Wedding Etiquette Forum

Send invitation if you know they aren't coming?

We sent out save the dates a few weeks ago and some people have already told us that they can't make it to our wedding - out of state and international people. Do we still send them an invitation? We haven't ordered them yet but are about to. We don't want to make them feel bad for not coming but at the same time don't want to snub them either. What's the etiquette here?

Thanks,

Katrina

 

Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Send invitation if you know they aren't coming?

  • I would send the invites, because you never know if plans may change.
  • Send invites because plans change. Also, make sure you don't take these people out of your budget. We did this for two couples and they both ended up coming! Since it was only four people, it certainly didn't break out budget or anything, but we shouldn't have counted them out so quickly. 
  • Yes.   I got a  STD once, said I couldn't make it because of work. By the time the invites came out work decided to shut down around the time of the wedding and I could end up going.  The bride never sent me an invite. I was pretty bummed because I really wanted to go.

    That said, we did not send an invite to a friend of DH's after the STD. They asked us not to as his wife's due date was on our wedding day.  Our wedding was OOT.  They would not travel if she was late, they would not travel had she come early.  One of the few situations where they would not have changed their minds. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • If you sent STDs, I'd certainly still send an invitation. 
    image
  • dramamonkeydramamonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2013
    Send the invitation anyway. DH's whole family lives many many hours away, and we were told, point blank that none of them would come (apart from his immediate family) due to the time/expense of traveling for our Sunday wedding. We sent invites anyway. None of them came, but we budgeted as if they would, and would have been thrilled had they changed their minds.

    Eta: they were a solid 1/3 of our guest list.
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2013

    We sent out save the dates a few weeks ago and some people have already told us that they can't make it to our wedding - out of state and international people. Do we still send them an invitation? We haven't ordered them yet but are about to. We don't want to make them feel bad for not coming but at the same time don't want to snub them either. What's the etiquette here?

    Thanks,

    Katrina

    Send it.  Plans can change.
  • Yes. They are still welcome and invited. Therefore, you send them an invitation.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I would send anyways.  I had a number of friends that I knew could not make it (poor students living 3000 km away), but I wanted them to know that I was still thinking of them and would like for them to be there regardless of their situation.  No one was upset that they received the invitation, but they might have been a little sad if they hadn't gotten one and thought that they didn't mean that much to me.  Better safe than sorry. 

  • Sending an STD = sending a formal invitation.  No exceptions!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Invite them anyway.  Sending an STD obligates you to do that, and you never know-just because they don't believe they can attend now doesn't mean that they won't be able to in the future.  Give them the opportunity to find out and then make a firm reply rather than both you and them making assumptions that might turn out to not be true.
  • We have family and friends in England and Hawaii, so I'm pretty sure they still won't be able to come since their reason was money. I'll go ahead and send them an invitation anyway.

    Thanks, ladies :)

     

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Invite them anyway. I couldn't make it to my friend's wedding (she knew--I had to back out of the wedding party), and it meant a lot to still be invited.

    Remember: not sending an invitation means "We do not want to invite you."
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
  • I sent out STDs and received a note in a Christmas card from my aunt and uncle explaining that due to his health issues, they can't come.  I'll be sending them an invite anyway with a personal note explaining that we're thinking of them.  I know they won't be coming but I want them to know they'd be more than welcome if things were different.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Still send the invite because you never know! Plus also for some it might mean something to them that even though they can't make it, you are letting them know you wanted them there to share your special day.


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • When we sent out STDates, a couple we had invited told us they probably couldn't come because our wedding date was two weeks after her due date, and even if she went early, they wouldn't feel comfortable traveling two hours with a newborn (which we totally understood). 

    We still sent them an invite, because we wanted them to know that we'd love for them to be there -- in the invite, we enclosed a note that we knew they said they couldn't come but we wanted them to have a formal invite anyway.

    They still RSVP'd no, which was fine, but they both told us they appreciated the gesture.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Lily9911Lily9911 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2013

    We sent out save the dates a few weeks ago and some people have already told us that they can't make it to our wedding - out of state and international people. Do we still send them an invitation? We haven't ordered them yet but are about to. We don't want to make them feel bad for not coming but at the same time don't want to snub them either. What's the etiquette here?

    Thanks,

    Katrina

    Always be safe than sorry. Send the invite just in case.

    Edit: addition

    This is similar to those people who swear they "CANT WAIT" until your wedding, RSVP's yes, and doesn't show. =/
  • I would send the invite anyway, because you do want to invite them. I would also throw a note inside saying something like "I know you said you probably won't be able to make it, but I wanted to send you an invitation anyway because I love you."
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards