Etiquette

bridesmaid dilemma

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Re: bridesmaid dilemma

  • Also, I went to a kid-free wedding a whole month after my son was born, and I spent at least half of the time in my car pumping. It kind of sucked. I don't think I would put myself in that situation again.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • lindseyfera if you ever told me I should consider pumping for your wedding or even asked me "hey, could you just pump so you can be in my wedding?" it would be the end of our friendship or at least it would put a very large strain on it. Pumping is not something easy, and it's not something anyone *wants* to do. It's hard, it's messy, and it can hinder your breastfeeding relationship with your child. Pumping can be a wonderful thing but a mother should never be asked to do it.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    PrettyGirlLostAmyzen83
  • @acove2006--I would not bring up the possibility of pumping to just anyone invited who may be having a baby. It would be something I maybe would discuss with my best friend who is MOH or my very close cousins who are bridesmaids. I'm certainly not out to offend anyone, especially not over a wedding. It just seemed like a possible solution (probably a very annoying one for the mother) for someone who is very close to the bride and maybe would not take offense. While I do not know the explicit details of pumping, I do appreciate your honesty in the nitty gritty of--I've heard it's time consuming from fellow nurses at work, but wasn't sure if it could be an option for some for just one night if it meant getting to attend the wedding if they felt up to it.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    @acove2006--I would not bring up the possibility of pumping to just anyone invited who may be having a baby. It would be something I maybe would discuss with my best friend who is MOH or my very close cousins who are bridesmaids. I'm certainly not out to offend anyone, especially not over a wedding. It just seemed like a possible solution (probably a very annoying one for the mother) for someone who is very close to the bride and maybe would not take offense. While I do not know the explicit details of pumping, I do appreciate your honesty in the nitty gritty of--I've heard it's time consuming from fellow nurses at work, but wasn't sure if it could be an option for some for just one night if it meant getting to attend the wedding if they felt up to it.
    Even they might feel offended by being told that your wedding is more important than their natural feeding schedule that their own bodies create.  I'd just not do this.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • @acove2006--I would not bring up the possibility of pumping to just anyone invited who may be having a baby. It would be something I maybe would discuss with my best friend who is MOH or my very close cousins who are bridesmaids. I'm certainly not out to offend anyone, especially not over a wedding. It just seemed like a possible solution (probably a very annoying one for the mother) for someone who is very close to the bride and maybe would not take offense. While I do not know the explicit details of pumping, I do appreciate your honesty in the nitty gritty of--I've heard it's time consuming from fellow nurses at work, but wasn't sure if it could be an option for some for just one night if it meant getting to attend the wedding if they felt up to it.

    I don't care what my relationship is with the person I'd straight tell that person they hav crossed a line especially if it was someone close! It's at the same level as someone telling you how to manage your finances when you can't afford a trip due to all bills and rent being due.
    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • The main thing no one warned me about pumping?

    "Get an electric pump" they said.
    "Much faster, much better" they said.

    No one EVER things to warn you of how you feel like a cow in a milking barn.

    It's humiliating.
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma
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    Lamiavita said:
    The main thing no one warned me about pumping? "Get an electric pump" they said. "Much faster, much better" they said. No one EVER things to warn you of how you feel like a cow in a milking barn. It's humiliating.

    I've never felt like a cow while pumping. I'm so sorry it makes you feel that way.
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    I managed to read only half the replies. A few people have said something similar to my views: it is more important to have friends in attendance with newborns than not there at all. People can take a crying baby to a hallway or something, after all.

    I don't have much patience for children at all, and am planning a child free event. But a close friend is due 6 weeks prior to my wedding so she warned me her husband might stay home to look after the child. I told her she can bring the newborn and/or play it by ear and she was appreciative. We all have something to celebrate, and that's what matters most. We're not taking turns in the spotlight.
    ________________________________


    Amyzen83ChemFanatic25crunchymamaof2
  • hey there- I was in almost the same situation until I thankfully got out of it.  One of my bridesmaids got preggers, found out that she was due a week before the wedding! Well she wanted to bring the baby.  I have no other children at the wedding, not even a flower girl or ring bearer. We finally made a compromise that she would bring the baby and it would stay in one of the rooms upstairs (having the reception at a hotel) with the bridesmaids mom.  That way she could leave whenever she needed to feed the baby but still be able to enjoy the night.  

    story ended up with her durdate changing to the day of the wedding.  She asked to be replaced, so I replaced her.  Then she had a miscarriage, after a little while her husband called and said that she really wanted to be in the wedding but was afraid to ask to come back in.  So i called her, she came back in and we added another groomsman.  They on the day they all had to have their dress orders in by, she decided that she wanted to have a baby and not be in the wedding anymore.  I freaked, finally found someone else to do it and had to pay the rush fee for her dress 4 months before the wedding.  

    Basically, you can't control what people are going to do about their children but you can control what happens in that one room on that one day.  You get like 5 hours of what you want, don't let other people make the decisions for you
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    edited January 2014
    debmonn said:
    lmd9188 said:
    hey there- I was in almost the same situation until I thankfully got out of it.  One of my bridesmaids got preggers, found out that she was due a week before the wedding! Well she wanted to bring the baby.  I have no other children at the wedding, not even a flower girl or ring bearer. We finally made a compromise that she would bring the baby and it would stay in one of the rooms upstairs (having the reception at a hotel) with the bridesmaids mom.  That way she could leave whenever she needed to feed the baby but still be able to enjoy the night.  

    story ended up with her durdate changing to the day of the wedding.  She asked to be replaced, so I replaced her.  Then she had a miscarriage, after a little while her husband called and said that she really wanted to be in the wedding but was afraid to ask to come back in.  So i called her, she came back in and we added another groomsman.  They on the day they all had to have their dress orders in by, she decided that she wanted to have a baby and not be in the wedding anymore.  I freaked, finally found someone else to do it and had to pay the rush fee for her dress 4 months before the wedding.  

    Basically, you can't control what people are going to do about their children but you can control what happens in that one room on that one day.  You get like 5 hours of what you want, don't let other people make the decisions for you

    The bolded show pretty much what NOT to do and think.  Don't replace people in your wedding party. Don't try to "even up" sides. You can't control what happens, its not your day, its not about you, or me, or us.

    And finally, do yourself a favor and never call your friends babies "it".


    http://25.media.tumblr.com/a64497fc2e7e113aad99e20578f9912e/tumblr_ms5bg2VVxh1seecqoo10_1280.jpg


    http://25.media.tumblr.com/4b651da3da3ffe11b2465050ea1671ed/tumblr_ms82exnY2w1seecqoo4_500.gif

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    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Fran1985 smalfrie19
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited January 2014

    lmd9188 said:
    hey there- I was in almost the same situation until I thankfully got out of it.  One of my bridesmaids got preggers, found out that she was due a week before the wedding! Well she wanted to bring the baby.  I have no other children at the wedding, not even a flower girl or ring bearer. We finally made a compromise that she would bring the baby and it would stay in one of the rooms upstairs (having the reception at a hotel) with the bridesmaids mom.  That way she could leave whenever she needed to feed the baby but still be able to enjoy the night.  

    story ended up with her durdate changing to the day of the wedding.  She asked to be replaced, so I replaced her.  Then she had a miscarriage, after a little while her husband called and said that she really wanted to be in the wedding but was afraid to ask to come back in.  So i called her, she came back in and we added another groomsman.  They on the day they all had to have their dress orders in by, she decided that she wanted to have a baby and not be in the wedding anymore.  I freaked, finally found someone else to do it and had to pay the rush fee for her dress 4 months before the wedding.  

    Basically, you can't control what people are going to do about their children but you can control what happens in that one room on that one day.  You get like 5 hours of what you want, don't let other people make the decisions for you
    This has got to be one of the worst things I've read on here. image
    I wouldn't have found someone else to replace her either or added another groomsman for even sides.  But this maid's "deciding that she wanted to have a baby and not be in the wedding anymore" and stepping down a second time would bother me too if she stepped down once and then wanted to come back in.
    Amyzen83
  • Wait a minute! I smell MUD or a very ugly Troll has entered the building
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I think she is not happy about her friend's miscarriage. I think she was upset that her friend cancelled being a bridesmaid for a second time, after she said she wanted back in. I would just tell the friend she can get her own dress, if she wants, and tell her the colors of your bridesmaid dresses.  That way, if she wants to take pictures with you, it will look like she is a part of the wedding party, and if she has a child or not, her body will fit in this dress she bought herself. And if she isn't able to stand up in your wedding, she can always take the dress back.
  • I was saying that, if she wanted to be an honorary bridesmaid, but couldn't really fulfill other obligations like attending the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner, she could still look like a bridesmaid. And I have been guilty about not mentioning everything in a post, which made me come across as very insensitive.  Giving her the benefit of the doubt.  I would not have had anyone take her place, though.  You shouldn't be asking just anybody to  even out the numbers in your wedding party.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    dmyrick78 said:
    I was saying that, if she wanted to be an honorary bridesmaid, but couldn't really fulfill other obligations like attending the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner, she could still look like a bridesmaid. And I have been guilty about not mentioning everything in a post, which made me come across as very insensitive.  Giving her the benefit of the doubt.  I would not have had anyone take her place, though.  You shouldn't be asking just anybody to  even out the numbers in your wedding party.
    There is no such thing.  Either you are a BM or you are not.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    aurorajanette
  • My bridesmaid will be getting her own dress, because she does not know what size she will be, after she has the baby, and there will be no time to have it tailored.  I told her she can just wear a navy dress, so she can still be my bridesmaid, and she can take it back if it does not fit her, or if she is not feeling well enough to attend. She might not be able to stand at the altar, especially if she has just had a cesarean. Maybe the bridesmaid backed out because she didn't think she would get a dress that would fit her. If she could get her own dress, and the task of being a bridesmaid could be tailored to her being comfortable, she might have said yes to being a bridesmaid.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    dmyrick78 said:
    I was saying that, if she wanted to be an honorary bridesmaid, but couldn't really fulfill other obligations like attending the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner, she could still look like a bridesmaid. And I have been guilty about not mentioning everything in a post, which made me come across as very insensitive.  Giving her the benefit of the doubt.  I would not have had anyone take her place, though.  You shouldn't be asking just anybody to  even out the numbers in your wedding party.
    There's no such thing as an "honorary bridesmaid."  Either she is a bridesmaid or she isn't.  And the only "obligations" she has are to obtain the specified dress or a dress with the given specifications, show up with it on the day on time, wear it at the ceremony, and be in good spirits.  Attending a bridal shower or rehearsal dinner really aren't obligations.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Bridemaids should try to attend the bridal shower and the rehearsal dinner and wedding rehearsal.  They don't have any chores while they are there, unless they would like to help, and that is their decision. And it would not be the same dress, and you might not have a bouquet for her, she might not be able to stand during the ceremony, with the other girls, so she would not be fulfilling her "obligations" but would still be a bridesmaid in my eyes.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    dmyrick78 said:
    Bridemaids should try to attend the bridal shower and the rehearsal dinner and wedding rehearsal.  They don't have any chores while they are there, unless they would like to help, and that is their decision. And it would not be the same dress, and you might not have a bouquet for her, she might not be able to stand during the ceremony, with the other girls, so she would not be fulfilling her "obligations" but would still be a bridesmaid in my eyes.
    Sometimes life makes this impossible.  And it is not an "obligation."
  • I said they should try to attend.  I know they have their families, jobs, and life, or might live far away.  But I would try to make it to those major events, if I decided to stand up in someone's wedding.
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