Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rude to have the bartender cut off guests who are overly intoxicated?

First off, I am NOT having a cash or partial cash bar, all beverages will be fully hosted by me!

Originally I was going to do wine and beer only. If we do a lunch wedding at Disneyland, they have a per person bar package, but if we do it local the venue's here seem to all do consumption based. There are several reasons for doing wine and beer only. The last bride in our family who did a full open bar ended up with an 8k bar bill at the then end of the night. The restaurant she had it at let guests choose bottles of wine from the wine cellar , apparently with no restrictions, so uncles of mine were taking 100+ dollar bottles of wine and bottles of expensive whiskey back to the tables to share. Also my family is not really that great at etiquette (cash bars abound at family functions), and I heard my cousins have conversations like this , Cousin 1:"I forgot where I put my drink, anyone see it?" Cousin 2: Oh don't worry all drinks are free, just get another!". At the end of the night I counted at least 30 drinks laying around the venue that didn't look like much was drunk out of them.

Since I haven't budgeted 8k for drinks, I was going to do beer, wine and soft drinks only. However, after reviewing the prices for the venue, mixed drinks are only 2$ more than a glass of wine, and using the calculators provided I think I could actually swing mixed drinks  (I won't be offering the wine cellar or full bottles to our guests, everything will be by the glass). I realize it won't solve the problem of people losing theirs and getting another, but I can budget for that. 

My main concern, and also a concern of my mother's, is that I have 4 cousins who like to really get plastered at all family gatherings where there is liquor, especially if other people are providing the booze. Can I ask the bartender to cut people off if they are overly drunk, or is this a breach of etiquette? I know these same cousins don't drink wine and if they are only drinking beer it might slow them down a bit. However, if the liquor is there, they WILL get plastered and start taking off clothes (no joke, we had a wedding for another cousin last year. It had a cash bar, but that didn't stop these girls from getting drunk enough to dance on tables in their bra tops.). I like my cousins and when they aren't drunk they are great to hang out with, but I am not sure how fiance's family will respond to the impromptu strip show. 

   I guess this is a more of WWYD? Is it okay to have the bartender cut people off? I hesitate to ask a relative to baby sit them as I want my guests to enjoy themselves and not have duties. I would tell them to knock it off myself (they may listen) except I'm afraid that would take away from my other hosting duties. The venue won't serve shots so maybe that would slow them down? 

  Maybe I should just have a dry wedding, LOL. What are your opinions?

Re: Rude to have the bartender cut off guests who are overly intoxicated?

  • I'm sure someone here is going to disagree with me, but I don't think it's rude to cut guests off if it is clear beyond a doubt that they've had too much.

    Many venues require a security presence when alcohol is served and my guess is that your venue had a policy on how to handle such guests. I would just ask your venue how they handle situations like that.
  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited January 2014
    It is not rude to have the bartender cut off obviously intoxicated guests. It is, in most states, the law is that you cannot serve more booze to already intoxicated people.  They can hurt themselves and others and, in some cases, the bartender or venue can be liable.


    Our bartenders had instructions to cut people off if they deemed necessary.  I trusted my bartenders to make the right call.  

    edited for grammer

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  • I think you should continue with whatever drink selection is in your budget.

    If someone is really that drunk, the bartender should be cutting people off since it is a liability for them and they can loose their license. I haven't attended a wedding where I was aware of anybody getting cut off, so maybe it is a little more relaxed in the catering industry.

    I would voice your concerns to whoever is doing your catering/bartending. I'm sure they have been in similar situations before with intoxicated guests and could put your worries at ease. 

    In the end, they are adults. If they make poor choices and become overly intoxicated it reflects poorly on them, not you.  

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  • Maybe I'm wrong, but I think it would be wrong of them not to cut people off if they're completely drunk. Isn't that the bartenders job?
  •   Thanks everyone! I didn't think to ask my venue. If we go that way I'll put it on my list of questions to ask. 
  • IMO, it is totally appropriate to have the bartender cut them off (it is completely different than having it turn to a cash bar, which you are clearly not doing).  In fact, your venue would probably appreciate pictures of the specific people they need to keep their eye one.  If the vendor is providing the bartender, the venue does NOT want to be held responsible for over serving.  I feel like over serving often happens at weddings because people don't want to "upset" the bride and groom.

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  • The bartender has to cut people off if they are intoxicated. You and the venue need to establish liability, however, in the event that something happens during the event that you are hosting, you could hold a degree of responsibility. For this reason you will more than likely have to purchase liability insurance (we definitely will, but maybe it is different in the states?). Regardless, overservice is a serious issue and anyone who is overly intoxicated should not be served more alcohol. This is not an etiquette issue it is an issue of health and safety among you, your guests, and the individual involved.
  • I am definitely planning on purchasing wedding and liability insurance if we do it local (Disney has their own provisions). I have some questions on that as well I will post as soon as I figure out the correct board to post it on, LOL. 
  • I was surprised to see this question. I don't know if it's just an assumption I made based on experience and my own venue contract, or if it's part of the law in MA if you have a liquor license, but I assumed bartenders were required to refuse to serve alcohol to intoxicated people.

    Since alcohol is a regulated drug that can kill people, it makes complete sense to me that bartenders, who have experience telling who's overly intoxicated and who isn't, would want to (or would be required to) stop serving alcohol to people who might end up with alcohol poisoning. Or, ya know, get so drunk they damage the venue or hurt someone.
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  • Anyone who thinks this is "rude" is an alcoholic who should not be drinking in the first place.
  • This is in no way rude! Especially if people are known for getting out of hand with their liqueur! At my venue we hav to put down a deposit in case of any damages caused by our party don't u know I don't want to throw that money down the toilet just because my guests lack self control and damage the property because they are too drunk to see what they are doing. There are so many stories of wedding fiascos caused by too much drinking.
  • lyndausvi said:
    It's their job to cut people off.  In some states they are legally libel if something happens and they don't cut them off.  


    This. They're hired to check IDs, make drinks and cut people off.
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  • This is not an etiquette issue, it's a CYA issue. And any venue worth their salt will cover their asses. I second (or third) the idea to let the venue know which four are the heavy drinkers, and they can maybe go light on their pours.
  • phira said:
    I was surprised to see this question. I don't know if it's just an assumption I made based on experience and my own venue contract, or if it's part of the law in MA if you have a liquor license, but I assumed bartenders were required to refuse to serve alcohol to intoxicated people.

    Since alcohol is a regulated drug that can kill people, it makes complete sense to me that bartenders, who have experience telling who's overly intoxicated and who isn't, would want to (or would be required to) stop serving alcohol to people who might end up with alcohol poisoning. Or, ya know, get so drunk they damage the venue or hurt someone.
    It varies by state, but for the most part it is illegal for a bartender to serve a visibly intoxicated person.  It's not usually actively policed, but the bartender and establishment can be fined or lose their serving license, just like they could if they're caught serving alcohol to a minor.

    It comes up more with civil liability.  For the most part, a bartender/establishment isn't liable if a person has a drink there and causes an accident.  But if the establishment serves them past the point of intoxication, the bar and bartender can be on the hook for the accident.  It's called dram shop liability.  In some states, a host could also be on the hook.  

    I think this has been covered to death OP, but it's not rude.  It's the law.  Although if I were you, I'd continue to hunt for a venue that allows you to do a per capita bar rather than consumption.  It's so much easier to know what the bill will be when you have heavy drinkers.  
  • If state or local law requires the bartender to not serve more drinks to intoxicated people then the decision has already been made for you, and it's not rude.

    But it's not rude to make that policy on your own, either. 


  • Checked with my partner--it's part of the law if you have a liquor license in MA.
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  • At my wedding, they made it very clear to us that the bartenders reserved the right to cut off any guest they thought was too intoxicated.  However, they said that they would typically do it very discreetly - meaning that they would sort of "phase out" the alcohol from their drinks without even telling them.  You could have them do something like this so it is not obvious.
  • I didn't read it all because it was too long... But bartenders are legally responsible for cutting someone off if they feel like they are a danger to themselves or others
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