Sharing some tips.

marriedlady1212

I just got married last month. Yesterday, a really nice woman I work with emailed me, telling me her daughter is getting married and asked me if I had any tips. Everyone's weddings are so different and personal that I didn't think I would have any she would be interested in hearing, but then I started typing. I don't know if anyone here will have any use for them, but I wanted to share just in case:

1.       Ask for help. When someone says, “If there is anything I can do…” they mean it. Give them a job and be specific as to what you want.

2.       Pinterest. Everyone probably already knows about this. It’s great for ideas. Once you commits to a style for the wedding though, stop looking at it. It sometimes makes you want to change your mind about things and at some point you just have stop and commit to the centerpieces.

3.       If you can, let the bridesmaids pick out their dress, in the color or length you choose, with your approval. Give them deadlines to have it purchased in case they need to alter or ship the dress. Also, double check with the tux rental place to make sure they have the right color vests and things ordered. I almost had yellow vests instead of the nice champagne color I picked out because the lady entered it incorrectly.

 4.       Sometimes it’s just easier to let the parents or grandparents have something their way because it just means more to them My grandmother made me CRAZY about flowers and centerpieces (she used to be a florist). I personally didn’t want to spend a lot of our budget on flowers. She basically told me she was paying for them, and I had no choice in the matter. It clearly meant more to her than it did to me, so we did flowers she picked and paid for. And she had the best day of her life getting a lots of compliments.

5.       Something will go wrong. Please see tip 10. We had 4 small cakes. All of the icing started to melt off the sides of the cakes  All we could do was laugh it off and cut it sooner than expected. People lined up for it anyway.

6.       When it comes to the budget, you will go over. Plan on spending more money than you expect. Postage, thank you gifts, all the little fun stuff like straws and cocktail napkins add up.

7.       It’s one day. Months and months of planning for 1 day. It’s over before you know it. Take moments. Take a moment to looks around and see all the people who love you and want to see you and your husband on your special day. Take a moment to actually eat dinner.

8.       Take a moment to be with your husband. I don’t know if I actually talked to mine on our wedding day. So many people want to talk to the bride and groom, so you really have to make a point to reconnect.

9.       Have fun, have fun, have fun. My wedding day was literally the happiest day of my life. I think a lot of it was because we didn’t sweat the small stuff.  Our reception venue could have caught on fire, and we would have partied in the parking lot. Have fun no matter what. 

10.   Always remember the real reason for this day: to marry the person you want to spend forever with. All the rest is the circus. The food, the drinks, the flowers, the musicians, the bridesmaids, the centerpieces are all the circus that surrounds the wedding. When the day is over, none of it matters. Don’t get so consumed with the craziness that surrounds the day that it doesn’t let you enjoy the day.

Congrats on your recent engagements, and HAVE FUN!

 

Teddy917

1. You should never ask for help. If someone offers, great. If they don't, count on doing everything yourself.

2. Pinterest is a great place to get style ideas but not necessarily etiquette-appropriate advice. Just to keep in mind.

4. Sometimes, yes. But if you're paying for your own wedding, you don't have to (although it is nice).

7. Not necessarily. Hopefully you were smart and budgeted properly. If not, it's your own fault and not something that always happens.

Just thought I'd add some notes for lurkers.

climbingwife

Teddy917 said:

1. You should never ask for help. If someone offers, great. If they don't, count on doing everything yourself. 2. Pinterest is a great place to get style ideas but not necessarily etiquette-appropriate advice. Just to keep in mind. 4. Sometimes, yes. But if you're paying for your own wedding, you don't have to (although it is nice). 7. Not necessarily. Hopefully you were smart and budgeted properly. If not, it's your own fault and not something that always happens. Just thought I'd add some notes for lurkers.

Stuck in box! 

I agree with all of the above points. Just because someone politely offers help doesn't mean they actually want you to take them up on it. And it doesn't mean you need to accept the offer. 

My FI and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves. And because of that, we're planning exactly what we want. You also don't need to discuss details with all of your friends and family members. And if you don't want to talk about what kind of flowers you're having, bean dip your way out of it. You don't have to let your family members strong arm you into doing something you don't want to do. 

marriedlady1212

Like I mentioned before, everyone's wedding is different and personal. You are the only person who knows your friends and family and if they really mean it when they offer help. In my case it they did. And sometimes it's ok to let something go because it means a lot to a family member. It's not all about who pays for what. It's about someone's feelings. Again, in my case, flowers were really important to my grandmother. They meant more to her than they did to me. Her feelings meant more to me than flowers, and she loved being able to contribute that way. In the end, it was a stress relief just to let her do it. I am really happy I didn't hurt our relationship over flowers no one but the 2 of us will remember in a year. 

emmyg65

So I know this is an unpopular opinion here, but I actually think it's okay to ask for help, if you follow some guidelines:

1. Make it easy for the person to say no and never assume you're entitled to someone's help

2. Acknowledge that they're doing you a favor and don't pretend it's an honor)

3. Be respectful of their time and don't ask them to do too much

4. Be realistic about your relationship with this person (i.e.: only ask close friends or family, people to whom you'd return the favor)

5. Thank them profusely

One of the purposes of a community is to help its members through big transitions. Most people have no problem helping people they love dearly. That said, it's definitely a know-your-crowd thing. Among my friends and family, we always help each other move, etc.

Maggie0829

marriedlady1212 said:

6.       When it comes to the budget, you will go over. Plan on spending more money than you expect. Postage, thank you gifts, all the little fun stuff like straws and cocktail napkins add up.

I don't agree with this.  You will only go over budget if you let yourself go over budget.  Those fun things like straws and cocktail napkins are unnecessary.  So if you are getting close to your budget that is the stuff you cut.  You don't go "oh well" and purchase it anyways.