What is with people

JaniV123

What isit with people thinking they are automatically invited to my wedding, ESPECIALLY when you havent talked to me in over 4 years!?!? I geet that i met FI because of you back in high school before you proceded to basically insult me and unfriend me from you life for two years, just because you were the matchmakes does not give you authority to auto invite youself to my wedding on a punlic forum! Geez seriously.

retrobride2015

Sadly, I know what you mean! I don't get it, I'm having a hard enough time coming up with a bridal party, so why the heck would I want to invite someone I haven't hung out with in years??? People are nuts!

JaniV123

Exactly! My neighbor who is practically a sister i though tfor sure would be my MOH but she just got her first bf and has basically blown me off several times. Shewill still likely be in my BP but not as MOH.having to deal with that i am not in a mood to hear entitled people thinking they are an auto atic in at my wedding. Hell there is a whole list of people who i would invite before someone i havent spoken to in years!

retrobride2015

Ha! I'm having MOH issues too! My so-called best friend flat out told me that she's really not into helping me with stuff right now because my engagement is a reminder that she's single...WTF? At this point I don't want to see her face let alone even think about having her in my BP, let alone as my MOH.

JaniV123

@retrobride2015 OMG! That is awful of her to say! I really want my neighbor to come around because she has always been there for me and I for her and now her controlling bf has her blowing me off. It upsets me more than anything really. If a best friend told me I would really like "seriously?!" 

I hope think ease down for you in that sense

CLI242009

retrobride2015 said:

Ha! I'm having MOH issues too! My so-called best friend flat out told me that she's really not into helping me with stuff right now because my engagement is a reminder that she's single...WTF? At this point I don't want to see her face let alone even think about having her in my BP, let alone as my MOH.

W.T.F??!?!? Indeed. Holy hell a simple "I'm sorry I just can't handle being your MOH" would of been sufficient enough, geez.

If she's saying stuff like that I wouldn't want her around me. Misery loves company and I would be afraid she'd drop those asinine comments  like "most marriages in divorce" or "you sure he's the right one?", etc. 

vt&dt

retrobride2015 said:

Ha! I'm having MOH issues too! My so-called best friend flat out told me that she's really not into helping me with stuff right now because my engagement is a reminder that she's single...WTF? At this point I don't want to see her face let alone even think about having her in my BP, let alone as my MOH.

Not to rain on your parade too much... but it seems like she tried to tell you how she felt and because she's dealing with some sadness or insecurity about her relationship status you want to kick her out of your wedding party?

The only thing a bridesmaid or maid of honor needs to do is show up, on time & sober, in the dress (or style of dress) that was selected for the BP within their budget.  She is under no obligation to help you with anything leading up to the wedding.  Nobody (including your best friend) will be (or should be) as excited about your wedding as you.  Nobody (except for your FI) is obligated to help you plan.

Maybe you should try talking to that friend about something besides your wedding... being supportive and helping each other out should go both ways.

Xandy417

vt&dt said:

retrobride2015 said:

Ha! I'm having MOH issues too! My so-called best friend flat out told me that she's really not into helping me with stuff right now because my engagement is a reminder that she's single...WTF? At this point I don't want to see her face let alone even think about having her in my BP, let alone as my MOH.

Not to rain on your parade too much... but it seems like she tried to tell you how she felt and because she's dealing with some sadness or insecurity about her relationship status you want to kick her out of your wedding party?

The only thing a bridesmaid or maid of honor needs to do is show up, on time & sober, in the dress (or style of dress) that was selected for the BP within their budget.  She is under no obligation to help you with anything leading up to the wedding.  Nobody (including your best friend) will be (or should be) as excited about your wedding as you.  Nobody (except for your FI) is obligated to help you plan.

Maybe you should try talking to that friend about something besides your wedding... being supportive and helping each other out should go both ways

-stuck in the box-

^This. Its YOUR wedding. You and your FI should be planning it, and perhaps your parents/FILS if they are helping to pay for it. Your friends are in no way obligated to help you with anything.

KatWAG

vt&dt said:

retrobride2015 said:

Ha! I'm having MOH issues too! My so-called best friend flat out told me that she's really not into helping me with stuff right now because my engagement is a reminder that she's single...WTF? At this point I don't want to see her face let alone even think about having her in my BP, let alone as my MOH.

Not to rain on your parade too much... but it seems like she tried to tell you how she felt and because she's dealing with some sadness or insecurity about her relationship status you want to kick her out of your wedding party?

The only thing a bridesmaid or maid of honor needs to do is show up, on time & sober, in the dress (or style of dress) that was selected for the BP within their budget.  She is under no obligation to help you with anything leading up to the wedding.  Nobody (including your best friend) will be (or should be) as excited about your wedding as you.  Nobody (except for your FI) is obligated to help you plan.

Maybe you should try talking to that friend about something besides your wedding... being supportive and helping each other out should go both ways.

quoting this so that @retrobride2015 will read it again. VT's advice is spot on, and bares repeating.

retrobride2015

vt&dt said:

retrobride2015 said:

Ha! I'm having MOH issues too! My so-called best friend flat out told me that she's really not into helping me with stuff right now because my engagement is a reminder that she's single...WTF? At this point I don't want to see her face let alone even think about having her in my BP, let alone as my MOH.

Not to rain on your parade too much... but it seems like she tried to tell you how she felt and because she's dealing with some sadness or insecurity about her relationship status you want to kick her out of your wedding party?

The only thing a bridesmaid or maid of honor needs to do is show up, on time & sober, in the dress (or style of dress) that was selected for the BP within their budget.  She is under no obligation to help you with anything leading up to the wedding.  Nobody (including your best friend) will be (or should be) as excited about your wedding as you.  Nobody (except for your FI) is obligated to help you plan.

Maybe you should try talking to that friend about something besides your wedding... being supportive and helping each other out should go both ways.

Thank you & I completely understand what you're saying. We are the ones planning since we're the ones paying. I never expected her or anyone to help. I even told her so when she said that but it didn't seem to matter. I even tried to joke about it & told her the only thing I'll need is my drinking buddy when shit starts stressing me out (something we've always done..."Dude, had a crap day, let's go for a few drinks" type of thing). Sadly, it's taken me this long (almost 12 yrs) to notice a pattern with her. When things are going good for her, regardless whether I'm going through a tough time or not, things are good. When her world isn't "perfect", everyone around her pays for it. I know my remark about not wanting to see her face was pretty bitchy but I'm at a point in my life where I'm finally happy with the everything around me & I've adopted a more positive less blaming attitude in life. Like CL said: "Misery loves company" and I've realized life is too short to be miserable. That's not to say I'm not snarky from time to time, I inherited it from my mom...lol

hlpopper

Oh god, I've been having the same problem. As soon as I announced I was getting married, everyone and their sisters thought they were invited, even some obscure relatives who heard from my grandmother that I was getting married have been bugging me on where their invites are and such like that. I might have seen those people once in my life. I think the reason why people think they're invited is that it's an exciting time and they'd like to feel like they are something special in your life. Frankly I tell them if they weren't special I wouldn't put up with half the crap they've done, but you'll always have that. Just like in elementary school when you were writing invitations for everyone to come to your birthday party, everyone in your class wanted to come, even if they didn't like you. I think it's a cake thing. Free cake, more often than not, free booze, free party. Just make sure that you don't let them guilt you into inviting them and if they start to get mean about it, even after stating legitimate reasons, it just reconfirms that you don't want them at your wedding. Especially if they don't respect your wishes on who you want there.

JaniV123

thanks @hlpopper so far we are having a mostly family affair and barely any friends. We have a tight budget and even though there are some long time friends I would love to have there it will be very unlikely that we end up inviting them. 

hlpopper

@JaniV123 You might want to tell them that you have a very tight budget and then, maybe, have just like a little party or celebration almost like a reception, but more informal and invite them. I know my mom did that after her destination wedding for all those who couldn't attend or she couldn't afford to have there. That's an option. It's not as expensive but it makes them feel like they were still a part of it.

JaniV123

@hlpopper definitely! I had thought of that! just have to run it by FI.

Nov182015

I'm having trouble with one of my guy's aunts. OMG. Ever since I came around, this woman and I have never gotten on the right foot. We met back in 2010, and got engaged Christmas 2011. We were living together, when in May2012 I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. She automatically said that I got "pregnant to trap him." 

I have sat down with her, had multiple phone calls with her, and she doesn't grasp the concept that her nephew is almost 30, is getting married and has a new family. I've told her that this doesn't mean that she can't be around, or that he doesn't love her any more (explaining this to a 50yr old woman). But I don't want to bring my daughter, or myself around you, when you say that my daughter doesn't look like him.

She constantly talks about me to other family members, (two of which, are my Bridesmaids). The topics include that I'm "tearing the family apart" and that I'm "the reason why soAndSo doesn't see her".

My guy has given me permission to not invite her, but I don't know how I feel about that. I feel that would make it so much worse.

HaileyDancingbear

Hey, at least the person saying they hooked you up actually did hook you up!  FI's crazy ex that he dated for like two months in high school and never really liked claims to this day that she hooked FI and I up…  When she was dating FI, she made lots of jealous/bitchy comments about me, when he started dating me, she was trashing me to anyone who would listen, the phrase "What does she have that I don't have" actually came out of her mouth.  And at the same time she was running around telling anyone she wasn't trashing me to, that she hooked FI and I up.    

It's been years since then and she's still doing that shit.  FI and I know she's going to expect an invite because she thinks he's her best friend, even though they only ever talk on Facebook (And she's always saying stupid shit and whining about lame first world problems so even those conversations are really more of an annoyance than anything else.) and they have only seen each other face-to-face once for two minutes in the past few years.  

Frankly though, I don't care if I have to tell her this to her face, there is no way in hell she's coming to my wedding.  I could honestly tolerate the annoyances I listed above, but she's also super condescending and bitchy to my friends, especially my MOH, who she once told "You'll never get asked on a date, only pretty girls get asked on a date." and constantly makes snide comments about her weight.  There is no way in hell I'm going to let her ruin my MOH's night.

Inkdancer

HaileyDancingbear said:

Hey, at least the person saying they hooked you up actually did hook you up!  FI's crazy ex that he dated for like two months in high school and never really liked claims to this day that she hooked FI and I up…  When she was dating FI, she made lots of jealous/bitchy comments about me, when he started dating me, she was trashing me to anyone who would listen, the phrase "What does she have that I don't have" actually came out of her mouth.  And at the same time she was running around telling anyone she wasn't trashing me to, that she hooked FI and I up.    

It's been years since then and she's still doing that shit.  FI and I know she's going to expect an invite because she thinks he's her best friend, even though they only ever talk on Facebook (And she's always saying stupid shit and whining about lame first world problems so even those conversations are really more of an annoyance than anything else.) and they have only seen each other face-to-face once for two minutes in the past few years.  

Frankly though, I don't care if I have to tell her this to her face, there is no way in hell she's coming to my wedding.  I could honestly tolerate the annoyances I listed above, but she's also super condescending and bitchy to my friends, especially my MOH, who she once told "You'll never get asked on a date, only pretty girls get asked on a date." and constantly makes snide comments about her weight.  There is no way in hell I'm going to let her ruin my MOH's night.

I love that your reaction is to be concerned about your MOH, and not yourself. Can I hug you?

HaileyDancingbear

Inkdancer said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

Hey, at least the person saying they hooked you up actually did hook you up!  FI's crazy ex that he dated for like two months in high school and never really liked claims to this day that she hooked FI and I up…  When she was dating FI, she made lots of jealous/bitchy comments about me, when he started dating me, she was trashing me to anyone who would listen, the phrase "What does she have that I don't have" actually came out of her mouth.  And at the same time she was running around telling anyone she wasn't trashing me to, that she hooked FI and I up.    

It's been years since then and she's still doing that shit.  FI and I know she's going to expect an invite because she thinks he's her best friend, even though they only ever talk on Facebook (And she's always saying stupid shit and whining about lame first world problems so even those conversations are really more of an annoyance than anything else.) and they have only seen each other face-to-face once for two minutes in the past few years.  

Frankly though, I don't care if I have to tell her this to her face, there is no way in hell she's coming to my wedding.  I could honestly tolerate the annoyances I listed above, but she's also super condescending and bitchy to my friends, especially my MOH, who she once told "You'll never get asked on a date, only pretty girls get asked on a date." and constantly makes snide comments about her weight.  There is no way in hell I'm going to let her ruin my MOH's night.

I love that your reaction is to be concerned about your MOH, and not yourself. Can I hug you?

lol yes you can

Inkdancer

HaileyDancingbear said:

Inkdancer said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

Hey, at least the person saying they hooked you up actually did hook you up!  FI's crazy ex that he dated for like two months in high school and never really liked claims to this day that she hooked FI and I up…  When she was dating FI, she made lots of jealous/bitchy comments about me, when he started dating me, she was trashing me to anyone who would listen, the phrase "What does she have that I don't have" actually came out of her mouth.  And at the same time she was running around telling anyone she wasn't trashing me to, that she hooked FI and I up.    

It's been years since then and she's still doing that shit.  FI and I know she's going to expect an invite because she thinks he's her best friend, even though they only ever talk on Facebook (And she's always saying stupid shit and whining about lame first world problems so even those conversations are really more of an annoyance than anything else.) and they have only seen each other face-to-face once for two minutes in the past few years.  

Frankly though, I don't care if I have to tell her this to her face, there is no way in hell she's coming to my wedding.  I could honestly tolerate the annoyances I listed above, but she's also super condescending and bitchy to my friends, especially my MOH, who she once told "You'll never get asked on a date, only pretty girls get asked on a date." and constantly makes snide comments about her weight.  There is no way in hell I'm going to let her ruin my MOH's night.

I love that your reaction is to be concerned about your MOH, and not yourself. Can I hug you?

lol yes you can