resolved

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resolved

PolarBearFitz

Numero uno: Guilt trip? Welcome to being Catholic.

Number two: If you have already placed deposits (and this is both more convenient for you and your guests) stick with what you have planned. Do not give in to the guilt trip laid down by your uncle. He should know what forgiveness is and get over it. He is being a bit selfish and slightly dramatic it seems.

If he says that he cannot make the wedding say 'I am so sorry you will not be able to celebrate this special day with us.' In the end he will either end up coming or regret declining. You will still marry your love either way.

climbingsingle

This uncle is being a jerk. I know he's a priest and all, but screw him. Continue with what you're planning. If he doesn't come, oh well! 

Maggie0829

ClimbingBrideNY said:

This uncle is being a jerk. I know he's a priest and all, but screw him. Continue with what you're planning. If he doesn't come, oh well! 

This, a thousand times this.

southernbelle0915

LaurM711 said:

So my fiance and I have been engaged for a little over a month now, and we plan on getting married at the end of June 2014. We are both Catholic and have reserved our church (it is a beautiful Roman Catholic church!) and reception hall (a barn 30 minutes away). We booked our photographer, caterer, and are in the process of the hotel...so far, some good progress! Congratulations! Sounds like you have a good handle on things.

However, we recently went to visit his uncle who is a priest in the Maronite rite of the Catholic church. His uncle made such a big "to-do" and was really being such a drama king, saying things like "I am truly heartbroken that I can not officiate your marriage" but a month ago we had called him on the phone to ask him questions about logistics and he gave us no really good answers!! It seems like it's "his way or the highway" -- either we get married in his church which is 2 1/2 hours from where I live, 5 1/2 hours from where my family lives, and the only convenient person it will serve is HIM! Ignore your uncle. He's acting like an ass. 

My fiance and I are currently doing marriage prep with a wonderful priest who supports us and is open to which direction we go...he is only concerned that our marriage is Catholic, and any way we get there is fine. Great!! But now the uncle is placing such a HUGE guilt trip on us, even though he did not provide us with good information to begin with...and is now placing the blame on us...particularly me...for not "preferring" a Maronite rite liturgy. If you two had wanted this, you would have done it. You didn't because you're happy with what you're doing. Your uncle's biased opinion of what you should do doesn't matter at all. Well, I want to participate in the marriage ceremony and know what is going on, and my fiance and I met in the Roman rite, we currently attend a Roman rite church...

I am just so angry. I feel like I placed all this time and energy into planning the wedding so far, and really have started to have some great visions! We placed so many deposits already, and now the uncle/priest is saying, "unless I do the blessing I do not think I can make the wedding...I'm sorry, it's your life...but I am so incredibly heartbroken." Seriously? Are you that selfish? ugh.

Yes - it sounds like he IS that selfish. Call his bluff. He's probably full of shit and will attend the wedding. If he doesn't, oh well... shows how much he REALLY supports you. 

It sounds like his guilt trip is almost working. Don't let it. focus on what you've booked, your FH and how happy you are with current plants. Stop talking wedding with this uncle.

HisGirlFriday13

Yes, your FI's uncle is being that selfish, and for the record, that is NOT in keeping with the church's teachings.

The next time he brings this up, I would say to him, "Yes, you have made your feelings clear, and we respect them. However, we need you to respect our feelings, and our decisions, and we have booked the church, met with a priest who will marry us in the Rite we prefer, and the subject is now closed to any further discussion, ever. If you feel that our spiritual decision means you cannot attend, we will be sorry, but we will understand."

Vivandiere8

Wow, I am really sorry you are having to deal with that, but in no world is it ok for him to act like that. I hope your fiance backs you up in the end.

photokitty

His uncle is being a big baby.

That said...

Would your priest let me co-officate or do the homily? That might be a good compromise. It is not uncommon for a church to allow another priest to visit and have full privilege. But I'm not sure if that is true between Roman and Maronite sects.

But if you don't want him to participate, please ignore these suggestions. You are under no obligation to have him participate in your ceremony in an official capacity.

GL!

Chipmunk415

Dunno how your reception is planned, and how much involvement you want to give the jerk uncle, but could you instead ask him to lead a blessing on the happy couple during speeches or before the reception? Not a 20 minute sermon mind you, but something within his rites that would speak to a happy marriage?

AddieCake

Do not kowtow to adults acting like children. If he wants to show his ass and stamp his feet b/c he isn't performing your ceremony, let him. And let your fiance be the one to tell him so, seeing as how it's his family.