Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen

azureori · September 2010

I know there are cards to do this but I kinda don't like the idea. and even though just asking is the best way to get the answers you need, I wanna be different. Does anyone have any Unique ideas on asking someone to be your bridesmaid and groomsmen.

*Edit*
I don't care if you don't like the idea and think I should just ask. I'm not asking you what you think I should do. I'm asking for ideas. If you don't have anything to contribut except telling me to just ask, then skip this post and don't comment.

jagore08 · September 2010

Just ask. It doesn't need to be a big production.

mbcdefg · September 2010

Do something you know they will enjoy - scrapbook, take them to dinner, go bowling, whatever.

However, I'd suggest that you leave it up to your FI to ask the groomsmen. Most guys would never let the groom live it down if their bride-to-be asked the groomsmen for them, especially in a cutesy way. If you insist on doing something, fine, but do it for your own attendants only.

azureori · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unique-ways-ask-someone-bridesmaidgroomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b8556a7-eb8f-4e22-bcca-912f9ed83ab8Post:cdbc3220-053f-42ce-9245-500833ecadb9">Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]Do something you know they will enjoy - scrapbook, take them to dinner, go bowling, whatever. However, I'd suggest that you leave it up to your FI to ask the groomsmen. Most guys would never let the groom live it down if their bride-to-be asked the groomsmen for them, especially in a cutesy way. If you insist on doing something, fine, but do it for your own attendants only.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

Thanks. I was planning on let FI. He actually likes the idea of doing something special to ask so I'm just getting some ideas and talking to him about them. Trust me, the guys he wants as his groomsmen would tease me first before they get him.

duckie1905 · September 2010

Just asking is perfect. Going through all the hassle to ask in a "special" way just makes everything more complicated and, IMO, isn't necessary. The times when being asked meant the most to me was when the bride just asked-heartfelt and sincere. No big production required.

khornack · September 2010

I bought really pretty coffee cups with their monogram on them and wrote a note asking them to be a part of my and my fiance's special day and then elaborated why they were so special to me. I sent them out around Christmas time, so they just looked like Christmas presents. Everyone opened them early, but it was fun.

I would make sure that you are within a year, if you ask too early things may change. There are tons of girls who ask like 2 years in advance and later ask how to ask someone to step down. There is no polite way to do that. It will most likely end a friendship. Not saying that will happen to you, just something to think about.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

The honor for the WP is in BEING asked, not in HOW they are asked. Not everything related to the wedding needs to be a Big Deal. This is one of them.

duckie1905 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unique-ways-ask-someone-bridesmaidgroomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b8556a7-eb8f-4e22-bcca-912f9ed83ab8Post:8bb071f7-d461-4ddc-bb03-ed41e1d0fa2d">Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]I know there are cards to do this but I kinda don't like the idea. and even though just asking is the best way to get the answers you need, I wanna be different. Does anyone have any Unique ideas on asking someone to be your bridesmaid and groomsmen. *Edit* I don't care if you don't like the idea and think I should just ask. I'm not asking you what you think I should do. I'm asking for ideas. If you don't have anything to contribut except telling me to just ask, then skip this post and don't comment.
Posted by azureori[/QUOTE]

Anyone can answer your question anyway they please. If you don't want a variety of answers then don't ask the question on public message board.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

If 10 different people are telling you that you don't need to ask a special way, isn't that a sign that you shouldn't be focusing on a special way to ask? Plus if you want ideas it's not unique since someone else already did it. Also, good luck with the post-wedding withdrawal when people don't remember your colors or flowers three days after the weddings and the BMs eventually throw away whatever trinket you gave them to commemorate the asking. This is why it's not worth it to turn everything into a ceremony.

Do you really think that absent an Edible Arrangement your BMs won't remember that they agreed to be your BMs? Come on.

Maybe people on here have a perspective worth listening to. Just because you're the bride doesn't mean people always have to defer to what you want.

Robyn5298 · September 2010

I'm a big fan of homemade Mad Libs! Do you think you could somehow use that idea in asking your party?

Ex. "On a bright (adjective) morning in October 2011, Fiance and Azurori will be married. They would like to (verb) you to be a bridesmaid in their (adjective) wedding! If you agree you will wear an (adjective) dress and walk (adverb) down the (noun) holding a bouquet of (nouns). You'll look (adjective!)" Kind of dumb but give me a break, its right off the top of my head!

You'd have to be there in person to ask for the adjectives, nouns, etc, otherwise they'd be able to read the rest of the words and know what you're asking. Although maybe it could work via email or phone call. Its not a very grown-up idea but it could be fun.

Good luck!

PS I think if you want to do the asking in an unusual way you absolutely should - you're not hurting anyone and its entirely your call!

azureori · September 2010

Maybe I need to say this in another way. I'm only asking for ideas becuase I like the idea and I know the people who I'm asking will love it too. So I just want the ideas not the opinions. And as far as i'm concerned if you don't have anything to add to someone's post that can help them with what they want you shouldn't comment.

azureori · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unique-ways-ask-someone-bridesmaidgroomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b8556a7-eb8f-4e22-bcca-912f9ed83ab8Post:41f0c741-53cd-4de7-8e57-e359ad5a4563">Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a big fan of homemade Mad Libs! Do you think you could somehow use that idea in asking your party? Ex. "On a bright (adjective) morning in October 2011, Fiance and Azurori will be married. They would like to (verb) you to be a bridesmaid in their (adjective) wedding! If you agree you will wear an (adjective) dress and walk (adverb) down the (noun) holding a bouquet of (nouns). You'll look (adjective!)" Kind of dumb but give me a break, its right off the top of my head! You'd have to be there in person to ask for the adjectives, nouns, etc, otherwise they'd be able to read the rest of the words and know what you're asking. Although maybe it could work via email or phone call. Its not a very grown-up idea but it could be fun. Good luck! PS I think if you want to do the asking in an unusual way you absolutely should - you're not hurting anyone and its entirely your call!
Posted by Robyn5298[/QUOTE]

Thank you Robyn. I think that is the cutest thing I 've heard.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

Come up with your own ideas, then. That's the only way it will be remotely personal/meaningful. Getting ideas from strangers on a website is a surefire way to make it awkward since we don't know them, what they like, or what they will respond to. I firmly believe that it's a sign if you can't come up with your own cutesy idea (didn't we all grow out of that post-HS?) that you shouldn't be doing it all cutesy and just ask them. I've been asked over the phone, casually over lunch, and via email. Every time I felt honored. I asked all my BMs over the phone--they were the best BMs I could have asked for.

That is my advice. Try google or bing if you just want ideas and no opinions. But bear in mind that if you get this defensive every time someone tells you that your idea isn't a good one, you're in for an unpleasant engagement. People who have been there have a different perspective, and one that's often worth listening to.

duckie1905 · September 2010

Geez, sensitive much there OP? My opinion of the whole thing is "it is a waste of time and money."

I find that to be a completely relevant addition to the post. So, I suppose my idea is "just ask them." Lots of people do cutesy things so the ideas really won't be unqiue they'll just be a re-hash of something some other clever bride already came up with.

I hear that Google is a great source for info and doesn't talk back or give you things you don't want.

Except for porn. So, you'll have to live with that.

megk8oz · September 2010

The thing is you're saying "Oh, if you're not going to give me an idea, then don't comment" ... but why can't "Just ask them and not make a huge production about it" be an idea? Seriously. Lots of people just ask whether it's over the phone or out at dinner or something and it worked out fine for them ... I don't see why, if that's what they did and thought it was a good idea, that they aren't allowed to suggest that to you.

azureori · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unique-ways-ask-someone-bridesmaidgroomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b8556a7-eb8f-4e22-bcca-912f9ed83ab8Post:d2a45645-24ae-4e56-bf8d-7681bdbc62c4">Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is you're saying "Oh, if you're not going to give me an idea, then don't comment" ... but why can't "Just ask them and not make a huge production about it" be an idea? Seriously. Lots of people just ask whether it's over the phone or out at dinner or something and it worked out fine for them ... I don't see why, if that's what they did and thought it was a good idea, that they aren't allowed to suggest that to you.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

Becuase I have already said in the original post that it's not what I want to do. I wanted to do something different for them cuz I know they would like it. I guess I just hoped that i would get the same respect that I give others by not commenting if I don't have anything they wanted. It literally annoys me to see people ask something and get attacked becuase everyone doesn't like or agree with it. So then when that person sit's there and says this is not what I looking for it's not the op thats being senitive it's everyone else saying "well you shouldn't of asked then" getting an additude.

bablingbrooke · September 2010

You haven't been attacked. You've been (correctly) called out for your attitude about not getting the responses you want. But no one attacked you. You need to grow some thicker skin if you want to post online. And sometimes the best advice is, "Your idea is not good. This one is better." Responding, "But this is not what I want!" is a very childish approach to the wedding and life in general.

You got your consensus: Making a production out of it isn't worth it, just ask them. You disagree. Fine--you don't have to take the advice here. But rather than sit here and whine that no one is giving you what you want, how about you go forth and try to find it elsewhere? Clearly you aren't going to get what you are looking for here. You can either whine about it (which is the path you've chosen) or you can decide to seek it out somewhere else. Take the bull by the horns here. I hope you don't whine and act so helpless IRL.

ETA: My advice from earlier still stands: Open up that imagination of yours and come up with your own idea. That's the only way this will be remotely meaningful. If you require this much hand-holding from others, then you either 1) don't know your BMs very well, or 2) probably shouldn't be pursuing this course of action because it's not "natural" for you, and it will just be awkward.

megk8oz · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unique-ways-ask-someone-bridesmaidgroomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b8556a7-eb8f-4e22-bcca-912f9ed83ab8Post:1237bd50-1008-4136-bfad-da23474ce262">Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen : Becuase I have already said in the original post that it's not what I want to do. I wanted to do something different for them cuz I know they would like it. I guess I just hoped that i would get the same respect that I give others by not commenting if I don't have anything they wanted. It literally annoys me to see people ask something and get attacked becuase everyone doesn't like or agree with it. So then when that person sit's there and says this is not what I looking for it's not the op thats being senitive it's everyone else saying "well you shouldn't of asked then" getting an additude.
Posted by azureori[/QUOTE]

I'm just saying, you're allowed to feel annoyed by not getting the suggestions you want-nothing wrong with feeling things, but if you really think people should just "ignore" your post if they can't contribute on the level you feel they should, then what is stopping you from "just ignoring" the people that you feel aren't contributing "properly"? And how were people supposed to know what you felt "proper contribution" would be anyway? Tons of girls have asked this exact same question before, and when told "Oh, I just called my friends up and asked", actually said "Oh, now see I thought I had to do some big crazy gesture. Thanks for clearing that up!". So, honestly, it's a little silly that you would kind of expect a bunch of strangers on the internet to magically know what you would deem a proper answer to your question.

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, I'm really not. But this is a public internet forum. People are allowed to respond to your posts however they want (Including giving different opinions and tell you that they think don't think your idea is as great as you do), and you do not have the right to tell them otherwise. The Knot has a set of rules, and those are the only ones that posters (Any posters) are required to adhere to. That means that if all somebody did was come into this thread and say "Mail them a box of monkey vomit. That's totally unique", they've done absolutely nothing wrong. It may not have been what you wanted to hear or what you felt was "contributing", but they are well within their "Knot Rights" to do so.

duckie1905 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unique-ways-ask-someone-bridesmaidgroomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b8556a7-eb8f-4e22-bcca-912f9ed83ab8Post:bc6bfc06-7d7d-4dea-8230-1f8f251da2b2">Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen : "Mail them a box of monkey vomit. That's totally unique", they've done absolutely nothing wrong. It may not have been what you wanted to hear or what you felt was "contributing", but they are well within their "Knot Rights" to do so.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

No, it is not. I mailed my BMs monkey vomit.

:)

bablingbrooke · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unique-ways-ask-someone-bridesmaidgroomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b8556a7-eb8f-4e22-bcca-912f9ed83ab8Post:bc6bfc06-7d7d-4dea-8230-1f8f251da2b2">Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen : Tons of girls have asked this exact same question before, and when told "Oh, I just called my friends up and asked", actually said "Oh, now see I thought I had to do some big crazy gesture. Thanks for clearing that up!".
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
I would say a good 75% of people who ask the question respond that way.

trix1223 · September 2010

Well, I think it's really cute to call them up using your own cell phone and ask. There. I gave you an idea. And it's what I think is the best way to ask. It's unique because it's your personal phone, and it's free, easy, and not lame.

frogurt814 · September 2010

I vote for monkey vomit.

sabatron · September 2010

You're not proposing to these people.

Dancerppf · September 2010

You may want to try brides.com message board. Sometimes the brides there can be more helpful. Conformity is usually the majority.

kathrynhabibti · September 2010

StageManager, you are awesome.

bissea83 · September 2010

the mad lib that is an great idea!!! i might have to steal it!! thank you!!

nowell04 · December 2011

Wow, great idea using the dictionary, thank you for the drama it was very entertaining to read.

kbehnke13 · June 2012

God some people can be such assholes. Sorry lady, its your wedding, and you'd think the individuals who are a part of this forum would want be helpful and sympathetic to your request for ideas since they are also dealing with putting together their own wedding, but then, I suppose it isn't too hard to believe that some of them are stuck in miserable, failed marriages and are just here to live vicariously through the people who are still happy and haven't messed up their lives and they also enjoy attempting to pull those same people down into whatever hole of fail that theyve fallen into themselves.

Really guys, we know you read the original post. Its pretty obvious you started a fight just to do it. Its incredibly unnecessary and childish. Go back to 4chan or yahoochat with the other 13 year olds who are at your same level and start pointless juvenile banter with them.

Anyway,

My boss and I were discussing our weddings the other day, and she showed me what she did for her bridesmaids. She pulled a Charley and the Chocolate Factory and bought each of them their favorite candy bar and wrapped them all in gold paper, basically giving them each a "golden ticket" to her wedding. She decorated them to look similar to the ones from the film with her own twist to go with her wedding colors, etc., which was cute, until a bunch of glitter came out of her purse with her phone and wallet onto the floor at work.

ali&travis=wedding · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unique-ways-ask-someone-bridesmaidgroomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b8556a7-eb8f-4e22-bcca-912f9ed83ab8Post:176de552-33e8-4f8c-80dc-3ae1a93af195">Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]Geez, sensitive much there OP? My opinion of the whole thing is "it is a waste of time and money." I find that to be a completely relevant addition to the post. So, I suppose my idea is "just ask them." Lots of people do cutesy things so the ideas really won't be unqiue they'll just be a re-hash of something some other clever bride already came up with. I hear that Google is a great source for info and doesn't talk back or give you things you don't want. Except for porn. So, you'll have to live with that.
Posted by duckie1905[/QUOTE]
You are a giant beeyotch!

fluffygrace · December 2012

I made cookies with dresses and am thinking about making bowtie cookies for the boy that say bridesmaid and groomsmen. Yummy and functional!

Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen

Re: Unique ways to ask someone to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen

Choose Another Board

Search Boards