Do we HAVE to give our parents a gift?

leelabear

My fiance and I are only getting help for the wedding from my mom. The other 90% will be out of our own pockets. I will definitely get her a gift. What about my dad,  his parents and his step parents? I was thinking of getting them all something anyways but I was told you are only supposed to get them something if they helped pay for part of the wedding, honeymoon, etc.

What are your thoughts?

MyNameIsNot

leelabear said:

My fiance and I are only getting help for the wedding from my mom. The other 90% will be out of our own pockets. I will definitely get her a gift. What about my dad,  his parents and his step parents? I was thinking of getting them all something anyways but I was told you are only supposed to get them something if they helped pay for part of the wedding, honeymoon, etc.

What are your thoughts?

Parent gifts are optional, and it has nothing to do with helping pay for the wedding.

Parent gifts are about thanking your parents for raising you and all that.  

JennyColada

I am giving my mom a gift just because I like excuses to buy my mom things.

CMGragain

The best gift I received from my daughter was when she threw her arms around me after the wedding and said "Thanks, Mom!  It was perfect!"  OK, she gave me some chocolates, too.  Send your Dad a good wedding photo in a frame.  That is another nice gift that won't cost you very much.

leelabear

Ya, I was thinking of getting them all something small anyways but I still wanted to know if that was normal or not. Thanks.

OnceUponSnow

I had never heard of parents' gifts before. I assumed it was customary when the parents paid for the wedding (which isn't the case where I live). But I'm not sure. 

MobKaz

Gifts are never mandatory.  They should always be given freely and genuinely.

A gift to the parents following a wedding is not necessarily in gratitude of financial support of the wedding.  It is more a token of appreciation for their parental support throughout their childhood.

A very typical gift is some sort of memento of the wedding.  It can be as simple as a framed photo or as elaborate as a wedding album..Some couples prefer to gift parents individually and personally. That gift could be a gift card to their favorite restaurant, a day at the spa, or something that speaks to their hobby or lifestyle.

CrazyCatLady3

So do most people give their parents gifts after the wedding, at the RD or on the day of the wedding?

leelabear

Good question. No idea. Anyone else?

hbock

Gifts to parents should be a thank-you to them for being your parents and supporting you. I found a lovely handkerchief on Etsy that is embroidered for my mom, and a picture frame (also on Etsy) for my fiance's parents that is engraved with our wedding date and says "Thank you for raising your son to be the man of my dreams." I can't wait to give it to them, probably on the actual wedding day. Though you could give the gifts at the rehearsal dinner, especially if your gifts are on the sentimental side and you want to avoid extra tears on your wedding day. I might give the gifts the night before also. I expect us all to cry a little and it would be nice to keep the tears to a minimum on my wedding day once all my makeup is done!

OnionBreath

Optional.  I got my mom a pandora charm. I will get my dad his fav. bottle of wine.

MobKaz

CrazyCatLady3 said:

So do most people give their parents gifts after the wedding, at the RD or on the day of the wedding?

I think it depends on the dynamics of the parents and gifts themselves.  

If the gifts appear/are equal in value or are identical gifts, they could be given out at the rehearsal dinner.  (Many times, the couple will gift the parents frames for wedding photos or wedding albums.)  Giving the parents a card at the rehearsal that indicates a wedding album is in their future, would be simple enough.

However, many brides post on these boards that the gifts will be different.  Their reasoning is sometimes based on the financial contribution of the parents, or their level of personal involvement with the parent.  In this case, waiting for a private moment would be best.

At rehearsal dinners I have attended, the gifts are typically presented to the wedding party.  I have yet to see gifts given to the parents at a rehearsal dinner.

kgd7357

We are just ordering extra photo albums and writing cards.