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Budget and DIY Weddings

Postponing my Wedding

My Fi and I are going to postpone our wedding for financial reasons.  I want to know the best way to handle inquisitive and prying family/friends?  I don't want to admit that money is the issue.   


Re: Postponing my Wedding

  • OnceUponSnowOnceUponSnow
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 6
    Why don't you want to say the reason ? You don't have to go into details, but anything along the lines of ''FI and I decided to postpone because it will allow us to be more comfortable with our wedding budget'' seems reasonable to me. I would expect family and friends to be very understanding of your decision : people who love you and care for you won't want you to get into debts for your wedding, or stressing over the financial aspect of it. 

    This is exactly why we postponed our own wedding. We thought the date we wanted at first was okay, but we knew it would be stressful for us, and probably meant we couldn't afford for a honeymoon. Postponing for another 6 months meant a stress-free financial planning, allowing room in our budget for extras, and enough money toward our honeymoon. I don't know anyone who would think those additional 6 months of engagement are not totally worth it. 

    It's a hard decision to make, I'm in the same boat and at first it felt really discouraging, but I'm sure you will not regret it on your big day. :)
    [Deleted User]
  • You could just tell them the reason, for example:

    Inquisitive Friend/Family Member: "Why are you postponing your wedding?  Why not get married now?"
    You: "FI and I have decided to wait a few years [or however long] so that we can save up some money"
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    [Deleted User]
  • We told our family we wanted to pay for our wedding in cash and not go into debt for it. We got engaged in March 2012, originally wanted to get married in August 2013, and will finally get married in July 2014. Honestly it was our best plan, especially considering all the unexpected things that happened in 2013 that made us have to keep taking out of our wedding savings (big move for jobs, car crapped out, etc.). Now, we'll have all of our $8000 budget saved by the end of this month :) We will be able to pay all of it in cash and have extra for our honeymoon in November.

    Just tell them you don't want to go into debt for a wedding and want to wait longer to put enough money away.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    CMGragain[Deleted User]
  • I don't understand your issue with stating the reason why. You don't have to go into details. A simple "we're saving up for the big day" is fine. Without a reason do you want people to assume/imagine worse reasons?
  • We have had to do the same thing but when people ask I'm honest. I don't go into detail I just say that we want to save up more money before we commit to a date. I'm sure you will get people telling you it doesn't have to be anything big and fancy, I get that all the time. I just ignore them now. We're not planning anything big and fancy, just something nice and small for family and close friends but even for something small we still need to save. 
  • julybride2015julybride2015
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 10
    The issue I have is that my family and friends aren't the type to be understanding.  Postponing the wedding to them is a reason to speculate that we are having money issues and/or relationship issues.     I can already hear some family and friends making comments about our situation. 




  • CMGragainCMGragain
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 10
    MSM2011 said:
    The issue I have is that my family and friends aren't the type to be understanding.  Postponing the wedding to them is a reason to speculate that we are having money issues and/or relationship issues.     I can already hear some family and friends making comments about our situation. 

    You are way too concerned about what other people think.  You cannot control what your relatives and friends say behind your back.  Just own up to it, and tell them you need to save more money before you can have the wedding that you want to have.  If they gossip, then, so what? 
    When I was married, relatives were speculating that I was pregnant (gasp!) and that was why we got married in a hurry.  Wrong.  I just couldn't wait to marry my guy and get away from all of them!


  • HotFuzzSparksHotFuzzSparks
    10 Comments
    member
    edited February 10
    Postponing is understandable. I'm only 1 month into planning but we agreed on a summer 2016 wedding. We are getting a little help but we need to pay for the rest. This gives me the stress free time to find a full package venue for our smaller 110-120ish reception too. I am so glad we are waiting 2.5 years but I'm very anxious as well.
  • julybride2015julybride2015
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 10


    You are way too concerned about what other people think.  You cannot control what your relatives and friends say behind your back.  

    The issue is that it's not behind my back; they will say these things directly to me.  My Fi is usually good with witty responses, but I am not.  I just get caught off guard when confronted with these types of questions.   
    Postponing isn't a big deal to us, it's just nuts that other people get so noisy.  My extended  family is just the type of family that's always in everyone's business and they always have something (usually negative) to say. I try not to care, but they always seem to get under my skin.  
  • You need to figure out why their opinion even matters. Let them speculate and you can prove them wrong when the time comes for your wedding when you are able to pay for it.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 10
    OP, there are several techniques you should practice to answer people who ask you questions that are none of their business:

    "What did you say?"
    "Why would you ask me that?"
    "Goodness!  I can't imagine what put that thought in your head."
    "Do you really think so?"
    "Why are you asking me this?"
    "Really!  That is fascinating. It certainly never occurred to me."
    "How nice of you to worry about me."

    All of the above should be memorized, and said at the appropriate time with an air of innocence and a polite smile.  It puts the shoe right back on the other foot, and makes the concerned relative feel foolish.  Never deny.  Never protest.  Never explain.
    I learned how to be a bitch years ago.
    GlitterWitch22penguin44
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