• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Ok to put attire on invitation?

We are having a "black tie optional" wedding. I have that on our website but not sure if I should include on an information card (with other details) in the invitation as well. I would like guests to know so they don't feel uncomfortable - personally I always prefer some instruction, but is it ok etiquette wise?
«13456711

Re: Ok to put attire on invitation?

  • jessstev said:
    We are having a "black tie optional" wedding. I have that on our website but not sure if I should include on an information card (with other details) in the invitation as well. I would like guests to know so they don't feel uncomfortable - personally I always prefer some instruction, but is it ok etiquette wise?
    Etiquette-wise, no it's not ok. By putting instructions somewhere, you're insinuating that adults don't know how to dress themselves for a formal event, which is rude. A true black tie wedding must meet several standards, and if it does not, it is "black tie optional" by nature, i.e., a formal event. 

    OP, I promise your wedding won't be ruined or even slightly affected by how your guests are dressed. You probably won't even notice, and if you do, it will most likely be in photos long after the fact. 
    Blue_BirddoeydoPrettyGirlLostmrsfinni
  • No.  Just, no.
    PrettyGirlLostlizybeff
  • No one is going to rent a tux for your wedding, outside of the wedding party. Regardless of what you s, they just won't do it. As long as you booked a high end venue, sent very formal invitations, and everything is as fancy as you can afford to make it, people will dress appropriately. If they don't, they look bad, not you. Even if you are having a true black tie event, I promise you most people will show up in a suit or dress, not a tux or gown.
    doeydoPrettyGirlLostCymone2011
  • It's against etiquette  to tell people how to dress on your invite.  I know you're trying to be helpful, but it's not polite to tell a bunch of adults how they should dress.

    It is perfectly acceptable, however, if you haven't already done so, to put plenty of info about your venue on your site- if it looks and sounds formal from the photos and description you post, your guests will dress accordingly.  For those who don't look at your site, just having the invite look formal will be enough to let guests know to dress up, without you having to flat out write it on there.  The only time you should really tell your guests what to wear is if they ask you- answering an honest question isn't against etiquette. 

    Although in the end it doesn't really matter much how they dress.  If someone shows up in jeans and a t-shirt that's their choice, and if anyone thinks that's weird it'll be that guest getting side-eyed, not you.  
    image
    doeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • Absolutely not. The only time you put it is if your event IS black or white tie.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • jessstev said:
    We are having a "black tie optional" wedding. I have that on our website but not sure if I should include on an information card (with other details) in the invitation as well. I would like guests to know so they don't feel uncomfortable - personally I always prefer some instruction, but is it ok etiquette wise?
    It's not ok etiquette-wise.  If a guest doesn't know what to wear or wants some instruction, they can always ask you or one of your family members or a member of the wedding party to get an idea.

    If someone actually asks you what they should wear, I think it's ok to tell them what the bridal party and your parents will be wearing to give them an idea.  You shouldn't tell them specifically what to wear but give them some guidelines.  You could say something like, "Wear whatever you feel most comfortable in.  The bridesmaids and groomsmen will be in formal clothing.  The BMs will be wearing floor-length satin gowns and the GMs will be in tuxedos, but you are welcome to wear whatever you want."

    Basically, you shouldn't tell people how to dress unsolicited (putting it on an invitation is unsolicited.)

    My best friend, who sang at my wedding, asked me what the formality of my wedding was and what she should wear.  I basically said exactly what I wrote up there ^^.  I told her that she could whatever and that what the bridesmaids and parents were wearing would probably be considered semi-formal, or maybe one step below that.  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Senecaf said:
    I feel like I see this post daily. Does no one read before they post?
    I feel like for some reason there's been a wave of this type of post recently.  The last week has been full of them.

    Nope, you don't put attire on your invitation, unless it's a true black tie wedding.  Black tie optional doesn't exist.  It's always optional for guests to dress however they want.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    If I was going through fucking HELL, I'd only want one person in the whole goddamn world by my side.
    PrettyGirlLostlc07
  • Black tie optional just isn't helpful at all.  I don't think you should put attire on the invitation at all, but putting something as optional is even worse.  As a guest, I'm left wondering if I should wear black tie or not?

    Also, I think a lot of couples mean simply "cocktail" or "formal attire" when they say "black tie optional"  I don't think most couples really are suggesting evening gowns and tuxes to their guests, but that's what black tie really means.
    image
    PrettyGirlLostCymone2011Jules226
  • The problem with black tie optional is black tie is one kick ass party.  It's 4-5+ course plated meals, full top shelf open bar, live music, white glove service among other things.     If you are having those things then it's black tie.  If you are not having those things, then it's not black tie.  Why would guests want to wear tuxes and formal gowns for an event that is not black tie?
    image
    lovesclimbinggrumbledorePrettyGirlLostWildMagelet
  • I know I will be in the minority here, but the last several weddings I went to included the dress on the card, a few said black tie optional, and nobody I know was offended or confused. To me, "black tie optional" is helpful for women, because it gives you an idea of how formal a dress you should wear. It can be pretty stressful trying to figure out what to wear, and a little guidance is often appreciated, whether or not it technically goes with etiquette.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    Did you read my post? If someone is confused, they always have the option of asking the bride and groom or a family member who can then tell them "wear whatever you would like and feel most comfortable in. The wedding party is wearing xyz."
    PrettyGirlLost
«13456711
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards