Thank You card message, unsure if guests gave gifts

lynnz52

After our wedding, the gifts and cards were mixed up a little. Some cards fell off packages, and I'm having trouble piecing it together. We did not do a gift opening.

After the clean-up, I have about 10 people who either didn't give gifts or they were misplaced. A few of which are really surprising. I talked to my mom, and she said say "'Thank you for the gift'.. because there's no way they didn't give you a gift". Some guests are on the fence on whether or not they would give a gift or not.

Does anyone have suggestions about how to word a Thank You where you are not sure if they gave a gift? I don't want to ask them if they did, that would be rude, or have them think we lost it.

misssunshine17

This situation sucks. I would probably get in touch with guests and just explain, assuming that you're close enough with these people to have the conversation. Awkward? Yes, but to me, it's better than a weird thank you card. 

indianaalum

Can you check your registry to see if those people bought the gifts? I know Macys' lists who bougt the gift. Perhaps that can help!?!

photokitty

People my mother in law was certain would give gifts didn't, which is totally fine with us. I would not send a card if you didn't recieved a gift as it would appear passive aggressive and goating them to give a gift. Hopefully the boxed gift givers will ask if you revived them if you are unable to determine who gifted them. GL!

Inkdancer

I would go for word of mouth. Let some people close to you know that your gifts lost their associated cards/ tags, and eventually it will get back to you who gave what.

dramamonkey

most registries have a feature (you might have to dig) where you can look up who gave you the gift (or where it was purchased). They hide it so that you can be surprised at the gift when it arrives, but sometimes there's a link when you're managing the registry called "thank you card manager:

JCbride2015

This is a weird situation but I think the best option is asking through the grapevine as PP suggested.  Or if you are close with these people, you can have that awkward conversation.

On a related note, what about thank-you cards when the person did not bring a gift?  Thank you for attending and sharing our celebration?  I have just a couple of people from our e-party who did not give a gift (most did), and I'm not sure whether I should send a card or not.  I'm genuinely thankful they came and had fun with us, but it seems like sending a "thank you for coming" card sort of points out that they did not give a gift.

daveANDkristen

JCBride2014 said:

This is a weird situation but I think the best option is asking through the grapevine as PP suggested.  Or if you are close with these people, you can have that awkward conversation.

On a related note, what about thank-you cards when the person did not bring a gift?  Thank you for attending and sharing our celebration?  I have just a couple of people from our e-party who did not give a gift (most did), and I'm not sure whether I should send a card or not.  I'm genuinely thankful they came and had fun with us, but it seems like sending a "thank you for coming" card sort of points out that they did not give a gift.

It does.  I'm sure you thanked them for attending at the time, no need to send a card as well. 

lynnz52

No the registry doesn't have any information about who bought items. More gifts have been coming within the weeks after so I'm going to wait it out for a bit. I agree with my mother though on this one, I really don't think they wouldn't give a gift. She came to my shower and gave a gift. We don't see them that often so it would be hard to get info through the grapevine before the acceptable thank you card time elapses. I can give it a shot though.  Whenever we do see them (house warming party, shower) they have always been very generous.

For the other 8-10 gift-less guests I probably will just not send a thank you. It's just this one instance where it seems completely out of the norm.

heathertims

We thought we had the same situation ( some gifts were shipped to our house a few weeks later)
but the plan was to write something like this on the card

Dear ____
We are so happy you took the time to come to our wedding, and share one of the most important days of our lives. It was a wonderful day, made even more special by the fact that you were there. Insert something comical or sweet here. Thank you your generosity, and the wonderful memories you gave us. It means the world to us.

Or some junk like that. You are thanking them for coming at least, and are vague enough that if they did bring a gift (and it was misplaced or heaven forbid taken) it seems likes its being acknowledged. If you feel comfortable asking, you can do so, but i know i would be tooo awkward.

Another thing is, if its family, you can ask your parents to do some sleuth work. My sister in law didnt give us anything at the wedding. We were worried the card got lost, so we casually asked my father in law. He said she forgot the card at home.