Customs and Traditions

I want to change my name, but FI's sister has the same name...

MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets
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When we get married, I do want to change my last name to his. The only thing is, his sister has the same exact name (and spelling) as my name. Middle names are similar, but not the same. 

I have heard of using both last names, but I really don't want to have 4 names. I just want to be "Jane Smith", but I'm concerned about banks and lenders looking and my credit and her credit, or mistaking her credit for mine. Is there a good way to do this? 
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Re: I want to change my name, but FI's sister has the same name...

  • Is your middle initial the same as hers? If not, you could possibly have that listed on your credit cards and such. Like Jane A. Smith. 

    Also, is she close to getting married at all? If so you wouldn't have to worry about this for much longer, that is if she's planning on taking her FI's name too. 

    Good luck!
    PrettyGirlLost
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets
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    Oh, middle initial would be a great idea! I have seen that before, and I believe my dad does that for his documents. 

    She's not getting married anytime soon. She's one of those girls that likes to just be single and hang with everyone. Also started college recently. She's a really sweet girl, and we get along great. 

    It's just confusing when I'm at their home and FI's mom calls out "Kelsey" and we both look up. Now FI and his dad will both say 'Which one?" before we say anything. It's pretty funny! 
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  • Yeah, that way you can still do what you want without confusing anyone too much :)

    Yeah, I can imagine that'd be confusing. My name is Brittany, it seems to be pretty popular, so I often run into a situation where I'm paired with another Brittany. Sometimes it helps to create nicknames! (:
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets
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    Makes sense. So what about social perspective? When people say Jane Smith, they think his sister already. Will I be known as "the wife" and his sister as "the sister" ? 
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  • Will it be weird? Sure, a little. But you'll probably develop some kind of nickname over time, and sharing the same first name probably generates enough confusion that you're used to it. Anyway, you'll be Mrs. Jane Smith and she'll be Miss or Ms.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Kelcita21 said:
    Makes sense. So what about social perspective? When people say Jane Smith, they think his sister already. Will I be known as "the wife" and his sister as "the sister" ? 
    People will get used to it. I actually have a really unique name (both first and last). I have a cousin who is 10 years older and had exactly the same first name and last name as me until she got married. They called us Southernbelle C. (middle initial) and Southernbelle E. if needed, but most of the time the context was obvious who was who and the differentiation wasn't needed.

    Socially, you'll probably be referred to mostly by just your first name anyway, so however that's working now is how it will continue to work. If you want to put your maiden name in parenthesis on facebook that might be helpful while people get used to it. For example: Jane Smith (Jones). 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    Don't worry about the bank thing.  Banks and lenders use your SS#, not your name, to look up your credit.  

    Socially, I have aunts in the same situation.  My (blood) aunt was born Jane Smith.  My uncle, also a Smith, married a woman named Jane Jones, who wanted to change her name.  We started calling the wife Jane J-S, even though she didn't hyphenate.  You'll get a nickname somehow, and it will all work out.  
    MadHops21
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    I have an aunt in the same situation. It's a non issue.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets
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    You're right, it's a non issue. I just don't like the looks people give FI when he says my name. "You're marrying your sister? Dude, no..."
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    Gina0887
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    Kelcita21 said:
    You're right, it's a non issue. I just don't like the looks people give FI when he says my name. "You're marrying your sister? Dude, no..."
    Then you might have to change your 1st name.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    tabathafayeSKPM
  • Socially I think you're fine. Financial institutions do use SSN, so that's fine too.

    But if you change your name and live in the same town as FSIL, then you should just be more vigilant with stuff that involves your records, esp medical ones.

    I have a family member with also the same first and last name.  When she went in to deliver her first baby, the local hospital pulled my record by mistake.  It took a few hours before someone realized the wrong birth date was on her ID bracelet.  So, they threw away all of the samples they took and started over from scratch.

    Then about a week or so later, the hospital called to see how the baby and I are doing.  "Um, No, I've never been pregnant!" Anyways, since I have never been a patient at the hospital, I couldn't figure out why and how they had my records.  Guess what?  My doc uses the hospital's lab services-which I guess I knew but never really connected--so they had a file for me.

    It's weird, but I since then I always spell out my middle name and double check street addresses/birth date just to make sure whoever I'm talking to has the right EverAfter.
  • My cousins have 2 Aunt Maryanns - one is their mom's brother's wife, the other is their dad's sister. They call them LH and DH (light-hair and dark-hair). They're in their late-twenties to mid-thirties and STILL refer to them as such. Don't worry about it!
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets
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    EverAfer said:
    Socially I think you're fine. Financial institutions do use SSN, so that's fine too.

    But if you change your name and live in the same town as FSIL, then you should just be more vigilant with stuff that involves your records, esp medical ones.

    I have a family member with also the same first and last name.  When she went in to deliver her first baby, the local hospital pulled my record by mistake.  It took a few hours before someone realized the wrong birth date was on her ID bracelet.  So, they threw away all of the samples they took and started over from scratch.

    Then about a week or so later, the hospital called to see how the baby and I are doing.  "Um, No, I've never been pregnant!" Anyways, since I have never been a patient at the hospital, I couldn't figure out why and how they had my records.  Guess what?  My doc uses the hospital's lab services-which I guess I knew but never really connected--so they had a file for me.

    It's weird, but I since then I always spell out my middle name and double check street addresses/birth date just to make sure whoever I'm talking to has the right EverAfter.
    UGH!!! I seriously cringe hearing stories like this. I work at HQ for a large national hospital system and I do compliance work (includes patient privacy). This is definitely a HIPAA violation (and quality of care on the lab stuff.. that's baaad). Hospitals are supposed to have processes in place to prevent stuff like this. That's the point of wrist bands and all those annoying verification of identity questions. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy....
    I work for IT for a healthcare system. We always get calls about the devices that scan the wristbands and all those fun calls. It's.....frustrating.
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  • phiraphira Bahstin
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    Actually, my partner runs into some issues because he's a junior. Most of the issues he's faced have been minor, although there is a credit card that's for BOTH him and his dad (neither one knows how it came into being). He said the most serious issue he's encountered is that if you have to confirm name and address electronically, sometimes the only address that'll pop up is his dad's address.

    I'm not saying you shouldn't change your last name, but I might make it a point when you sign up for stuff to use your middle name as well.
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets
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    Using middle name is probably what I'm doing to do anyway. I was wondering what others did in that case. I have never known someone with the same names. My last name is pretty unique, and I have yet to meet another "Smith". 

    They have given us "Fiancee" and"Sister" nicknames. Probably just change to Wife after the wedding. I'm okay with this!
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  • EverAfer said:
    Socially I think you're fine. Financial institutions do use SSN, so that's fine too.

    But if you change your name and live in the same town as FSIL, then you should just be more vigilant with stuff that involves your records, esp medical ones.

    I have a family member with also the same first and last name.  When she went in to deliver her first baby, the local hospital pulled my record by mistake.  It took a few hours before someone realized the wrong birth date was on her ID bracelet.  So, they threw away all of the samples they took and started over from scratch.

    Then about a week or so later, the hospital called to see how the baby and I are doing.  "Um, No, I've never been pregnant!" Anyways, since I have never been a patient at the hospital, I couldn't figure out why and how they had my records.  Guess what?  My doc uses the hospital's lab services-which I guess I knew but never really connected--so they had a file for me.

    It's weird, but I since then I always spell out my middle name and double check street addresses/birth date just to make sure whoever I'm talking to has the right EverAfter.
    Ditto this.  I have a very common first and last name and there are plenty of people with my same name.  I've gotten another "me"s insurance bill and once went in for a follow up x-ray and they started to set up the machine to x-ray a different part of my body because they pulled another "me"s file.

    OP-this is not a huge deal and it could happen even if you didn't change your name.  I think you should just be extra on alert for mix-ups at places like the dentist, doctor, pharmacy, etc.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Eh, my FI's mom has the same first and last name as my FI's SIL. It does indeed get confusing, because I don't wan't to call one, old "this and this," and the other, young, "this and this." They might get offended. However, I think they are used to it, and it can be common in some families.
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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City
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    My husband and I share a similar first name (masculine/feminine versions) and we have the same last name and we both go by the shortened version.  Not an issue so much for bills and records and things, but mostly in social situations.

    Sometimes nicknames are the way to go.

    For our home brew club, we are referred to as Lady and Man; family and other friends will call him Mack and one of my brothers has occasionally referred to us as Almond Joy and Mounds.

     

     

     

  • Me and my sister in law have the EXACT same name...first, middle, last.  Our birthdays are exactly 2 years and 3 days apart, but since same month and within a few days of each other can easily been mistaken.  I have gotten charged for her late fee at blockbuster (going back years, we have had same name for 11 years now), calls from our car insurance company (becuase of course we both used the same at the time) asking me if I am getting new plates for my new car...which i had no idea i was getting haha!  i was also the fortunate recepient of a deposit her brother meant to put into her bank account ( i gave it back, i swear!)   It's really not a big deal though.   I have to explain, at times, yes there are two of us with the same name.   Crazy as that is, my cousin's wife ALSO has the same first and last name (different middle) but i have never been confused for her.   Based on personally experience, I wouldn't worry about it.  I've dealt with it for years now without any major confusion or issue that wasn't easily fixed.  Although, in a few more months I will no longer share her name...she'll have the name I grew up with and I'll have a new one :)
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets
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    jenni1221 said:
    Me and my sister in law have the EXACT same name...first, middle, last.  Our birthdays are exactly 2 years and 3 days apart, but since same month and within a few days of each other can easily been mistaken.  I have gotten charged for her late fee at blockbuster (going back years, we have had same name for 11 years now), calls from our car insurance company (becuase of course we both used the same at the time) asking me if I am getting new plates for my new car...which i had no idea i was getting haha!  i was also the fortunate recepient of a deposit her brother meant to put into her bank account ( i gave it back, i swear!)   It's really not a big deal though.   I have to explain, at times, yes there are two of us with the same name.   Crazy as that is, my cousin's wife ALSO has the same first and last name (different middle) but i have never been confused for her.   Based on personally experience, I wouldn't worry about it.  I've dealt with it for years now without any major confusion or issue that wasn't easily fixed.  Although, in a few more months I will no longer share her name...she'll have the name I grew up with and I'll have a new one :)
    Oh wow, that is a crazy coincidence for names and birthdays. At least you're close to not sharing a last name anymore! 
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  • I am the only person with my (married) name in the entire U.S. and still financial institutions were getting things wrong when I changed my name (although my maiden was pretty common, like thousands of me). I couldn't even get the annual free credit check because of my new name giving problems. But I sorted things out over a few weeks and should be hiccup-free. I would say if you want to take his name then take it, don't hyphenate your name if you really don't want to just because of the similar name to your SIL. As others pointed out, she may eventually change her name. As far as paperwork and having things situated legally/financially it really shouldn't be any more of an issue as any other name change. Perhaps around the family you can go by first name-middle name. IE Kelsey-Marie? 
    For changing your name, good luck! It takes a lot of trips to different agencies, and a lot of extra fees that guys never have to pay! haha
  • mrsfinnimrsfinni
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    edited December 2013
    My SIL and I have the same first and last name, as well as the same middle initial - I am Mrs CLF and she is Miss CLF. We both have the same bank and the same utilities in our names. I have my middle initial on my bank card as well as my utilities. I haven't a clue what she has on hers. I still get the is that his sister or his wife look from people sometimes, but other than that, I haven't run into any issues. The best advice I can give you is to make sure that you run your address and the last four digits of your social by any bank/medical/tax/utility/loan people so they have the right person.
    MadHops21
  • I share a name with my sister in law.  We use middle initials ALL the time, especially for a  short time when we both taught in the same school...talk about confusing!  The kids were all like, "Miss __ ? or Mrs. ___?" Everyone gets used to it...be prepared for nicknames, some cute, some not. Just be careful if you are ever doing something together...ex. traveling or ordering bridesmaid dresses, etc.  We've had orders canceled b/c they thought they were duplicates. 
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets
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    @mm0406 that sounds really tricky. FI family and I went out to dinner last night, and one person would say "(Jane)" and his sister and I would both look up. It happened the entire night and didn't really bother me, but it was just confusing. No nicknames after 3 years yet. 

    Ironically, FI's sister is now talking to a guy with the same name as her brother (my FI). It became a joke that there would be 2 couple within the family as "Mr John Smith and Mrs Jane Smith" 
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  • My mom made that rule right after my brother married her...turned to me and said no dating any "joe"s.. too confusing!

     

  • One of my uncles, my BIL, and FI are all named Jake, other BIL and my dad are both Steve. We think it's hilarious. My other sister is dating a Jason and we told him if he wants to be part of the family, he'll have to change his name to either Jake or Steve. Makes it so much easier to call them all in for dinner! (Jack the dog comes running too.) :) Just embrace it, use your MI where applicable, and get used to saying "I'm the Jane Smith on Elm Street" if you live in the same city.

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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon
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    edited February 2014
    EverAfer said:
    Socially I think you're fine. Financial institutions do use SSN, so that's fine too.

    But if you change your name and live in the same town as FSIL, then you should just be more vigilant with stuff that involves your records, esp medical ones.

    I have a family member with also the same first and last name.  When she went in to deliver her first baby, the local hospital pulled my record by mistake.  It took a few hours before someone realized the wrong birth date was on her ID bracelet.  So, they threw away all of the samples they took and started over from scratch.

    Then about a week or so later, the hospital called to see how the baby and I are doing.  "Um, No, I've never been pregnant!" Anyways, since I have never been a patient at the hospital, I couldn't figure out why and how they had my records.  Guess what?  My doc uses the hospital's lab services-which I guess I knew but never really connected--so they had a file for me.

    It's weird, but I since then I always spell out my middle name and double check street addresses/birth date just to make sure whoever I'm talking to has the right EverAfter.
    UGH!!! I seriously cringe hearing stories like this. I work at HQ for a large national hospital system and I do compliance work (includes patient privacy). This is definitely a HIPAA violation (and quality of care on the lab stuff.. that's baaad). Hospitals are supposed to have processes in place to prevent stuff like this. That's the point of wrist bands and all those annoying verification of identity questions. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy....
    My FI and his brother don't have the same name. Not even close. 
    FI was sick a while back and then had a TB test come back positive (turns out he has an allergy to whatever they gave him because they did blood tests and Xrays and the drs say he is clean), but then he was doing research and pricked himself with a needle doing research that had been used on an SHIV infected monkey (think combo SIV and HIV). Anyways he had a huge file at that hospital and had so many prescriptions due to that incident. Well about two months later his brother (5 years younger and looked it!) goes with stomach pain and digestive issues that they couldn't solve, but they kept adding his info to FIs file and was using all FIs history. We didn't find out until day 3 in the hospital. It was ridiculous. Then we had to sit down and separate out the incidents.

    ETA: and by we I meant they did and I had to listen to it.

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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon
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    But to OP my dad, brother, and grandpa have the same name. They use initials. Only confusion is when my dad and brother lived in the same house the mail. Sometimes we couldn't tell until opening it which John Smith it was for.

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