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antoto

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Amyzen83

I'd feel a little snubbed too if I were in your shoes but honestly there really nothing you can say that will come off in a good way. I would just focus on the fact you are having a shower and appreciate the people who are there and not the people who aren't.

Rebl90

antoto said:

I am writing this knowing that there is no way that I wont sound like a 1st world brat.  I'm sorry in advance.

So I have two older sisters who are my MOHs.  They are already married - I was their MOH and I threw very nice showers for their weddings.  They told me about 2 months ago that they decided not to throw my shower the day before the wedding because it was too hectic (my wedding is March 1st, they are throwing my shower December 28th).  I can appreciate their hesitation at that because it IS hectic (I know this because I did this for them) but the problem is that every single member of my extended family as well as many of my bridesmaids live across the country, so the only way they could reasonably come is if it's the day before the wedding.  I let them know that this concerned me because it would mean that many, many people would not be able to come.  Their reaction was to tell me that I shouldn't care how many people were there and that it was "about quality, not quantity".  When I continued to voice concern they suggested that they make it a couples party.  I told them I thought that was a great idea and figured it was settled.

About a month after that discussion they called me up and let me know they decided not to do the couples shower and to keep it ladies only after all.  

So now my bridal shower is in 4 days and I have zero extended family coming, 2 of my bridesmaids cannot make it, and several other guests can't come because they are doing holiday things.  

To top it all off my FMIL and her sister will be coming, but neither of them can speak English well at all (her sister is flying in from China and FMIL has only lived in the states for a few years), so they keep telling my fiance that they are really nervous and uncomfortable since their husbands wont be there.

Now, I know that many brides don't have any shower at all, and I should shut up and be thankful for whatever I am given.  I know that.  It's just that I feel a little betrayed by my MOHs and I just don't know how to stop feeling that way.  The shower is in 4 days and cannot be changed and telling them that I'm upset is pointless since there's nothing anyone can do anyways.

Just... angry.

I can understand feeling a little slighted, but at the end of the day your sisters are spending time and money to throw a party to celebrate you. While you are the bride and your wishes should be acknowledged, I would never throw a shower the day before someone's wedding. They are doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, and don't need to create extra stress for that weekend. In fact basing it around the wedding can seem a bit gift grabby (because your wedding is already another gift giving event).  It's different from say, doing it in November or December because family will be in town for the holidays.  

To the bold: parties and gifts are not tit for tat, and the fact that you are mentioning is clearly showing that you are comparing your actions to their actions. Whether or not you are doing it consciously, it is still a bad attitude to have. 

To your last paragraph: yes, you should be thankful for what you are getting, I have had quite a few friends whose sisters did not care to plan any kind of shower, because it is simply not required. I sincerely hope that you continue to keep your complaints from them, because I know that I would be extremely upset if I was hosting a shower for someone (especially my sister) and she responded with a negative attitude.  Personally, my MOH is from another state and is making a trip just to throw a shower for me, and I feel so humbled and thankful that she could do whatever she wanted, I wouldn't care if there were clowns and balloon animals! 

Edited: You haven't been betrayed. Betraying someone means either giving their enemy confidential information or doing something morally wrong. 

antoto

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antoto

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Rebl90

Deleting your original post after someone has already quoted it doesn't make it go away

doeydo

Someone already quoted your original post. Deleting posts is considered rude and is basically like a Bat Signal for everyone to come here.

MadHops21

I came in for the title and DD. They are usually the most fun threads. 

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto -- I saw the DD and homed in on this thread because of that. 

OP -- aside from the rudeness of DD'ing, be thankful for what you're getting. I was the only attendant for a friend's wedding once and she didn't get a shower -- not because I didn't want to throw one, but because I couldn't make it work with her schedule and mine, and NONE of the women in her family wanted to come. I know she wished she had had one, and she felt slighted that she didn't get one. She made those feelings known to me, and it impacted our friendship significantly. 

It's OK to feel a little off-put, but you haven't been betrayed, and this really is a first-world problem. Take a deep breath, be thankful you're getting a shower at all, and smile!

antoto

Not being rude, just realized that this had no place here and I was being super silly for having posted it

Happy holidays everyone!

hlvonb

It is rude and you can always leave it up for other people to read in case they could get any use of it. None the less, it's rude and pointless to delete when your post was quoted.

Rebl90

antoto said:

Not being rude, just realized that this had no place here and I was being super silly for having posted it

Happy holidays everyone!

Yeah, it's rude.

PolarBearFitz

...so much fail, so little deleted...

climbingsingle

Yeah, deleting your post only brings more attention to it. 

MadHops21

Jennja22 said:

Kelcita21 said:

I came in for the title and DD. They are usually the most fun threads. 

what does DD mean??

DD means Dirty Delete. It's when someone completed edits the title and original post so no one can see what they posted, but usually someone quotes them like you and I did here, so everyone can see what they originally said. Normally posters do this if they do not like the responses or get validation on a bad idea.