Ceremony and Vow Ideas

LDS member/nonmember wedding...

I'm engaged to an amazing non-LDS man and I've been a LDS member for my entire life (albeit currently not active). We've agreed to have his family pastor perform the actual ceremony. However I would really like to have some sort of priesthood blessing either before or afterward. My fiance is not sure he's comfortable with this..
So I guess my question is this has/is anyone in a similar situation? Is it appropriate to have a blessing in this situation? And how do I approach this with my fiance without it turning into a religious war?

Re: LDS member/nonmember wedding...

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I was raised LDS.  Do you not want to be married in the temple?  Of course, there would be a bunch of requirements. 
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  • Since my fiance is a nonmember (and we have a very strict agreement about him not converting) a temple wedding is not an option. However as this is one of the most important commitments we'll ever make I would really like to get a priesthood blessing....But he's just not sure he feels comfortable since he's not LDS with getting a blessing like this.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    If you both aren't comfortable with anything of a religious nature, I'd skip it in the interest of fairness and honoring you both.
  • Tricky!  I suggest letting him know your thoughts on the topic and then leaving him to consider it for a few days before asking for an answer from him.  He probably just needs time.  If the answer is no, he's not comfortable then I think in all fairness it should not happen.  I would be personally totally weirded out if my fiance wanted me to do a religious thing at our wedding that I did not believe in at all.  It's about celebrating the both of you, not just one.
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  • Why is he marrying you if he is uncomfortable with your religion? Do you still practice? Is he under the impression that you are leaving the church for him?

    To be perfectly honest, there's quite a lot about LDS that makes me uncomfortable, but I would not marry someone who is active and intends to remain active in that church. That he is engaged to you suggests to me that either you have not discussed this together or he is not on the same page you thought he was.
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
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    This is something to be discussed between you and your FI. It sounds like you are compromising by getting married by his pastor, so IMO getting blessing from your church doesn't seem unreasonable. Marrying with different religious beliefs is always tricky and requires a lot of understanding and acceptance. If including your religion is important to you then you need to make sure he knows how important. I think marriage by his clergy and blessing by your clergy seems like a good balance to include both religions.

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  • nicoann said:
    This is something to be discussed between you and your FI. It sounds like you are compromising by getting married by his pastor, so IMO getting blessing from your church doesn't seem unreasonable. Marrying with different religious beliefs is always tricky and requires a lot of understanding and acceptance. If including your religion is important to you then you need to make sure he knows how important. I think marriage by his clergy and blessing by your clergy seems like a good balance to include both religions.

    Except that OP says her FI is uncomfortable with the blessing. She needs to respect that. 

    OP, it sounds like you guys need to have another discussion about the role of religion in your lives together and what it'll look like down the line, especially if you have kids.
  • Why is your FI uncomfortable with the priest blessing? I think you two need to take a step back and figure out the bigger religious picture here. It worries me that he is adamantly against something that means so much to you. You also mention having a strict agreement about him not converting -- whose idea was that?

    Religion is one of the biggest issues in a marriage. You and he need to get on the same page about this ASAP.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I feel like something is missing from your post.  Your FI is ok to have a pastor marry him, but will not allow an LDS blessing.  Is there something about an LDS blessing that is more than just a priest standing over the two of you and offering a prayer for you both?  I can understand that your FI does not want to convert, but even if he believes in nothing and you do, where would be the harm in allowing you to have the blessing if is doesn't impact him physically.  He would just be standing there to honor your wishes.  Why does a blessing make your FI uncomfortable?
  • At my sister's first marriage she is Lutheran and her now ex-husand was catholic. The lutheran pastor did the whole ceremony and at the end, the priest just said a quick blessing, less then a minute. It had no impact on the marriage, but it made her MIL very happy. It's not like you are having a Satan worshipping church person come and give a blessing at your ceremony.

    The other idea is to invite your head of church (sorry don't know what they are referred to in the LDS faith) and then ask him to do a blessing before the meal at the reception.

    But in the end, I think this is an important issue that you and your FI need to discuss on why it's important to you to have it and why he is so opposed to it, even though you are not asking to convert. I'm assuming you've already had the discussion on what faith any kids you may have will be raised. I think he needs to clearly express himself on why he is opposed to it, not just a because I don't want it and you need to clearly express to him why it's important to you and again, not just because you want it. Then based on what your answers are to each other, then you two together can talk about and hopefully come to a compromise on the situation.

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited January 2014
    Also, in your OP you said you are LDS but 'currently not active'.  Do you plan to be active again in the future?  Because being an LDS member (a female one, in particular) can take up a lot of your time.  ETA So is he prepared for that?  Does he respect your faith, though unwilling to convert?
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