Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not a bridesmaid

TerriHuggTerriHugg member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
edited December 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So I know this is going to sound really dumb, but I just need to vent and I get it out. I'm a bit hurt because one of my closest friends since elementary school didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. Though she couldn't attend my wedding, I had asked her to a be bridesmaid at my wedding. And even when she couldn't attend and sent her blessings, I sent her a gift anyway and thanked her for being a great friend and best far-away bridesmaid I could ask for. She was really grateful for the gift and the kind words. 

When she got engaged, I was one of the first people she called. I helped her pick her wedding gown, took her to bridal shows, and even gave her advice on etiquette. We even had a conversation about her picking bridesmaids and how this girl we were both acquaintances with expressed interest in being a bridesmaid even though they hardly ever talk. We also had a conversation about how hurt she was when her other close friends didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid and how it hurt her because it really forces you to analyze her relationships. I comforted her by telling her that some people pick bridesmaids for different reasons and it doesn't mean that they aren't still friends. 

That's why I feel so dumb now that she is getting married and she never asked me to be her bridesmaid. One of the main reasons is because she asked the same girl that only talks to her when convenient to be a bridesmaid. She also complains about this girl to me all the time. The second reason it hurts me so much is because of the value she puts on having close friends in your bridal party. I haven't been in a close friend's bridal party before and was fine about it, but knowing how important close friendships and bridesmaids are to her based on previous conversations, it really hurts because it seems that maybe we're not as close as I thought we were. 

Anyway, I just wanted to get this sentiment out here since I know I can never say anything to my friend about it and just be happy for her. I know I'll get over it soon enough. Thanks for reading. Hope you all have a great new year.

*Sorry for the double post. Just realized I had two windows opened at the same time so it posted twice. 
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Re: Not a bridesmaid

  • Sorry, that just sounds annoying and frustrating.  Your friend sounds a little tactless.  But you sound like you are handling it really well--vent away here.
  • I went above and beyond for one of my best friends weddings. She chose a MOH that lived in another state and was very young so all the pre-wedding parties were up to me and another friend to plan and fund. When I got engaged I chose not to have a wedding party due to family issues and this same friend has since made little effort in being interested in my wedding. I think she was hurt that I didn't ask her to be my witness. I am bummed that this caused a rift in our friendship and that I can't even call her to talk about stuff I am excited for, for the wedding but I have to move on and realize that when all is said and done we will get past it and hopefully begin to mend. My apologies that your feelings were hurt.  
  • After years of childhood friendship pacts, and, "Of COURSE you'll be my maid of honor when I get married!" I grew apart from my best friend from elementary/high school. I know that she is really disappointed that I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid. I knew it would be really horrifically hurtful if I actually told her why I didn't ask her. I really wish that my partner weren't so insistent on having a wedding party! It would be much easier to just say, "We're not having bridesmaids or groomsmen."

    I think it's good that you're venting here and not planning on saying anything to your friend. I know it REALLY sucks, but people choose bridesmaids and groomsmen for all sorts of reasons. I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend's wedding because I had encouraged her to date her now husband. I'd be willing to bet that some of her friends were wondering why this person they'd barely heard of was in the wedding party. My ex sister-in-law asked my sister to be a bridesmaid so that sides would be even.
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  • I went above and beyond for one of my best friends weddings. She chose a MOH that lived in another state and was very young so all the pre-wedding parties were up to me and another friend to plan and fund. When I got engaged I chose not to have a wedding party due to family issues and this same friend has since made little effort in being interested in my wedding. I think she was hurt that I didn't ask her to be my witness. I am bummed that this caused a rift in our friendship and that I can't even call her to talk about stuff I am excited for, for the wedding but I have to move on and realize that when all is said and done we will get past it and hopefully begin to mend. My apologies that your feelings were hurt.  
    No one has to plan or fund any pre-wedding parties.  
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  • :C I'm sorry, that stinks. I would be hurt too.
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  • doeydo said:
    I went above and beyond for one of my best friends weddings. She chose a MOH that lived in another state and was very young so all the pre-wedding parties were up to me and another friend to plan and fund. When I got engaged I chose not to have a wedding party due to family issues and this same friend has since made little effort in being interested in my wedding. I think she was hurt that I didn't ask her to be my witness. I am bummed that this caused a rift in our friendship and that I can't even call her to talk about stuff I am excited for, for the wedding but I have to move on and realize that when all is said and done we will get past it and hopefully begin to mend. My apologies that your feelings were hurt.  
    No one has to plan or fund any pre-wedding parties.  
    you are right no one does...but since her MOH was not around to offer if she wanted to, as her FRIEND, we wanted to make sure she had that experience. I'm not bitter about it I was just explaining the situation.
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