Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cousins and Invites

Happy New Year ladies!

We are rapidly approaching the time our invites need to go out, our guest list has been complete for several months minus minor changes here and there.

My parents had a nasty divorce, they separated when I was about 7. I won't go into details because it's not relevant, but I did not see or speak with my father or his side of my family for quite a few years. Within the last few years, my father and I have started to mend our relationship. The wedding has brought us even closer! My FI and I originally planned to invite his 2 sisters and his brother (with their husbands and wives obviously) but not their children.

Since our engagement, we have been invited to a few social events with both his brother and one of his sisters with their children (my cousins). I want to invite these cousins to the wedding, however, I do not want to invite his other sister's kids. It seems harsh, but I have no relationship with them and would like to keep our guest list at the number we have agreed to. It would basically be including all cousins on that side minus his one sister's kids.

There are 'issues' within that side of the family. Basically, my grandparents and my dad's one sister do not speak to his brother and the other sister(who's kids I don't want to invite). My dad is sort of the monkey in the middle and speaks to all of them. Is this something I should discuss with my dad and ask his opinion? Is it ok to invite some cousins and not others? Or should I keep with the original plan of no cousins on my dad's side?

Thanks in advance!
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Re: Cousins and Invites

  • It's perfectly acceptable to invite some cousins but not others. I'm only inviting one cousin (and her husband of course) on my dad's side, but all cousins on my mom's side. How many cousins are we talking about?  
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  • I would ask your dad. Etiquette does not dictate that you must invite them, but there may be consequences as far as your family relationships.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2013
    LisaA2014 said:
    Happy New Year ladies!

    We are rapidly approaching the time our invites need to go out, our guest list has been complete for several months minus minor changes here and there.

    My parents had a nasty divorce, they separated when I was about 7. I won't go into details because it's not relevant, but I did not see or speak with my father or his side of my family for quite a few years. Within the last few years, my father and I have started to mend our relationship. The wedding has brought us even closer! My FI and I originally planned to invite his 2 sisters and his brother (with their husbands and wives obviously) but not their children.

    Since our engagement, we have been invited to a few social events with both his brother and one of his sisters with their children (my cousins). I want to invite these cousins to the wedding, however, I do not want to invite his other sister's kids. It seems harsh, but I have no relationship with them and would like to keep our guest list at the number we have agreed to. It would basically be including all cousins on that side minus his one sister's kids.

    There are 'issues' within that side of the family. Basically, my grandparents and my dad's one sister do not speak to his brother and the other sister(who's kids I don't want to invite). My dad is sort of the monkey in the middle and speaks to all of them. Is this something I should discuss with my dad and ask his opinion? Is it ok to invite some cousins and not others? Or should I keep with the original plan of no cousins on my dad's side?

    Thanks in advance!
    The bolded is a little confusing. You want to invite uncle's kids, and Aunt A's kids, but not Aunt B's kids? And Aunt A and the grandparent's don't talk to Aunt B and Uncle?

    ETA: Don't get involved in the drama. Invite who you want to invite, regardless of the relationship between the others.
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  • Etiquette says that you can invite/not invite whomever you please.  No one is entitled to a wedding invitation.
    Dealing with family drama is something that you will have to do, regardless of your decision.  It is up to your guests to behave themselves at your wedding.  You cannot control the drama fallout.
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  • It's 3 invited and 3 not. The 3 that are not all are married or have SOs so it would be 6 more to invite them also.
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  • laurynm84 said:
    LisaA2014 said:
    Happy New Year ladies!

    We are rapidly approaching the time our invites need to go out, our guest list has been complete for several months minus minor changes here and there.

    My parents had a nasty divorce, they separated when I was about 7. I won't go into details because it's not relevant, but I did not see or speak with my father or his side of my family for quite a few years. Within the last few years, my father and I have started to mend our relationship. The wedding has brought us even closer! My FI and I originally planned to invite his 2 sisters and his brother (with their husbands and wives obviously) but not their children.

    Since our engagement, we have been invited to a few social events with both his brother and one of his sisters with their children (my cousins). I want to invite these cousins to the wedding, however, I do not want to invite his other sister's kids. It seems harsh, but I have no relationship with them and would like to keep our guest list at the number we have agreed to. It would basically be including all cousins on that side minus his one sister's kids.

    There are 'issues' within that side of the family. Basically, my grandparents and my dad's one sister do not speak to his brother and the other sister(who's kids I don't want to invite). My dad is sort of the monkey in the middle and speaks to all of them. Is this something I should discuss with my dad and ask his opinion? Is it ok to invite some cousins and not others? Or should I keep with the original plan of no cousins on my dad's side?

    Thanks in advance!
    The bolded is a little confusing. You want to invite uncle's kids, and Aunt A's kids, but not Aunt B's kids? And Aunt A and the grandparent's don't talk to Aunt B and Uncle?

    ETA: Don't get involved in the drama. Invite who you want to invite, regardless of the relationship between the others.

    Although confusing, you got it completely correct!
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  • I would just talk to your dad and expect the adults to behave themselves.  There is a similar division on Fi's mom's side: Fi's mom, his aunt, and his grandfather are all close.  FMIL has two other siblings to whom Fi's family does not speak.  But some of their adult children (Fi's cousins) are in touch with everybody and come to family events.  So we are inviting those we have a relationship with.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I have many cousins and relatives that I have never met before, I did not put them on my side of the guest list. My FI and I made the decision that we were only inviting family members we actually knew and have seen in the last year.

    I have older cousins that grew up with my older brothers ( 9 & 7 year difference between me and them) but I don't really know them. I know OF them and have heard their names but I didn't grow up with them or have even met them. So I think it's perfectly fine inviting some cousins and not all. Although you can't invite one cousin and not invite the other cousin of the same family.
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  • I invited family members who weren't speaking to me and I left it up to them to answer "no". 1 actually showed up which I was surprised about but, we still don't speak.

    It made things so much easier and steered clear of any family issues. Sometime you just do the nice thing to prevent issues.

    The only people we did not invite were known alcoholics and other "inappropriate" family members. 

    Edit: My mother invited family who I NEVER met, but she totally did that behind my back. Luckily, they replied no.

    I made a point to not invite my mothers aunt since I never met the lady. I invited all of my first cousins even though I don't have a relationship with any of them. 
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2013
    CLI242009 said:
    I have many cousins and relatives that I have never met before, I did not put them on my side of the guest list. My FI and I made the decision that we were only inviting family members we actually knew and have seen in the last year.

    I have older cousins that grew up with my older brothers ( 9 & 7 year difference between me and them) but I don't really know them. I know OF them and have heard their names but I didn't grow up with them or have even met them. So I think it's perfectly fine inviting some cousins and not all. Although you can't invite one cousin and not invite the other cousin of the same family.
    If they are children, than this is true. It's perfectly fine to invite one adult cousin and not invite his or her sister or brother.
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  • laurynm84 said:
    CLI242009 said:
    I have many cousins and relatives that I have never met before, I did not put them on my side of the guest list. My FI and I made the decision that we were only inviting family members we actually knew and have seen in the last year.

    I have older cousins that grew up with my older brothers ( 9 & 7 year difference between me and them) but I don't really know them. I know OF them and have heard their names but I didn't grow up with them or have even met them. So I think it's perfectly fine inviting some cousins and not all. Although you can't invite one cousin and not invite the other cousin of the same family.
    If they are children, than this is true. It's perfectly fine to invite one adult cousin and not invite his or her sister or brother.
    Yes that is exactly what I meant. If they were still children (and IMO if they are still living with their parents). Adults living off on their own, that is fine to invite one cousin but not your other cousin (his/her brother/sister). Hope this makes sense. 

    For my family I still have a few cousins, who are over 18, but still live with my aunt and uncle. they received their own invites of course, but I would still invited some of them because they were living at home still and I didn't want to start any family drama. That's just me though and what I did in my situation. 
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