Registry and Gift Forum

Super small reception - Do I still register and have a bridal shower?

edited October 2013 in Registry and Gift Forum
Hi everyone!

I would like your advice because I am unsure on how to proceed. My fiancé and I have decided not to have a huge wedding venue blowout for tens of thousands of dollars… we have been playing around with the idea of just a very small intimate dinner with immediate family and best friends after church. I have a few questions because I don't know what ettiquette says (hence why I am posting this!):
  • How do the bridal registry and shower work? Do I still register? Do I still have a bridal shower? If so, who comes? Can I invite most of the people I was going to invite to the reception even though they're not coming to the wedding dinner? 
  • Will the bridal registry/shower invites be seen as innapropriate/offense and us just asking for money/gifts? Even though it's not - it's to include everyone in celebrating our big day even though they will not be there for the dinner. 
Please note that NO PLANS HAVE BEEN MADE. This is purely just discussion between me and my fiancee. We will take everyone's suggestions into consideration and figure out what the best compromise is for us. As stated above, the idea is to NOT be rude/offensive/innapropriate in whatever we choose to do, which is why I am asking for simple advice.

Thanks!
Daniela

Re: Super small reception - Do I still register and have a bridal shower?

  • Anyone invited to a prewedding party must be invited to the wedding. So no you can't invite people to a bridal shower if they are not invited to te wedding and yes it would look gift grabby.
  • So your wedding and your reception are tiny: just immediate family? If so, then I wouldn't even register for much at all. If you were even to have a shower, it would only be half the guests (women) from your immediate family wedding.
  • You should not have any showers or prewedding activities for anyone who is not invited to the wedding (and you have to host any ceremony guests). If you are only having immediate family to the ceremony and dinner after, then only they can host and attend the shower, but it doesn't really make sense to have it at that size.

    Also if you post on several boards, put XP in the title.

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  • Anyone invited to a pre- or post-wedding event must be invited to the actual wedding ceremony.

    Everyone attending the ceremony must be hosted in some way afterwards, whether it's a traditional reception, cake and punch, going out for a meal, going to a bar, whatever. You pay. But if they're at the ceremony, they must be hosted after.  The dinner after your ceremony is your reception, so you must invite everyone in attendance.

    Only ceremony guests can be invited to a shower.  You technically could register, but there's probably no point if only a few people will attend the wedding. You shouldn't tell anyone about the registry unless they ask.

    If you want to include them in your 'big day', invite them to the ceremony and dinner.  That's including them. Otherwise you're just begging for gifts. No one is required to give you a gift, but those who aren't invited definitely don't have to do it.

    There's nothing wrong with wanting a small wedding. You just have to accept that it comes along with no prewedding parties, showers, and very few gifts.
  • Thanks everyone. I obviously don't want to be rude and do anything innapropriate so that's why I asked (as stated in the original post). I have not done anything yet and will take all your advice into consideration and figure out a great compromise.
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