Incorporating military/police elements

[Deleted User]

I'd like to somehow honor my fiance's work in our wedding because it is meaningful to him and consumes so much of our lives. He's a police officer and a reservist in the Air Force. I'd like to *subtly* incorporate military/police elements in our wedding. This could be a thing, a color, a flower, other visuals, an accessory, a song, etc.- anything that isn't over the top. Does anyone have any creative suggestions? One thing I'm considering is that instead of wedding favors, we could make a donation in each guest's honor to the police survivor's fund or wounded warrior project. Is that appropriate to do?

mysticl

Donations in lieu of favors does not go over well on these boards.  For one thing it can come off as you saying "hey, look at us aren't we such wonderful people for donating money to a cause".  Another issue is that your guests may not agree with the charity you are donating to, it could be they don't support that cause or they don't agree with the business practices of the foundation.  Lastly giving someone else money is in no way a favor for your guests, they won't even get the tax write off for it.  If you want to spend your favor money on a donation that's fine, you don't have to have favors, just don't announce the fact.  

Does your FI want his service "honored" at the wedding?  My husband is active duty military so I understand how it can consume your life and for that reason some service members want to keep it out of their personal life as much as possible.  We had our wedding and reception on a military base (solely because of the huge financial savings by doing so).  The only military element we had was DH and the best man wore their dress blues.  

[Deleted User]

Wow, thanks for your response! I had not thought of it that way but yes, I can definitely see how donations might offend people.

I do get the sense that my fiance would appreciate acknowledging his work and life's commitment, in a subtle way. It's something that's meaningful to him and he's proud of. I often hear that the wedding is all about the bride but I think it's important to acknowledge the groom too.

kmmssg

One thing you might consider is using a groom's cake to reflect either his police work or his military service, or both!

I am a retired vet, 26 years.  The only nod the Army got at our wedding was my camouflage garter which I had custom made.  It seriously rocked and surprised my DH a lot.  Maybe a garter with the AF logo on it?  Yes, they do sell those.

You could pin his rank on your bouquet as a private thing just for you.  Keep things subtle so it doesn't take over the wedding, but I am sure you will come up with some great ideas.

[Deleted User]

Thanks for the creative suggestions! Something subtle that he and I can share privately is what I'm looking for.

doeydo

Camo or police themed garter, cake topper with the little man in uniform, favours could be chocolate in the shape of something (ie. handcuffs), add military/police themed brooches/pins to your bouquet, use appropriate titles in invitations and other stationery, cut cake with sword. 

mysticl

Wearing his rank in any way could be highly offensive to any military members and their spouses at your wedding.  It could even be offensive to your FI.  It's something he earned and you did not.  

My cousin and her husband were both officers so they used a sword to cut their cake.  It is hard to control and they basically hacked up that section of the cake, making it difficult to cut and serve that part.  Which could be a problem if you have just enough cake.

Certain things do have protocol attached to them (like swords) so you should check with your FI to make sure you don't break any rules and offend people.

kmmssg

mysticl said:

Wearing his rank in any way could be highly offensive to any military members and their spouses at your wedding.  It could even be offensive to your FI.  It's something he earned and you did not.  

My cousin and her husband were both officers so they used a sword to cut their cake.  It is hard to control and they basically hacked up that section of the cake, making it difficult to cut and serve that part.  Which could be a problem if you have just enough cake.

Certain things do have protocol attached to them (like swords) so you should check with your FI to make sure you don't break any rules and offend people.

@mysticl- I am not suggesting she toss his rank on the bouquet for all the world to see, I am saying she could get a pin on of his rank (those are small) and carry it with her.  As a vet myself, I would not be offended by that at all - I would find it very sweet.  Now, if she were wearing a piece of his uniform and his rank - that would be a whole other story...

kmmssg

doeydo said:

Camo or police themed garter, cake topper with the little man in uniform, favours could be chocolate in the shape of something (ie. handcuffs), add military/police themed brooches/pins to your bouquet, use appropriate titles in invitations and other stationery, cut cake with sword. 

@doedo - Oh, doey - I must be really evil because the idea of handcuffed shaped chocolates made my twisted little mind go in a direction that I am sure wasn' your intent.  Bad kmmssg!  Bad!

cupcait927

kmmssg said:

doeydo said:

Camo or police themed garter, cake topper with the little man in uniform, favours could be chocolate in the shape of something (ie. handcuffs), add military/police themed brooches/pins to your bouquet, use appropriate titles in invitations and other stationery, cut cake with sword. 

@doedo - Oh, doey - I must be really evil because the idea of handcuffed shaped chocolates made my twisted little mind go in a direction that I am sure wasn' your intent.  Bad kmmssg!  Bad!

There was an episode of Four Weddings on the other day and they actually did have chocolate handcuffs as the favors! My mind went to a very bad place initially but then thought it was actually pretty cute when I found out either her or her husband (can't remember which now) was a police officer.

firerescue325

My mom bought us build a bears for our cake table - ones in an army uniform for my future husband and mine is in fire fighter turnout gear with a veil (Im a fire marshall) - I made a pair of garters (1 to keep 1 to toss) from a uniform shirt I commendered from a friend - Ive seen military invites and our save the dates have dog tags on them.  you could play the theme from cops at the reception.