What does your quality time look like?

CLoGreenEyes

For transparency: I'm having a hard time right now in my relationship. Quality time with BF has gotten hard to come by lately, and I think we're both feeling the effects of it. It's especially hard because I've started realizing that our ideas of time well spent are rather different. I like plays (especially musicals), I like concerts, I like comedy shows, I like cities, I generally enjoy loud and exciting stuff. BF does not. He'd rather be outside in nature, hiking, doing some shooting at the gun range, going to auctions and flea markets, and dragging old broken stuff home to tinker with, build on, and experiment with. Very different people we are.

Obviously we compromise in this area and will occasionally indulge the other in their activity of choice, but mostly this is stuff that we haven't shared too much of. As far as meeting in the middle...we don't have many similar interests. We have a lot of the same ideas for vacations and day trips, but day to day there's not much we really share right now. Sometimes a month or more will go by before I realize that every time we've seen each other has been cooking dinner, watching a few hours of TV, and then bedtime - companionable activities, but not ones that produce a whole lot of closeness, I'm finding. So I really want to change that, now that the busiest part of my semester is over.

So, tell me: What do you and your SO do together - on weeknights, on weekends, on vacation? What interests do you share and how do you nurture those? Did you already have these interests, or did you develop them as your relationship grew? How do you support each other's separate interests while not losing or forgetting yourself in the process? What is the best way to balance shared vs. individual interests in a relationship?

buddysmom80

BF and I live together so on the weeknights our time together is usually spent cooking dinner, folding laundry or cleaning, eating dinner and then vegging out on the couch. The weekend have been so busy for us lately we haven't had a lot of quality alone time together. We used to have date nights where we would either rent a movie or go out to a movie, but those are few and far between lately.

BF LOVES playing Xbox, and I'm not really into it. So if he wants to play an hour here or there, that's fine because I can find things to do to occupy my time.

TBH when we first started dating we didn't have a lot in common, but we made it work.

Blackbird230

He and I do a lot of hiking, walks along lakes and such. We're a bit forest couple. We'll take the truck and go canoe or something. Now that it's getting colder, we love curling up with movies, reading and just hanging out. We have to compromise on which movies we watch though.

We both love animals. I'm slowly getting more into shooting at the range. I've moved up to bb guns. (not yet the real thing!) Everything just kind of fell in place with us. He's helped me become a bit more adventurous. We both don't drink much or smoke. 

He's a Freemason and I have my horses and community service fraternity from college. Sometimes we'll spend weekends apart if we have commitments to our organizations and they clash. It helps that he's open to learning how to ride and loves horses and I'll go to his mason social events that include significant others and families.

CLoGreenEyes

LivLeighton said:

I am really interested in seeing other people's responses because this is something I also struggle with. Not just in my current relationship, but in past relationships, and I'm not sure if it's normal or not.

B and I went through a period like you're talking about, where we really just cooked dinner, watched TV, and went to bed. You're right, that doesn't foster closeness at all. We don't have many shared interests, either, besides shows we like to watch and things that we do with our dogs. I prefer to do home DIY, run/do yoga, read, go on little day trip adventures, etc. His main hobby is playing games on the computer (Magic the Gathering, Minecraft). We definitely got into a rut and had a hard time crawling out of it. There's been some backslide this month as I've been insanely busy, but at least we recognize it.

What I've done is try to come up with a list of activities that are things that both of us might enjoy even though they are outside our usual lineup or usual interests. Some things from my list (that we've done or have active plans to do): a weekend away nearby where we can explore a new town, a trip to the zoo, pumpkin picking, going to an observatory to look at the stars, visit a museum, go to a comedy club, etc. Even though we probably only do about one activity a week, maybe even every other week if we're super busy, they definitely help us feel closer. We also try to do things that the other person is interested in: B will help me hang light fixtures or conceptualize a building project; I'll go play photographer's assistant while he takes photos of an abandoned building (shhhhh don't tell). We're getting better at it, but I wish that we just liked all the same things sometimes, though I don't know anyone like that in real life.

I definitely wish the same, @LivLeighton. I mean, I definitely want a few of my own things all to myself, for those times when I just want to be by myself, but I wish I could share at least a couple things with my BF. I often feel misunderstood because of the things I like and what they probably demonstrate about me (e.g., being a more dramatic, exuberant person, liking a lot of activity at once, etc.), and I'm sure he feels similarly about his own interests. This has probably been the longest ongoing problem in our relationship because it's the one thing we've never reached a satisfying resolution on. Unless I'm running at 100% in the rest of my life, I find it pretty hard to say, "Yes, dear, I'd love to go to the range with you," and mean it, especially when I'd much rather be doing my own thing for once.

GoldenPenguin

Most of our nights are spent cooking, watching TV, etc. We have instituted "No-Phone Nights" because we both have a tendency to just reach for the phone and start playing games, etc. and that makes us not talk a lot. We like to take turns cooking & cleaning up, we both love Jeopardy, so we get kind of competitive with that, and we like most of the same shows. If we're both home at the same time, we like to walk the dog together too - but most of the time, he does morning and I do afternoon & evening (but that's just because I'm a terrible morning person haha).

He'll play video games sometimes in the bedroom while I'm watching something he doesn't care about, and I'll watch TV in the bedroom while he's watching one of his shows, so we do get our little alone time here & there. I also do girly nights with some of my friends once or twice a week, and I work late fairly regularly, so that helps too.

We like to try date nights as often as possible, even if it's just going to dinner & a movie or something. I wish I was more creative and/or there were more things for us to do around here that would be fun, but I haven't put the effort into really finding those little things that I'm sure exist, so that's kind of on me. We're both pretty laid back people though, so it's not that we don't LIKE just spending time at home together (I'm very comfortable just lounging on the couch with him, I don't feel bad that we aren't out doing something), but we do have to keep the "No-Phone Nights" in check so that we aren't just sitting there silent. 

CLoGreenEyes

Ooh, there's another good question: what do y'all TALK about after years of dating? After over 5 years, for us it's mostly just a recount of our workdays. Even the deep meaningful feelings conversations we have now strangely echo a lot of the ones we've had before. Don't get me wrong, I like to know that there's consistency between us; I just wish there was more to say, I guess. That might just be one of those things I have to accept, though - it can't be like the beginning forever.

loves2shop4shoes

Quality time is tough.  I define quality time as time spent conscious, alone, engaging each other, not zonked out in front of the TV or Candy Crush.

DH and I have some of the same hobbies/interests, but others that are very different.

Every day, I try to make a point of asking DH how his day was, and talking about what happened.  DH and I cuddle a lot...like, a lot a lot.  And every so often, we'll have a deep, meaningful conversation amidst the cuddles.  Sometimes, when DH is making dinner (he loves to cook), I'll be his sous chef, so we'll talk in the kitchen.

Sometimes, we have to make dates to get in some quality time.  Even if we're broke and can't afford it, we'll do easy things like making dinner together, and then going for a long walk (a mile or two) to just reconnect.  Check out some local shops or something, and just TALK about what's REALLY going on with each of us.  Walking and talking is free, healthy, and anyone can do it. 

Every ONCE in a while, when we can afford it, we like to take weekend trips.  We just like exploring new cities, sleeping in, having sex, and relaxing.

I try to make sure, though, that even if we're not doing anything exciting, we keep a dialogue going and we stay connected.

labro

We live together so it's different I think. During the first year when we didn't live together we only ever saw each other on the weekends because our work schedules were completely opposite. So basically every weekend we had together WAS our quality time. We went out places every weekend, always had activities to do and even things like cooking together and watching a movie in front of his TV counted as quality time since we were just so desperate for more.

Now that we live together we spend our evenings focusing on chores and we don't get away as often. We cook together and usually play games while we eat dinner...for example we'll have an ongoing game of Scrabble or play quick card games. We share some interests but we also have a lot of different ones. He likes to tinker and play computer games. Sometimes while he's tinkering on a project I'll just go sit in the garage or wherever he is and talk to him about whatever is on my mind. Or I'll go do my own thing...like read a book or work on my own project. Quality time for us is usually going on a walk together or playing a game. A lot of the time we get a lot of pleasure from working hard out in the yard, taking a shower and then cuddling in front of the fireplace. We don't get to go on dates as often because of the dog and the house but I think we're going to try to make more of an effort to. For awhile a lot of our "dates" were with multiple people and we weren't doing a lot of one on one stuff. Now that we're going to focus on that I think we'll get more fulfilling time together. We're also going to focus more on working out together since BF think his new job is making him fat and I need to get back on track anyway.

TLDR For us, accomplishing something together is our best quality time. We bond over achieving our goals.

Swazzle

During the week, H and I usually go home, cook dinner, eat dinner, watch our shows, and go to bed. Sometimes he'll go skateboard (I cannot watch him do this because when he falls, I have a heart attack), sometimes I'll go to dinner or happy hour with my girlfriends. We have Devils season tickets so right now we're at hockey games a couple times a week which is something we enjoy together.

I also feel like we don't have a ton of things in common sometimes. I am a couch potato and he's more athletic and likes to be outdoors doing stuff. We balance this by him going to skate and while he's doing that, I watch my girly shows that he doesn't enjoy.I think it's good to have a balance of time together and time apart. 

You said that your interests are basically opposites. How about switching it up on the weekends: one weekend doing something that you enjoy and the next weekend doing something he enjoys? You might surprise yourself and find something that falls right in the middle. I was never into hockey and now we're season ticket holders and I absolutely love going to the games. 

loves2shop4shoes

Amapola14 said:

Ooh, there's another good question: what do y'all TALK about after years of dating? After over 5 years, for us it's mostly just a recount of our workdays. Even the deep meaningful feelings conversations we have now strangely echo a lot of the ones we've had before. Don't get me wrong, I like to know that there's consistency between us; I just wish there was more to say, I guess. That might just be one of those things I have to accept, though - it can't be like the beginning forever.

DH and I have been together over 6 years now.  And while there's no, "So what's your sign?  What's your middle name?  Bahahaha, I can't believe your parents gave you THAT middle name" stuff going on, we still have a lot to talk about.

We regularly check in on how happy the other person is in the relationship.  I sometimes ask DH what, if anything, I could do to make him happier.  We talk about how things are going with our friends.  We talk about our days.  We talk about career stuff.  We talk about current events and politics.  We talk about things that are bothering us.  We talk about books, art, movies.  We talk about animals, and spoil our cat beyond belief.  We dream about our future. 

There have only been a few times where I was literally like... I don't have anything to say.  And in those situations, I just put my mouth to better use. 

ShallowSeas

Me and my BF have a weekly date night; every thursday. We turn our phones off and have the whole evening be about us. On Tuesdays we do a weekly Pint Night. Usually our weekday evenings consist of dinner and movies. On the weekends we go out a lot, whether its out to eat, a movie, or to a bar. I think weekly date nights are a great way to remember to take time out of our busy schedules and spend time with each other.

CLoGreenEyes

@TwoDimes, I'm glad to hear you guys have such an enriching relationship! I definitely agree that new things are the spice of any relationship!

It's interesting, though - you say that having different interests gives you guys plenty to talk about. I find the opposite to be true for us, especially right now. I like to think I make a valiant effort to listen and understand when BF talks to me about his hobbies, but literally sometimes there is a barrier between his understanding and mine that just cannot be broken. After a while I'm just nodding like yeah...uh huh...And that sucks, because it doesn't do the same thing for him that it would if he was explaining it to one of his friends. They "get" it. I don't, even though I try. Similar reaction from BF when the situation is reversed. It's not that we don't try; it's that we literally cannot comprehend how different this person is sometimes. I guess INFJ + ISTJ is just asking for that to happen, though.

Plus, he haaaaaaates trying new things. If I nag him enough, he will do it to make me happy. But I wish he would be more open to stuff. I never thought this 19-year-old guy I met a few years ago would already be so set in his ways, lol.

bethsmiles

BF and I have a lot of the same interests. We both love playing video games, we love being outdoors (camping, hiking, snowboarding/skiing), and we are both introverts so we enjoy spending a night in watching something on Netflix.

Some of these things (like being outdoorsy) we both just happen to like but with other things we've introduced each other to our interests and luckily the other usually happens to start to have their own interest in it. For example, I didn't really play video games before I met BF but now after playing them with him and him showing me various games he thinks I will like I love it! Even if we broke up I would still love it.

At the same time we don't feel that every second spent together needs to be spent doing the same things. Sometimes he watches game play videos while I read. If he laughs really hard at something I'll ask him about it and he'll ask me about my books.

Maybe we are just lucky because I feel like we are really similar in a lot of ways and it's never been a struggle to find similar interests.

loves2shop4shoes

LivLeighton said:

I am happy to find that it's not that everyone is going out leading these super exciting, enriching lives with their SOs and that most find that quality time is spent doing things around the house or vegging out. I don't feel quite as weird now.

Liv, I used to feel that way too.  Then I started researching all of these "fun" things I could be doing with DH.  And we discussed them, and were like, "We're so exhausted during the week...these really sound like chores and things we 'should do' rather than sounding like fun." 

motoLyn

Danish Man and I are similar in some regards and different on others.  We have shared interests so there is always something to talk about.  Quality time for us on the weeknights is sitting down and having dinner together and catching up on our favorite shows.  Since he gets home late we cherish this moments together.  Back in the summer 3 nights of out of the week we didn't get to see each other often cause of practices or activities that we each were involved in.  Now we make sure to actually sit down and ask each other about our days and talk about what we want to do on the weekend or the up coming weeks. 

We lucked out that he and I like to do the same activities, hikes, surf, paddle, go to car shows, take our pups to the dog park or sit on the couch and read a book in peace.  We do have separate interests as well.  So we get our "alone" time when needed.  Even sitting on the couch and holding his hand while we watch tv shows makes us happy.  I think it just depends on the couple.  I have been involved in new hobbies because of my husband introducing me and I have done the same for him.  The motto is to at least try it once before turning it down.

[Deleted User]

FI and I really enjoy doing a lot of different things together and that could be things that interest us both or separately but we always try to find new things to do that neither of us really know much about. On weeknights, we are usually going to the gym together, we both really enjoy working out and then I normally cook dinner for both of us but he also enjoys cooking so we trade off. After dinner we like to watch movies so we trade off movie preferences, like he gets to pick one then me.

On weekends, we usually have a lot of odds and ends to catch up with that we couldn't do during the week but if we get a day to do just w/e then we usually will do something outdoors whether that be go to the park, go hiking, go visit a town we haven't been to yet, or play games (corn hole, ladder ball, pool, cards, etc). We haven't been on many vacations together but when we do go we definitely like to do new things. We don't like doing something on vacation that we can do at home so we go out and try something unique to where we are visiting.

FI and I are very similar and we actually love that we share the same interests and opinions. We nurture those by highlighting it in our relationship and doing the things we both love but we also like different things that we share with each other. We don't try to focus more on one of our differences more than the other but both equally (like I'll do certain things that I know FI loves just to surprise him and he will do the same for me). We had these interests before our relationship which kind of lead into why we started dating because we were so similar. FI and I can just sit on the couch and have hours of conversation about everything. We have also discovered things about us that has helped our relationship grow like FI discovered his faith in God when we started dating and Faith is a huge part of our relationship.

We support each other's interests by knowing that we do have those differences and that our relationship isn't just about one of us but both of us. So we will need to do things that maybe don't always interest one of us but we do it because we love the other person and we want to see them happy. For example, I will watch FI's favorite TV shows with him that I think are absolutely stupid but I do it because he will watch funny cat videos and sappy romance movies with me : ) It's stuff like that. We make sure to keep it equal.

GoldenPenguin

loves2shop4shoes said:

LivLeighton said:

I am happy to find that it's not that everyone is going out leading these super exciting, enriching lives with their SOs and that most find that quality time is spent doing things around the house or vegging out. I don't feel quite as weird now.

Liv, I used to feel that way too.  Then I started researching all of these "fun" things I could be doing with DH.  And we discussed them, and were like, "We're so exhausted during the week...these really sound like chores and things we 'should do' rather than sounding like fun." 

SO MUCH OF THIS.

We both work, a lot. I work six to seven days a week some weeks. So I really LIKE coming home, sitting on the couch, snuggling, and watching tv, or playing with the dog, or whatever activity means I don't have to wear real pants and a bra. 

I think I just figured out why BF likes these nights so much. 

loves2shop4shoes

BriSox81 said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

LivLeighton said:

I am happy to find that it's not that everyone is going out leading these super exciting, enriching lives with their SOs and that most find that quality time is spent doing things around the house or vegging out. I don't feel quite as weird now.

Liv, I used to feel that way too.  Then I started researching all of these "fun" things I could be doing with DH.  And we discussed them, and were like, "We're so exhausted during the week...these really sound like chores and things we 'should do' rather than sounding like fun." 

SO MUCH OF THIS.

We both work, a lot. I work six to seven days a week some weeks. So I really LIKE coming home, sitting on the couch, snuggling, and watching tv, or playing with the dog, or whatever activity means I don't have to wear real pants and a bra. 

I think I just figured out why BF likes these nights so much. 

OMG.  So much this.  Bri and I share a brain today.

I never wear pants.  It's kind of awesome.

KeptInStitches

We veg together. I know PP as a rule don't find TV to be engaging, but it's one of our quality time activities. We watch series together on Netflix (we're still working on Star Trek: TOS), and it's a way for us to bond. He games (tabletop) and I don't, but I go along where it's appropriate for me to (where there's room for me to find a corner with my knitting) and I have friends in his parties. We play Xbox games together (Lego series are favorites of mine), we play Facebook games together (mostly Plants vs Zombies) ... he's really plugged-in all the time, and if I'm being honest, I am too. Instead of try to change each other - especially since he's on-call 24/7 for his techie job - we bond through it. One of the most precious memories I actually have of that was during my senior design work, when I was sleeping 2 hours a day and eating maybe 1 meal if I was lucky. He'd take me for a walk at 10 p.m. every night, get me away from the work and power-walk in the cold night air, and we'd play chess by email to keep me awake.

Hummingbird125

I might get cut short in responding here, since the kid will be done with her therapy session any minute now...

In general, BF an I do the same as everyone else here on most weeknights. We make dinner, watch our shows or a movie, and go to bed.

On weekends we try to have at least one date night - going out to dinner in the city, or trying a new bar or restaurant nearby. A lot of our other activities are centered around our dog, since we equally adore her. We take her hiking or to the local dog park. This past Saturday we took her into NYC, walked around the Village, took her to a dog park in Washington Square Park, and ate falafel in the park.

Some of my favorite times with BF include sharing a bottle of wine and outside, or going to the local pub for a few beers. We end up having good talks when we're not in front of a TV, so I make a point to make sure we have a night like this at least once every week or two.

What we're trying to work on now is to make more plans with other friends/couples, so that our relationship doesn't get so insulated.

[Deleted User]

First of all I think it's wonderful to have separate interests in a relationship. You certainly don't have to share everything with each other - in fact I think it's healthy to have things you do with only your friends.

That note asside, it's wonderful to find activities you can share in. H and I have a wide variety of interests. Recently we've been trying out activities that the other person enjoys. For example, H has been teaching me how to shoot. Although i've always been somewhat afraid of guns, i've actually found that I really enjoy shooting and we've been going to the range together about once a month. H has always hated the idea of sushi, but Friday night he took me out for sushi for my b-day (since he knew i'd never think he'd try it) and he found a love of sushi too! When you try each other's things - you never know what you might end up liking!

It's also great to try new things together. H and I went shopping in an area here known for antique shops recently. Nothing either of us ever thought we'd like. Turns out we had a ton of fun! I browsed all the fun furniture and dreamed up items for our future home: he browsed antique coins and guns. It was free, fun and there was something for both of us.

For H and I, we've discovered most of our comon interests simply by striking out and visiting a new town in the area. We brows new shops, check out new activities and meet new people that way. It just exposes you to new things and sometimes you find a common interest you never expected!

katieg520

See, in my relationship, I am the quiet one who would rather stay at home. I pay more money for my mortgage than any other financial responsibility that I have, so I want to BE HOME. I don't want to pay for a house I am never in.
But I digress. My FI loves to be doing something, going somewhere, with people 24/7. It drives me insane. That leaves the time that we are home to be crazy trying to get shit done. I am also borderline OCD about my house and its cleanliness. I am very particular so I can't rest if something isn't to my standards. Therefore, I feel huge amounts of anxiety when we come home and it looks a hot mess.

BUT, we both indulge each other in these parts of our personalities. I go with him for a lot of things, even if I'd rather be home cleaning. He gets off early on Fridays and usually does a lot of cleaning and organizing before I get home, which is so nice. In fact, that's one of the nicest things anyone can do for me is clean, lol.

My daughter lives with us and only goes with her dad every other weekend, so every other weekend we do things with her and things that she would enjoy. More family-style fun. But on the every other weekend that it's just the two of us, we spend the day time cleaning and organizing for me, and then weekend nights we usually go out with friends, see a movie, do a date night, etc.

CLoGreenEyes

LivLeighton said:

Also, all I've wanted to do for the last two weeks was get a pumpkin. We finally SCHEDULED a time to go get one yesterday, and I ended up working all day between pet-sitting and my consulting gig. It was nearly 9 by the time I finished and decidedly too late for pumpkins. So B said we'd go tonight. I left work, went to the post office, came home, threw food in the slow cooker, went to the gym, got home, showered, cried about my blistered feet, and it's now 7:00. I still have 2+ hours of work to get done tonight, we have to eat, etc. This is how life goes lately, but I feel bad that we'll likely watch an hour or so of TV together and then go to bed.

Ugh, that is so much! *Hugs* You have got the most amazing work ethic I think I've ever encountered in internet life or otherwise. I hope you get some good rest tonight and that the pumpkin picking happens soon!

CLoGreenEyes

TwoDimes said:
It sucks that your BF doesn't like to try new things. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like that would mean you do most of the "compromising" and end up mostly doing what he wants? To me, that would be unfair. That might be why BF and I end up trying new things - neither one of us wants to give in to the other and do something we really don't want to do (like your example of going to the shooting range, I would hate that), so we end up doing something else entirely that we both kind of want to do, like go to a minor-league sporting event.

Whoops, i disappeared for a minute. I had a nice session with my counselor, who actually helped me dissect this a little more. What I decided is, I do love our nights in, don't get me wrong. I think it's a good sign that we can be content to not be super-busy all the time and can be harmonious just being the same room but doing different things. I genuinely do enjoy the times where I'm making dinner and he's fixing something, and then we eat and watch our favorite shows, and then we grumble about our days, and then we read and snuggle. I think my issue is that it's like allllllllllll the time, that I'm usually the one to go through the effort of, "Hey, I'd like to go out and do something," and that he is (at first) pretty resistant to it. Plus, when I think about my bucket list, a lot of it is stuff that definitely isn't in the comfort zone of staying home all the time. It involves a lot of travel  and volunteering and being with other people and just trying a lot of new things. Ideally I want to share that with someone - preferably my partner. I don't know that he's very comfortable with that, so this is something we need to talk about and really examine.

Don't get me wrong, he does make a valiant effort, but he definitely has his comfort zone and wants to stay there. It's extremely hard for him to try out my interests - it's MUCH easier for me to try out his hobbies and have a good attitude about it - and I have to be realistic about what I can expect. Now it's kind of a matter of, "Am I happy with this level of reciprocity for the rest of my life?"

Anyway. Aside from that, I'm with Liv; I'm relieved to hear that everybody finds joy in the small, everyday activities. I think I'd go bananas trying to do all this fun stuff every single week. I just want to be able to get around to it eventually, and to be able to share it with someone, KWIM?

500days

@amapola14  IKWYM. I feel like I have a constant travel bug. I value making memories taking vacations and sightseeing more than having nice things. My FI would rather have nice things. Unknown destinations give him anxiety, instead of the excitement I get. I have always envisioned going on long trips and adventures with my spouse. FI is not a seasoned traveler and prefers beach vacations, and has little interest for museums or foreign languages. It crushes me when I hear him say that he could not last more than a few hours on a plane. 

I don't see this as a deal breaker, but it is disappointing and it sucks. He has admitted that he will definitely go on a long trip with me, but I doubt it would be every year. His sister is a traveler like myself, and has joined me on a handful of trips. This is where I see the compromise, I can still travel a bit and share it with her. 

People also grow and become open to new interests and activities. My FI swore that he hated bowling and live theatre. We went bowling because I bought a groupon- he now loves it. We were gifted tickets to the Lion King- he told me recently that it was actually one of the most "fun" things he's done in his life. There will be things that you and your SO will find and come to love together, I'm sure of it :-)

Shiroyasha

BF and I don't really spend a lot of quality time together doing other things than cooking for each other or sitting on the couch watching television.

Our work schedules often keep us apart, so I guess for us that is quality time.

When we do special things it's usually to go on a drive to a nearby national forest and either go hiking or he takes me to scenic places so I can take pictures.  We both figure that when we're older and more settled in life, we will be able to do more adventurous things.

cowgirl8238

My FI and I are lucky that we share a decent amount of our interests (but not every single one because that would be boring).  Most weeknights I get home before FI so I will clean, do other chores and start dinner before FI gets home.  Then we both sit on opposite ends of the couch and use our own laptops for whatever we want.  Once dinner is ready we will sit down together and eat in the kitchen (no TV's or other distractions during dinner).  This is where we will typically come up with an evening plan, whether its hit the gym then a movie, or going out for a drive.  We usually give each other about three hours of time for each other during the week.

On weekends I almost always get up before him, we each do our own things for the morning, again usually on our computers playing games or surfing the internet.  Then we go out to lunch together and partake in our hobby of choice for the afternoon.  We usually reserve weekend evenings for friends which is usually my friends that he tags along with but it works since we all (thankfully) get along.

As far as actual hobbies, my FI is big into going out and exploring new things.  After that he likes doing his own online radio shows, making videos and playing on the computer.  I enjoy exploring as well, as well as playing RCT on the Computer.  I also like crafting (like sewing and scrapbooking) so when it is our time we usually go out and take a hike, or drive to a town we've never been to and call it a day. 

One of the ways my FI and I have merged interests is in the film making/crafting department.  My FI and I have started a YouTube channel of glove puppet animals getting into mischief.  Corny I know.  But that is something where we both write an episode, I made the costumes and props and then he films it! 

Overall I don't think there is anything wrong with having your own interests in life.  In fact it would be a very boring life if you and yours were the same!  I have found that we are happiest when we take some time for ourselves and then share the remaining time with one another.  To prevent stalness my FI and I both agree to have date nights (like dinner and movie) to help break up the routine of life!

CLoGreenEyes

@cowgirl8238, I love that you guys merged your interests to create an awesome project! That sounds so fun!

cowgirl8238

@amapola14 it is fun!  We haven't made as many of these episodes as we would have liked, but its great to be able to merge interests!

doubleSS07

In general, H and I like to do the same things. We like to go wine tasing, we like finding cool new restaurants, we like to jump in the car, drive someplace new and get lost and just travel in general. 

the biggest thing I notice is that we love our time together and so really whatever it is that we do, we enjoy it.  Of course we make concessions like me going to car shows and watching a truck load of sports with him.  He goes to fancier restaurants with me and will occasionaly go shopping at the mall.   We also make sure to have our just girls and guys time together. 

As far as staying close or adding closeness in the relationship we have little things that we do on a daily/weekly basis to maintain that. Like taking showers together, we have to kiss 3 times before we leave each other, we ALWAYS say hi and goodbye with a kiss and an I love you.  Friends think we are weird sometimes but it's what keeps us acting like highschoolers after 6 years together.

@brisox81 : Jeopardy!  I knew I loved you for a reason.  We watch Jeopardy every night while we eat dinner and we are super competitive.

OnceUponAVine

My BF & I sound a lot like you and yours only I'm the outdoorsy girl and he's the city guy. We both love to cook and so made dinner our definite quality time together. We'll find recipes over the weekend and go grocery shopping together then take turns playing chef & sous-chef in the kitchen.
We also develop new interests together. Last year we took an intro to rock climbing class together and it gave us both something to try and learn together (a year later we're still climbing).
Then there's the compromise on trying things: he'll go for a shorter day hike with me and I'll play a few hours of video games with him. Or he'll go shopping with me and I'll go test drive cars with him. They keep us aware of each other activities and interests but don't make either of us do something we dislike for extended periods of time.
So, for us its a combination of building our the mutual interests we do share and finding new things to experience together.