Bridal Shower- and Groom's list

linzcarlton

My Godmother is throwing my shower for me at her home in CT ( my wedding and grooms family is in Central NJ)...My GM told me she would feel comfortable with a list of about 40-45 ppl.. which sounded great to me, I don't like big parties centered around myself anyways...

My mother has a list of about 23 or so of my aunts, some cousins and very close family friends.. My list is my bridesmaids (6) and about 6-7 of my close friends... I told my FMIL that she could invite my fiances 2 grandmothers, and 4 aunts.. 

My FMIL then went ahead and asked ME if she could invite 6 more ppl- their first cousins.. I was getting stressed out about the whole thing and annoyed that she was asking me when she should have went straight to my mother about it ( brides aren't supposed to be involved in the planning process at all, I thought)...

my question is... if we told the FMIL the # she can have.. and I know shes annoyed or pissed about it..then how many ppl should the groom's side be able to invite? My mother suggested she could have a small shower for me in NJ if she wanted to invite more ppl and that suggestion didn't go over very well either.. Do I need to feel bad about this or is my FMIL confused on the fact that the bridal shower is for the Bride and primarily her family? 

JCbride2015

linzcarlton said:

My Godmother is throwing my shower for me at her home in CT ( my wedding and grooms family is in Central NJ)...My GM told me she would feel comfortable with a list of about 40-45 ppl.. which sounded great to me, I don't like big parties centered around myself anyways...

My mother has a list of about 23 or so of my aunts, some cousins and very close family friends.. My list is my bridesmaids (6) and about 6-7 of my close friends... I told my FMIL that she could invite my fiances 2 grandmothers, and 4 aunts.. 

My FMIL then went ahead and asked ME if she could invite 6 more ppl- their first cousins.. I was getting stressed out about the whole thing and annoyed that she was asking me when she should have went straight to my mother about it ( brides aren't supposed to be involved in the planning process at all, I thought)...

my question is... if we told the FMIL the # she can have.. and I know shes annoyed or pissed about it..then how many ppl should the groom's side be able to invite? My mother suggested she could have a small shower for me in NJ if she wanted to invite more ppl and that suggestion didn't go over very well either.. Do I need to feel bad about this or is my FMIL confused on the fact that the bridal shower is for the Bride and primarily her family? 

I think you are confused about the bolded.  The bridal shower is not just for the bride's family.  Lots of groom's families host showers for the bride, and many showers include both families equally.

With that said, it's really up to the host who she wants to invite.  Because the host is your GM, it's natural she would invite more people she knows.  But if the extra guests can fit, it would be a nice gesture to allow your FMIL to bring the cousins.

Jenn7778

I was always under the impression that each woman being invited to the wedding should also be invited to the shower.  That is how it has been at every shower I have been to and what my bridal party is doing for mine.  In my opinion it would be very rude to not include your FI's family especially if your future MIL has requested that invites be sent.  I am not sure where you got the idea it was more for the brides family, but that is not how I have ever seen it done.

majesty318

You definitely do not have to invite every woman.

Jenn7778

Every shower I have ever thrown or been invited to has been that way.  I have never been to a shower that is mostly the brides family or friends.  I personally think it is rude to not invite the grooms family or close friends to the shower but to each their own.

ohmrs2014

I'm a firm believer that the bridal shower is for the bride and for who she knows, which is her family.  Obviously we did invite some of FIs family, but the majority of the guest list is people I know and that I'm close with.  

I also don't believe in inviting every woman who is invited to the wedding to the bridal shower.  If that was the case, then my bridal shower would have 80-90 women attending.  

SewInLoveWithDMB

You (meaning the host, I know you are not hosting your own shower) do not have to invite every woman invited to the wedding to the shower.

With that said, there are a few things to consider.

Most people do not get 100% attendance to their shower. I had a large shower (IMO) and large wedding (also, IMO) and we had about 85 women (plus some children) attend my shower.  There were more invited, but there might have been a 25-30% decline rate. Obviously, it is really bad form to invite more people than one can host or hold in a space, but if it becomes a big thing with FMIL over 6 people, it is pretty safe to assume that 6 "other" guests will not be able to attend.

For my shower, of all wedding-invited guests, many from my family's side were invited, and maybe 75% of my H's side.  My sister had asked my MIL for a list of the women who should be included. For the most part, it was people who I had met and known, but some I really did not know prior to the event. That could be a good cut off point for you (for both sides.) Ask for only women to be invited who you know well.

I also had been with my H for 7+ years, so I did know basically every family member on his side quite well.  Some extended family members and MIL's friends I didn't know as well, but they were invited/not invited from his mother's discretion...not mine.

Good luck - sometimes things like this come up that are a bit tricky to handle!  

(edited to clarify some sections)

franchjm

You do not have to invite every woman invited to the wedding.  However, it is rude to limit the number of guests from the groom's side so severely.  The shower is for the women close to both the bride and the groom.