Wedding Registry Question

misspuppychow

I'm having a hard time figuring out what to register for!! We bought a house already and pretty much have everything we need... some even in multiples! I do not need bedsheets, towels, kitchen supplies, rugs, etc... I have looked through Amazon, Target, Macy's, Williams Sonoma, etc.. and can't find hardly anything we NEED.  I have heard asking for cash and cash equivalents is rude but cash is what we need (honeymoon, mortgage, 2 car payments, wedding costs, etc).  Any thoughts?

photokitty

You are correct to ask unprompted for cash is in poor taste. Also to register for cash through a honeymoon registry is not only rude but deceitful bc of the fees and way the funds are allocated. But there are was that suggest to your guests that you would prefer monetary gifts.

When I married the first time, I was 27, both of us owned houses - full of stuff. We registered. We didn't have nice pots and pans. We didn't have good china. We didn't have complete matching sets of everyday dishes. We didn't have a good mixer, blender, toaster…we had standard or substandard ones. Silverware, wine glasses - you get the idea. You can always register for upgrades that will last a long time - nice stuff. 8 years later I still love my calphalon pans and they are in near pristine condition…cheap pans only last about 2 years for me.

Well that marriage didn't last long…

So last year I remarried at 34. Again, had the house still and more stuff, nice stuff this time. So we chose not to register - for anything. I also did not have any showers. In the end we got about 75% cash/checks, 20% gift cards and 5% physical boxed gifts, that were randomly but lovingly selected by our guests. 

If you decide to have a shower, it would be best to register so you don't get 3 toasters and so guests have some ideas of what you would like. Having a small registry is always helpful for the folks who want to buy you a physical gift so they can get something you want. Some people think you must have a registry if you have a shower. But you should never suggest people bring cash or gift cards to a shower - even if they ask what you want. It makes for an awkward shower watching the bride open envelopes of csh. And the tradition of a shower is to shower with boxed gifts to set up the household.

You don't have to register though. People can select a gift for you of their own choosing - some people will only give boxed gifts. If you want money, don't register or have a very small registry. People will get the hint or they may ask you or a close family member (i.e. your mom) what to get you.  If they ask you can say, we are saving for the honeymoon or home improvements. This is perfectly fine and polite since the info was requested. People can then make their own decision on what to give.

I know you didn't ask but -- You will not receive more in gifts than you are spending on the wedding. The idea of people covering the cost of their plate is not a real thing. If you expect to make money off a wedding via the gifts, you'll be super sad So remember to budget and stick to it. You can properly host your guests on very little money. Starting your new life together in debt is not a good idea.

Everyone knows money is always an appropriate and appreciated gift, you don't have to register for it. Your guests know you want it, don't be rude and tell them.  

And you probably know this but for lurkers - a wedding gift is never to be expected. You should never mention gifts or registries on any correspondence from the couple (i.e. STDs and invites). It is perfectly fine for the hostess of any showers to include this info with the invites she sends. The couple should not host any pre-wedding parties like showers, bachlor/ette parties or engagement parties. These are offered up by gracious hosts.

GL!

PS - I refuse to register or buy towels for a wedding. I think of the gift fiver when I use an item and I never want anyone to think of me whole they are drying off after a shower - eeeeeewwwwww :-p

donethat

@photokitty.  Ahhhh  ... you and your sweet and darling advice - spot on!

misspuppychow

My fiance was married previously (it lasted less than a year) so he still has all his previous wedding gifts.  We have (all matching and nice quality) at least 30 big plates, salad plates, small plates, tiny plates for mugs, big bowls, small bowls, salad forks, dinner forks, big spoons, normal spoons, knives, etc... We just gave away some silverware and plates because we couldn't fit them all in the cupboard.  We have 4 crockpots, 2 blenders, 3 toasters, two electric hand mixers, a stand mixer, a nice pots and pans set, plenty of towels and linens, etc etc etc...

photokitty

If you don't need anything, don't register. You don't have to People will either ask or get the hint that you don't need anything and prefer cash. If anyone asks you want you would like it is perfectly fine to say, "we are saving up for the honeymoon."

It is ok to say this if asked, it is just impolite to suggest/ ask for cash unprompted. 

As I said, we didn't register and received 75% cash/checks, 20% gift cards and 5% physical boxed gifts, that were randomly but lovingly selected by our guests. That's with 160 guests in attendance and also from some who couldn't attend. It worked for us and I have a feeling it will work for you too

If you are offered any showers you will probably want to find some upgrades to register for, or decline the shower, as they are for physical/boxed gifts. But you don't have to have a shower to get married.