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Ceremony and legal marriage on different days of same week?

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Re: Ceremony and legal marriage on different days of same week?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2014
    If the calendar date is the date you want to be married on, then that's the date that you should have your wedding on-legal and otherwise.

    Don't do a re-do just so you can claim you were "married" on that date.  It doesn't make sense and it's rude to your guests to portray yourself as "getting married" in a ceremony that doesn't count because you already "got married" in another-whether that was for legal or other purposes.

    Pick one date or the other, but only get "married" in one ceremony.  And quit dishing on the legal ceremony as "not making you married."  There are plenty of people for whom this is a luxury that's not available to them, and you insult them by playing what amounts to a stupid head game.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    edited February 2014
    pandabear813 said:
    Hi (:

    So, my FI and I are planning on getting married May 25, 2015. It's a Monday, but it's the day we first started dating and it's very special to us. I'm not one to go the route of legally getting married one day and "plan" to have just a reception later on, but I can't have my wedding on a Monday. I would want to have a full ceremony and reception either the Saturday before or the Saturday after. Is that weird? The date is just so important to me, I can't find it in myself to sacrifice it.

    Thanks! (:i 
    Yes, it's weird.   Why would anyone want to go to a pre-wedding reception a few days before the real wedding or want to go to a post wedding reception a few days later all because you HAVE to have a certain date.

    If really want to get married on that date then just get married on that date.  People will either be able to attend or not?     

     I guess I would be on board with a PARTY on the weekend AFTER the wedding. I would completely side-eye any reenactments of vows, a big puffy dress, bridesmaids etc.  Just have a celebration party.  You can still the cake and have a special dance if you want.

    Life is full of compromises.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
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    Which anniversary will you celebrate?
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  • Fairyjen1Fairyjen1 member
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        There's nothing wrong with getting married on a Monday. I'm getting Married on a Monday. Granted we are doing immediate family only. 

        I would go to a Monday wedding. I won't party until 2am, but I'd go and have a great time. In some ways I'd prefer it, then I get to celebrate with you and my weekend is kept free!
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited February 2014
    pandabear813 said:
    Hi (:

    So, my FI and I are planning on getting married May 25, 2015. It's a Monday, but it's the day we first started dating and it's very special to us. I'm not one to go the route of legally getting married one day and "plan" to have just a reception later on, but I can't have my wedding on a Monday. I would want to have a full ceremony and reception either the Saturday before or the Saturday after. Is that weird? The date is just so important to me, I can't find it in myself to sacrifice it.

    Thanks! (:


    Yes, I think it's weird to place so much importance on the anniversary of your first date. It reminds me of high school when everyone celebrated the anniversary of their first whatevers. But, if you want to have your wedding and reception first and then have a private vow renewal with just your husband on your first date anniversary, that's fine. You won't even need an officiant. It doesn't affect anyone else. Just don't do it the other way around and ask your guests to be witnesses to a re-staged wedding ceremony.

    *Stuck in the box*
                       
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    pandabear813 said:
    Hi (:

    So, my FI and I are planning on getting married May 25, 2015. It's a Monday, but it's the day we first started dating and it's very special to us. I'm not one to go the route of legally getting married one day and "plan" to have just a reception later on, but I can't have my wedding on a Monday. I would want to have a full ceremony and reception either the Saturday before or the Saturday after. Is that weird? The date is just so important to me, I can't find it in myself to sacrifice it.

    Thanks! (:
    OP, I do not care one iota about this made-up "PPD" nonsense. I really want to help you out. But I keep re-reading your post and I can't seem to glean an actual question from it. If the date is the most important aspect for you yes, you can have a wedding on a Monday. It may not be a wild party but you said the date is the most important part, not having a wild party. Next you say you want to have a full ceremony and reception before or after and ask if it's weird. Who cares if it's weird? I can think of 100 things off the top of my head right now that are weirder. Next you go on to say that it's very important that your family and friends be in attendance. Well, that seems reasonable. Are you afraid they won't attend if you have a Monday wedding? If your VIP's are onboard with a Monday wedding then there you go, Monday wedding it is! If they're not and the date is still the most important thing to you, you know what your options are. When a person has a ceremony and when they sign their papers is of no interest to me. But if your whole issue is teetering on having a specific anniversary, would you consider having your wedding on the Saturday prior then celebrating your anniversary yearly on your preferred date? No one is ever going to question what date you and your husband like to celebrate your anniversary. It may be as easy as that!
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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
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    STBMrsEverhart said:
    pandabear813 said:
    Hi (:

    So, my FI and I are planning on getting married May 25, 2015. It's a Monday, but it's the day we first started dating and it's very special to us. I'm not one to go the route of legally getting married one day and "plan" to have just a reception later on, but I can't have my wedding on a Monday. I would want to have a full ceremony and reception either the Saturday before or the Saturday after. Is that weird? The date is just so important to me, I can't find it in myself to sacrifice it.

    Thanks! (:
    OP, I do not care one iota about this made-up "PPD" nonsense. I really want to help you out. But I keep re-reading your post and I can't seem to glean an actual question from it. If the date is the most important aspect for you yes, you can have a wedding on a Monday. It may not be a wild party but you said the date is the most important part, not having a wild party. Next you say you want to have a full ceremony and reception before or after and ask if it's weird. Who cares if it's weird? I can think of 100 things off the top of my head right now that are weirder. Next you go on to say that it's very important that your family and friends be in attendance. Well, that seems reasonable. Are you afraid they won't attend if you have a Monday wedding? If your VIP's are onboard with a Monday wedding then there you go, Monday wedding it is! If they're not and the date is still the most important thing to you, you know what your options are. When a person has a ceremony and when they sign their papers is of no interest to me. But if your whole issue is teetering on having a specific anniversary, would you consider having your wedding on the Saturday prior then celebrating your anniversary yearly on your preferred date? No one is ever going to question what date you and your husband like to celebrate your anniversary. It may be as easy as that!
    Im not going to question it, but as a guest of a PPD everyone found out on their first anniversary date when they posted on FB. "Celebrating our anniversary!" "Um, I went to your wedding and it was datedate" "Yea that was the ceremony but our real wedding date was today last year!" Yea, people were pissed.

    OP, Have you looked to see what day of the week 6 months after your anniversary is? Then you can celebrate both. Honestly, when choosing my date I thought what was most logical to my family, venue and location. March 7th holds no real significance to me (yet!)


    imageimage



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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    shannonmaya said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    pandabear813 said:
    Hi (:

    So, my FI and I are planning on getting married May 25, 2015. It's a Monday, but it's the day we first started dating and it's very special to us. I'm not one to go the route of legally getting married one day and "plan" to have just a reception later on, but I can't have my wedding on a Monday. I would want to have a full ceremony and reception either the Saturday before or the Saturday after. Is that weird? The date is just so important to me, I can't find it in myself to sacrifice it.

    Thanks! (:
    OP, I do not care one iota about this made-up "PPD" nonsense. I really want to help you out. But I keep re-reading your post and I can't seem to glean an actual question from it. If the date is the most important aspect for you yes, you can have a wedding on a Monday. It may not be a wild party but you said the date is the most important part, not having a wild party. Next you say you want to have a full ceremony and reception before or after and ask if it's weird. Who cares if it's weird? I can think of 100 things off the top of my head right now that are weirder. Next you go on to say that it's very important that your family and friends be in attendance. Well, that seems reasonable. Are you afraid they won't attend if you have a Monday wedding? If your VIP's are onboard with a Monday wedding then there you go, Monday wedding it is! If they're not and the date is still the most important thing to you, you know what your options are. When a person has a ceremony and when they sign their papers is of no interest to me. But if your whole issue is teetering on having a specific anniversary, would you consider having your wedding on the Saturday prior then celebrating your anniversary yearly on your preferred date? No one is ever going to question what date you and your husband like to celebrate your anniversary. It may be as easy as that!
    Im not going to question it, but as a guest of a PPD everyone found out on their first anniversary date when they posted on FB. "Celebrating our anniversary!" "Um, I went to your wedding and it was datedate" "Yea that was the ceremony but our real wedding date was today last year!" Yea, people were pissed.

    OP, Have you looked to see what day of the week 6 months after your anniversary is? Then you can celebrate both. Honestly, when choosing my date I thought what was most logical to my family, venue and location. March 7th holds no real significance to me (yet!)
    All that could be remedied by the couple not putting their business on blast on FB. Of course for many people that is all but impossible. 
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  • vt&dtvt&dt member
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    OP, I'm another person that would not want to (or be surprised by learning about afterwards) a fake ceremony or re-do.

    I think you do need to decide between having a larger wedding with friends and family there, or getting married on your dating anniversary.

    Sure, it stinks that you have to choose between an important date and having friends and family able to attend... but that's just a part of life (and I'd imagine compromises or decisions like that are even MORE a part of married life than single life).

    Pick what's most important to you, and go with that.
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    LondonLisa said:
    ...Or remedied by, you know, NOT lying and having a fake wedding....
    If they get married on the 12th but celebrate their anniversary yearly on the 15th, where's the lie or fake anything? Who cares when two married people celebrate their anniversary? 
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  • flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
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    I also don't understand this dumb obsession with a first date anniversary.  Your anniversary of your MARRIAGE will be your new special date that you celebrate.  
    image


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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
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    We celebrate both our dating anniversary and our wedding anniversary. More nice dinners out for us!
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    TheGrimReaper said:
    I don't understand people's fascination with their dating anniversary.  The new date is your WEDDING anniversary which makes it an incredibly special date no matter what date you pick!  There is no reason why they have to be the same.
    This and

    qmda76 said:
    I also don't understand this dumb obsession with a first date anniversary.  Your anniversary of your MARRIAGE will be your new special date that you celebrate.  
    this.

    I also don't understand why you would get married on one date, but celebrate your anniversary on a completely different date just because you had a redo ceremony.  That would be like celebrating your dating anniversary on the date of your 2nd, or 3rd, or 5th date.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    banana468 said:
    LondonLisa said:
    ...Or remedied by, you know, NOT lying and having a fake wedding....
    If they get married on the 12th but celebrate their anniversary yearly on the 15th, where's the lie or fake anything? Who cares when two married people celebrate their anniversary? 
    I dont care if or when you celebrate your anniversary. I care about you being truthful. Then again, based on your posts, you're far more concerned with how things appear than with how they really are.
    This has nothing to do with me, I'm not having issues figuring anything out, but thanks! OP on the other hand, she's concerned with preserving a specific date, I just gave her some options. And without sullying her scout's honor even!
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  • HiThere674HiThere674 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Wait, if the important date is really meaningful why not do something special on that day (besides getting married) like a date or something? That way you do something cool on that day while still having your wedding for the later date. Besides, after the stress of planning a wedding it would be a good thing to have a little time with just you and your fiance.
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  • bremnerschmitzbremnerschmitz member
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    People get really up in arms about this topic and I've been blasted MANY times for having this opinion, but to the original poster I say: do what you want!  

    I like the symbolism of using your first date even though it doesn't fall on the exact day of the week that works for having the ceremony/reception. It'd be really cool to maybe frame the certificate and display it at your reception with a sign explaining why the date was significant to you. Or if you chose the weekend before the date for the ceremony, make a little display with pictures of the two of you, the story of your first date, and write that to celebrate the anniversary of your first date you will be completing your wedding celebrations on Monday by signing the certificate on your anniversary. Something like that would be a good way to let your guests know what makes the date special to the both of you. 

    And I don't think that means that having a ceremony as well is "lying" to your guests.  Frankly I'm of the opinion that if one of your guests is that offended that you chose to do the legal part a different day, they're probably not a person you really want present anyway (I know that would be the case for me).

    Ignore the cranky people who have taken over this website who think that because Mrs. Manners said to do something a specific way, we all get the right to judge those who do it differently.  Do what holds meaning for the both of you, that's what's most important.  Enjoy your wedding!
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    bremnerschmitz said:
    People get really up in arms about this topic and I've been blasted MANY times for having this opinion, but to the original poster I say: do what you want!  

    I like the symbolism of using your first date even though it doesn't fall on the exact day of the week that works for having the ceremony/reception. It'd be really cool to maybe frame the certificate and display it at your reception with a sign explaining why the date was significant to you. Or if you chose the weekend before the date for the ceremony, make a little display with pictures of the two of you, the story of your first date, and write that to celebrate the anniversary of your first date you will be completing your wedding celebrations on Monday by signing the certificate on your anniversary. Something like that would be a good way to let your guests know what makes the date special to the both of you. 

    And I don't think that means that having a ceremony as well is "lying" to your guests.  Frankly I'm of the opinion that if one of your guests is that offended that you chose to do the legal part a different day, they're probably not a person you really want present anyway (I know that would be the case for me).

    Ignore the cranky people who have taken over this website who think that because Mrs. Manners said to do something a specific way, we all get the right to judge those who do it differently.  Do what holds meaning for the both of you, that's what's most important.  Enjoy your wedding!
    People get "up in arms" because telling someone to "do what they want" is poor advice.  If you are eloping, by all means, do what you want.  The minute you involve guests, you are obliged to take them into consideration.

    Are you saying that if someone lies to you, it does not offend or hurt you?  I find that hard to believe.  If someone thinks so little of me that they are willing to lie to me about something so important, I would not care to be present.  I clearly mean nothing to them.

    Calling posters "cranky" for encouraging politeness, thoughtfulness, and truth is immature.  Posters are not judged for doing things differently.  They are judged if they deliberately treat their guests poorly by "doing what they want".  The people that need to be ignored are the ones that choose or suggest rudeness over hospitality.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
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    bremnerschmitz said:
    People get really up in arms about this topic and I've been blasted MANY times for having this opinion, but to the original poster I say: do what you want!  

    I like the symbolism of using your first date even though it doesn't fall on the exact day of the week that works for having the ceremony/reception. It'd be really cool to maybe frame the certificate and display it at your reception with a sign explaining why the date was significant to you. Or if you chose the weekend before the date for the ceremony, make a little display with pictures of the two of you, the story of your first date, and write that to celebrate the anniversary of your first date you will be completing your wedding celebrations on Monday by signing the certificate on your anniversary. Something like that would be a good way to let your guests know what makes the date special to the both of you. 

    And I don't think that means that having a ceremony as well is "lying" to your guests.  Frankly I'm of the opinion that if one of your guests is that offended that you chose to do the legal part a different day, they're probably not a person you really want present anyway (I know that would be the case for me).

    Ignore the cranky people who have taken over this website who think that because Mrs. Manners said to do something a specific way, we all get the right to judge those who do it differently.  Do what holds meaning for the both of you, that's what's most important.  Enjoy your wedding!
    I know someone who did the "legal part" one day and then several months later had the ceremony.  Only no one, not even her mother who was paying for the wedding knew she was already married.  The truth came out when she divorced.  Her brother was pissed that she had lied to them and her mother had shelled out so much money when she had already gotten married.  
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Cranky people haven't taken over this website. A lot of people who are concerned with doing the right thing do post here, though. It's appalling to me that you would suggest going against what established manners dictates by saying that just because MissManners says to do it doesn't mean you have to.It makes me certain that you lack manners and proper courtesy in your everyday life as well, and that you most assuredly embarrass yourself quite often.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Gina0887Gina0887 member
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    We kinda are in the same boat (Our 5 yr anniversary is August 29, 2014 and it's a Friday). So we decided to do the day after so we "dated 5 years before we got married". Do it the Sunday before with an afternoon ceremony and then you "entered you X number anniversary as husband and wife". At least it keeps some sentiment

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