I have to vent...

NikkiCaesPhotography

So this is the first time I've posted on here, but I need to vent... I recently got engaged in December. I picked March 2015 for the wedding, but had to change it for his mom, so it's now in April 2015. So in little over a year I will be getting married. . But, it seems like my FILs and FI are taking their time with everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. I am going to school full time along with working full time, so when I'm not doing homework or working, I am planning the wedding. I have asked for help many times and my family and his has been pretty good. But this is where the vent begins...

Towards the end of January I started planning. I would ask my FI for help, but he kind of just brushed it off. The colors of our wedding I had to pick, but let him pick them...if that makes sense. Then, I asked him if he could start his list and he was just like okay. Lets fast forward...

I scheduled my dress appointment at the first of Feb. for April, that way I have enough time for alterations and whatnot...(I HAVE to always plan ahead). Well after I made the appointment, I told my bridesmaids, that way they can come...FI's sister is a BM and when I told her, she asked if their step-mom could come too, so she can be apart of the wedding. I said yes. Well to be nice, I told his mom, who lives in a totally different state. She said she would come. So I have my mom, my three BMs, and his two moms...

Well his mom, real mom, said that she would help me out with the flowers. She's making ALL my bouquets, corsages, and the boutonnieres, which I am grateful! So she's doing that. I have centerpieces my friend is lending me for my reception. I have practically all that covered! Which I am happy for. Plus, my mom is getting my cakes. 

Well a few weeks ago, my dad, who PROMISED me that he would help me buy my dress got fired from his job...He got in a huge fit with his boss. (Him and my mom are divorced.) So now I have to buy my dress... he won't talk to me about the dress thing at all... Whenever he talks to me, my dad, he would start a pity party about his life and so forth.. I don't need that right now. So I just kind of blow it off. 

Also, all my FILs, are wanting me to just go to the JP or runaway and get married... I don't want to do that. They keep pestering me about that. His gparents either got married in a bowling alley, JP, or ranaway. I have a feeling they keep putting ideas in his head. Also, they keep telling me that we should do what we want to do and that they know we don't want a wedding... I keep asking FI if he wants a wedding, he tells me he wants me to just do what I want to do and if I'm happy he's happy... 

Now this past weekend, my fiance and his sister were talking and got she offended when I bought a wine glass, for each of the mothers for their gifts, because I didn't get one for their step-mom... To be honest, I was going to get the step-mom and my dad's girlfriend different gifts. So I took some extra cash and bought one for her to please his sister... Maybe I shouldn't have? It was just aggravating...I know you get the gifts for step-parents, but I had other ones in mind, and the glasses were just for the birth mothers... 

And yesterday, I asked FMIL if she could help my FI with his guest list, because I still haven't received it... She them proceeds to tell me that she's busy and that we still have time to do it later... I told her I didn't want to swamp her with that. I then texted my FI, "Do you think you can have your guest list done by this weekend?" He tells me, "Nope." Then tells me he may have 50 people, maybe less. He then says he won't have anything until this spring or summer because that's when he will see them all and he will find out who will be going and not... I then explained that not what you do... He gets in a mood with me, asking why we didn't do that this weekend. Every time I try to talk wedding with him, he gets irritated and says, "I can only handle so much at once..." OR he walks out of the room and does something else... Even when I talked to him about the budget... I tell him everything and I try to help him out with different things on what he's supposed to be in charge of and whatnot... He even got pissed off at me because I didn't really want an open bar...(my family aren't really drinkers...now his family, that's a different story...) I just don't have that kind of money. I told him we can do a thousand or two tab at the bar, but once it's out, the families can buy their own... FI still didn't like that. I got to the point where I said if he wants an open bar, he can pay for it, I'm not, I don't have that kind of money. Plus, I don't want to take care of drunk people at OUR wedding. 

Sorry, but I seriously had to vent. And I know our wedding isn't until April 2015, but I would rather plan ahead, and not get overwhelmed...

sarahufl

It sounds to me like you are way too stressed out for something that will be occurring in over a year. Take some time to relax.

Are you sure you want the guest list now? And your dress? I am a planner, but this even makes me dizzy..... It seems to me you are getting very tied up in some details that you really don't need to even think about right now.

Cokezerofreak

I think you need to breathe, calm down.  It's more than a year away.  You keep pressuring everyone to do things "now" will cause more stress than you're already making for yourself.  I'm all for planning ahead (I am a planner) but you're going to drive yourself into a nervous breakdown.

SBmini

Go back and read your post a few days from now after you have calmed down. I think you will agree that you are not only overreacting, but really asking a lot of people. Really- you are mad that your dad lost his job and now he can't buy your dress? I'm sorry- but spoiled brat much? Stuff happens, plans change... deal with it. 

sarahufl

Upon a second reading, I have another question- why will you be caring for drunk people at your wedding? Is this a legit concern for you? Do you not trust your guests enough?

PolarBearFitz

Watch out for the bridezilla wave that is about to crash the little town of You-have-a-year-relax-ville.

Check out the checklist the Knot supplies as it actually has a good reference for time frames of things to be done. There is no need to have a finalized guest list right now. Let your FMIL get it to you when she has it ready instead of harping on her. Please try not worry so much.

Plus no cash bar that's rude and not really thinking of your guests.

In addition: I would be way more concerned about my dad's well being after losing his job than my wedding dress for a day that is over a year away. I think you need to check your selfishness.

Swazzle

NikkiCaesPhotography said:

So this is the first time I've posted on here, but I need to vent... I recently got engaged in December. I picked March 2015 for the wedding, but had to change it for his mom, so it's now in April 2015. So in little over a year I will be getting married. . But, it seems like my FILs and FI are taking their time with everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. I am going to school full time along with working full time, so when I'm not doing homework or working, I am planning the wedding. I have asked for help many times and my family and his has been pretty good. But this is where the vent begins...

Towards the end of January I started planning. I would ask my FI for help, but he kind of just brushed it off. The colors of our wedding I had to pick, but let him pick them...if that makes sense. Then, I asked him if he could start his list and he was just like okay. Lets fast forward...

I scheduled my dress appointment at the first of Feb. for April, that way I have enough time for alterations and whatnot...(I HAVE to always plan ahead). Well after I made the appointment, I told my bridesmaids, that way they can come...FI's sister is a BM and when I told her, she asked if their step-mom could come too, so she can be apart of the wedding. I said yes. Well to be nice, I told his mom, who lives in a totally different state. She said she would come. So I have my mom, my three BMs, and his two moms...

Well his mom, real mom, said that she would help me out with the flowers. She's making ALL my bouquets, corsages, and the boutonnieres, which I am grateful! So she's doing that. I have centerpieces my friend is lending me for my reception. I have practically all that covered! Which I am happy for. Plus, my mom is getting my cakes. 

Well a few weeks ago, my dad, who PROMISED me that he would help me buy my dress got fired from his job...He got in a huge fit with his boss. (Him and my mom are divorced.) So now I have to buy my dress... he won't talk to me about the dress thing at all... Whenever he talks to me, my dad, he would start a pity party about his life and so forth.. I don't need that right now. So I just kind of blow it off. 

Also, all my FILs, are wanting me to just go to the JP or runaway and get married... I don't want to do that. They keep pestering me about that. His gparents either got married in a bowling alley, JP, or ranaway. I have a feeling they keep putting ideas in his head. Also, they keep telling me that we should do what we want to do and that they know we don't want a wedding... I keep asking FI if he wants a wedding, he tells me he wants me to just do what I want to do and if I'm happy he's happy... 

Now this past weekend, my fiance and his sister were talking and got she offended when I bought a wine glass, for each of the mothers for their gifts, because I didn't get one for their step-mom... To be honest, I was going to get the step-mom and my dad's girlfriend different gifts. So I took some extra cash and bought one for her to please his sister... Maybe I shouldn't have? It was just aggravating...I know you get the gifts for step-parents, but I had other ones in mind, and the glasses were just for the birth mothers... 

And yesterday, I asked FMIL if she could help my FI with his guest list, because I still haven't received it... She them proceeds to tell me that she's busy and that we still have time to do it later... I told her I didn't want to swamp her with that. I then texted my FI, "Do you think you can have your guest list done by this weekend?" He tells me, "Nope." Then tells me he may have 50 people, maybe less. He then says he won't have anything until this spring or summer because that's when he will see them all and he will find out who will be going and not... I then explained that not what you do... He gets in a mood with me, asking why we didn't do that this weekend. Every time I try to talk wedding with him, he gets irritated and says, "I can only handle so much at once..." OR he walks out of the room and does something else... Even when I talked to him about the budget... I tell him everything and I try to help him out with different things on what he's supposed to be in charge of and whatnot... He even got pissed off at me because I didn't really want an open bar...(my family aren't really drinkers...now his family, that's a different story...) I just don't have that kind of money. I told him we can do a thousand or two tab at the bar, but once it's out, the families can buy their own... FI still didn't like that. I got to the point where I said if he wants an open bar, he can pay for it, I'm not, I don't have that kind of money. Plus, I don't want to take care of drunk people at OUR wedding. 

Sorry, but I seriously had to vent. And I know our wedding isn't until April 2015, but I would rather plan ahead, and not get overwhelmed...

First bolded: So your dad just got fired from his job and the only thing you care about is that he can't pay for your dress now? That is really selfish. You shouldn't have counted the money until it was in your hand to begin with but seriously, show a little freaking sympathy. 

Second bolded: Is your FI close with his stepmother? It sounds like his sister is so I'm wondering if he is as well. Just because she's not his biological mother doesn't mean he doesn't view her in a similar light. I view my stepfather as more of a dad than my biological father. 

Third bolded: As PPs have pointed out, cash bars are very rude. Host your guests properly. They shouldn't have to open their wallet at your event. 

kmmssg

What I got out of that was your dad lost his JOB aand you say you are kind of blowing that off

jenniferurs

I'm astounded that you're actually upset with your father for being listless over losing his job and not being able to pay for your dress. Which, btw, you don't have to order for another 6 months or so. And why would anyone need to get you guest lists now? You wouldn't be sending out save the dates for at least another 6-8 months. If it's for budgeting purposes, create a rough estimate and go from there. But remember to always keep a reserve in the case of unexpected expenses (more guests than anticipated, etc.).

Also, just say no to cash bars.

Finally, it sounds to me like your fiancé is actually the one who wants to elope and/or have a simple JOP wedding, which is probably why his family keeps bringing that option up as what you both want deep down and why he's so hesitant to partake in your way-too-early planning efforts. You may want to sit down and have a serious talk with him about his wants and needs, because it seems to me like you've been steamrolling everyone throughout the start of this process and not really giving anyone time to come to terms with what they even want.

Take a step back, a deep breath and, like someone else said, take the opportunity to read The Knot's checklist and suggested timeline. Besides the fact that it's not necessary for you to get these things done this early, it's also sometimes not advisable to lock yourself in this early as things (relationships in the case of guest lists/bridal party; taste in the case of dresses/decor/gifts, etc) can change over time.

TeddiD34

"What I got out of that was your dad lost his JOB aand you say you are kind of blowing that off"

teehee

climbingsingle

Your actions towards your father are reprehensible. The man lost his job and all you care about is that he can no longer pay for your wedding dress. You need to get some perspective. 

Your FI is 100% right about hosting an open bar for the entire wedding. Do not make your guests pay for drinks. 

And why exactly would you be taking care of drunk people at your wedding? 

Sugargirl1019

I planned a wedding more than a year away. We did serious guest list about 9 months away from the date so that we could do save the dates. You still have time! Don't fret about that timing issue.

I do not know why your Fi won't talk to you about everything, so I understand your stress. You want his input and for him to be apart of this planning. Tell him how you are feeling when he is not busy, but also tell him you will wait on the guest list.

About the presents for the mothers - very generous of you! Stick to your original plan and buy step-mom a different gift, as long as it isn't clearly less special. It's fine getting them different gifts - and tell people that you are getting mom and stepmom different gifts (better If you make it a personal, thoughtful gift). But, gifts for parents aren't required

pumpkinsandturkeys

There's just SO much going on in this post. Where to begin...

You're getting worked up over things that shouldn't matter at this point.

Dress shopping over a year out is flat-out Tay-cray -- ESPECIALLY when you don't have the finances for it. I understand that it's tough when someone is all 'woe is me', but your dad lost his job. You need to be sensitive to that. You also need to understand that sometimes, promises are broken and it's out of anyone's control. You should be cancelling that dress appointment and start saving up, or adjust your dress budget accordingly.

Secondly, your FI is probably brushing things off because your wedding is still SO FAR AWAY. He doesn't see the urgency to make all of these decisions right this moment, and I don't blame him for that. Let him breathe a bit -- you have over a YEAR to talk wedding stuff. There's no reason to bombard him with everything right now, or every day for the next 14 months, or however long you have.

Also, who cares what other people want for your wedding? It's about the two of you and what you want. If you want a traditional wedding, so be it. They can suggest elopement all they want, and that shouldn't bother you in the slightest.

And you're buying parents' gifts already? I feel as though this is a bad plan. I'm a planner, too, but there's always the chance you'll change your mind a few months down the line, see something you like better, etc. I also agree with PP that if FI is as close or closer to his stepmom, it doesn't matter whose vagina he got pushed out of -- they should either all get the same gifts, or all get different gifts (of equal value).

The cash bar thing has already been addressed, but I'll say it again: YOUR GUESTS PAY FOR NOTHING. No-thing. You are hosting a party. You have invited them. They graciously accept your invitation. You provide everything. You wouldn't host a dinner party and expect guests to pay for their drinks by the glass then, would you? Either have a dry wedding (which is perfectly acceptable), or have a hosted bar. End of discussion. If the adults you invite can't hold their liquor, that's their own issue. If you're really that concerned, make sure you have trained bar staff who cut off anyone who goes a little too far over the line, and/or look into security if you feel the need.

climbingsingle

Oh and seriously, have a drink and chill out! Your wedding is over a year away. 

Vivandiere8

NikkiCaesPhotography said:

.... He even got pissed off at me because I didn't really want an open bar...(my family aren't really drinkers...now his family, that's a different story...) I just don't have that kind of money. I told him we can do a thousand or two tab at the bar, but once it's out, the families can buy their own... FI still didn't like that. I got to the point where I said if he wants an open bar, he can pay for it, I'm not, I don't have that kind of money. Plus, I don't want to take care of drunk people at OUR wedding. 

Sorry, but I seriously had to vent. And I know our wedding isn't until April 2015, but I would rather plan ahead, and not get overwhelmed...

Sounds like you are already overwhelmed by trying to create a scenario where you won't be overwhelmed in the future.

You are complaining that your fiance isn't showing interest in the wedding, giving opinions, etc, but the one thing he actually very much wants at the wedding you are refusing to listen to. You say you don't want drunk people at "OUR" wedding but you seem to forget that it takes two people to create an "our". It's his wedding too. On average guys don't tend to be as interested in every little detail as we women are, but if you put down the few ideas he is interested in he will just shut down more when it comes to wedding details.

As for things like his guest list? Just breath... My fiance also took a long time getting his list together but it all turned out fine in the end.  It's going to be ok. You are setting up the next year to be horrible and stressful the entire time. It doesn't need to be.

grumbledore

NikkiCaesPhotography said:

So this is the first time I've posted on here, but I need to vent... I recently got engaged in December. I picked March 2015 for the wedding, but had to change it for his mom, so it's now in April 2015. So in little over a year I will be getting married. . But, it seems like my FILs and FI are taking their time with everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. I am going to school full time along with working full time, so when I'm not doing homework or working, I am planning the wedding. I have asked for help many times and my family and his has been pretty good. But this is where the vent begins...

Towards the end of January I started planning. I would ask my FI for help, but he kind of just brushed it off. The colors of our wedding I had to pick, but let him pick them...if that makes sense. Then, I asked him if he could start his list and he was just like okay. Lets fast forward...

I scheduled my dress appointment at the first of Feb. for April, that way I have enough time for alterations and whatnot...(I HAVE to always plan ahead). Well after I made the appointment, I told my bridesmaids, that way they can come...FI's sister is a BM and when I told her, she asked if their step-mom could come too, so she can be apart of the wedding. I said yes. Well to be nice, I told his mom, who lives in a totally different state. She said she would come. So I have my mom, my three BMs, and his two moms...

Well his mom, real mom, said that she would help me out with the flowers. She's making ALL my bouquets, corsages, and the boutonnieres, which I am grateful! So she's doing that. I have centerpieces my friend is lending me for my reception. I have practically all that covered! Which I am happy for. Plus, my mom is getting my cakes. 

Well a few weeks ago, my dad, who PROMISED me that he would help me buy my dress got fired from his job...He got in a huge fit with his boss. (Him and my mom are divorced.) So now I have to buy my dress... he won't talk to me about the dress thing at all... Whenever he talks to me, my dad, he would start a pity party about his life and so forth.. I don't need that right now. So I just kind of blow it off. 

Also, all my FILs, are wanting me to just go to the JP or runaway and get married... I don't want to do that. They keep pestering me about that. His gparents either got married in a bowling alley, JP, or ranaway. I have a feeling they keep putting ideas in his head. Also, they keep telling me that we should do what we want to do and that they know we don't want a wedding... I keep asking FI if he wants a wedding, he tells me he wants me to just do what I want to do and if I'm happy he's happy... 

Now this past weekend, my fiance and his sister were talking and got she offended when I bought a wine glass, for each of the mothers for their gifts, because I didn't get one for their step-mom... To be honest, I was going to get the step-mom and my dad's girlfriend different gifts. So I took some extra cash and bought one for her to please his sister... Maybe I shouldn't have? It was just aggravating...I know you get the gifts for step-parents, but I had other ones in mind, and the glasses were just for the birth mothers... 

And yesterday, I asked FMIL if she could help my FI with his guest list, because I still haven't received it... She them proceeds to tell me that she's busy and that we still have time to do it later... I told her I didn't want to swamp her with that. I then texted my FI, "Do you think you can have your guest list done by this weekend?" He tells me, "Nope." Then tells me he may have 50 people, maybe less. He then says he won't have anything until this spring or summer because that's when he will see them all and he will find out who will be going and not... I then explained that not what you do... He gets in a mood with me, asking why we didn't do that this weekend. Every time I try to talk wedding with him, he gets irritated and says, "I can only handle so much at once..." OR he walks out of the room and does something else... Even when I talked to him about the budget... I tell him everything and I try to help him out with different things on what he's supposed to be in charge of and whatnot... He even got pissed off at me because I didn't really want an open bar...(my family aren't really drinkers...now his family, that's a different story...) I just don't have that kind of money. I told him we can do a thousand or two tab at the bar, but once it's out, the families can buy their own... FI still didn't like that. I got to the point where I said if he wants an open bar, he can pay for it, I'm not, I don't have that kind of money. Plus, I don't want to take care of drunk people at OUR wedding. 

Sorry, but I seriously had to vent. And I know our wedding isn't until April 2015, but I would rather plan ahead, and not get overwhelmed...

Is this real?  Your wedding is over a year away.  Take a deep breath and chill out.  And your FI is right, cash bars are not okay.  And people get drunk regardless unless you have a dry wedding.

Also, quoted jic.

pumpkinsandturkeys

grumbledore said:

Is this real?  Your wedding is over a year away.  Take a deep breath and chill out.  And your FI is right, cash bars are not okay.  And people get drunk regardless unless you have a dry wedding.

Also, quoted jic.

Ha. We're learning I was thinking the same thing haha

PolarBearFitz

@pumpkinsandturkeys - I noticed you used tay-cray and I more than approve.

pumpkinsandturkeys

@PolarBearFitz -- I figured one of the regs would see it and smile a little

Maggie0829

I'm sorry but bought each Mother a wine glass, just one wine glass for their gift?  What?

The reason why your FI is not in a big rush to get his guest list together is because your wedding is a freaking 13+ months away!  

Ignore your FILs and what they think you should do.  As long as you and your FI want a big wedding then it doesn't matter what anyone else says.

Your FI is right, cash bars are rude.

Your Dad lost his job.  Maybe you should be a bit more consoling to him rather then pissed that he can't buy you your dress anymore.

You should ask what parts of the wedding planning your FI wants to be involved in and then involve him in those.  Not many guys are that interested in colors of flowers.

Again your wedding is 13+ months away.  Have a drink, take a bubble bath and relax.

LadyMillil

Maggie0829 said:

I'm sorry but bought each Mother a wine glass, just one wine glass for their gift?  What?

The reason why your FI is not in a big rush to get his guest list together is because your wedding is a freaking 13+ months away!  

Ignore your FILs and what they think you should do.  As long as you and your FI want a big wedding then it doesn't matter what anyone else says.

Your FI is right, cash bars are rude.

Your Dad lost his job.  Maybe you should be a bit more consoling to him rather then pissed that he can't buy you your dress anymore.

You should ask what parts of the wedding planning your FI wants to be involved in and then involve him in those.  Not many guys are that interested in colors of flowers.

Again your wedding is 13+ months away.  Have a drink, take a bubble bath and relax.

And check out the wedding planning timelines. The Knot has one, and there are a ton floating around Pinterest. Use that as a guide for what you should be planning now. 

thisismynickname2

I fully agree that you should try The Knot's planner. Super helpful! Don't be intimidated by the millions of check items. The first thing I did was clean out everything that didn't apply to me. Then, as I went along, I could continue to erase anything that didn't apply to me. For example, we chose a full-service venue so I was able to remove any references to ordering flowers and linens since the venue included them.

As to your fiance.... My fiance gets overwhelmed when you throw anything at him unprepared. He is a planner too. I could not casually say, "So what do you think about Greece for a honeymoon?" while we're just watching TV. I would get a vague, "Uh... I don't know."  What makes all the difference is saying, "Hey honey, in the next two weeks we really should decide where to go on our honeymoon. What night would you be free to sit down and start searching websites?"

That's how we've approached everything-- by planning to plan.

Try informing your fiance that within a month, you need to nail down a date and a budget and an idea for venues. Ask him when he has an evening free to discuss this with you. Discuss it, and decide. Then YOU do the research on venues and see what's within the budget, and send him 3 or 4 links to venues to pre-approve. If he likes them, find out what weekend he's free to check out the short-list of venues together. Give yourself another week or two to reflect on what you've seen and then make a decision together. 

See what I'm getting at? You're overwhelmed, and you're overwhelming him. Break it down into chunks.  My Fiance and I got the budget, the venue, the DJ, and the Photographer out of the way very quickly (in 2 months post-engagement).  I was able to say, "Great, now for the next several months we don't have to make any decisions, but around Christmas we'll need to find an officiant and choose our ceremony music, ok?"  And honestly, for the next several months we barely discussed the wedding because we didn't have to!  Now then, we have an 18 month engagement, but I had everything done up through the 9 month mark very quickly.  As you have 13 months, you'll be able to do it too. Stick to a plan! Good luck! 

NikkiCaesPhotography

I'm upset with my dad... This is seriously his 7-8th job with in a year time frame. That's why I'm upset. Plus he's spending all his money on trips with his girlfriend...I didn't put that up there which is my fault.
My FI and his stepmother are NOT close...he isn't even close with his dad...
And I do need to calm down. If I could, I would seriously delete this post. It was stupid on my part.
Thank you to those who were kind. I'm stressed with school, work, and wedding planning.

Maggie0829

I'm upset with my dad... This is seriously his 7-8th job with in a year time frame. That's why I'm upset. Plus he's spending all his money on trips with his girlfriend...I didn't put that up there which is my fault. My FI and his stepmother are NOT close...he isn't even close with his dad... And I do need to calm down. If I could, I would seriously delete this post. It was stupid on my part. Thank you to those who were kind. I'm stressed with school, work, and wedding planning.

You cannot dictate how your Father spends his money. Also, you are mad at him because he can't hold down a job? Maybe he is having personal problems that are keeping him from holding down jobs or maybe his line of work isn't the most stable currently.

I would suggest maybe taking a month off from wedding planning and try and get your stress under control.  Wedding planning should be fun and enjoyable. When you get to the point of hating it or it being stressful then you need to back away and take a break.

grumbledore

NikkiCaesPhotography said:

I'm upset with my dad... This is seriously his 7-8th job with in a year time frame. That's why I'm upset. Plus he's spending all his money on trips with his girlfriend...I didn't put that up there which is my fault. My FI and his stepmother are NOT close...he isn't even close with his dad... And I do need to calm down. If I could, I would seriously delete this post. It was stupid on my part. Thank you to those who were kind. I'm stressed with school, work, and wedding planning.

Your dad can spend his money however he damn well pleases, and he can job hop as much as he wants and it is none of your concern.  You sound like a spoiled little brat.

SBmini

NikkiCaesPhotography said:

I'm upset with my dad... This is seriously his 7-8th job with in a year time frame. That's why I'm upset. Plus he's spending all his money on trips with his girlfriend...I didn't put that up there which is my fault. My FI and his stepmother are NOT close...he isn't even close with his dad... And I do need to calm down. If I could, I would seriously delete this post. It was stupid on my part. Thank you to those who were kind. I'm stressed with school, work, and wedding planning.

Then why are you shocked that he didn't come through on his promise? Come on, you're a big girl. It's time to start acting like it. 

hikebikebemerry

Have one of these:

Better?

firebabe6519

Its no ones job to pay for your wedding, dress, and all associated costs but you and your FI. Grow up! Your dad made a nice offer. Circumstances prevented his from seeing it through if he intended to do so.

You have 13+ months to go. Go out and try having a life for a while. Forget wedding stuff... Take a break and enjoy relaxing with FI. It sounds like he is burnt out. Have a weekend to just enjoy being engaged before you dive back into planning. People plan weddings in 3-4 months all the time. You have triple and quadruple that! Relax.

PrettyGirlLost

I need to go back and read all of your posts, but I just have to say that I disagree with many of you who are telling the OP she has plenty of time to plan her wedding since it is a little over a year away.

Where I live, venues and vendors book 1year-1.5years in advance.  I got engaged at the end of June 2012, and in January 2013 we started looking at reception venues for an October 2014 wedding.  All of the venues we visited already had weddings booked for that month, and one had only a single Saturday date left.  The summer of 2013 I started looking for photographers and MUA's and some were already booked for our date in 2014.  So I don't think it is unreasonable for the OP to want to start lining these things up.

Also, OP needs to have a rough guest list when looking into venues, so that she and her FI can get quotes so they can determine if places are within their budget.

If OP is excited, I think it is fine to start looking at dresses and trying some on, but I wouldn't order anything until later this fall.

PrettyGirlLost

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Your actions towards your father are reprehensible. The man lost his job and all you care about is that he can no longer pay for your wedding dress. You need to get some perspective. 

Your FI is 100% right about hosting an open bar for the entire wedding. Do not make your guests pay for drinks. 

And why exactly would you be taking care of drunk people at your wedding? 

Do not have a cash bar to save money OP.  And don't think that just because people have to buy their own drinks that they won't get sloppy drunk if they want to. . . bars the world over are full of sloppy drunks all of the time.  Also don't assume that just because you have an open bar people are going to abuse it.

Also, if you cannot afford your dress or any other aspect of your wedding on your own, then you should consider postponing the wedding until you can save up the money to pay for everything yourself.

CMGragain

I think you should rent "Sex in the City" the movie and watch it carefully.  The bride is so caught up with her elaborate wedding plans, the groom gets cold feet and runs.  A year later she realizes that she wasn't thinking about what HE wanted at all.  This one had a happy ending.  I hope that your does, too.

PS:  About your Dad, you are lucky to have him there at your wedding.  Mine died when I was 15, and I would have given anything for him to have JUST BEEN THERE!