Social Media at the wedding...

jynell

I have a guest that is invited to my wedding that is CONSTANTLY on Facebook & other forms of social media.  My concern is that they will be busy posting details & pictures of my wedding as it happens.  It's not uncommon for this person to post things every few minutes ALL day long,  Quite honestly, I'm not sure how she keeps her job.   I'm not sure how to keep this from happening.  Is it rude to post something at our reception tables or someplace near the ceremony site asking that our guests refrain from posting information about our wedding?  I don't mind pictures from the reception of people dancing & having a good time but honestly, I'd like to be the one to decide if pictures of my wedding cake, dress, etc make it to Facebook or anywhere else for that matter.  Am I being too sensitive about this?

Amyzen83

I feel the same way and unfortunately people here told me that there isn't really anything you can do about it because apparently it's rude to tell people what they can and cannot post on their social media unless u are in like the witness protection program or something keep me posted on what others say though because I'm in the same boat

climbingsingle

You're being to sensitive. You can't tell your guests that they can't post anything about your wedding. That's pretty rude. So what if pictures are posted? Why is that such a big deal?

[Deleted User]

The ceremony is one thing- we're having a Catholic ceremony (not Mass, I'm not Catholic, it's the Rite of Marriage without Mass) and phones will not be permitted during the ceremony. After that...have at it! I understand your concern but I hope that on the day of your wedding, what's being posted to social media will be the last thing on your mind

southernbelle0915

There are things you can control and there are things you really can't control. This is one of those things that you can't control without being a total bridezilla (confiscating phones for the duration of the wedding). 

I understand wanting privacy in today's overly-public world, but this is one of those things you just can't fully control. You could set your privacy settings on FB so that tagging needs to be approved, but that's about all you can do.

Inkdancer

You can't make her stop, but don't worry too much. Your photos, statuses, and updates will mean a lot more to people than a random guest's will. If she wants to gush about your gorgeous dress or post candids of Uncle Otis' awful dancing, let her. The pictures you post later of your and your husband will still make a huge impact on the people who love you.

Amyzen83

ClimbingBrideNY said:

You're being to sensitive. You can't tell your guests that they can't post anything about your wedding. That's pretty rude. So what if pictures are posted? Why is that such a big deal?

To me I don't like everything on social media because I feel like it cheapens things. It's also kind of stealing bride and grooms thunder from announcing it first. Or feeling pressured to change your status immediately etc. plus there are probably friends of friends or family that you don't like that you do not want to know what's going on in your life. But good ol' FB keeps those people informed. Then there are those that you are friends with but weren't able to invite due to xy and z reason, they may feel hurt they weren't invited. The list of reasons goes on, but I do agree that there is no polite way to stop people from posting.

KeptInStitches

One thing you can do is set up your profile so that you have to approve all tags of yourself. So if she tags you, it won't show up on your timeline unless you approve it. Otherwise, you're pretty much stuck.

mysticl

There really isn't anything you can do.  She's going to post what she posts.  I don't what her personality is like but with some people if you tell them not to do it they just double their efforts.  

I know some ministers ask people not to use their phones during the ceremony but other than that I think you're stuck.  

princessleia22

I think you could rightfully request no phones or cameras/flash photography at the ceremony, so as not to distract from your vows or the ceremony. But, for the reception, I don't think there is really anything that you can do about it, besides requiring approval to be tagged. It may be your wedding, but its still an event in her life too, and if she wants to post every second of her life, you can't stop her from doing so.

HisGirlFriday13

We had wedding guests who are like that -- SUPER into social media and updating FB all the time -- and other than the photos my mother took and posted to FB, NO ONE posted photos of our wedding to FB.

I think that is in part because our wedding was a full Catholic Mass, and people were more respectful of that kind of church service than they otherwise might have been.

But you really can't tell people not to post stuff; like PPs said, just set your privacy settings so that you have to approve all tags before they show up.

emmyg65

I agree that you can politely request that people put away their phones and cameras during the ceremony. That's what we did. But you can't really do anything about the reception. Adjust your Facebook privacy settings so you have to approve anything you're tagged in and try to let it go.

Bubblegum5586

alisonmarie658 said:

I understand where you are coming from, but unless you take away everyone's phones and cameras, you're going to run into people posting pictures from your wedding. To be honest, I loved seeing some of the candid snapshots during my honeymoon because I'm still waiting on all of my pro photographer pictures.

I agree with this. Some of my favorite pictures came from friends and family posting on FB and I was able to see a lot of them the next morning on our way to our honeymoon! Meanwhile I waited weeks for my Pro pictures!

chibiyui

Amyzen83 said:

You're being to sensitive. You can't tell your guests that they can't post anything about your wedding. That's pretty rude. So what if pictures are posted? Why is that such a big deal?

To me I don't like everything on social media because I feel like it cheapens things. It's also kind of stealing bride and grooms thunder from announcing it first. Or feeling pressured to change your status immediately etc. plus there are probably friends of friends or family that you don't like that you do not want to know what's going on in your life. But good ol' FB keeps those people informed. Then there are those that you are friends with but weren't able to invite due to xy and z reason, they may feel hurt they weren't invited. The list of reasons goes on, but I do agree that there is no polite way to stop people from posting.

Thats what privacy settings are for. You can control who sees what on YOUR facebook account, and you can require pictures to need approval before being tagged. If you are that concerned about it, put your facebook on lockdown until after your wedding. 

Weesh

I think the people who continuously update and post while they are at a wedding or another social event are obnoxious.  Put your phone down and enjoy the event instead of trying every filter on Instagram to see which one makes you look better.  A photo or two?  Great, have at it.  Live tweeting/Facebooking/Instagramming every aspect of the ceremony and reception? Obnoxious.

I'd worry about what you can control, and let people make their own (possibly poor) decisions.  To me, this is like someone dressing inappropriately.  The only person it reflects on is the person who is making the choice.

winelover123

Unfortunately, you really can't do anything. I went to a wedding recently where the officiant announced that the bride and groom requested that all guests not post anything about the wedding on facebook until after the ceremony. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, talked about that announcement. Loudly. They said that they'll just put stuff up on twitter since they didn't say anything about twitter.

Just don't say anything. It makes you look bad.

erinlin25

I can see people posting pictures of themselves with their dates or friends, but I have never had a friend post a picture of the bride & groom or their decorations immediately at the wedding.  I don't recall anybody posting anything that day/evening (at least of us) and maybe the week after people started posting stuff but nothing too specific--again more of the group shots and SO picks.  I would be surprised if anyone posted specific pictures of your wedding.  End of the day you cannot control it.  I have seen the "unplugged" signs but really do not like those.  some of my favorite pics came from guests cameras that they posted.

NavyBlue143

Some of my favorite pictures were taken by friends. But nobody put them up on FB without asking me first. I personally wouldn't have cared either way.

misssunshine17

I would say about 7 of our guests (college friends) posted pictures of our wedding immediately after the ceremony. At first, I was a little irritated but the next day I was thrilled to be able to see some pictures... and they were so good! Our ceremony ended at 4:22 and the first picture was posted at 4:25. I get it, but there isn't anything you can do with crossing into bridezilla territory.

CommitmentCat

southernbelle0915 said:

There are things you can control and there are things you really can't control. This is one of those things that you can't control without being a total bridezilla (confiscating phones for the duration of the wedding). 

I understand wanting privacy in today's overly-public world, but this is one of those things you just can't fully control. You could set your privacy settings on FB so that tagging needs to be approved, but that's about all you can do.

I don't think you're going to control it. But I agree with the above. When I got engaged I really did not want it on FB until I decided I wanted it there because I felt family should know first and I needed to get hold of my FMIL who is abroad. It took 4 days to contact her and my cousin had already started posting to my wall. I just changed all my privacy settings to approve tags and it helped. it's not going to stop it 100% but it does assist...

PolarBearFitz

I may be the only one but I am actually looking forward to some candid shots from the wedding. Some of my friends take some really great pictures. I think some pretty Instagram shots will be nice while I wait for my professional photos.

But...I can definitely see how it can be daunting for those who prefer privacy. As PPs said you will just need to change your privacy settings on Facebook. You definitely cannot restrict adults from taking pictures at an event they are there to enjoy. So either way it's going to happen. Telling adults what to do on their social media isn't really acceptable behavior.

I have seen where the bride and groom requested no cell phones during the ceremony. While this is seemingly harmless, I do not believe this is in lines with etiquette as these are adults. Etiquette savvy ladies will need to correct me if I am wrong on that point though...

KatWAG

Amyzen83 said:

You're being to sensitive. You can't tell your guests that they can't post anything about your wedding. That's pretty rude. So what if pictures are posted? Why is that such a big deal?

To me I don't like everything on social media because I feel like it cheapens things. It's also kind of stealing bride and grooms thunder from announcing it first. Or feeling pressured to change your status immediately etc. plus there are probably friends of friends or family that you don't like that you do not want to know what's going on in your life. But good ol' FB keeps those people informed. Then there are those that you are friends with but weren't able to invite due to xy and z reason, they may feel hurt they weren't invited. The list of reasons goes on, but I do agree that there is no polite way to stop people from posting.

Either delete your fb profile or adjust your privacy settings accordingly. Problem solved.

climbingsingle

KatWAG said:

Amyzen83 said:

You're being to sensitive. You can't tell your guests that they can't post anything about your wedding. That's pretty rude. So what if pictures are posted? Why is that such a big deal?

To me I don't like everything on social media because I feel like it cheapens things. It's also kind of stealing bride and grooms thunder from announcing it first. Or feeling pressured to change your status immediately etc. plus there are probably friends of friends or family that you don't like that you do not want to know what's going on in your life. But good ol' FB keeps those people informed. Then there are those that you are friends with but weren't able to invite due to xy and z reason, they may feel hurt they weren't invited. The list of reasons goes on, but I do agree that there is no polite way to stop people from posting.

Either delete your fb profile or adjust your privacy settings accordingly. Problem solved.

Word. Don't have a Facebook account then. 

PolarBearFitz

Amyzen83 said:

You're being to sensitive. You can't tell your guests that they can't post anything about your wedding. That's pretty rude. So what if pictures are posted? Why is that such a big deal?

To me I don't like everything on social media because I feel like it cheapens things. It's also kind of stealing bride and grooms thunder from announcing it first. Or feeling pressured to change your status immediately etc. plus there are probably friends of friends or family that you don't like that you do not want to know what's going on in your life. But good ol' FB keeps those people informed. Then there are those that you are friends with but weren't able to invite due to xy and z reason, they may feel hurt they weren't invited. The list of reasons goes on, but I do agree that there is no polite way to stop people from posting.

Haters gonna hate.

cowgirl8238

To be honest I feel the same way you do, but there is not much you can do about it.  I think your best option is to set your privacy settings to approve all tags, set your page up so that only friends can view it (instead of friends of friends etc).  If that doesn't make you feel better you can always delete your FB page...

wrigleyville

KeptInStitches said:

One thing you can do is set up your profile so that you have to approve all tags of yourself. So if she tags you, it won't show up on your timeline unless you approve it. Otherwise, you're pretty much stuck.

Bingo. I did this a couple of years ago, and I love it. I've been able to keep some pretty awful pictures off my timeline, not to mention things I don't want associated with me. (Some friends tag me in pictures of political comics or someecards, stuff that isn't even me.)

Amyzen83

What I meant is that I've already deleted my acct but I have former friends finding out stuff going on in my life via posts my mother posts on her own feed or stuff mutual friends posted on their own feeds. For example I recently graduated and my mom was super proud of me.. Which made me happy. But then she posts it on FB. All of a sudden friend who never returns my calls and constantly cancelled plans at the last min and basically only made time for me if it was convenient to her but has no regard for my schedule or cares if she has wasted my time by flaking all the time decides to text me and offers her fake congratulations.

In the months prior to the text she didn't even respond when I sent her a heartfelt email. Basically she can kiss my ass! I'm sorry but if you don't value my friendship enough to make a lousy phone call and keep blowing me off, you don't get to spy on my life through my family.

jenniferurs

CommitmentCat said:

southernbelle0915 said:

There are things you can control and there are things you really can't control. This is one of those things that you can't control without being a total bridezilla (confiscating phones for the duration of the wedding). 

I understand wanting privacy in today's overly-public world, but this is one of those things you just can't fully control. You could set your privacy settings on FB so that tagging needs to be approved, but that's about all you can do.

I don't think you're going to control it. But I agree with the above. When I got engaged I really did not want it on FB until I decided I wanted it there because I felt family should know first and I needed to get hold of my FMIL who is abroad. It took 4 days to contact her and my cousin had already started posting to my wall. I just changed all my privacy settings to approve tags and it helped. it's not going to stop it 100% but it does assist...


But I assume that the engagement was somewhat of a surprise, whereas I'd imagine that your wedding will be quite different. I don't feel like you'll have to announce that you got married in the same vein, as most people, especially those close to you and deserving of a call, will know when it's coming. That being said, I don't think it needs to be some kind of secret.

chibiyui

Amyzen83 said:

What I meant is that I've already deleted my acct but I have former friends finding out stuff going on in my life via posts my mother posts on her own feed or stuff mutual friends posted on their own feeds. For example I recently graduated and my mom was super proud of me.. Which made me happy. But then she posts it on FB. All of a sudden friend who never returns my calls and constantly cancelled plans at the last min and basically only made time for me if it was convenient to her but has no regard for my schedule or cares if she has wasted my time by flaking all the time decides to text me and offers her fake congratulations.

In the months prior to the text she didn't even respond when I sent her a heartfelt email. Basically she can kiss my ass! I'm sorry but if you don't value my friendship enough to make a lousy phone call and keep blowing me off, you don't get to spy on my life through my family.

I think you might be reading into things a bit too much. Sometimes a text of congrats is just that.

CommitmentCat

jenniferurs said:

southernbelle0915 said:

There are things you can control and there are things you really can't control. This is one of those things that you can't control without being a total bridezilla (confiscating phones for the duration of the wedding). 

I understand wanting privacy in today's overly-public world, but this is one of those things you just can't fully control. You could set your privacy settings on FB so that tagging needs to be approved, but that's about all you can do.

I don't think you're going to control it. But I agree with the above. When I got engaged I really did not want it on FB until I decided I wanted it there because I felt family should know first and I needed to get hold of my FMIL who is abroad. It took 4 days to contact her and my cousin had already started posting to my wall. I just changed all my privacy settings to approve tags and it helped. it's not going to stop it 100% but it does assist...

But I assume that the engagement was somewhat of a surprise, whereas I'd imagine that your wedding will be quite different. I don't feel like you'll have to announce that you got married in the same vein, as most people, especially those close to you and deserving of a call, will know when it's coming. That being said, I don't think it needs to be some kind of secret.

I agree with you 100% on this. My comment was to point out to the OP how changing the privacy settings on facebook can assist her in this situation, as it assisted me when my wall was getting a little out of hand.

indianaalum

All I can say is...Some of my FAVORITE pics were from my guests posting them on facebook.

It was nice to see them A) Because it showed my wedding was important enough to them for them to waste time posting it . To me, that was a good feeling to know people cared 

I can see pics before my photography could get them to me which was fun. As the bride, I didn't take a single pic all day long, so it was nice to see them

 C) My photography couldn't have possibly been at every place, so it showed different perspectives from the evening that would have already been missed.

I say, Lighten up and enjoy the pics.