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Bridesmaid Advice

kmennutikmennuti member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Hey everyone....I need some advice.  I am getting married in December and selected my bridesmaids several months ago  (my 2 sisters, my fiance's sister and his daughter).  Recently, one of my good friends started helping with lots of wedding related tasks as my bridesmaids are really busy.  So, I asked her to be a bridesmaid.  Here's the problem...she and I are really good friends with 2 other girls. We are like the Sex in the City girls - 4 good friends who all get a long great.  How do I let the other 2 know that I selected an additional bridesmaid and she is one of our "foursome"?I certainly want to avoid any hurt feelings.  I thought about asking the other 2 to do readings at the ceremony but I am not sure if they would be comfortable with that.  And then does that subconsciously "rank" the friendships?  Ugh....I knew I should have gone to Vegas!  Thanks in advance for the advice.
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Re: Bridesmaid Advice

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    *BeachBride0410**BeachBride0410* member
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    Personally I don't think I would have asked her to be a BM....you could thank her for all her help with a gift, but didn't need to give her a title.  But, you already asked her and can not take it back.  You could asked the other 2 girls to do readings if you are having them.  It is your day and as easy as it is for me to say, the other 2 friends will get over not being in the wedding, the day is yours.
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    I honestly don't understand why, after you decided on BM and ordered dresses, did you then decide to ask your friend. IMO, you just stepped in shiit. Just be a big girl and ride it out.
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    swans aliveswans alive
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    How do you let them know? You don't. They'll figure it out on their own, and telling them that they're not bridesmaids it going to make it very awkward. They can do readings, if you want. Or they can just come as guests. I think most people understand that you just can't ask everyone -- but quick question. If you four are all such good friends, why didn't you ask them to begin with?
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    kmennutikmennuti member
    First Comment
    Swans Alive - I didn't ask the other friends because I initally was just going to have my sisters and my FI sister (and my FIs daughter who is 11).  I was just going to have family.  We haven't selected bridesmaid dresses yet, we are doing that this weekend.  (Yes, I know I am late in the game.)  :) Thanks for the advice ladies....keep it comin.  :)
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    If you asked this friend because you're truly close to her, then it's really none of the other girls' business. And if they KNOW that you are closest to her, then it should be self-explanatory to them. You don't owe them an explanation as to who you pick. If they ask who's in your BP, just reply with "Sister Sally, Sister Susie, FSIL Frieda, Daughter Daisy and Friend Fiona" and leave it at that. Don't pour on the apologies or make up explanations.  Now, if you are equally close to this girl and the other two non-BMs, but you only asked this girl to be a BM as a "reward" for being so helpful ... well, it's your right to choose who you want as your BMs, but I can see why the other two might feel hurt. In this case you will really need to think about how best not to hurt their feelings. It doesn't make you an awful person but the other two girls might feel slighted that they were denied the honor just because they didn't offer help (and that doesn't mean that they don't care about you, maybe it just means that they don't enjoy wedding planning as much as the BM Friend does).
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Ditto MB.   If you asked her to be a BM as a reward for helping, I can see why it can come across as a slight.  If you're equally close to the other friends, I'd ask them to be in the wedding as well - or at least ask them to do readings.   If however you're just closer to the one friend above the other two then leave it as is - and don't bring up the WP choices.  If they ask, just say, "This is how it is" and leave it at that.
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    jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    You don't owe any one explanations of why you choose who you did. If you want them to do something have them do a reading or sing a song or play an instrument if they have that talent. Being a guest is also an honor.If they do ask and its highly probable just be honest with them and just keep it short, sweet and to the point. It doesn't change how you feel about them, you just couldn't have them all in the wedding due to costs. They will either accept or not that will be their choice.
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    It's a bad idea to "reward" friends who help you by making them BMs. You're essentially telling the other two "You didn't show up to paint flowerpots, so you didn't make the cut." Don't have "a talk" with them but be prepared for hurt feelings.
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    swans aliveswans alive
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    Okay, here's the thing. I don't advocate covering it up or lying about it, like PP's experience. But coming out and telling them "Hey guess what? I added another bridesmaid and it isn't one of you!" is just going to make it weird. What do they say to that? "Uh...good for you"? During the course of wedding planning, it will come out that you asked this friend to be your bridesmaid -- whether they ask you, or they ask her if she knows who your bridesmaids are. My guess is, with your wedding coming up in December, they probably already know they're not bridesmaids. Also, to answer your last question in the OP -- no, it does not "rank" the friendships. You can't ask everyone. And while I agree with PP that you probably shouldn't have asked this friend, what's done is done and it WILL work out fine. I went through sort of a similar situation -- I don't have separate groups of friends so much as separate "pairs" of friends. When it came time to choose my bridesmaids, it was agonizing because my mental debate went something like this: "If I ask Linda, I have to ask Melanie...but if I ask Stephanie, I have to ask Claire..." and so on. Eventually, I said "f*ck this" to the agonizing and thought about who I would call if something really great/really terrible happened to me, and there was my answer.
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    ffmaidffmaid
    First Comment
    Yes you did rank the friendships by asking one of your closest friends to be a bm but asking the others to be readers you did just rank her as the closest of teh group to you. Even if you just asked her because she likes craft projects you did just publicly show she is your closest friend. You do not say anything if asked you just emphasis how much the other friend means to you.
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    kmennutikmennuti member
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone for your advice.  I appreciate it.
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