Did I have an accidental PPD?

Lily9911

I thought I'd bring up my "PPD" since reading the PPD vent this morning.

DH and I were married 2 years ago in November, we had our wedding and everything went smoothly. We went off to our honeymoon, came back and a few weeks later received a letter from the government (I think) that DH and I were NOT legally married and we were placed in a civil union since our marriage license was filled out in the town we were getting married in, not the town we lived in. Whoops....

So in December, a little over a month later, we received the correct marriage license, went over to our officiant's house and she signed in right there in her PJs (along with my SIL and BIL as witnesses) and we all went out to get pancakes afterwards. 

DH and I do not celebrate the December date even though it's our "legal" married date. 

Did I have an unintentional PPD? Either way we think it makes for a funny story now, 2 years ago I was devastated. Also, only a handful of people know that took place, we didn't make it known to everyone what had happened. 

And the reason why we filled it out in the town of marriage is because I had called municipal court and ASKED THEM. They had the wrong information. Also, when we filled out the license in the correct location that municipal court told us a story about a couple who made the same mistake 40 years ago, and had to get completely married since back then they didn't have civil unions. 

STARMOON44

Of course not, don't be silly. You just made a mistake, that's all.

HisGirlFriday13

No, I don't think so.

You represented to your guests that this was your legal marriage -- and it was the ceremony at which you planned to be legally wed. Because of paperwork errors, you weren't, so you rectified that later.

PPDs can only be done knowingly -- that you and DH intended to deceive your guests by having a faux ceremony and then having another, legal one, later.

Also, you did it in reverse -- the big celebration THEN the legal part, whereas typically PPDs are done the other way -- legal JOP ceremony first for whatever reason THEN big celebration.

Your story is interesting, though -- how did the clerk's office screw that up??

Lily9911

HisGirlFriday13 said:

No, I don't think so.

You represented to your guests that this was your legal marriage -- and it was the ceremony at which you planned to be legally wed. Because of paperwork errors, you weren't, so you rectified that later.

PPDs can only be done knowingly -- that you and DH intended to deceive your guests by having a faux ceremony and then having another, legal one, later.

Also, you did it in reverse -- the big celebration THEN the legal part, whereas typically PPDs are done the other way -- legal JOP ceremony first for whatever reason THEN big celebration.

Your story is interesting, though -- how did the clerk's office screw that up??

Yes, it is an interesting story to tell indeed. Most people don't believe it because how could the paperwork be wrong?

The clerk, who was very old and doing the job since the 1900's had always done it that way. Maybe in my state it was once the law that you need to file in the city you are getting married in? Then later on the rules were changed? I don't know. 

All I do know is that the same woman is known for misleading couples (I found that out in the town we lived in, where that clerk told me that the woman from the other town has been giving the wrong information) I took it upon myself to send the letter I received to the woman who gave us the wrong info and told her that she's doing her job wrong. I also asked for a refund.

I was also thinking that I totes did a reverse PPD also. 

Jen4948

No, it doesn't sound like a PPD to me.  As PPs have stated, I think that the element of intent is what distinguishes a PPD from a later legal ceremony.  You didn't intend to mislead your guests; you just found out later that the ceremony you thought was legal wasn't due to a bureaucratic error-not your own.

AddieCake

Not at all.

Lily9911

Thank you ladies. My mind is at ease. I also feel like we are totally suppose to be celebrating our wedding date instead of our legal date. 

Edited for question: 

For those who have the legal ceremony then the PPD, shouldn't they be celebrating their legal date instead of the PPD date?

Jen4948

Lily9911 said:

For those who have the legal ceremony then the PPD, shouldn't they be celebrating their legal date instead of the PPD date?

Yes.

kgd7357

I feel like the paperwork being done a little late due to confusion is not a PPD as long as your intention is correct. For me, what really makes a PPD is when people get married for insurance or benefits or a child then have a huge "wedding" later. You can't be bride if you are married. As long as the public ceremony and paperwork are done as close together as practical I'm okay with it.

I could also see your situation happening. My FI and I don't live in the same state. His state requires that residents get a marriage license in their county even if they get married in a different county in the same state. Although I could go to any clerks office in the state. Someone could totally screw this up and both people could go to the county where the marriage was when really both need to go to where the one lives.

manateehugger

missax said:

Lily9911 said:

Thank you ladies. My mind is at ease. I also feel like we are totally suppose to be celebrating our wedding date instead of our legal date. 

Edited for question: 

For those who have the legal ceremony then the PPD, shouldn't they be celebrating their legal date instead of the PPD date?

My guess is they celebrate both because of how special they are.

The couples I know celebrate the PPD date - blegh.

I've had one woman (military spouse) try to tell me she doesn't even remember the date they "filled out paperwork" since it wasn't important. I said something about how it must be annoying to have to go dig up your marriage license to find your wedding date anytime she fills out paperwork for the gov/military to get those snazzy benefits.

Lily9911

PDKH said:

missax said:

Lily9911 said:

Thank you ladies. My mind is at ease. I also feel like we are totally suppose to be celebrating our wedding date instead of our legal date. 

Edited for question: 

For those who have the legal ceremony then the PPD, shouldn't they be celebrating their legal date instead of the PPD date?

My guess is they celebrate both because of how special they are.

The couples I know celebrate the PPD date - blegh.

I've had one woman (military spouse) try to tell me she doesn't even remember the date they "filled out paperwork" since it wasn't important. I said something about how it must be annoying to have to go dig up your marriage license to find your wedding date anytime she fills out paperwork for the gov/military to get those snazzy benefits.

There are some people who say "Marriage is just paperwork" but I always cringe when I hear that or hear that the paper isn't important. 

manateehugger

Lily9911 said:

PDKH said:

missax said:

Lily9911 said:

Thank you ladies. My mind is at ease. I also feel like we are totally suppose to be celebrating our wedding date instead of our legal date. 

Edited for question: 

For those who have the legal ceremony then the PPD, shouldn't they be celebrating their legal date instead of the PPD date?

My guess is they celebrate both because of how special they are.

The couples I know celebrate the PPD date - blegh.

I've had one woman (military spouse) try to tell me she doesn't even remember the date they "filled out paperwork" since it wasn't important. I said something about how it must be annoying to have to go dig up your marriage license to find your wedding date anytime she fills out paperwork for the gov/military to get those snazzy benefits.

There are some people who say "Marriage is just paperwork" but I always cringe when I hear that or hear that the paper isn't important. 

It bugs me something awful when people say it. I get that perhaps on the wedding day, signing a piece of paper isn't what you're looking forward to or that a religious aspect of marriage has deeper meaning than the legal meaning for you, but saying it doesn't matter just demonstrates ignorance and hypocrisy (why do it if it doesn't matter?).

It drives me batty with military spouses who get loads of completely free benefits once they sign that piece of paper that "doesn't matter."

kgd7357

@PDKH

I totally agree. I'm in the Navy and I want my big pretty wedding in June, although I totally knew I wanted to marry my FI for at least a year now. Had we gotten married back then, I would get $1000 more tax free dollars per month just for being married. Instead we are getting married right before my terminal leave (both legally and in a ceremony in front of our family and friends) so we can have the big wedding and take a big honeymoon. I'll get to cash in on only a total of 2 months of those benefits. But so it goes, b/c I'll get to be a true bride when I wear that white dress and a wife when I leave on that honeymoon. Which is pretty neat.

ETA: Clarity. I am currently UNMARRIED legally. And will be legally wed in a big white dress in June.

With that being said, I don't think the OP's issue is the same. The paperwork is important and it was corrected because of it's importance.

phira

Honestly, it's kind of a fun story to tell! I think it would be really fun to wake up, get married with the officiant in PJs, and then get pancakes. Mmm.

But either way, I think the important thing with PPDs is the idea that "everyone deserves a day to feel like a princess!" It feeds into the idea that a wedding is supposed to be a certain type of event, and that everyone is entitled to that kind of event. So if the wedding doesn't go "right" or "traditionally," the couple might feel entitled to a do-over.

Or maybe a couple is convinced that they're entitled to the benefits of marriage NOW, and then the traditional wedding event LATER, when they can afford it. It's a really common excuse with military couples who have PPDs, and I also see it with people who want to share health insurance for medical issues. As someone who actually very seriously considered marrying her partner for health insurance (my insurance stopped covering any prescription meds; I spent all my savings paying out of pocket).

The way I like to think of the above circumstances is that there are plenty of people who are in the military and SINGLE, and there are plenty of people who need better health insurance who are SINGLE. You're not entitled to the benefits just because you're in a relationship. If you want the benefits now and you can't afford a wedding, then get married and have a great vow renewal or anniversary party sometime. ARG.

Sorry, this turned into a bit of a rant!

wrigleyville

I just wanted to chime in and say that going out for pancakes afterward sounds awesome.

misshart00

I think you're fine. We have a similar, but not as dramatic story. The morning after our wedding, our license that we had signed the night before was nowhere to be found. We were freaking out. But finally, the guy who drove our cab the night before called and said he had something that looked important.

Lily9911

misshart00 said:

I think you're fine. We have a similar, but not as dramatic story. The morning after our wedding, our license that we had signed the night before was nowhere to be found. We were freaking out. But finally, the guy who drove our cab the night before called and said he had something that looked important.

OMG, that must have been so upsetting! Luckily you found it.

wrigleyville - pancakes always.

Another addition to our funny story is, after our ceremony was over and you know...you go into a separate room to sign the license, my DH said "I don't have it...." He left it at the hotel. So one of our dear friends went to the hotel to retrieve it. I kept joking around the whole day "We weren't legally married for at least 2 hours." Nope...more like a month LOL.