Wedding Weekend information wording help!

Ileah7

So I'm having a semi-destination wedding/wedding weekend in Georgia.  We've decided to rent a retreat property where everyone (around 40 of us) can stay, but we can't pay for it all ourselves.  How do we word this as they need to reserve a spot and pay us for it?  The cost should be really low--about $65 per person for the weekend.  To make it more complicated, there are shared rooms and private rooms, should the price be different?  This will also be where our rehearsal dinner and Sunday brunch will be.  How do I word this in a way that is correct and informative?  I know a lot of the details can be on our website... but I need them to get the right idea from the info card. 

Viczaesar

Ileah7 said:

So I'm having a semi-destination wedding/wedding weekend in Georgia.  We've decided to rent a retreat property where everyone (around 40 of us) can stay, but we can't pay for it all ourselves.  How do we word this as they need to reserve a spot and pay us for it?  The cost should be really low--about $65 per person for the weekend.  To make it more complicated, there are shared rooms and private rooms, should the price be different?  This will also be where our rehearsal dinner and Sunday brunch will be.  How do I word this in a way that is correct and informative?  I know a lot of the details can be on our website... but I need them to get the right idea from the info card. 

Viczaesar

Not okay to rely on other people to finance your wedding.

CMGragain

First of all, you get one day, not a weekend.  You can invite people to attend your wedding, and you can suggest that they stay at a certain place, but you cannot demand that they stay there.  They can stay anywhere they please, unless, of course, you are hosting and paying for their stay.  If you cannot afford to pay for their stay, then change your plans to something that you can afford to pay for by yourselves.
Your wedding invitation will look like any other wedding invitation. 

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time
Venue
Address
City, State

There is nothing different about a destination wedding invitation, except that maybe you are expecting too much of your "guests" to help you pay for your wedding venue.  Bad plan, and rather rude. 

AddieCake

The only thing you can do is let people know the option to stay there is available. You can't force them to stay there and cover your rental cost. If you can't afford to rent the place on your own, then you need to ditch this plan b/c what happens if not all of your guests choose to participate in this? You could be stuck at the 11th hour with a rental house you can't afford and then what are you going to do? Ask guests to chip in more? Tell them to find last-minute accommodations b/c the house fell through?

lyndausvi

I've never understood the concept of renting out an entire property that you can not afford on your own.  That is a pretty big gamble.   

I don't even know how to determine who gets the choice of private rooms over shared rooms.  Invites arrive at different times.   In theory, the person who gets their invite first can get the best room.  The people who get them last, do to no fault of their own, get stuck with a shared room.  

All that said,  If I got an invite to a wedding and it said I "NEED" to pay "x" dollars to stay and pay it directly to the couple I would read it as a admission price to attend your wedding.   

I think this is one of those things that sounds good, but in reality it's not a good idea.

MyNameIsNot

It is inappropriate for the guests to pay the hosts for anything.

If you can, set it up so that people book their room through the cabin's management.  If you have to pay for any unbooked space, that's your problem.  If you can't set it up that way, either rearrange your budget so that you can cover the whole place or find a different hotel that allows guests to book on their own.  

If you can't afford to cover this place for your guests, don't book it.  

Maggie0829

So you rented a retreat property that you cannot afford on your own?  Well that has disaster written all over it?

You decided to rent this place for your wedding which means that you should be footing the entire bill.  You do not charge people to come to your wedding.

Ileah7

First of all, its not where the wedding is being held.  And we are having a small wedding, only our parents, grandparents, siblings, and aunts and uncles.  Everyone is viewing it as a family reunion with a wedding.  All the other options are getting one star reviews or are $200 a night.  I'm including info on other places on our website.  And it was my parents decision to book this place.  If we have to we can afford it, but my parents who are hosting don't think they should be paying for everyone's housing.  We are providing food for everyone for the whole weekend. 

Thanks for your help

CMGragain

This all makes no difference in our answers to your question.  This is your wedding.  It is NOT a family reunion.  The etiquette rules for the two events are different.  Cost sharing and potlucks are great for a family reunion, but they are terrible for a wedding reception.

MyNameIsNot

Ileah7 said:

First of all, its not where the wedding is being held.  And we are having a small wedding, only our parents, grandparents, siblings, and aunts and uncles.  Everyone is viewing it as a family reunion with a wedding.  All the other options are getting one star reviews or are $200 a night.  I'm including info on other places on our website.  And it was my parents decision to book this place.  If we have to we can afford it, but my parents who are hosting don't think they should be paying for everyone's housing.  We are providing food for everyone for the whole weekend. 

Thanks for your help

If your parents didn't think they should be paying for everyone's accommodations, they shouldn't have booked this place.  

It's still unacceptable to ask the guests to pay for something you (or your parents) booked.  

lyndausvi

Ileah7 said:

First of all, its not where the wedding is being held.  And we are having a small wedding, only our parents, grandparents, siblings, and aunts and uncles.  Everyone is viewing it as a family reunion with a wedding.  All the other options are getting one star reviews or are $200 a night.  I'm including info on other places on our website.  And it was my parents decision to book this place.  If we have to we can afford it, but my parents who are hosting don't think they should be paying for everyone's housing.  We are providing food for everyone for the whole weekend. 

Thanks for your help

Still think it's odd.  However with just those few people can't mom ask everyone in person if they would want to chip in for the cabin?  Seems much better than receiving an invite say you "need" to pay us for your accommodations.

Do you and your FI's families get along that well?  No way in hell I would put my family in the same cabin with his family.   Not that they don't get along, it's more they are pretty much strangers.   Would be odd for them to share something like a cabin.

grumbledore

Ileah7 said:

So I'm having a semi-destination wedding/wedding weekend in Georgia.  We've decided to rent make our guests rent a retreat property where everyone (around 40 of us) can stay, but we can't pay for it all ourselves.  How do we word this as they need to reserve a spot and pay us for it?  The cost should be really low--about $65 per person for the weekend.  To make it more complicated, there are shared rooms and private rooms, should the price be different?  This will also be where our rehearsal dinner and Sunday brunch will be.  How do I word this in a way that is correct and informative?  I know a lot of the details can be on our website... but I need them to get the right idea from the info card. 

Fixed that for you.

HisGirlFriday13

Ileah7 said:

So I'm having a semi-destination wedding/wedding weekend in Georgia.  We've decided to rent a retreat property where everyone (around 40 of us) can stay, but we can't pay for it all ourselves.  How do we word this as they need to reserve a spot and pay us for it?  The cost should be really low--about $65 per person for the weekend.  To make it more complicated, there are shared rooms and private rooms, should the price be different?  This will also be where our rehearsal dinner and Sunday brunch will be.  How do I word this in a way that is correct and informative?  I know a lot of the details can be on our website... but I need them to get the right idea from the info card. 

Ileah7 said:

First of all, its not where the wedding is being held.  And we are having a small wedding, only our parents, grandparents, siblings, and aunts and uncles.  Everyone is viewing it as a family reunion with a wedding.  All the other options are getting one star reviews or are $200 a night.  I'm including info on other places on our website.  And it was my parents decision to book this place.  If we have to we can afford it, but my parents who are hosting don't think they should be paying for everyone's housing.  We are providing food for everyone for the whole weekend. 

Thanks for your help

First bold: Then you shouldn't have decided to rent this place, now should you have?

Second bold: It's a powerfully stupid idea to (a) try to sucker your guests into subsidising your wedding and (b) rent a place that's NOT where your wedding is being held.

Third bold: Well, bully for them -- they still get to pick where they sleep.

Fourth bold: Your parents don't get to spend other people's money. They get to spend their own as they see fit, but not anyone else's, sorry. 

The bottom line is that (a) you get A DAY, not a freaking weekend; (b) you don't get to tell your guests how to spend their money for your wedding or where they have to stay or how much they're going to be billed for this; (c) there is no way to do this that isn't horrible rude and tacky.

Please reconsider, before you offend your family.

lleblanc33

I can see both sides here. It sounds like you got in a bit over your head with renting this accommodation. If I were in your shoes, and if you are at a point of no return, I would list accommodation options on your wedding website. Within that information, I would list the accommodation options being that your guests can "choose" to stay at the accommodations that for only $65 for the weekend, and you can also list the other options and their prices. You can word it as being that you have placed a deposit or hold on this place, and should someone want to book they can send a check to "address" or pay via paypal. Rooms and their amenities at this location differ, and will be first come first served based on reservations received. It also might be possible that the owner of the venue would be ok with receiving payment from everyone separately and keeping a spreadsheet of these payments for you- at least this way you wouldn't have to say "send the money to me"

With all of this being said- you got yourself in a sticky situation- and if not presented appropriately you may find that people think you are cheap for not covering the expense yourself. I am doing something similar- but it is to help immediate family only save money and I know they appreciate it.

theartistformerlyknownas

Ileah7 said: First of all, its not where the wedding is being held.  And we are having a small wedding, only our parents, grandparents, siblings, and aunts and uncles.  Everyone is viewing it as a family reunion with a wedding.  All the other options are getting one star reviews or are $200 a night.  I'm including info on other places on our website.  And it was my parents decision to book this place.  If we have to we can afford it, but my parents who are hosting don't think they should be paying for everyone's housing.  We are providing food for everyone for the whole weekend. 

Thanks for your help
If bolded is the case, maybe that's how you get around the tackiness of asking for money. Have your parents invite the family to a family reunion at that location that - golly gee! - just happens to overlap your wedding day (not weekend). She can coordinate the bunking details and the funds. You still give guests alternate accommodation suggestions in your inserts without mentioning the other.

offthemarket915

I don't understand how this has turned into "you're expecting your guests to pay for your wedding" when it is customary for OOT guests to pay for their own lodging.  I have attended multiple destination weddings where the guests were encouraged to all stay at a primary property, as it eases coordination for the multiple events / activities.  Also, it can be mandatory to fill a certain number of rooms in order to avoid other events / guests being present the same weekend. 

The only misstep here is expecting guests to pay anyone other than the hotel for their lodging.  The typical wording of "we've arranged a special rate of $xx at XYZ Property" would be fine. Then it's up to the guests if they want to stay more than one night and make their arrangements directly with the hotel.

We are hosting an OOS destination wedding, which includes a welcome dinner for all, optional activities the next day before the ceremony and reception, and a farewell bruch on Sunday.  All events are taking place on one property and there are very limited lodging options in that area.  So it is likely that all of our 50 guests will stay at this property.  And since we want to make it affordable for our guests, we are graciously subsidizing the lodging costs so the guests who stay there will only pay the hotel a rate that is comparable to/less than a chain hotel, despite this being a very high end property.  We've been guests before in this situation and always enjoyed ourselves. 

 

CMGragain

Ileah7 said:

So I'm having a semi-destination wedding/wedding weekend in Georgia.  We've decided to rent a retreat property where everyone (around 40 of us) can stay, but we can't pay for it all ourselves.  How do we word this as they need to reserve a spot and pay us for it?  The cost should be really low--about $65 per person for the weekend.  To make it more complicated, there are shared rooms and private rooms, should the price be different?  This will also be where our rehearsal dinner and Sunday brunch will be.  How do I word this in a way that is correct and informative?  I know a lot of the details can be on our website... but I need them to get the right idea from the info card. 

The bolded answers the question.  Anything where the guests have to pay the bride's family for a part of the wedding is not acceptable.

MyNameIsNot

offthemarket915 said:

I don't understand how this has turned into "you're expecting your guests to pay for your wedding" when it is customary for OOT guests to pay for their own lodging.  I have attended multiple destination weddings where the guests were encouraged to all stay at a primary property, as it eases coordination for the multiple events / activities.  Also, it can be mandatory to fill a certain number of rooms in order to avoid other events / guests being present the same weekend. 

The only misstep here is expecting guests to pay anyone other than the hotel for their lodging.  The typical wording of "we've arranged a special rate of $xx at XYZ Property" would be fine. Then it's up to the guests if they want to stay more than one night and make their arrangements directly with the hotel.

We are hosting an OOS destination wedding, which includes a welcome dinner for all, optional activities the next day before the ceremony and reception, and a farewell bruch on Sunday.  All events are taking place on one property and there are very limited lodging options in that area.  So it is likely that all of our 50 guests will stay at this property.  And since we want to make it affordable for our guests, we are graciously subsidizing the lodging costs so the guests who stay there will only pay the hotel a rate that is comparable to/less than a chain hotel, despite this being a very high end property.  We've been guests before in this situation and always enjoyed ourselves. 

 

In response to the italics, the difference is that she rented a house she can't afford and wants guests to reimburse her for it.  That is very different than blocking rooms and letting guests reserve their own rooms.  

Sugargirl1019

lleblanc33 said:

Within that information, I would list the accommodation options being that your guests can "choose" to stay at the accommodations that for only $65 for the weekend, and you can also list the other options and their prices. You can word it as being that you have placed a deposit or hold on this place, and should someone want to book they can send a check to "address" or pay via paypal. Rooms and their amenities at this location differ, and will be first come first served based on reservations received. It also might be possible that the owner of the venue would be ok with receiving payment from everyone separately and keeping a spreadsheet of these payments for you- at least this way you wouldn't have to say "send the money to me"

^^ Besides not booking that place in the first place, this seems maybe the next best option. List accomodation prices and locations. Sounds like your "group family price" might be a competitive price to others in the area. So, your guests have the option in paying for their accomodations (which is totally normal) but if they don't choose that location, you have to be prepared to pay the difference. 

You'll have to explain the rooming situation to people too; usually if you book a room, its for you only, not you, this ones sister and husband, grandma, cousin, etc. And I don't know if they'll be okay with that.

But, I understand families have different ideas of what is acceptable, and I hope everything works out for you! 

ETA: the pricing between shared rooms and private rooms is super difficult, and I'm at a loss for what to say. I'm afraid my guests would find it rude, and I would have avoided this situation. Maybe say "Preferred location A: Shared room 55, Private room 75" or something like that. Hope that gets your brain thinking on something doable for you.