Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Ok to put attire on invitation?

12357…11

Re: Ok to put attire on invitation?

  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    asilem1998 said:
    Black tie optional is a real thing people. It means you don't have to wear a tux or gown but it is encouraged.

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/17888a1e05666ffa7ca4301b00b3f1a2/tumblr_mzvzczk3IS1tqm119o6_500.gif


    http://31.media.tumblr.com/5bd87efef37a8a28d76e938b44d812f5/tumblr_mzvyliseLV1tqm119o7_500.gif

    Did you happen to read this thread?

    We have explained ad nausem why BTO is NOT a real thing at all.

    You can always wear a tux or gown- it's always an option to be well dressed. 

    Attire should never be "encouraged" on an invitation. 

    Adults should know how to dress themselves and if they don't then either you didn't do your job conveying the formality of your event with your invitations. . . or they just don't fucking care and will dress as they please whether or not you list attire requests on your invitation.


    http://25.media.tumblr.com/fc73c134f49433879e8b1f73f380cf42/tumblr_mzvzky2EFq1tqm119o2_400.gif






    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    kellijowoodsonkellijowoodson member
    First Comment

    Here's the deal: it is YOUR wedding.  Do whatever the heck you like.  You know your crowd, you know your event.  Choose how YOU want to prepare those attending the wedding.

    To heck with all the rest of them! :)

    In all honesty, though, I have trouble distinguishing what "black tie optional" really is. If you want to include attire on the invite, go for it...just make sure it's clear!  Good luck planning!

    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    donnafay08 said:
    Personally. It is YOUR wedding. I think it is ok for you to put whatever you want for YOUR wedding. If people are offended by such things then screw them. I don't think most adults know how to dress themselves to begin with and you want certain memories for your wedding. However, I do agree that if you say it is black tie there will be CERTAIN things people expect. At the end of the day it is your wedding and you should do what you would expect to see of others of it were their wedding.
    To the black bolded:


    http://31.media.tumblr.com/21690768a438c44c816d3ee2f1074b9e/tumblr_mzvzif9ubv1tqm119o1_400.gif


    http://25.media.tumblr.com/a5839b58f19807be884c0825336c2914/tumblr_mzvzif9ubv1tqm119o3_250.gif

    http://31.media.tumblr.com/e6279e9115202044a49c951499d32940/tumblr_mzvynff2ti1tqm119o1_500.gif


    http://25.media.tumblr.com/aaa6d1d88e6cc19e469cc2230f161675/tumblr_mzvyiv1Pbz1tqm119o3_500.gif

    To the purple bolded- You are a real peach.  Or perhaps you should stop hanging out with idiots?


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    pxyvisionpxyvision member
    First Comment
    Wow, there is a lot of HORRIBLE advice on this post.  

    Dear Jesstev,

    Please see Emily Post. It's not about the venue or whether there are "high end" lights. It is about attire, mood, theme.  Cheers!

    Report Reply
  • Options
    hmonleyhmonley member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Black tie optional is a common, completely acceptable thing! It means, "Hey, we're wearing black tie, but we know not everyone wants to rent a tux, so come in a suit if you like. But want an excuse to be formal? Go for it!" Seems more polite than strict black/white tie to me.

    As for mentioning attire, by all means do it. It is more courteous to include it -- guests want to know what everyone will be wearing.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    It is your wedding and your wedding guest you know best how they will react to different things. For example if a lot of your guest are from a different country what they might find rude and what you might find rude are two completely different things. Your going to offend some and someone is going to say you should have done it differently. Personally I would love it if in the invite someone wanted to say Black Tie or super casual or wear all pink or whatever. Black Tie Optional lets me know that you are trying to go for a Black Tie feel BUT don't feel pressured to spend lots of money we just want you to show up and have a great time. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    cymoned2011cymoned2011 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I love that your comment is considerate and open minded whereas many of these commenters make me not want to even post a question out of the fear that my hand will get smacked by these "wedding etiquette masters"
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    asilem1998 said:
    Black tie optional is a real thing people. It means you don't have to wear a tux or gown but it is encouraged.
    It's a thing real rude people do.

    What it says is "We think you dress like slobs.  We are telling you to step up your wardrobe game, but we don't want to pay for the trappings of a black tie wedding.  Please spend extra money (that we didn't want to spend on making our wedding truly black tie) to dress up so our pictures look nice because pictures are more important to people.  Hope to see you there!"
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kellijowoodsonkellijowoodson member
    First Comment

    I wasn't trying to encourage her not to consider others at her wedding...I was only trying to encourage her not to get caught up in the words of random strangers in different social classes strung out across the country.

    It is important a bride understand she will not and cannot please everyone.  Because all people are different, their ideas of a perfect wedding are different from hers.  It is almost guaranteed everyone at the event (down to her mother) will have an opinion.  If someone gets caught up on three words used on an invitation, they really don't care about the woman's marriage...rather, just the party.

    I personally receive numerous wedding invitations, all to different types of affairs.  However, I treat each the same--I walk over to the calendar and note the event on the proper date.  I then complete the RSVP.  If it's an invitation for a close loved one, it may survive on the refrigerator for a couple months...otherwise, it goes straight into the trash.  I generally don't scrutinize the words used on the invitation. But hey, that's me. And I'm just a boring middle class farm girl having a casual outdoor wedding. 

    Report Reply
  • Options
    acproseacprose member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I have got to stop reading these discussions. As I've said in another post, some of what we think is acceptable today, was most definitely not for our mothers or grandmothers. Formality has changed, and will continue to do so. Whether we like it or not, culture is constantly breaking rules and that eventually becomes the norm. For gods sake, its your wedding, not someone else's. This post is most amusing as i know 90% of these brides are not half as formal or dressed up as i am on a regular basis, let alone attend the type of functions that i do. But, somehow they know everything about black tie/white tie etiquette when it comes to weddings (the utmost personal affair). Carpe Diem! Oh, and unlike most these girls have forgot to mention, Congrats on getting married! 

    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    hmonley said:
    Black tie optional is a common, completely acceptable thing! It means, "Hey, we're wearing black tie, but we know not everyone wants to rent a tux, so come in a suit if you like. But want an excuse to be formal? Go for it!" Seems more polite than strict black/white tie to me.

    As for mentioning attire, by all means do it. It is more courteous to include it -- guests want to know what everyone will be wearing.
    This is the etiquette board.  It is against etiquette to mention attire on your invitations or even your wedding website.  The purpose of this board is to give the correct etiquette advice.

    No one will be wondering what everyone will be wearing because everyone should be able to tell how formal your event is by the time of day it is held, the venue, and they style and quality of the invitations you are sending.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    mimiphinmimiphin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Who are all these SS's coming in?
    image

    Also
    hmonley said:
    Black tie optional is a common, completely acceptable thing! It means, "Hey, we're wearing black tie, but we know not everyone wants to rent a tux, so come in a suit if you like. But want an excuse to be formal? Go for it!" Seems more polite than strict black/white tie to me.

    As for mentioning attire, by all means do it. It is more courteous to include it -- guests want to know what everyone will be wearing.
    image

    What about "Hey this is a wedding and you can dress your own damn selves!!"

    Report Reply
  • Options
    InkdancerInkdancer member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    hmonley said:
    Black tie optional is a common, completely acceptable thing! It means, "Hey, we're wearing black tie, but we know not everyone wants to rent a tux, so come in a suit if you like. But want an excuse to be formal? Go for it!" Seems more polite than strict black/white tie to me.

    As for mentioning attire, by all means do it. It is more courteous to include it -- guests want to know what everyone will be wearing.
    Question: why would you say "black tie optional" to your guests? Those who were going to dress nicely for your wedding already knew what to do, and are now slightly miffed that you thought they didn't know. Those who weren't going to dress nicely don't care what you say or think, they are going to wear what they want to wear. Telling people this stuff on your invitation does not help.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    acprose said:
    I have got to stop reading these discussions. As I've said in another post, some of what we think is acceptable today, was most definitely not for our mothers or grandmothers. Formality has changed, and will continue to do so. Whether we like it or not, culture is constantly breaking rules and that eventually becomes the norm. For gods sake, its your wedding, not someone else's. This post is most amusing as i know 90% of these brides are not half as formal or dressed up as i am on a regular basis, let alone attend the type of functions that i do. But, somehow they know everything about black tie/white tie etiquette when it comes to weddings (the utmost personal affair). Carpe Diem! Oh, and unlike most these girls have forgot to mention, Congrats on getting married! 

    Really?  So you know who I am off board and where I work and how I dress and what social class and circles I belong too?

    You know all of that info about the other posters too?

    You also do realize that people can research what comprises a black tie or white tie event and understand and know the criteria w/o actually going to one, right?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Cymone2011 said:
    I love that your comment is considerate and open minded whereas many of these commenters make me not want to even post a question out of the fear that my hand will get smacked by these "wedding etiquette masters"
    Eh. What you're basically saying is, "These people aren't being nice enough while they give advice."

    This board is generally pretty blunt, which I know scares off a lot of newer posters. The etiquette board is here to discuss what constitutes good etiquette at weddings. We aren't always ACTUALLY polite.

    My best advice if you're worried about posting a question is not to take anything personally. It can be really hard, especially on this board, and especially if you've been on other wedding forums (like WW).

    More generally, relating to this thread: Every event is black-tie optional, although many events would be too informal for people wearing black-tie to be comfortable. If you're not having a black-tie wedding, then you're black-tie optional. If you're not having a black-tie wedding and your wedding is outside, during lunch, at a community center, then guests will probably NOT wear a tuxedo/long gown.

    Basically, saying BTO is either unnecessary (if you're having an evening wedding at a fancy place and you send fancy invitations with inserts and stuff) or it's just plain silly (if you're having a BBQ lunch wedding and you send a very cutesy, casual invitation, guests will assume that you're going for a more casual aesthetic and black-tie would look absurdly overdressed).
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    acprose said:
    I have got to stop reading these discussions. As I've said in another post, some of what we think is acceptable today, was most definitely not for our mothers or grandmothers. Formality has changed, and will continue to do so. Whether we like it or not, culture is constantly breaking rules and that eventually becomes the norm. For gods sake, its your wedding, not someone else's. This post is most amusing as i know 90% of these brides are not half as formal or dressed up as i am on a regular basis, let alone attend the type of functions that i do. But, somehow they know everything about black tie/white tie etiquette when it comes to weddings (the utmost personal affair). Carpe Diem! Oh, and unlike most these girls have forgot to mention, Congrats on getting married! 

    Black tie and white tie are actual standards, not a label you can add to a wedding because you feel like it.  The intimacy of a wedding does not magically change the rules of what qualifies as black tie and white tie.

    And way to make some assumptions.  Please, tell me how many black tie affairs you have attended and then guess at how many I have attended.  Also, since you apparently know so much about the posters here, please describe the formality of my office (and be sure to include dress code).
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    phira said:
    Cymone2011 said:
    I love that your comment is considerate and open minded whereas many of these commenters make me not want to even post a question out of the fear that my hand will get smacked by these "wedding etiquette masters"
    Eh. What you're basically saying is, "These people aren't being nice enough while they give advice."

    This board is generally pretty blunt, which I know scares off a lot of newer posters. The etiquette board is here to discuss what constitutes good etiquette at weddings. We aren't always ACTUALLY polite.

    My best advice if you're worried about posting a question is not to take anything personally. It can be really hard, especially on this board, and especially if you've been on other wedding forums (like WW).

    More generally, relating to this thread: Every event is black-tie optional, although many events would be too informal for people wearing black-tie to be comfortable. If you're not having a black-tie wedding, then you're black-tie optional. If you're not having a black-tie wedding and your wedding is outside, during lunch, at a community center, then guests will probably NOT wear a tuxedo/long gown.

    Basically, saying BTO is either unnecessary (if you're having an evening wedding at a fancy place and you send fancy invitations with inserts and stuff) or it's just plain silly (if you're having a BBQ lunch wedding and you send a very cutesy, casual invitation, guests will assume that you're going for a more casual aesthetic and black-tie would look absurdly overdressed).
    Or maybe we are just a little annoyed at repeating ourselves over and over and over again, especially in the same dang thread!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    mandalynnecobbmandalynnecobb member
    First Comment
    edited February 2014
    It may not be the nicest thing to do but i feel like sometimes it has to be done..

    I'm marrying into a family of gypsy's yes I said gypsy.  I am not a gypsy and am super nervous about what my whole family and friends will say when they see my soon to be husbands family..  I have seen wedding photos of my fiance's sisters wedding.. all men wore SNEAKERS, JEANS and WHITE TANK TOPS.  Little girls wore little CROP TOPS and BIG TULLE SKIRTS.. if you've seen my big fat gypsy wedding its kind of like that.. I am going to drop dead if that happens at my wedding.  I'm going for a formal rustic wedding.  I will be putting attire on the invitation..because I've already heard them say they are wearing cowgirl boots and daisy dukes to the reception...and they were serious.


    Report Reply
  • Options
    SuttonLaingSuttonLaing member
    First Comment
    edited February 2014
    I agree with agborensztein, it is okay to put attire on the invitation. There are lots of different kinds of weddings. For instance, I am having a themed wedding, so it is encouraged to dress in the theme. I even have a whole pinterest page dedicated to showing my guests what the theme is. They don't have to participate, but it is fun for a lot of people to dress up. So if there is a look you are going for, let people know!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    InkdancerInkdancer member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    @mandalynnecobb

    1. Please page Porscha or one of the other Knot Gods to change your username so it is not your full name. The internet is full of crazies.

    2. Do you really think asking them to wear something else is going to help? I mean, I agree with you to some extent, I would be pretty unhappy if my cousin showed up to my wedding in daisy dukes. But realistically, what will the result be? Some might change their attire for you. Some might come in the most horrifying thing they can, just to spite you.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    Report Reply
  • Options
    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2014
    SuttonLaing said:
    I agree with agborensztein, it is okay to put attire on the invitation. There are lots of different kinds of weddings. For instance, I am having a themed wedding, so it is encouraged to dress in the theme. I even have a whole interest page dedicated to showing my guests what the theme is. They don't have to participate, but it is fun for a lot of people to dress up. So if there is a look you are going for, let people know!

    gahhhh! why is it such a hard concept to grasp? You dont need to tell adults how to dress.  If you want people to dress in theme, (which a think is better saved for a halloween party and not a wedding) convey that by word of mouth.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SuttonLaingSuttonLaing member
    First Comment
    agborensztein said:

    I know I will be in the minority here, but the last several weddings I went to included the dress on the card, a few said black tie optional, and nobody I know was offended or confused. To me, "black tie optional" is helpful for women, because it gives you an idea of how formal a dress you should wear. It can be pretty stressful trying to figure out what to wear, and a little guidance is often appreciated, whether or not it technically goes with etiquette.

    I agree with agborensztein, it is okay to put attire on the invitation. There are lots of different kinds of weddings. For instance, I am having a themed wedding, so it is encouraged to dress in the theme. I even have a whole pinterest page dedicated to showing my guests what the theme is. They don't have to participate, but it is fun for a lot of people to dress up. So if there is a look you are going for, let people know
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mandalynnecobbmandalynnecobb member
    First Comment
    im worried that im going to spend a ton of money and people will come dressed like its halloween...
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards