Moms and Maids

Am I being a Bridezilla?

24

Re: Am I being a Bridezilla?

  • If this is such a concern to you, why don't you actually break your 10 year streak and go to the doctor?



  • Viczaesar said:

    If this is such a concern to you, why don't you actually break your 10 year streak and go to the doctor?

    I'm not sure how it is any of your concern why I chose not to see a doctor. If you have nothing to contribute to the question why post anything at all? Move along.
  • BNJ810 said:
    If this is such a concern to you, why don't you actually break your 10 year streak and go to the doctor?
    I'm not sure how it is any of your concern why I chose not to see a doctor. If you have nothing to contribute to the question why post anything at all? Move along.
    Guess what? When you put things out there on the internet, people can and will comment on all of them. You shouldn't have posted if you aren't able to accept hearing things you don't want to hear. You asked if you were being a bridezilla, you were answered, and now you're all defensive because the answer wasn't that it's okay to control someone else's actions.
    image
  • Also, yes, you should go to the fucking doctor. This is exactly how people wind up with major problems that could have been caught years before.
    image
  • The facts:

    1) your mom smokes
    2) you chose an MOH who smokes
    3) you (sometimes and unpredictably) vomit and are bed ridden after smelling residual smoke.

    To solve this problem, your solution was to ask your MOH and mother not to smoke and offer e-cigarettes and nicotine patches. Even if that weren't a bridezilla request (it is), it still doesn't solve your problem. You've said you invited 200 people. Chances are that several of those people smoke. You may know of some who do and there may be some you don't know who smoke. As the hostess/bride, you will either have a receiving line or go around and greet everyone. Even if 100% of your guests didn't smoke, maybe they were around people who do. Maybe they hugged someone who does and now it's on their clothes. No matter what happens, you WILL be on contact with residual smoke. 

    The way I see it you have two choices: 1) suck it up and deal with it since you can't control it. or 2) go to the doctor and try to figure out a solution to your problem. If your problem is so bad that you're going to be ill by greeting your guests, you need to see a doctor. If you refuse, that's your problem and I can't say I feel sorry for you.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • I forgot your mention of nicotine patches.  According to my H, they're terrible & you can't just use or not use as you see fit because of the way the release the nicotine.  Also, that doesn't fix the whole issue with being deprived the other ingredients & possibly detoxing, plus not having the physical act of smoking which is part of the addiction as described above.  Also, if they're wearing a patch & can't resist & go have a cigarette, they can get very sick.
  • BNJ810 said:
    If this is such a concern to you, why don't you actually break your 10 year streak and go to the doctor?
    I'm not sure how it is any of your concern why I chose not to see a doctor. If you have nothing to contribute to the question why post anything at all? Move along.
    Guess what? When you put things out there on the internet, people can and will comment on all of them. You shouldn't have posted if you aren't able to accept hearing things you don't want to hear. You asked if you were being a bridezilla, you were answered, and now you're all defensive because the answer wasn't that it's okay to control someone else's actions.
    My question was about being a bridezilla.  I am more than accepting of the responses regardless of what I wanted to hear.  I asked a question and I am getting the answer.  What I did not ask for is bitchy women telling me what to do with my non wedding related life.  If it's so rude to ask someone not to smoke for one day when they will be very close to me how in the hell is it not rude to tell a complete stranger to go to the fucking doctor.  If you want to comment on the smoking issue, which I have already established I'm going to deal with, then go ahead and keep commenting but if you have nothing related to that to say then move along and have a great day.   
  • I'm very allergic to cigarette smoke.  I can be sitting in a restaurant & someone can be smoking outside, and the door opens, and my nose stuffs up solid, my throat closes, and I cough and hack, barely able to breathe.  Before they banned indoor smoking in these parts, I would try to go to bars and clubs, and would have to leave early, unable to breathe and feeling sick, and angry as hell that other people's desire to pollute the space deprived me of what I wanted to do.

    I married a smoker.  I'm crazy, I know, but I broke most of my self-imposed rules when I agreed to date him, and somehow it works anyway.  Early on in our dating relationship, I wasn't vigilant about it, and ended up with an upper respiratory infection.  After that, we had rules.  He couldn't smoke in the house, the car, the attic, the basement, the garage.  He couldn't be near me, be walking in front of me, or even be walking next to me while smoking.  After smoking, he had to stay away from me long enough to "air out" (thankfully, something about the brand he smoked allowed for that - my parents' Marlboros don't), which meant if he went for a cigarette while we were watching TV, he had to go sit across the room when he got back, when we were in a restaurant & he went out for a cigarette, he had to stay away from the table, when we were out & about, he couldn't get in the car, didn't matter if he was standing in a monsoon or a blizzard, he had to wait.

    So I get it.  It sucks.  It sucked for him too.

    I'm speaking in past tense because just over 4 months ago, he switched to e-cigarettes.  So I also have some experience with e-cigs & smokers.

    You going out and buying e-cigs for your mother & MOH is very nice and I get why it seems like a good idea.  But it's not likely to work.  First, my husband had to choose to do it himself.  We met in 2008 and have been married since 2009, and this is the first time he's quit since I've known him.  I couldn't push, not even for a day.  It just wouldn't work.  It won't work for you either.  This isn't a choice at this point, not entirely.  Yes, they chose to start.  And yes, they choose not to be strong and quit.  But it's an addiction.  You and I, who likely aren't addicted to much of anything, can't possibly understand.  This addiction is compared to a heroin addiction.  It's no small matter.  It's not just "Oh, they choose to keep doing it."  If they're not ready to stop, they can't stop.  Not even for a day.

    Plus, smoking isn't just about the intake of nicotine.  I didn't know this either, until recently.  When my husband quit & went to e-cigs, he started with ones that had 24 mg of nicotine, more than your average cigarette.  He still was pretty beastly acting, moody & pissy.  You don't want that on your wedding day.  Plus, smokers are getting a lot more than nicotine out of a cigarette.  There's a plethora of other additives, ingredients, and yes, poisons in there that their bodies become acclimated to.  My husband's detox was ugly.  Even though he was still getting nicotine - more than before, even - he went through the whole shaking/cold sweats/vomiting thing.  It was scary to watch, honestly.  It was so bad I came very close to telling him, "Oh just have a cigarette!"  You don't want that on your wedding day either.  Trust me.

    Plus, even smokers who want to use e-cigs, need to try them out and choose the ones that work for them.  As a non-smoker, I wouldn't have known that either.  My husband started with Blu and almost gave up on giving up smoking, because he didn't like them.  According to him, there wasn't enough pull and he didn't get the "throat hit" that comes with smoking a real cigarette.  Also, the vapor wasn't really warmed.  He switched to Eon & liked it much better.  It still wasn't like cigarettes, but had better pull.  And he liked the available flavors better (speaking of which, flavor matters a lot in getting someone to use e-cigs - he thought he'd like the tobacco flavor for obvious reasons, but ended up hating it... his favorite Eon flavor turned out to be vanilla, which he'd never have predicted).  And the quality of the disposables was apparently really crappy by comparison to the quality/flavor/pull/throat hit of the reusable/refillable ones.  If your smokers aren't satisfied with what they're getting out of the e-cig, even if they agree to try them for the day, they will need a real cigarette.

    In addition, the technology isn't perfect.  Some of the batteries (the main, long part of the cig) actually didn't work, didn't charge properly, etc.  Also, the charge doesn't last all day.  He had at least 4 batteries, just for himself, so he'd never be without a charged, working one.  So buying one each for mom & MOH?  Not nearly enough.

    Since the Eons, he's switched to all sorts of vaporizers that they call mods.  These are real, permanent ones.  Larger, not shaped like cigarettes.  He'd started with Blu thinking it was the closest thing in size and weight to a real cigarette & he'd want that, and found that other qualities were much more important.  Now he gets his e-juice in better flavors (his favorites are honey blueberry & peanut butter cup).  One of his vaporizers has temperature/voltage settings, so he can make the vapor warmer and apparently more like a real cigarette's smoke.  They have better pull & throat hit, which turned out to be more important to him than having e-cigs that looked like cigarettes.

    My point, with this insanely long novel I've written, is that you as a non-smoker, don't get it.  I didn't either, until I saw it happening in front of me.  Just handing a smoker a random e-cig in a random brand in a random flavor, and on top of that not having additional batteries available for each smoker simply won't work.  Even if they were inclined to try it, they'd likely resort to heading out to smoke anyway when they weren't satisfied with the e-cig and started jonesing for the real thing.  It was a good thought, but not really one that'll work.

    Thank you.  I really appreciate your thought out response.  I do know that an e-cig is not the same as a real cigarette.  I get it.  Well, not completely since I'm not a smoker but I do understand and agree with all of the things you are saying.  My FI used to smoke (before we met) and quit using a specific brand.  He had the same issue as your husband with finding the "right" one for him.  That brand offers a "sample" type kit with different flavors and strengths and extra batteries and such.  In theory I hoped that giving the kit to them early (almost a year out) they could figure out what might work best and I would buy them whatever extra things they would need.  I did not want to ruin the day for them either.  I, too, haven't really heard anyone say good things about nicotine patches or gun but I'm willing to get them anything. 

    I wanted to find some sort of compromise.  I didn't want to have to avoid my mother and best friend all day just because of this.  Ideally, I wanted some sort of happy in between so that they could still have what they need and I could have them both near me. 

  • BNJ810 said:
    I'm very allergic to cigarette smoke.  I can be sitting in a restaurant & someone can be smoking outside, and the door opens, and my nose stuffs up solid, my throat closes, and I cough and hack, barely able to breathe.  Before they banned indoor smoking in these parts, I would try to go to bars and clubs, and would have to leave early, unable to breathe and feeling sick, and angry as hell that other people's desire to pollute the space deprived me of what I wanted to do.

    I married a smoker.  I'm crazy, I know, but I broke most of my self-imposed rules when I agreed to date him, and somehow it works anyway.  Early on in our dating relationship, I wasn't vigilant about it, and ended up with an upper respiratory infection.  After that, we had rules.  He couldn't smoke in the house, the car, the attic, the basement, the garage.  He couldn't be near me, be walking in front of me, or even be walking next to me while smoking.  After smoking, he had to stay away from me long enough to "air out" (thankfully, something about the brand he smoked allowed for that - my parents' Marlboros don't), which meant if he went for a cigarette while we were watching TV, he had to go sit across the room when he got back, when we were in a restaurant & he went out for a cigarette, he had to stay away from the table, when we were out & about, he couldn't get in the car, didn't matter if he was standing in a monsoon or a blizzard, he had to wait.

    So I get it.  It sucks.  It sucked for him too.

    I'm speaking in past tense because just over 4 months ago, he switched to e-cigarettes.  So I also have some experience with e-cigs & smokers.

    You going out and buying e-cigs for your mother & MOH is very nice and I get why it seems like a good idea.  But it's not likely to work.  First, my husband had to choose to do it himself.  We met in 2008 and have been married since 2009, and this is the first time he's quit since I've known him.  I couldn't push, not even for a day.  It just wouldn't work.  It won't work for you either.  This isn't a choice at this point, not entirely.  Yes, they chose to start.  And yes, they choose not to be strong and quit.  But it's an addiction.  You and I, who likely aren't addicted to much of anything, can't possibly understand.  This addiction is compared to a heroin addiction.  It's no small matter.  It's not just "Oh, they choose to keep doing it."  If they're not ready to stop, they can't stop.  Not even for a day.

    Plus, smoking isn't just about the intake of nicotine.  I didn't know this either, until recently.  When my husband quit & went to e-cigs, he started with ones that had 24 mg of nicotine, more than your average cigarette.  He still was pretty beastly acting, moody & pissy.  You don't want that on your wedding day.  Plus, smokers are getting a lot more than nicotine out of a cigarette.  There's a plethora of other additives, ingredients, and yes, poisons in there that their bodies become acclimated to.  My husband's detox was ugly.  Even though he was still getting nicotine - more than before, even - he went through the whole shaking/cold sweats/vomiting thing.  It was scary to watch, honestly.  It was so bad I came very close to telling him, "Oh just have a cigarette!"  You don't want that on your wedding day either.  Trust me.

    Plus, even smokers who want to use e-cigs, need to try them out and choose the ones that work for them.  As a non-smoker, I wouldn't have known that either.  My husband started with Blu and almost gave up on giving up smoking, because he didn't like them.  According to him, there wasn't enough pull and he didn't get the "throat hit" that comes with smoking a real cigarette.  Also, the vapor wasn't really warmed.  He switched to Eon & liked it much better.  It still wasn't like cigarettes, but had better pull.  And he liked the available flavors better (speaking of which, flavor matters a lot in getting someone to use e-cigs - he thought he'd like the tobacco flavor for obvious reasons, but ended up hating it... his favorite Eon flavor turned out to be vanilla, which he'd never have predicted).  And the quality of the disposables was apparently really crappy by comparison to the quality/flavor/pull/throat hit of the reusable/refillable ones.  If your smokers aren't satisfied with what they're getting out of the e-cig, even if they agree to try them for the day, they will need a real cigarette.

    In addition, the technology isn't perfect.  Some of the batteries (the main, long part of the cig) actually didn't work, didn't charge properly, etc.  Also, the charge doesn't last all day.  He had at least 4 batteries, just for himself, so he'd never be without a charged, working one.  So buying one each for mom & MOH?  Not nearly enough.

    Since the Eons, he's switched to all sorts of vaporizers that they call mods.  These are real, permanent ones.  Larger, not shaped like cigarettes.  He'd started with Blu thinking it was the closest thing in size and weight to a real cigarette & he'd want that, and found that other qualities were much more important.  Now he gets his e-juice in better flavors (his favorites are honey blueberry & peanut butter cup).  One of his vaporizers has temperature/voltage settings, so he can make the vapor warmer and apparently more like a real cigarette's smoke.  They have better pull & throat hit, which turned out to be more important to him than having e-cigs that looked like cigarettes.

    My point, with this insanely long novel I've written, is that you as a non-smoker, don't get it.  I didn't either, until I saw it happening in front of me.  Just handing a smoker a random e-cig in a random brand in a random flavor, and on top of that not having additional batteries available for each smoker simply won't work.  Even if they were inclined to try it, they'd likely resort to heading out to smoke anyway when they weren't satisfied with the e-cig and started jonesing for the real thing.  It was a good thought, but not really one that'll work.

    Thank you.  I really appreciate your thought out response.  I do know that an e-cig is not the same as a real cigarette.  I get it.  Well, not completely since I'm not a smoker but I do understand and agree with all of the things you are saying.  My FI used to smoke (before we met) and quit using a specific brand.  He had the same issue as your husband with finding the "right" one for him.  That brand offers a "sample" type kit with different flavors and strengths and extra batteries and such.  In theory I hoped that giving the kit to them early (almost a year out) they could figure out what might work best and I would buy them whatever extra things they would need.  I did not want to ruin the day for them either.  I, too, haven't really heard anyone say good things about nicotine patches or gun but I'm willing to get them anything. 

    I wanted to find some sort of compromise.  I didn't want to have to avoid my mother and best friend all day just because of this.  Ideally, I wanted some sort of happy in between so that they could still have what they need and I could have them both near me. 

    Nicotine gum is one of the most disgusting things I've ever tasted. I guarantee they won't want to chew that.
    image
  • @BNJ810 - have you talked to them about this at all?  Offered a compromise? Instead of just buying the e-cigs, gum, and patches, have you asked them is there's a way to compromise on it for the day, part of the day, the pictures?

    As to the doctor thing - going or not going is your decision to make.   However, I believe other posters were recommending a visit to a doctor not only to help you with your dilemma on your wedding day, but also to help you with your general health.   Again - it's a suggestion and as in all suggestions you may take them or leave them, that is entirely up to you and what you're comfortable with.
  • clarke10 said:
    BNJ810 said:
    I'm very allergic to cigarette smoke.  I can be sitting in a restaurant & someone can be smoking outside, and the door opens, and my nose stuffs up solid, my throat closes, and I cough and hack, barely able to breathe.  Before they banned indoor smoking in these parts, I would try to go to bars and clubs, and would have to leave early, unable to breathe and feeling sick, and angry as hell that other people's desire to pollute the space deprived me of what I wanted to do.

    I married a smoker.  I'm crazy, I know, but I broke most of my self-imposed rules when I agreed to date him, and somehow it works anyway.  Early on in our dating relationship, I wasn't vigilant about it, and ended up with an upper respiratory infection.  After that, we had rules.  He couldn't smoke in the house, the car, the attic, the basement, the garage.  He couldn't be near me, be walking in front of me, or even be walking next to me while smoking.  After smoking, he had to stay away from me long enough to "air out" (thankfully, something about the brand he smoked allowed for that - my parents' Marlboros don't), which meant if he went for a cigarette while we were watching TV, he had to go sit across the room when he got back, when we were in a restaurant & he went out for a cigarette, he had to stay away from the table, when we were out & about, he couldn't get in the car, didn't matter if he was standing in a monsoon or a blizzard, he had to wait.

    So I get it.  It sucks.  It sucked for him too.

    I'm speaking in past tense because just over 4 months ago, he switched to e-cigarettes.  So I also have some experience with e-cigs & smokers.

    You going out and buying e-cigs for your mother & MOH is very nice and I get why it seems like a good idea.  But it's not likely to work.  First, my husband had to choose to do it himself.  We met in 2008 and have been married since 2009, and this is the first time he's quit since I've known him.  I couldn't push, not even for a day.  It just wouldn't work.  It won't work for you either.  This isn't a choice at this point, not entirely.  Yes, they chose to start.  And yes, they choose not to be strong and quit.  But it's an addiction.  You and I, who likely aren't addicted to much of anything, can't possibly understand.  This addiction is compared to a heroin addiction.  It's no small matter.  It's not just "Oh, they choose to keep doing it."  If they're not ready to stop, they can't stop.  Not even for a day.

    Plus, smoking isn't just about the intake of nicotine.  I didn't know this either, until recently.  When my husband quit & went to e-cigs, he started with ones that had 24 mg of nicotine, more than your average cigarette.  He still was pretty beastly acting, moody & pissy.  You don't want that on your wedding day.  Plus, smokers are getting a lot more than nicotine out of a cigarette.  There's a plethora of other additives, ingredients, and yes, poisons in there that their bodies become acclimated to.  My husband's detox was ugly.  Even though he was still getting nicotine - more than before, even - he went through the whole shaking/cold sweats/vomiting thing.  It was scary to watch, honestly.  It was so bad I came very close to telling him, "Oh just have a cigarette!"  You don't want that on your wedding day either.  Trust me.

    Plus, even smokers who want to use e-cigs, need to try them out and choose the ones that work for them.  As a non-smoker, I wouldn't have known that either.  My husband started with Blu and almost gave up on giving up smoking, because he didn't like them.  According to him, there wasn't enough pull and he didn't get the "throat hit" that comes with smoking a real cigarette.  Also, the vapor wasn't really warmed.  He switched to Eon & liked it much better.  It still wasn't like cigarettes, but had better pull.  And he liked the available flavors better (speaking of which, flavor matters a lot in getting someone to use e-cigs - he thought he'd like the tobacco flavor for obvious reasons, but ended up hating it... his favorite Eon flavor turned out to be vanilla, which he'd never have predicted).  And the quality of the disposables was apparently really crappy by comparison to the quality/flavor/pull/throat hit of the reusable/refillable ones.  If your smokers aren't satisfied with what they're getting out of the e-cig, even if they agree to try them for the day, they will need a real cigarette.

    In addition, the technology isn't perfect.  Some of the batteries (the main, long part of the cig) actually didn't work, didn't charge properly, etc.  Also, the charge doesn't last all day.  He had at least 4 batteries, just for himself, so he'd never be without a charged, working one.  So buying one each for mom & MOH?  Not nearly enough.

    Since the Eons, he's switched to all sorts of vaporizers that they call mods.  These are real, permanent ones.  Larger, not shaped like cigarettes.  He'd started with Blu thinking it was the closest thing in size and weight to a real cigarette & he'd want that, and found that other qualities were much more important.  Now he gets his e-juice in better flavors (his favorites are honey blueberry & peanut butter cup).  One of his vaporizers has temperature/voltage settings, so he can make the vapor warmer and apparently more like a real cigarette's smoke.  They have better pull & throat hit, which turned out to be more important to him than having e-cigs that looked like cigarettes.

    My point, with this insanely long novel I've written, is that you as a non-smoker, don't get it.  I didn't either, until I saw it happening in front of me.  Just handing a smoker a random e-cig in a random brand in a random flavor, and on top of that not having additional batteries available for each smoker simply won't work.  Even if they were inclined to try it, they'd likely resort to heading out to smoke anyway when they weren't satisfied with the e-cig and started jonesing for the real thing.  It was a good thought, but not really one that'll work.

    Thank you.  I really appreciate your thought out response.  I do know that an e-cig is not the same as a real cigarette.  I get it.  Well, not completely since I'm not a smoker but I do understand and agree with all of the things you are saying.  My FI used to smoke (before we met) and quit using a specific brand.  He had the same issue as your husband with finding the "right" one for him.  That brand offers a "sample" type kit with different flavors and strengths and extra batteries and such.  In theory I hoped that giving the kit to them early (almost a year out) they could figure out what might work best and I would buy them whatever extra things they would need.  I did not want to ruin the day for them either.  I, too, haven't really heard anyone say good things about nicotine patches or gun but I'm willing to get them anything. 

    I wanted to find some sort of compromise.  I didn't want to have to avoid my mother and best friend all day just because of this.  Ideally, I wanted some sort of happy in between so that they could still have what they need and I could have them both near me. 

    Nicotine gum is one of the most disgusting things I've ever tasted. I guarantee they won't want to chew that.
    H agrees, says it's absolutely vile.  To add a bit of levity, have you noticed the new nicotine gum commercials?  They say the newer gum is "better," but stop short of saying it's anything like good.  I laugh at the honesty.  We're not going to lie & tell you you'll actually like this stuff, but hey, it's better than it used to be!
  • clarke10 said:
    BNJ810 said:
    I'm very allergic to cigarette smoke.  I can be sitting in a restaurant & someone can be smoking outside, and the door opens, and my nose stuffs up solid, my throat closes, and I cough and hack, barely able to breathe.  Before they banned indoor smoking in these parts, I would try to go to bars and clubs, and would have to leave early, unable to breathe and feeling sick, and angry as hell that other people's desire to pollute the space deprived me of what I wanted to do.

    I married a smoker.  I'm crazy, I know, but I broke most of my self-imposed rules when I agreed to date him, and somehow it works anyway.  Early on in our dating relationship, I wasn't vigilant about it, and ended up with an upper respiratory infection.  After that, we had rules.  He couldn't smoke in the house, the car, the attic, the basement, the garage.  He couldn't be near me, be walking in front of me, or even be walking next to me while smoking.  After smoking, he had to stay away from me long enough to "air out" (thankfully, something about the brand he smoked allowed for that - my parents' Marlboros don't), which meant if he went for a cigarette while we were watching TV, he had to go sit across the room when he got back, when we were in a restaurant & he went out for a cigarette, he had to stay away from the table, when we were out & about, he couldn't get in the car, didn't matter if he was standing in a monsoon or a blizzard, he had to wait.

    So I get it.  It sucks.  It sucked for him too.

    I'm speaking in past tense because just over 4 months ago, he switched to e-cigarettes.  So I also have some experience with e-cigs & smokers.

    You going out and buying e-cigs for your mother & MOH is very nice and I get why it seems like a good idea.  But it's not likely to work.  First, my husband had to choose to do it himself.  We met in 2008 and have been married since 2009, and this is the first time he's quit since I've known him.  I couldn't push, not even for a day.  It just wouldn't work.  It won't work for you either.  This isn't a choice at this point, not entirely.  Yes, they chose to start.  And yes, they choose not to be strong and quit.  But it's an addiction.  You and I, who likely aren't addicted to much of anything, can't possibly understand.  This addiction is compared to a heroin addiction.  It's no small matter.  It's not just "Oh, they choose to keep doing it."  If they're not ready to stop, they can't stop.  Not even for a day.

    Plus, smoking isn't just about the intake of nicotine.  I didn't know this either, until recently.  When my husband quit & went to e-cigs, he started with ones that had 24 mg of nicotine, more than your average cigarette.  He still was pretty beastly acting, moody & pissy.  You don't want that on your wedding day.  Plus, smokers are getting a lot more than nicotine out of a cigarette.  There's a plethora of other additives, ingredients, and yes, poisons in there that their bodies become acclimated to.  My husband's detox was ugly.  Even though he was still getting nicotine - more than before, even - he went through the whole shaking/cold sweats/vomiting thing.  It was scary to watch, honestly.  It was so bad I came very close to telling him, "Oh just have a cigarette!"  You don't want that on your wedding day either.  Trust me.

    Plus, even smokers who want to use e-cigs, need to try them out and choose the ones that work for them.  As a non-smoker, I wouldn't have known that either.  My husband started with Blu and almost gave up on giving up smoking, because he didn't like them.  According to him, there wasn't enough pull and he didn't get the "throat hit" that comes with smoking a real cigarette.  Also, the vapor wasn't really warmed.  He switched to Eon & liked it much better.  It still wasn't like cigarettes, but had better pull.  And he liked the available flavors better (speaking of which, flavor matters a lot in getting someone to use e-cigs - he thought he'd like the tobacco flavor for obvious reasons, but ended up hating it... his favorite Eon flavor turned out to be vanilla, which he'd never have predicted).  And the quality of the disposables was apparently really crappy by comparison to the quality/flavor/pull/throat hit of the reusable/refillable ones.  If your smokers aren't satisfied with what they're getting out of the e-cig, even if they agree to try them for the day, they will need a real cigarette.

    In addition, the technology isn't perfect.  Some of the batteries (the main, long part of the cig) actually didn't work, didn't charge properly, etc.  Also, the charge doesn't last all day.  He had at least 4 batteries, just for himself, so he'd never be without a charged, working one.  So buying one each for mom & MOH?  Not nearly enough.

    Since the Eons, he's switched to all sorts of vaporizers that they call mods.  These are real, permanent ones.  Larger, not shaped like cigarettes.  He'd started with Blu thinking it was the closest thing in size and weight to a real cigarette & he'd want that, and found that other qualities were much more important.  Now he gets his e-juice in better flavors (his favorites are honey blueberry & peanut butter cup).  One of his vaporizers has temperature/voltage settings, so he can make the vapor warmer and apparently more like a real cigarette's smoke.  They have better pull & throat hit, which turned out to be more important to him than having e-cigs that looked like cigarettes.

    My point, with this insanely long novel I've written, is that you as a non-smoker, don't get it.  I didn't either, until I saw it happening in front of me.  Just handing a smoker a random e-cig in a random brand in a random flavor, and on top of that not having additional batteries available for each smoker simply won't work.  Even if they were inclined to try it, they'd likely resort to heading out to smoke anyway when they weren't satisfied with the e-cig and started jonesing for the real thing.  It was a good thought, but not really one that'll work.

    Thank you.  I really appreciate your thought out response.  I do know that an e-cig is not the same as a real cigarette.  I get it.  Well, not completely since I'm not a smoker but I do understand and agree with all of the things you are saying.  My FI used to smoke (before we met) and quit using a specific brand.  He had the same issue as your husband with finding the "right" one for him.  That brand offers a "sample" type kit with different flavors and strengths and extra batteries and such.  In theory I hoped that giving the kit to them early (almost a year out) they could figure out what might work best and I would buy them whatever extra things they would need.  I did not want to ruin the day for them either.  I, too, haven't really heard anyone say good things about nicotine patches or gun but I'm willing to get them anything. 

    I wanted to find some sort of compromise.  I didn't want to have to avoid my mother and best friend all day just because of this.  Ideally, I wanted some sort of happy in between so that they could still have what they need and I could have them both near me. 

    Nicotine gum is one of the most disgusting things I've ever tasted. I guarantee they won't want to chew that.
    H agrees, says it's absolutely vile.  To add a bit of levity, have you noticed the new nicotine gum commercials?  They say the newer gum is "better," but stop short of saying it's anything like good.  I laugh at the honesty.  We're not going to lie & tell you you'll actually like this stuff, but hey, it's better than it used to be!
    Lol right?! And the fact that they have to express that it's better means they know it was gross. 
    image
  • BNJ810 said:
    BNJ810 said:
    If this is such a concern to you, why don't you actually break your 10 year streak and go to the doctor?
    I'm not sure how it is any of your concern why I chose not to see a doctor. If you have nothing to contribute to the question why post anything at all? Move along.
    Guess what? When you put things out there on the internet, people can and will comment on all of them. You shouldn't have posted if you aren't able to accept hearing things you don't want to hear. You asked if you were being a bridezilla, you were answered, and now you're all defensive because the answer wasn't that it's okay to control someone else's actions.
    My question was about being a bridezilla.  I am more than accepting of the responses regardless of what I wanted to hear.  I asked a question and I am getting the answer.  What I did not ask for is bitchy women telling me what to do with my non wedding related life.  If it's so rude to ask someone not to smoke for one day when they will be very close to me how in the hell is it not rude to tell a complete stranger to go to the fucking doctor.  If you want to comment on the smoking issue, which I have already established I'm going to deal with, then go ahead and keep commenting but if you have nothing related to that to say then move along and have a great day.   
    Earlier, BNJ810 said,
    "I feel like many of you were so quick to judge me but that's what I asked for. I've seen you attack other brides (not saying I'm being attacked) so I guess I knew what to expect.  "   

    If she pulled the "attack" card earlier in the post, you knew phase II, AKA "bitchy women who have nothing nice to say" was just around the corner.
  • edited December 2013
    As a former smoker, I can tell you that making that unreasonable demand on your mother and MOH will pretty much guarantee they will sneak off somewhere to smoke. I detested being cajoled and nagged about quitting or abstaining. Nicotine patches and gums aren't intended for one day use, and honestly, they're not helpful to anyone who isn't motivated to quit.The best you can do is provide a comfortable, appealing place to lure them away from your immediate area, or their cars, and hope that your venue has a strictly enforced smoking area policy. If you like, place a basket of breath mints, hand lotion and spray to remove smoke odor from clothes, where the smokers can freshen up.  Don't say one word about it, thought, it's up to them whether they want to use the stuff or not.

    You should experiment a little now to figure out what will help you with nausea. Some OTC stuff that works for me - Bonine (meclizine), real ginger in tea or ginger capsules. Dramamine and Benadryl also help, but cause drowsiness. If you have such a bad reaction to smoke odor, I'd take the advice of the other posters and get advice from your doctor.  

                       
  • @LakeR
    mobkaz said:
    BNJ810 said:
    BNJ810 said:
    If this is such a concern to you, why don't you actually break your 10 year streak and go to the doctor?
    I'm not sure how it is any of your concern why I chose not to see a doctor. If you have nothing to contribute to the question why post anything at all? Move along.
    Guess what? When you put things out there on the internet, people can and will comment on all of them. You shouldn't have posted if you aren't able to accept hearing things you don't want to hear. You asked if you were being a bridezilla, you were answered, and now you're all defensive because the answer wasn't that it's okay to control someone else's actions.
    My question was about being a bridezilla.  I am more than accepting of the responses regardless of what I wanted to hear.  I asked a question and I am getting the answer.  What I did not ask for is bitchy women telling me what to do with my non wedding related life.  If it's so rude to ask someone not to smoke for one day when they will be very close to me how in the hell is it not rude to tell a complete stranger to go to the fucking doctor.  If you want to comment on the smoking issue, which I have already established I'm going to deal with, then go ahead and keep commenting but if you have nothing related to that to say then move along and have a great day.   
    Earlier, BNJ810 said,
    "I feel like many of you were so quick to judge me but that's what I asked for. I've seen you attack other brides (not saying I'm being attacked) so I guess I knew what to expect.  "   

    If she pulled the "attack" card earlier in the post, you knew phase II, AKA "bitchy women who have nothing nice to say" was just around the corner.
    I specifically said I didn't think I was being attacked but I've seen it happen.  All I have to say is if in 4 years I'm still active on TheKnot.com forum I'll slit my wrists.  I can't even imagine 4 years later still needing to talk shit to people I do not know.  Some of the women on here seem to stay to help and I really appreciate them.  Those ladies are insightful and give well thought out reasoning and examples.  Unfortunately, a lot of the people here seem to just be bitchy women with nothing better to do than personally attack people.  Again, I am not saying I'm being attacked, but some of the responses are bitchy just to be bitchy, they offer no real advice.  I genuinely wonder if many of you are incredibly passive aggressive in real life and this is your chance to get it all out.  If that's the case continue on.  I will be your outlet. 
  • BNJ810 said:

    You're all right.  Clearly it's less rude to say go ahead and smoke all you want just don't come near me.  I now realize that it's completely unreasonable to expect someone to not smoke just so that I can be with them and not be sick on my wedding day. 

    Thank you lovely ladies for judging me and helping me realize that my desire to not be sick on my one and only wedding day is just not a true problem.  I also won't expect them to shower or wear clothing.  She can even take the dress I bought and burn it if she wants because I definitely do not want her to do anything that might possibly be inconvenient. 

    image
                       
  • @MairePoppy that's not at all the world's tiniest violin playing just for me..... very close though.  :)
  • NO, but this one is

    image
                       
  • @BNJ810 You asked for constructive criticism. That is we have been giving you. You are the only one bring out personal attacks and name calling, which is really unnecessary.
    image
  • NO, but this one is

    image
    PERFECT!!!  That's awesome!! 
  • clarke10 said:
    @BNJ810 You asked for constructive criticism. That is we have been giving you. You are the only one bring out personal attacks and name calling, which is really unnecessary
    I asked whether or not I was being a bridezilla based on asking them not to smoke.  I've been  more than receptive to those responses.  I can handle being told the truth whether I want to hear it or not.  What I will become defensive about is bitchy tones for no reason and being told what to do with things not involving my question.  Being told to see a fucking doctor has absolutely nothing to do with my question. 
  • BNJ810 said:
    clarke10 said:
    @BNJ810 You asked for constructive criticism. That is we have been giving you. You are the only one bring out personal attacks and name calling, which is really unnecessary
    I asked whether or not I was being a bridezilla based on asking them not to smoke.  I've been  more than receptive to those responses.  I can handle being told the truth whether I want to hear it or not.  What I will become defensive about is bitchy tones for no reason and being told what to do with things not involving my question.  Being told to see a fucking doctor has absolutely nothing to do with my question. 
    It has everything to do with your question. Your refusal to see a doctor might be part of the reason you're getting sick. And you're continuing to prove my point about you being the only one here being rude.
    image
  • clarke10 said:


    BNJ810 said:


    clarke10 said:

    @BNJ810 You asked for constructive criticism. That is we have been giving you. You are the only one bring out personal attacks and name calling, which is really unnecessary

    I asked whether or not I was being a bridezilla based on asking them not to smoke.  I've been  more than receptive to those responses.  I can handle being told the truth whether I want to hear it or not.  What I will become defensive about is bitchy tones for no reason and being told what to do with things not involving my question.  Being told to see a fucking doctor has absolutely nothing to do with my question. 

    It has everything to do with your question. Your refusal to see a doctor might be part of the reason you're getting sick. And you're continuing to prove my point about you being the only one here being
    rude.
    Please point out how I'm being rude? Because I must be missing it. If it's my use of the word "fucking" you might have missed the post where I was told to "see a fucking doctor".

    I don't think seeing a doctor has anything to do with my question. If you are a doctor and can tell me what this symptom could possibly be then I might be willing to see one. Doctors aren't magic. They don't look at you and fix you. They write you a prescription. I have no desire to debate the pros/cons of seeing a doctor. It does not directly relate to my question and has no purpose in this conversation.
  • Has someone asked this already? I only skimmed., so my apologies if they have. Are you going to ask all your guests not to smoke all day? If you can't be around your mom and sister, how can you be around your other guests if they are smokers?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • BNJ810 said:
    BNJ810 said:
    clarke10 said:
    @BNJ810 You asked for constructive criticism. That is we have been giving you. You are the only one bring out personal attacks and name calling, which is really unnecessary
    I asked whether or not I was being a bridezilla based on asking them not to smoke.  I've been  more than receptive to those responses.  I can handle being told the truth whether I want to hear it or not.  What I will become defensive about is bitchy tones for no reason and being told what to do with things not involving my question.  Being told to see a fucking doctor has absolutely nothing to do with my question. 
    It has everything to do with your question. Your refusal to see a doctor might be part of the reason you're getting sick. And you're continuing to prove my point about you being the only one here being rude.
    Please point out how I'm being rude? Because I must be missing it. If it's my use of the word "fucking" you might have missed the post where I was told to "see a fucking doctor". I don't think seeing a doctor has anything to do with my question. If you are a doctor and can tell me what this symptom could possibly be then I might be willing to see one. Doctors aren't magic. They don't look at you and fix you. They write you a prescription. I have no desire to debate the pros/cons of seeing a doctor. It does not directly relate to my question and has no purpose in this conversation.
    So many people have attempted to give you legitimate solutions and advice to your problem. Clearly your upset that you aren't getting the answer you were hoping for. What is rude is name-calling people who are trying to help you. 
    image
  • BNJ810 - there is a group of women/men here who do give constructive advice without insulting the OP, regardless if they disagree with the OP or not. There is yet another group with a high school mentality that are sarcastic and rude to OP's with attacks and insults and GRAPHICS and/or using the F word (all the while protesting loudly that this is allowed on this website) - but when the OP protests about this blatant rudeness, the high school mentality group attacks the OP as being the rude one and that they are "just trying to help" and that the OP "just wants to hear what the OP wants to hear."  "Might makes Right" according to this high school bully group. It's all BS and anyone coming this this website realizes this.
    OP - please understand that some of us do try to give advice whether we agree with you or not - without demeaning you in the process. I personally think that you should REASONABLY hope that your mother and MOH could dispense for a PART of one day (your wedding day) to stop smoking for your comfort at your wedding. Not for 24 hours as smoking is an addiction, but just for the part that involves your wedding.
    Now sit back and watch the high schoolers attack what I just said. 
    Best of luck to you.
  • jackman36 said:
    BNJ810 - there is a group of women/men here who do give constructive advice without insulting the OP, regardless if they disagree with the OP or not. There is yet another group with a high school mentality that are sarcastic and rude to OP's with attacks and insults and GRAPHICS and/or using the F word (all the while protesting loudly that this is allowed on this website) - but when the OP protests about this blatant rudeness, the high school mentality group attacks the OP as being the rude one and that they are "just trying to help" and that the OP "just wants to hear what the OP wants to hear."  "Might makes Right" according to this high school bully group. It's all BS and anyone coming this this website realizes this.
    OP - please understand that some of us do try to give advice whether we agree with you or not - without demeaning you in the process. I personally think that you should REASONABLY hope that your mother and MOH could dispense for a PART of one day (your wedding day) to stop smoking for your comfort at your wedding. Not for 24 hours as smoking is an addiction, but just for the part that involves your wedding.
    Now sit back and watch the high schoolers attack what I just said. 
    Best of luck to you.

    @jackman36 I was starting to think maybe I was crazy!  I've been looking at other threads but never post because I've seen it happen to other people.  It's as if many of the people on here assume any new bride only wants to be a princess and doesn't care about anyone or anything other than getting her way.  Not all brides are like this!!  Not everyone wants a "pretty princess day". 

    I appreciate your comment and sincere advice.  I'm not going to force either one of them to do anything I can only hope that they will try to smoke as little as possible and do what they can to air out.  Hopefully it'll all work out in the end. 

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards