daughters - 3 married, 1 pending and 1 not yet announced; I tell them all the same thing:  It is the bride's big day, the one she has dreamed of since childhood so if possible, we do it the way the bride wants it SO LONG AS (1) it's financially ok with whoever is paying the bill and (2) we try REALLY hard to respect the feelings and traditions of those we love.  The greatest words a bride to be can learn are:  "I'll think about it."  Doesn't mean you're agreeing but it gets you out of a jam and keeps feelings soothed.

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 6/4/2011 8:23 AM EDT on theknot.com
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My issue, like many others, is with #4. I agree that we need to be considerate to each other's family, but it is ultimately mine and my FH's day. He and I originally discussed eloping for the very reasons that many of you have stated. It's not about a party or who we did or didn't invite. It's not even about what food was served or what gifts we get. It's about the two of us joining our lives together for the rest of our lives. End of story.

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 6/7/2011 12:30 PM EDT on theknot.com
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In Response to Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders:
My issue, like many others, is with #4. I agree that we need to be considerate to each other's family, but it is ultimately mine and my FH's day. He and I originally discussed eloping for the very reasons that many of you have stated. It's not about a party or who we did or didn't invite. It's not even about what food was served or what gifts we get. It's about the two of us joining our lives together for the rest of our lives. End of story.
Posted by emaly26


NO.

Once you involve others, it stops being just YOUR day.

You need to read up a bit on etiquette.
Then Now

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 6/7/2011 8:28 PM EDT on theknot.com
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If there is no bride or groom, therefore there is no wedding so logically the wedding is about the bride and groom! Yes, there are two families being joined together but they would not be joined together without the wedding or again without the bride and groom. So again, logically, the wedding is about the bride and groom and they should be able to make the decisions about how they celebrate the wedding.  As for the families that think they get to do all of the planning....they had their wedding already.  Its time to give another couple a turn to call the shots.  I know there will probably have to be compromises, but the bride and groom should have the wedding be close to the wedding that the they envisioned.  I don't think they should just fold and let the parents have their way. You only get married once.  Not all battles are worth fighting but at one point or another it seems like everyone has to fight for the wedding they want.  Its all about what matters most to you.

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 6/7/2011 10:45 PM EDT on theknot.com
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Im sorry, but number 4 is a problem for me. This day should be about the Bride and Groom, yes there is the joining of two families, but it's about the Bride and Groom. I'm getting married on a beach in south Texas and I've already encountered problems but we are not getting married so everyone else can have a vacation. and I have already had my sister drop out of the wedding because we wouldn't change our date. I will state again, The Wedding is about The People Getting Married. Not everyone else.

Re: Read This!! Miss Manners' Top 5 Wedding Reminders

posted at 6/9/2011 7:45 AM EDT on theknot.com
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The day is ABOUT the bride and groom.  The ceremony is where they're united as husband and wife.

However once they opt to involve others, their wants and desires stop being first.

And the reception is FOR the guests not the bride and groom.
Then Now
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