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Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
Winter Weddings
Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
If you're planning a wedding between December and February, here's the place to chat with other winter brides.
We want a spicific date for our anniversary, but it's a wednesday, in Febuary. The plan right now is to be legally married on that day. but have the reception at a later date. Living in P
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Winter Weddings
Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
If you're planning a wedding between December and February, here's the place to chat with other winter brides.
We want a spicific date for our anniversary, but it's a wednesday, in Febuary. The plan right now is to be legally married on that day. but have the reception at a later date. Living in P
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Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:342
Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:342Discussion:b1a9421d-c075-49c6-ad3c-d6d9db9429c3
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Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 1/19/2011 1:44 AM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
12-17-2010
LEHIGH VALLEY/POCONOS 9953281831440178
Posts: 25
First: 1/18/2011
Last: 10/22/2011
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We want a spicific date for our anniversary, but it's a wednesday, in Febuary. The plan right now is to be legally married on that day. but have the reception at a later date. Living in PA, we are worried about the weather and our family being able to travel if the weather is bad. We don't want to spend money on a place if we can't even get there so we were thinking about having the ceremony and reception about a month or so later. We don't want to offend our friends and family and have them think we are only having it for money or gifts, but I really want them to be able to celebrate this occasion with us. Is it ok to do this and how do I go about the issue?
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 1/19/2011 2:17 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
07-23-2010
PITTSBURGH 5290155185432225
Posts: 745
First: 7/23/2010
Last: 3/28/2012
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I would not be okay with it unless you were completely upfront about it. And I probably wouldn't make it as high of a priority unless you were immediate family. That being said, however, stop and think about whether a specific date is really that much more important than being able to say your vows for real in front of your family and friends. We are also getting married in PA, in the mountains, in December, so what we chose to do is purchase wedding insurance which will cover our entire wedding if the weather would be too bad to travel for our families. That way we can afford to move the entire thing to a different date if we would need to cancel.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 1/19/2011 6:12 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
10-25-2010
LANSING 7396236307081593
Posts: 18
First: 1/15/2011
Last: 3/13/2011
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I think it is okay as long as you specify in the invitations that you are inviting people to celebrate the marriage of (your married name) & (your fiance's name).
My fiance and I are only inviting immediate family to our ceremony and having a large reception afterward so our friends and extended family can attend. With that being said, my family and his keeps asking us if we are getting married earlier than our said date and then still having the "vow renewal" on our original date.
I think that you should do what you want but make sure that if you decide to "elope" and then celebrate later you should make that clear in the invitations and if you don't wish to have gifts purchased you can also put that on the invitation and say something like:
"No gifts please, we only ask that you gift us with your presence to help share in the celebration our marriage"
Or if you decide to elope.... send out invitations that say something similar to:
"we've eloped!!!" Please come share in the celebration of our marriage with a vow renewal and reception.
I think that people will not be offended if you specify this.
In the end I think that if you wish to get married on a specific date that is fine, I would make sure the people closest to you are invited to your ceremony and then if you decide to have a reception at a later date for the rest of your family and friends that as long as you are clear in your invitation it shouldn't be a problem.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 1/20/2011 2:56 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
04-13-2009
PHILADELPHIA 5562752596730423
Posts: 3679
First: 6/24/2010
Last: 5/25/2012
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Whatever you do, just be honest with your guests. I would be super offended if I found out that the wedding I went to was a 'sham' and they were already married. I really would feel kinda duped. KWIM?
I do not recommend mentioning anything about gifts on your invitation/website/anything. This is never acceptable. Please do not take that advice.
Just remember, that if you're getting married, and you want to have your vow renewal, (which is what this will be) afterwards, everyone needs to know that it is what it is.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 1/28/2011 3:16 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
04-28-2009
INDIANA 7085765193103400
Posts: 392
First: 7/30/2010
Last: 5/3/2012
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This is not uncommon. I acctually almost did it myself and know people who have.
A side note that might help-technically you are married before the church part anyway. you say I DO before you verbally say I DO.
I say go for it, you need to do what you want or you will regret it the rest of your life!
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 1/28/2011 3:26 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
04-28-2009
INDIANA 7085765193103400
Posts: 392
First: 7/30/2010
Last: 5/3/2012
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I just read some of the other posts, and not to tick anyone off. Do what you feel is good.
You could make it a celebration of love for the invites. My sister plans to elope and throw a big hog roast when she gets back. Not as white trash as it sounds. It is a way to celebrate with the ones you love. I had people at my wedding who didn't bring gifts and it doesn't matter but give the option b/c people will want to. I would want to give you a gift to celebrate even if I didn't see you sign the papers (which no one would see anyways)
You know your guests and personalities. Honestly, if they don't know you were married before they probably won't know ever. Besides it is not the legal side that is celebrated. It is the whole meaning of two people falling in love and spending their lives together. Gifts are a way of helping you start that life easier so heck yes, register and allow your guests that option. Truth is people would bring them any ways but have stressed about what you want or need.
Times are changing and what to expect for weddings is so up in the air. It is about the bride and groom end of story. Don't worry about what other people will think do what makes you happy. If they can't understand that then maybe they should have stayed home in my opinion. The important thing is that you commit to the rest of your life with your husband. At the end of the day that is all that matters. Someone is going to think you should have done something differently no matter what so who cares, they will get over it. It is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, so make it that way! Congrats on everything and sorry I went on a tyrant but I was just really offended with people telling you how to plan YOUR wedding.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 2/5/2011 10:40 AM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
07-27-2002
HOUSTON 605829062505037
Posts: 12
First: 1/25/2011
Last: 11/7/2011
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We will be doing the same.. we have to get married in the next month or so or I can not be on his insurance for over a year, but my wedding will be Dec 3rd. Only a small handful of people will know that we have already made a trip to the courthouse.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 2/9/2011 12:02 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
04-13-2009
PHILADELPHIA 5562752596730423
Posts: 3679
First: 6/24/2010
Last: 5/25/2012
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I really don't think anyone told her 'how to plan her wedding', we just gave her an opinion, which is what she asked for.
Personally, as a guest, I would be offended if someone had gotten married... and then decided to stage another wedding. If they called it a vowel renewal, I'd be completely understanding. Everyone has different circumstances and I don't believe any ladies here told her that she couldn't do this. So many people do. BUT- the point we're all trying to get across is not to call it a wedding, and to be honest.
Think of it this way- if you were invited to a baby shower, and the mom had a belly and everything- you're super excited, right? Now, two months later, baby comes along, and you find out that she had it by a surrogate. It was a fake belly. You'd feel kinda slighted, correct? (If not, then I guess this explaination means nothing) That's kinda what it's like to invite guests to a wedding, when you're already married. KWIM?
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 2/11/2011 1:24 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
02-21-2010
ALASKA 9286023444323958
Posts: 663
First: 3/25/2010
Last: 2/20/2012
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In Response to Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married:
We will be doing the same.. we have to get married in the next month or so or I can not be on his insurance for over a year, but my wedding will be Dec 3rd. Only a small handful of people will know that we have already made a trip to the courthouse.
Posted by Denise8396
I think you are able to get on your husband's insurance at any point. You are typically allowed to change/modify your insurance during a brief time-frame after a big event in your life - marriage, birth, adoption, death, etc. You should check on this. I'm in the same boat with the marriage on December 3 but I don't think it should be an issue for insurance. I'm definitely going to check on that detail but I think you should review it again as well. Open enrollement generally only applies to initiating coverage and changing coverage. I really believe marriage is an exception to the open enrollment rule.
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BFP 12/12/11 - MC 1/9/12
Forever in our hearts
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 2/11/2011 1:28 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
04-07-2008
NORTHERN CALIFORNIA 5241124014722552
Posts: 9370
First: 6/17/2010
Last: 1/14/2012
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Once your married, you're married. That's it. If you decide to JOP it, then THAT is your wedding.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 2/12/2011 9:26 AM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
11-17-2008 4020625280293060
Posts: 1333
First: 1/23/2011
Last: 5/23/2012
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think as long as you are upfront with people regarding the nature of the celebration it won't matter. They should be informed that you were legally married and that this is your renewal ceremony and reception that go along with it. No problem.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 2/12/2011 7:16 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-01-2011 9594294908452997
Posts: 207
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Last: 7/3/2011
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We are actually doing the opposite of this.. I am moving to the States with FI, but my parents have requested that the wedding be in Canada since I am moving. For immigration purposes, it is much easier to have a US marriage license than to do it internationally.
At our actual wedding, we are going to still have the ceremony, say our vows, and proclaim our love and commitment to each other. Instead of signing the marriage license, we are going to print out our vows, and sign them, and then frame them with photo mats that our guests will use as the guest book.
After the wedding, when we are back in TX, we will head to the courthouse with witnesses and sign the marriage license. Our anniversary date will be the date of our wedding, though, because it is the day we are actually proclaiming the commitment, not just signing a legal document.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 2/18/2011 12:20 AM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
02-08-2008
NORTHERN CALIFORNIA 6132380695267187
Posts: 488
First: 9/25/2010
Last: 4/22/2012
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Some of our friends did this recently, but they lived in California and came back to NY to have the party. I think if you start spreading the word that you are getting married in the middle of the week and are worried about the weather during that time period, people will probably understand. Most people would get up in arms about a winter wedding or a middle of the week wedding, so they may just appreciate your thoughtfulness.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 3/1/2011 6:53 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-26-2011 5783316646099682
Posts: 72
First: 3/1/2011
Last: 4/6/2011
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Would you consider only having the reception later, instead of re-doing the entire ceremony? I can understand some people feeling like it's a sham or ploy to get gifts if you re-do the entire thing. My fiance and I live in Hawaii and became engaged in January. He is in the Army and it only makes sense for us to get married sooner than later..in order to get a house and benefits and all that good stuff. So we are having a private ceremony here for just the 2 of us and going home to New England to have our reception since there is just no way for all of our friends and family to come out here for the wedding or vice versa in such a short amount of time.
With that said..I don't understand why it's distasteful to still do a registry a couple months later for your reception as some people have said. What is the difference between a reception on your wedding day and one a couple months later? I suppose it would be tacky if you had a reception on your wedding day and then ANOTHER one later..but if you only have one big reception for every body then hell yea..get those gifts! We're doing a registry and I don't see anything wrong with it. No one is going to be here on our wedding day, so the reception will be the only opportunity for anyone to gift us anything, if they so desire.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 3/1/2011 10:38 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
02-26-2011
SOUTH JERSEY 7886343392582774
Posts: 2
First: 3/1/2011
Last: 3/1/2011
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we were thinking something similar and wondering how we should go about it too...so please if u get any suggestions...feel free to throw them this way...actually to explain it better...me and my fiancee just got engaged on our 12yr anniversary 2/17/2010, at that time we planned for our wedding to be 2/17/2013, which would them be our 15yr anniversary, but i wanted that specific date because thats when he asked me to be his girlfriend, now 13yrs ago lol, and then he gave me my promise ring on our 2yr anniversary 2/17/2000 and then our pre-engagement was the following year 2/17/2001, obviously u get it by now lol! But ive had alot of health issues and my fiancee keeps suggesting once again that we get married sooner but i planned for that date 2/17/2013 because i was finishing up my second degree and he is actually in process of wanting to open a restaurant, hes an executive chef, and i didnt want us to be overwhelmed however i feel like we would b disappointing our friends and family, and i feel like i would be disappointing us as well to be honest, but my fiancee just wants me to be covered for health reasons bcuz my health insurance stinks....so if i go with it, how do i go about telling everyone and then do i want everyone to question me on why i need better health coverage, is there something major wrong and so on....ya know? Sorry, its similar but not exact...last thing, i feel as though if we were to get married now for health coverage reasons...that we may say to heck with the wedding and all...especiallly since we been together now 13yrs, but at same time i feel after that long we deserve to have it all what we want after all that time already lol! so idk......
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 3/1/2011 10:44 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
02-26-2011
SOUTH JERSEY 7886343392582774
Posts: 2
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Last: 3/1/2011
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wedding insurance did know there was such thing but im def gonna look into to that...thats so great and really a smart way to go...especially for outside weddings! Good Luck!
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 4/1/2011 4:16 PM EDT
on theknot.com
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Joined on
01-03-2011
BOSTON 8385296664296184
Posts: 245
First: 2/27/2011
Last: 5/17/2012
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We might have to do the same thing because FI is Canadian and needs a visa and we only have 90 days after the visa is granted to get married, we've decided no matter what our celebration with family and friends will remain on the date we already selected. People get married on one date and celebrate it on another date all the time. Just not in America, in other cultures it's "normal" to do what you're thinking of doing :)
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 4/8/2011 5:11 PM EDT
on theknot.com
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Joined on
03-02-2011
TUCSON 5539347040935002
Posts: 29
First: 4/8/2011
Last: 6/20/2011
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My husband and I did a small ceremony with just our parents and we chose one sibling, because he's in the Army and that was what the circumstances called for. It was on December 30, so we sent out Christmas cards/save the dates to our family announcing that we would be getting married, and that they would be invited for the "wedding celebration" that would come later on. We're having our wedding on our 1 year, this December 30. We talked with our friends and family about it, and most of them preferred that we do a 'mock ceremony'.. like a renewal of vows.. because it is something special to them, to watch us "get married" even if it is a year later.
Do what you want, it's your day.. but also remember that you're not alone. Ask the opinions of those closest to you. To do a Wednesday Wedding might not be horrible. Depending on how far your frends and family will be traveling from, they might be totally open to the idea. Some might have to take an hour or two off of work, but it will be worth it. Also, weekday wedding = super savings.
As for weather, we're doing end of December in upstate New York. Who knows what the weather will be like.. but those who want to be there will get there, many of them from out of state.
Hope it works out for you!
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 6/5/2011 4:37 AM EDT
on theknot.com
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Joined on
05-30-2011
IOWA 7893423909648605
Posts: 7
First: 5/30/2011
Last: 6/7/2011
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A girl I work and a distant friend did this and nobody had a problem with it. and they hadnt told anybody they were already married. they were just planning their wedding and then one day at work somebody paged her by her married name. and thats how everyone found out. their wedding turned out great though. and their reception. lots of people and it was lots of fun.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 10/5/2011 10:45 AM EDT
on theknot.com
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Joined on
09-25-2011
ATLANTA 5942525603819375
Posts: 403
First: 10/1/2011
Last: 2/16/2012
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I don't see how anyone could consider it a trick or ploy to get gifts when in many cases, the value of the gifts you get don't add up to all the money you spend on the wedding and reception.
I think most people (maybe only most women) who would do it the way OP is planning, do so because they, for whatever reason, want to get married right away, but still want to have the experience that many women dream of: being walked down the aisle by her father, donning a gorgeous dress, feeling beautiful, cutting the cake, etc. It's certainly not about gifts.
But perhaps I'm biased. My fiance and I are flying to NY right after the holidays to exchange our vows. Our "wedding" and reception will be in December 2012. We're not keeping any secrets. All our friends and family will know when we get married, and many of them will be invited to come celebrate with us at the wedding and reception. WE made that choice because we are celibate and frankly, we don't want to wait much longer.  I want to get married right away, but we can't afford to shell out the money right now and I need more time to plan. Plus, I want the whole dream wedding (well, the budget version of my dream wedding), and I'm not willing to trade that in.
I have another friend who did the same exact thing. His wedding is this coming December, but he and his wife tied the knot back in January.
There's no right or wrong to this, but deception is always wrong. As long as you're being honest, I don't see what the big deal is. You don't have to indicate on the invitations "by the way, we already got married, so this isn't a REAL wedding, it's technically just a vow renewal." That's a crock.
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 10/6/2011 1:45 PM EDT
on theknot.com
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Joined on
03-11-2010
DETROIT 8475039419384627
Posts: 1
First: 10/6/2011
Last: 10/6/2011
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I am begining to plan something similar due to my fiance joining the army. You definitly want to be honest tho. People will begin to wonder why you are celebrating your wedding anniversary on a different date than the one they attended. Thats my plan anyway.
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Meg&BC
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 11/13/2011 5:40 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
08-25-2010
TENNESSEE 4334183471018880
Posts: 24
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Last: 3/25/2012
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If all of you uneducated ladies had learned, Miss Manners says that as long as you have your wedding after the legal marriage prt within a year, it is OKAY TO DO SO!
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Re: Having the ceremony and reception after we are legaly married
posted at 12/2/2011 3:40 PM EST
on theknot.com
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Joined on
07-26-2011
MISSISSIPPI 8125472885902928
Posts: 2
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Last: 12/6/2011
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It doesn't sound like a ploy to get gifts nor coming across as being dishonest to any of their guests. My fiance and I are making our marriage legal before he gets deployed but I won't be changing my name and am still planning our wedding for December of 2012. We won't be telling anyone because as far as we are concerned our real marriage/wedding will be when we say I do in fron of all of our family. But making it legal for either the date or other reasons doesn't appear to be dishonest...
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