May 2013 Weddings

My Hellish Weekend Part II

Saturday was the wedding.  Today I thought we were home free.  I was wrong.

First a little back story- I didn't want a wedding.  Like at all.  And if part of me did want a wedding, I wanted a really, really small one at a restaurant or something.  This is impossible with FI family.  I learned that pretty quickly.  So one of the first things we did was make a guest list and send it to his parents for approval.  For a couple months we kept checking with them and they kept saying "yup, that's a good list.  no there's nobody you're missing".  We did not book a venue until our guest list was set so that we knew what we were spending.  We booked the venue about a year ago.  8 months ago, FI's parents came to us wanting us to invited 30 more people.  We compromised and added another 10.

Today we went to lunch with FI's parents and his dad says that we should invite his friend and his wife to our wedding.  FI said no and changed the subject.  When we got back to the house, his dad pulled FI aside and said that we needed to invite 6 other people.  FI said no and they ended up getting into a huge fight that ended with FI saying that they weren't paying, so they didn't get a say.  

FSIL and I were in the other room and came in when we heard them yelling.  FSIL decided to get all involved and lecture us about how this is the way Indian weddings are and that this is what he's used to.  She says that they are planning on giving us a huge wedding present so that's why we should invite who they want.  I finally told her that this was none of her business.  We're adults and we can handle this without her.  I also said that I've done plenty of compromising because this is an Indian family, but I'm done compromising.  This is the United States and we're all American citizens, so let's stop acting like we're in India.  I also said that they have never told us what they are giving us as a present and I wouldn't expect a dime, so I'm not making decisions about the wedding based on that.

After that, we left.  I have no idea what's going to happen.  His dad might cough up the money for the extra people, but for me, the money is only part of the issue.  Here are the other parts:
1. I don't think they'll stop adding people
2. I feel like they keep disrespecting us by saying that the guest list is fine, but then wanting to add more people
3. I didn't want a big wedding, so I'm done adding more people to make it bigger.
4. People in their family keep inviting themselves, and they think this means we have to invite them.  In my world, it's rude to invite yourself and it's not my responsibility to invite them.  I realize this isn't the case in India, but this is not India.

I need a drink now.

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Re: My Hellish Weekend Part II

  • I'm sorry to hear all this :( Before I got engaged I had no idea how stressful the guest list could be, but now I feel your pain. I wanted a really small wedding, but my family wanted to add so many people. They offered to pay for all the extra people so I just went with it in the end. I'm just hoping everyone doesn't come lol.
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  • Oh man. I feel bad that you are dealing with this. I'm stressed out enough about the guest list without having FI's family trying to add people. I'm glad you stood up for yourself because honestly, I don't think I would have been able to say anything. I hope FI stands by your side on this one. As always, keep us posted.
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  • Sorry your having to deal with this... I am happy that you both stood your ground on not adding anymore people. I agree with you Mel I think this is going to be ongoing problem with your FIL's... Hang in there...
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  • A bit rich for FSIL to be getting involved! She had her wedding, let you have yours.

    Sorry that the in-laws are giving you such a hard time about your guest list. Compromises are great, but you can only compromise so much before you lose out on what you and your FI want for your wedding that you're paying for.

     I hope it works out!
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  • Wow! FSIL had no right to butt in, but kudos to FI for standing up to your FILs :-)
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  • Oh my gosh so crazy!!! My FMIL wants to continually add and remove people but not to that extent! I'm really sorry to hear they have you so stressed out!
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  • FSIL needs to butt out and I'm impressed you stood your ground, I would not have been able to. I would just tell them maybe that it's already paid for and no one else can fit in the room. That's if this keeps going on.
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  • Yikes! I do not evny you :(  I totally know what you mean about not wanting a wedding tho, we are only having this big thing because of his family. They ARE atleast paying for a nice amount so that really helps. BUt I would have been happy geetting married in front of a judge the day after we got engaged :)
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  • Apparently my standing my ground with FSIL didn't do much- I just got a text from her saying "I'm boarding the plane (leaving for the honeymoon). I hope you had a good sleep and can see things from an older person's perspective."  She also sent my FI and email today basically telling him that he should respect his parents and do whatever they want.  Honestly, how about they respect me- I've given up my whole vision for my wedding day for them and then some.  I feel completely disrespected at this point.

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  • Ughhh...this all sucks so much.  If FSIL brings it up again (and it sounds like she will), just politely say that she and her husband did their wedding their way and you and your fiance will do yours your own way.  Then ask her if she's pregnant yet.  THAT'LL change the subject. ;)
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