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February 2014 Weddings

Relationship woes

Question - did anyone, when planning to move in together, have a lot of reluctance from their FI to get rid of things in order to start a new life together?  My FI already has a house which is where I will be moving after the wedding, but I wanted to feel at home so I wanted to chose new furniture together.  He has this furniture set that his parents dumped on him when they got divorced, and not only do I not like it (it is uncomfortable couches and looks ratty), it comes from a failed marriage, and I am just not comfortable with that in what will be our house.  We have had so many arguments about it, it has gotten extremely disheartening.  Has anyone else had their FI drag their feet with something like this? 
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Re: Relationship woes

  • Is it a money thing?  Guys are so protective of their wallets.  We just moved into our place, and since neither of us had any furniture, we had to buy pretty much everything new.  I'd say there is a little bit of tension because he is totally okay with living in an empty, undecorated home, but I'm excited to make it homey and make it our own.  I can tell it stresses him out when I want to buy something new, so I've been taking it slow.  At this point, we have everything we actually need, so I'm not going to ask for anything else until after our wedding.  Figure we can use some of the money we get from gifts.  I also promised to be a cheap date for the next year, so that helps, too (as long as I stick to it lol).
  • Maybe you could compromise by having it recovered? I would try to get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to part with it. Money, sentimental value, nerves about moving in together.... It doesn't have to be another argument, but could be a really constructive talk.
  • He says it is sentimental value, but like I pointed out to him, he only got it because his parents divorced.  That's a weird sentiment to remember.  My problem isn't actually the fact that it looks ratty (we are already keeping another couch in his basement that is falling apart in places, but is at least comfortable), because I can live with less impressive furniture.  It is just mostly the history and the fact that all the couches are uncomfortable.  What's the point of having a couch if it isn't nice to sit on?  Hence the having it recovered probably wouldn't work. 
    @cruffino I appreciate the advice about the constructive talk, and it is good advice, except I tried that and it didn't work.  He had actually already agreed to sell it saying that he was concerned about money a little bit, but then misunderstood me somehow . . . I don't even know how it happened, but he thought that I suddenly wanted to keep it?  Maybe he dreams conversations with me and thinks they actually happened, because this has come up before, where he thinks I have said something that I didn't.  It is weird.
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  • I think thats a lot of men...fi does it to me all the time. I am like did you have the conversation with your other girlfriend or in your dreams because it wasn't with me....at least living, breathing and bitching me!

    Everything with him is about the money more than anything else, but when he comes up with something he wants he has no prob spending the money.
  • Maybe the couch is sentimental, not because of the divorce but because it makes him think about back when he was at home with his whole family before the divorce.  Maybe you guys can keep his old couch in the basement, spare bedroom, garage, etc. and let him have a little man cave kind of thing and get new stuff for the living room.  That way he gets to keep his couch and you get your new comfy living room furniture?  
  • @boardingbride Unfortunately he already has a man cave - we can't be in the master bedroom in our future house because it is full of all of his stuff already.  And he's already getting plans to take over the other bedroom . . .
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  • kerbohl said:
    @boardingbride Unfortunately he already has a man cave - we can't be in the master bedroom in our future house because it is full of all of his stuff already.  And he's already getting plans to take over the other bedroom . . .
    it sounds like he doesn't want to share his place o.O??
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  • CLI242009 said:

    kerbohl said:
    @boardingbride Unfortunately he already has a man cave - we can't be in the master bedroom in our future house because it is full of all of his stuff already.  And he's already getting plans to take over the other bedroom . . .
    it sounds like he doesn't want to share his place o.O??
    No, not so much.  I think he is having a hard time with the transition from being a bachelor to sharing his place.  He has started to make more of an effort in the past few weeks, which is appreciated, but there is still a ways to go. 
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