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Ok to put attire on invitation?

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Re: Ok to put attire on invitation?

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    Cookie Pusher said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    christipbetts said:
    I've read that it is okay and within proper etiquette to tell guests the attire of the event. I'm going by The Wedding Book: The Big Book for Your Big Day by Mindy Weiss.
    I have no clue who she is, but she sounds like a shill for the wedding industry and she is wrong.

    Did you read any portion of this thread, by chance?
    She's some big-time wedding planner. Lots of celebrities and rich people use her services. And, as we've probably all seen, money doesn't buy manners or class...
    Ahhh yes - who wouldn't take advice from a person who has made a career of lovingly transferring money from the pockets of brides, grooms, and guests into her own pockets? 

    Surely someone trying to make money off you and every other bride will offer solid, unbiased, and appropriate advice. 
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  • tcnobletcnoble member
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    Why are all the newbies coming to the etiquette board like moths to a flame and posting bad advice?! Be gone, special snowflakes! Be gone!
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  • phiraphira member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    phira said:
    @prettygirllost Yeah, I'm kind of about to hulk out every time another person comes in and said, "Actually, I don't think it's rude, I don't want people wearing jeans, you can TOTALLY put it on an invitation."

    I think we should make a sticky post, akin to the PPD and cash bar ones.
      I just hulked out ><

    I agree, and I was working offline on a black tie FAQ with grumbledore and southernbelle!
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    tcnoble said:
    Why are all the newbies coming to the etiquette board like moths to a flame and posting bad advice?! Be gone, special snowflakes! Be gone!
    Because TK posted a link to this thread in the newsletter they emailed out today.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • phiraphira member
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    @themuffinman16 I mean, if your guests must be props for your photos, might as well make them REALLY AWESOME props!
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  • themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
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    Lol... please know I was kidding
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
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    I think I posted it on a different thread, but Miss Manners makes it perfectly clear that it is not okay to put attire anywhere. And she is the only authority that still advocates real etiquette.
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  • dantekinsdantekins member
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    you guys are really mean and take this stuff way too seriously
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Schatzi13 said:
    Okay, so "semi-formal" is probably code for "cocktail attire," yes? 

    Is "black tie optional" then code for "wear whatever you want"? Does it mean a generalized "evening wear" (in case guests can't figure out that your 6pm wedding is in the evening)? Is it also code for "cocktail attire"? I'm so confused.
    Semi formal and black tie optional are nonsense, bullshit dress codes.  They do nothing but confuse the shit out of ppl, as you are proving, lol.

    Dress as you would for a formal event.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    vt&dt said:
    wow.  

    All of this "I'm above etiquette/my guests are idiots/I was rude and offended someone and people are saying so!" makes me want wine.

    @dxavierah why did you invite all of those people that you obviously think are morons to your wedding?  

    I sent out my invitations and people have read them, I've gotten back about 40% of RSVPs two weeks before the deadline.  AND I'm a Middle-American (this gem) so obviously know nothing because all I do is eat at Applebee's and shop at Wal-Mart.  How the heck has my planning been so successful?!

    Sorry, I'm snarky today.
    I have no control over other people's ignorance...and one's class level has nothing to do with intelligence, and neither of the above facts change who you know and love.....you invite who matters to you.  Doesn't mean you love everything they do....one of my sisters-in-law didn't show up to our wedding, but we don't love her any less....will she be invited to anything else that we host OF COURSE.....Will she show up? Who knows.  I didn't bother looking at the check-in list to see who did or didn't show up,but i do know that people who DIDN'T rsvp tried to get in, and people who DID rsvp didn't show up.  All I lknow is we planned for 200 and considering that there wasn't much left over of ANYTHING we came pretty close to that number if we didn't hit it on the head!
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Schatzi13 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Schatzi13 said:
    Okay, so "semi-formal" is probably code for "cocktail attire," yes? 

    Is "black tie optional" then code for "wear whatever you want"? Does it mean a generalized "evening wear" (in case guests can't figure out that your 6pm wedding is in the evening)? Is it also code for "cocktail attire"? I'm so confused.
    Semi formal and black tie optional are nonsense, bullshit dress codes.  They do nothing but confuse the shit out of ppl, as you are proving, lol.

    Dress as you would for a formal event.
    Exactly my point :)

    (They really do make my head hurt. I hear those terms used to describe a wedding or requested attire, and I still end up basing my attire on the formality of the invite and venue because I don't know what the couple means by either term. Really, this isn't complicated unless the couple makes it complicated.)
    Oh well your point flew right over my head ><

    I guess I shouldn't Knot w/o coffee in the AM.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    dxavierah said:
    vt&dt said:
    wow.  

    All of this "I'm above etiquette/my guests are idiots/I was rude and offended someone and people are saying so!" makes me want wine.

    @dxavierah why did you invite all of those people that you obviously think are morons to your wedding?  

    I sent out my invitations and people have read them, I've gotten back about 40% of RSVPs two weeks before the deadline.  AND I'm a Middle-American (this gem) so obviously know nothing because all I do is eat at Applebee's and shop at Wal-Mart.  How the heck has my planning been so successful?!

    Sorry, I'm snarky today.
    I have no control over other people's ignorance...and one's class level has nothing to do with intelligence, and neither of the above facts change who you know and love.....you invite who matters to you.  Doesn't mean you love everything they do....one of my sisters-in-law didn't show up to our wedding, but we don't love her any less....will she be invited to anything else that we host OF COURSE.....Will she show up? Who knows.  I didn't bother looking at the check-in list to see who did or didn't show up,but i do know that people who DIDN'T rsvp tried to get in, and people who DID rsvp didn't show up.  All I lknow is we planned for 200 and considering that there wasn't much left over of ANYTHING we came pretty close to that number if we didn't hit it on the head!
    Then why did you give a rat's ass what your loved ones are wearing to your wedding?

    That is the entire point of why putting attire requests on invitations is rude, and why we keep telling people not to do it in this specific thread and in all the others that pop up on TK.

    If you truly care for people and the important thing is that they are present to witness, support, and celebrate your marriage, then the clothes on their backs shouldn't matter.

    When Brides worry about what their guests are going to wear, and try to control that, they are essentially worrying and trying to control how their photos will look.  And then they are saying that all that is truly important to them is having a photo album that looks like a Martha Stewart Wedding article.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    Schatzi13 said:
    dxavierah said:
    quite honestly, MOST invitees are morons and need to be told what you want to see.  I'm sick of people asking what my wedding colors are so they can wear them.  If i wanted every guest to wear my weddign colors i would have asked them to be IN the wedding.  I'm tired of people complaining about my venue because they "only wear such-and-such" to weddings.  We noted on the invitations that ladies will be most comfortable in lats or wedges and I've gotten at least 8 calls from women who said "I AM NOT wearing flats or wedges to a wedding regardless of what you say"...and that's just fine with me, but I don't want to hear one time that their heels are getting destroyed or they can't walk around.  It's not my problem once I've done my part to give the information you need to make a smart decision.  On the other hand, it won't matter what you put on the invitation because no one will read it, and half the guests will say they lost it and call you 500 times before the wedding to ask questions that were already answered in writing on the invitation!
    Lurkers: Note the reaction from this poster's guests to being told what to wear. If she upset at least eight people enough that they called her up and told her no, think how many others are unhappy but will not mention it out of politeness or "it's her day" sentiments. You do not want this to be your guests.

    As expected, the people who called to tell me "absolutely not" are the ones who were stuck sitting in one spot all day becasue they didn't care to listen to the suggestion.  We provided flip flops for 30 people because we knew several people would show up and not be able to walk around freely....know what they said to us? "why didn't you tell me we would be here, i wouldn't have worn these shoes!" - well....remember what the invitation said!? - "yes but i thought you just wanted to be the only one in nice shoes".....really!!!!!????? I HAVE ON FLIP FLOPS!!!!!

    People will do what they want to do, you can't make them listen, and you can't feel responsible for their stupid decisions if you informed them.  The point of giving them suggestions is to HELP them be comfortable, if they choose not to listen that's not your fault!

    The guests who listened had a great time

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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    saacjw said:
    dxavierah said:
    quite honestly, MOST invitees are morons and need to be told what you want to see.  I'm sick of people asking what my wedding colors are so they can wear them.  If i wanted every guest to wear my weddign colors i would have asked them to be IN the wedding.  I'm tired of people complaining about my venue because they "only wear such-and-such" to weddings.  We noted on the invitations that ladies will be most comfortable in lats or wedges and I've gotten at least 8 calls from women who said "I AM NOT wearing flats or wedges to a wedding regardless of what you say"...and that's just fine with me, but I don't want to hear one time that their heels are getting destroyed or they can't walk around.  It's not my problem once I've done my part to give the information you need to make a smart decision.  On the other hand, it won't matter what you put on the invitation because no one will read it, and half the guests will say they lost it and call you 500 times before the wedding to ask questions that were already answered in writing on the invitation!
    Wow, this is a much more pessimistic view of guests than I've seen and very much not in line with my experience. 

    I also feel like you might have opened yourself up to the complaints by putting something about attire on the invites. Like, maybe they're insulted that you told them what to wear...
    EIGHT of the almost 300 people invited were bothered by the SUGGESTION that ladies wear flats or low heels for their comfort.  Most of my guests showed up dressed comfortably and wearing shoes that made sense for my venue and theme.  Those that didn't were miserable, that is NOT my fault.  They were given a statement on the invitation, and when they called to complain that they don't go to weddings dressed like that, I TOLD them that the wedding party will be comfortable walking down the aisle in flip flops.  I am a true lover of shoes, so I want someone to tell me how to avoid ruining my favorite heels.  Heels were not appropriate for my wedding so I informed my guests of that.....their scratched, dirty or otherwise ruined shoes no longer sit on my shoulders...that's on them
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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    acove2006 said:
    dxavierah said:
    quite honestly, MOST invitees are morons and need to be told what you want to see.  I'm sick of people asking what my wedding colors are so they can wear them.  If i wanted every guest to wear my weddign colors i would have asked them to be IN the wedding.  I'm tired of people complaining about my venue because they "only wear such-and-such" to weddings.  We noted on the invitations that ladies will be most comfortable in lats or wedges and I've gotten at least 8 calls from women who said "I AM NOT wearing flats or wedges to a wedding regardless of what you say"...and that's just fine with me, but I don't want to hear one time that their heels are getting destroyed or they can't walk around.  It's not my problem once I've done my part to give the information you need to make a smart decision.  On the other hand, it won't matter what you put on the invitation because no one will read it, and half the guests will say they lost it and call you 500 times before the wedding to ask questions that were already answered in writing on the invitation!

    I'd love to know why you're inviting all these morons to your wedding. Sounds like you'd have an easier time corralling a bunch on 2nd graders into following your rules than these idiotic adults. yeah....eye roll.
    because you know who you know.  my time with these peple was not difficult for me, i did my part, i said "flats or wide heels are suggested for ladies"...reading is fundamental...my invitation clearly said WHAT the venue is and my website clearly said what the theme of the wedding is, but as you all have said, people can wear what they want when they want so it is not on me if they disregard the suggestion.  I never said they HAVE TO WEAR.
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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    phira said:
    @navyblue143 Oh my god, "wearing white is the bride's job?" I would have shown up in ivory.

    ahahahahahah.....i told several guests who asked that they COULD wear white and i got the evil eye :-) didn't matter to me, i wasn't in white!
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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    phira said:
    HOLD ON.

    Flats or wedges are more comfortable than heels?!

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    learn2platform.
    YES!!!!!! Especially when the weddign is a GARDEN PARTY at an Everglades Wildlife Sanctuary.....stillettos are not what you want to wear.  And because I KNOW my guests, I wanted them to know that their best heels are not what they would want to be in.  I call it being considerate of my guests. I knew that the only pavement was the path they took to get to the ceremony site, and the center aisle which was blocked from their use until the ceremony was over.  You can only prance around on your toes for so long to keep your heels from sinking into the ground.  If i went smewhere and had no idea that i would be on a lawn I would be annoyed that my 4" heels were covered in dirt and sporting battle scars from the rocks leaves and vines they encountered to prevent myself from falling.
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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    yes
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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    mimiphin said:

    dxavierah said:
    quite honestly, MOST invitees are morons and need to be told what you want to see.  I'm sick of people asking what my wedding colors are so they can wear them.  If i wanted every guest to wear my weddign colors i would have asked them to be IN the wedding.  I'm tired of people complaining about my venue because they "only wear such-and-such" to weddings.  We noted on the invitations that ladies will be most comfortable in lats or wedges and I've gotten at least 8 calls from women who said "I AM NOT wearing flats or wedges to a wedding regardless of what you say"...and that's just fine with me, but I don't want to hear one time that their heels are getting destroyed or they can't walk around.  It's not my problem once I've done my part to give the information you need to make a smart decision.  On the other hand, it won't matter what you put on the invitation because no one will read it, and half the guests will say they lost it and call you 500 times before the wedding to ask questions that were already answered in writing on the invitation!
    So... Moral of the story is that you told people what to wear and they got pissed off, AND YOU ARE FINE WITH THAT?!?
    If I got an invitation that said to come in flats or wedges I would be livid!! I'm a damn adult and can dress myself. I hate flats and I think (IMHO, when worn on me) that wedges are f-ugly, so do I get to show up in runners or barefoot? Oh Runners with a cocktail dress there is a good look!

    image

    Of course you have your right to select your shoes.....but you don't have the right to be upset with someone for informing you that your TYPICAL selection will not be your best choice at an event they are planning.  YOU would have been one of the 8 people at my wedding who sat in a chair the whole time because they didn't want to ruin the shoes i had already told them they would regret.  Sneakers would have been fine, but you have a better chance of finding a flat sandal to go with your dress than a sandal....Barefoot was always an option, but i didn't catch any of the guests barefoot.....without making it a race game, black women are not typically fond of walking around  outside barefoot.....I wouldnt walk around out there barefoot.
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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    nebullama said:
    dxavierah said:
    quite honestly, MOST invitees are morons and need to be told what you want to see.  I'm sick of people asking what my wedding colors are so they can wear them.  If i wanted every guest to wear my weddign colors i would have asked them to be IN the wedding.  I'm tired of people complaining about my venue because they "only wear such-and-such" to weddings.  We noted on the invitations that ladies will be most comfortable in lats or wedges and I've gotten at least 8 calls from women who said "I AM NOT wearing flats or wedges to a wedding regardless of what you say"...and that's just fine with me, but I don't want to hear one time that their heels are getting destroyed or they can't walk around.  It's not my problem once I've done my part to give the information you need to make a smart decision.  On the other hand, it won't matter what you put on the invitation because no one will read it, and half the guests will say they lost it and call you 500 times before the wedding to ask questions that were already answered in writing on the invitation!
    To the bolded:  Well now I do think you've actually made a couple points that others can benefit from.

    "Most invitees are morons..."  Yes, that is EXACTLY the message you will send to all of your friends and family if you tell them what to wear.  Please take time to consider this point before finalizing your invitation wording.

    "I AM NOT wearing flats or wedges to a wedding regardless of what you say..."  As PPs have already pointed out, even if you are rude enough to tell guests what to wear they will not listen.  So at that point you have insulted them and failed to achieve your misguided goal.

    Seriously, I have this one cousin who has worn jeans to every wedding but his own.  His wife could lay out an appropriate outfit on his bed and say, "Dammit just put this on, for the love of God!" and he would still say "Nah, jeans are fine as long as I'm wearing this [plaid] button-up shirt."

    Number of weddings to which he has worn jeans: 7
    Number of weddings that have been ruined because of it: 0
    back up.....my goal was met.....I MADE A SUGGESTION FOR THEIR COMFORT.....and MOST of them took my suggestion.  The 8 who didn't....oh well.   I knew that most of my guest had not been to my venue before and didn't know what to expect.
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  • dxavierahdxavierah member
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    Inkdancer said:
    donnafay08 said:
    Personally. It is YOUR wedding. I think it is ok for you to put whatever you want for YOUR wedding. If people are offended by such things then screw them. I don't think most adults know how to dress themselves to begin with and you want certain memories for your wedding. However, I do agree that if you say it is black tie there will be CERTAIN things people expect. At the end of the day it is your wedding and you should do what you would expect to see of others of it were their wedding.
    This is an Etiquette board. The very point of etiquette is "if it would offend people, don't do it."

    You may think what you like but please do not go around giving advice like this on a board where people come for real help.
    so, then you can't put ANY words on your invitation then....because someone WILL be offended by anything you say....."you're having a wedding on a saturday!!!!? why?", "your wedding is at WHAT time!!!!!?"....or in my case "I can't believe you guys picked super bowl weekend to have a wedding!!!!!" REALLY...it's our wedding, do you really think we picked our date with an NFL schedule in hand
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