Ok, so please tell me if I'm being crazy. I know there are many posts with similar themes.
I'm so angry, so this may be long.
Back when we got engaged we created a list of people that we wanted to invite to the wedding. I was lucky in that I used my sister's list as she only got married a year ago. I added my friends, and then asked my FI who we should invite from his side. We had a list of about 130 people, but we knew we were missing some people from his side. We showed the list to his parents and they mentioned some people that we forgot.
Then FMIL starts talking about how we have to invite their daughter in law's parents. Now, my parents said they were giving us X dollars. And at this time his parent's haven't offered any specific amount but said they would help out as well. (We had already picked a venue at this point, because we estimated how many people we wanted to invite based on our preliminary list. Number of people by capacity is not a problem we are not even close to the limit. But the venue is expensive, but for our area, and what we're getting it's reasonable.)
I kind of pushed back and said why? We're not close to them, they live 1000 miles away, and their FI sister in laws parents. There is no reason they need to be invited to our wedding. Apparently it's a courtesy, and they probably won't come! Oh how I hate the courtesy invite. I want every single person at our wedding to be there because we want them there. Now obviously I understand there are people you have to invite, like aunt so and so. And I also understand that the parent's should get some say in the guest list. However, we don't feel this is a necessary invite. (FI and I agree completely.)
We tell FMIL and FFIL that they get x invites (including SO and +1), and to please send the list when they have all the addresses. So FMIL emails me a couple weeks later (this is around August or September), and she went over the allotted amount, but I looked at the list with FI and we agreed to accept her list as is. We even allowed the inlaws parents. Fine, it's not a battle I wanted to fight (at the time).
FMIL mentions at another time after she gave the list, that after we send STD if she finds out that some people are not going to come, she may want to invite some more friends. FI and I bean dip her. We pretty much ignore what she said. She brings it up another time like a month later, and I look at FI, and he says "Mom we told you the guest list is closed" it's getting out of hand. FPIL both accepted that.
Prior to that I had asked my mother if there was anyone else she wanted to invite. She said no, that it's my wedding, and the list we had is fine. (Love my Mom).
FMIL and FFIL told my FI that they could contribute y amount, which is about 1/6 of what my parent's are contributing. (That's fine, we didn't expect any money from anyone.) Just for reference, the amount that both parents contribute will pay for most or all of the reception- depending on how many people come. The guests are pretty much equal between myself and my FI. His side has more family/family friends, and my side has a little more friends, but for the most part it's equal. I'm paying for the florist, DJ, photographer, and cake. My FI is paying for the officiant, honeymoon (?), and the after party, and maybe some other miscellaneous things.
We thought all was going well, when today I get an email from FMIL (just me, not FI) asking (telling?) to add sister in laws sister and her guest. Oh hell no! We didn't want FI sister in law's parents to begin with, but we did to appease FI parents . No way in hell are we adding her sister too. I should also mention, if it matters, that I am not inviting some of my 1st cousins because I'm not close to them. It's not fair, that I am not inviting people so we could keep the numbers down, but they are adding people that are barely related to them. I know FI agrees with me, but he doesn't like getting people upset. I also know it's only 2 people, but where does it end.
Any advice?
Sorry it was so long!