Do we have a "gap?"

RosieC18

Hi all. I've done a fair amount of lurking, but not much posting and I hope you can clarify something for me.

In reading another recent thread it came up that a gap is still a burden on guests even if hosted. That hadn't occured to me before and I'd like to hear your opinions about our planned schedule. Everything is at a single venue.

4pm ceremony, after which Fi and I retreat for a few minutes of seclusion and then about 20-30 mins of photos.
Bar opens at 4:20, and cheese, fruit, hummus etc. Are laid out (stationary)
5:30 heavier hors d'oeuvres are served, some stationary, some passed.
6:30 family-style meal followed by dancingc etc.
We have to be out of the venue at 9 for noise reasons.

Do we have a gap? We'll be with the group before 5, which seemed to matter to posters in the other thread, but it's not clear to me why.

Thanks for your advice!

KatWAG

RosieC18 said:

Hi all. I've done a fair amount of lurking, but not much posting and I hope you can clarify something for me. In reading another recent thread it came up that a gap is still a burden on guests even if hosted. That hadn't occured to me before and I'd like to hear your opinions about our planned schedule. Everything is at a single venue. 4pm ceremony, after which Fi and I retreat for a few minutes of seclusion and then about 20-30 mins of photos. Bar opens at 4:20, and cheese, fruit, hummus etc. Are laid out (stationary) 5:30 heavier hors d'oeuvres are served, some stationary, some passed. 6:30 family-style meal followed by dancingc etc. We have to be out of the venue at 9 for noise reasons. Do we have a gap? We'll be with the group before 5, which seemed to matter to posters in the other thread, but it's not clear to me why. Thanks for your advice!

From your timeline, no, it doesnt look like you have a gap, since you will be hosting something from 4:20-6:30. But it does seem like you are having a 2 hour cocktail hour, which is LONG. Can you move your ceremony to 5pm or start your reception earlier?

emmyg65

You don't have a gap, but PP is right that that's a lot of cocktail hour. Why don't you combine the cheese and fruit with the heavier hors d'oeuvres from 4:20-5:30 and then just serve dinner?

grumbledore

It's not an unhosted gap, but it is a two hour cocktail "hour" which could get old for guests very quickly.  If you are only doing 20-30 minutes of photos, why do you have such a long cocktail hour?  I'd move the reception up and cut down the cocktail hour.

phira

I was just commenting on this in another thread. An unhosted gap is definitely worse than a 2-hour cocktail "hour," but if cocktail hour is longer than an hour, it becomes excruciating for guests.

It's not clear what exactly is going on from 5pm till 6:30pm. Seclusion + 20-30 minutes of photos puts you at around 5-5:15 when you're done. So that's at least an hour where you guys aren't doing photos, but your guests are still waiting for the reception to start.

speedyblazer11

I'm not an expert with this stuff like some other ladies on here, but it seems like you are mostly in the clear.  You seem to have the time between your ceremony and your dinner filled with some type of food and drink choices. 

My questions are why do you have the bar opening at 4:20 but not hors d'oeuvres? It seems like a two hour "cocktail hour" is a little long to begin with, but to only have cheese, fruit, and hummus for the first hour seems kind of odd IMO.  Question two would be are people going to have a place to sit down for those two hours?  And not just some chairs here and there but a seat for every butt?

Good luck!

Maggie0829

@RosieC18 - why are you having a 2 hour cocktail hour?

Inkdancer

Your timeline doesn't indicate when you and the groom intend to rejoin your guests.

There are 2 possible timelines (roughly) for this:
4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30-6:15 Grand Entrance, toasts, first dance, spotlight dances, greeting guests
6:15-6:30 seated for dinner
6:30 dinner
A timeline like this would be a-okay by me.

4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30 - 6:30 Heavier apps are served
6:30 Grand entrance and dinner
This timeline would bore me to tears. 2 hours of mingling, and the dance floor isn't open yet? Yawn.

KatWAG

Inkdancer said:

Your timeline doesn't indicate when you and the groom intend to rejoin your guests.

There are 2 possible timelines (roughly) for this:
4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30-6:15 Grand Entrance, toasts, first dance, spotlight dances, greeting guests
6:15-6:30 seated for dinner
6:30 dinner
A timeline like this would be a-okay by me.

4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30 - 6:30 Heavier apps are served
6:30 Grand entrance and dinner
This timeline would bore me to tears. 2 hours of mingling, and the dance floor isn't open yet? Yawn.

This. I would be drunk by dinner.

FiancB

It sounds like it's hosted, which is good, and that pictures won't take long and you're planning on joining in on cocktail hour, which is good, but why not serve dinner earlier? Serve hors d'eourves at 4:30 and dinner at 5:30 instead of 6:30. I'd hesitate to call it a gap but I would get sick of mingling by 6:30.

cowgirl8238

I would combine your cheese and crackers with your heavier apps and start the recepetion/dinner earlier.  Esp. since your ending by 9PM!  You want to have at least some time to party it up right?

RosieC18

Thanks all.

We'll be rejoining the guests by 5, at the latest, and the tables and chairs will be set up from the beginning so if people want to sit, yes they will have one. I should perhaps make clear that the cocktail hour will be in the same space as dinner, although it's just a tent so people can wander. We also haven't booked out music yet, but we'll probably have something light going during that time.

5:30 just seemed really early to eat dinner to us, which is why we pushed to 6:30. Frankly, I'd like to have more time after dinner for dancing but we didn't think people would be very hungry at that point.

I haven't been to a ton of weddings, but aren't the hors d'oeuvres part of the "reception?" To the person who said they would be bored - I was thinking that the opportunity to talk with family and friends you might not be seated with and before the music gets going would be nice. Maybe it makes a difference that our family is all really spread out and all but a handful of guests will be coming from out of town?

Again, text is hard so I want to reiterate that I ask without snark or agenda. I really don't know how other people view these things.

KatWAG

@rosieC18 I don't think your post had any snark in it. If 5:30 is too early for you and your guests to eat dinner, then push back your ceremony. Personally, I would rather start dinner at 5:30 to allow more time for dancing. I understand that your family/ friends are all spread out. But everyone will mingle throughout the entire event. Not just at cocktail hour. So i dont think that is a reason to extend the cocktail hour. And to me, HDVs are part of the cocktail hour which is at the beginning of the reception.

SKPM

5:30 is totally an acceptable time for dinner, if that's all that's stopping you from shortening cocktail hour(s). The original point of cocktail hour was to entertain guests while B and G take photos. Once you return, the party should actually begin (whether that means dinner, toasts, first dance -- whatever order you might be doing those types of things).

RosieC18

Maybe we could move dinner up to 6, and/or do toasts before eating? Would that be weird? That way my dad will have less time to drink beforehand.....

PrettyGirlLost

KatWAG said:

@rosieC18 I don't think your post had any snark in it. If 5:30 is too early for you and your guests to eat dinner, then push back your ceremony. Personally, I would rather start dinner at 5:30 to allow more time for dancing. I understand that your family/ friends are all spread out. But everyone will mingle throughout the entire event. Not just at cocktail hour. So i dont think that is a reason to extend the cocktail hour. And to me, HDVs are part of the cocktail hour which is at the beginning of the reception.

This.  I couldn't agree more.

Try and keep your cocktail hour to only an hour, then have dinner and open up the dance floor!

misshart00

It's not so much about the time of dinner. It's about the flow of the day. If you stop the flow, it's awkward.

PrettyGirlLost

RosieC18 said:

Maybe we could move dinner up to 6, and/or do toasts before eating? Would that be weird? That way my dad will have less time to drink beforehand.....

I would move it up to 5:30.

Inkdancer

PrettyGirlLost said:

RosieC18 said:

Maybe we could move dinner up to 6, and/or do toasts before eating? Would that be weird? That way my dad will have less time to drink beforehand.....

I would move it up to 5:30.

It could be at 6 if they did the spotlight dances and toasts before dinner.

cowgirl8238

From my experience the hors d'oevres are part of a cocktail hour.  Sometimes the B&G are back within a half hour and join the cocktail hour, sometimes there gone for the full hour.  Althoguh most people will want to talk and socialize, as long as the music isn't blasting, they can still get together and talk if they choose to.

In my family growing up dinner time was 4:30...now a days I wat around 6:00pm so the start time itsn't that off unless your whole crowd prefers eating later. 

mysticl

RosieC18 said:

Thanks all. We'll be rejoining the guests by 5, at the latest, and the tables and chairs will be set up from the beginning so if people want to sit, yes they will have one. I should perhaps make clear that the cocktail hour will be in the same space as dinner, although it's just a tent so people can wander. We also haven't booked out music yet, but we'll probably have something light going during that time. 5:30 just seemed really early to eat dinner to us, which is why we pushed to 6:30. Frankly, I'd like to have more time after dinner for dancing but we didn't think people would be very hungry at that point. I haven't been to a ton of weddings, but aren't the hors d'oeuvres part of the "reception?" To the person who said they would be bored - I was thinking that the opportunity to talk with family and friends you might not be seated with and before the music gets going would be nice. Maybe it makes a difference that our family is all really spread out and all but a handful of guests will be coming from out of town? Again, text is hard so I want to reiterate that I ask without snark or agenda. I really don't know how other people view these things.

The entire event from the start of cocktail hour till the last dance is the "reception".  Two hours is a lot of catching up time and in my experience not every guest has a ton of people to "catch up" with.  For example, one of my best friends attended my wedding but the only people she knew at it were me, my MOH, and her own sister who was her "date".  Also, after a while cocktail hour just starts to drag and it's like "get on with the show already".   

MGP

KatWAG said:

Inkdancer said:

Your timeline doesn't indicate when you and the groom intend to rejoin your guests.

There are 2 possible timelines (roughly) for this:
4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30-6:15 Grand Entrance, toasts, first dance, spotlight dances, greeting guests
6:15-6:30 seated for dinner
6:30 dinner
A timeline like this would be a-okay by me.

4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30 - 6:30 Heavier apps are served
6:30 Grand entrance and dinner
This timeline would bore me to tears. 2 hours of mingling, and the dance floor isn't open yet? Yawn.

This. I would be drunk by dinner.

Me too. And full from the cheese and hummus.

phira

We actually ran up against a similar issue when we were picking our timeline. We really wanted to get married on November 16th, which is our anniversary, and lucky for us, that's a Sunday (weekend), so it works. But that meant that we needed to have our wedding early, since we didn't want the reception ending at 11pm on a Sunday. However, I had always dreamt of an evening reception.

We compromised and went with a 3:30 ceremony and a 5pm reception. By the time the entrees come out, it'll be around 5:45 anyway, maybe even 6. Early dinner? I guess so. But we could do early dinner or lunch, so we picked early dinner.

doeydo

KatWAG said:

Inkdancer said:

Your timeline doesn't indicate when you and the groom intend to rejoin your guests.

There are 2 possible timelines (roughly) for this:
4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30-6:15 Grand Entrance, toasts, first dance, spotlight dances, greeting guests
6:15-6:30 seated for dinner
6:30 dinner
A timeline like this would be a-okay by me.

4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30 - 6:30 Heavier apps are served
6:30 Grand entrance and dinner
This timeline would bore me to tears. 2 hours of mingling, and the dance floor isn't open yet? Yawn.

This. I would be drunk by dinner.

Everyone loves a drunk wedding guest, right?

PrettyGirlLost

Holy shit! Hahahaha

Sars06

doeydo said:

KatWAG said:

Inkdancer said:

Your timeline doesn't indicate when you and the groom intend to rejoin your guests.

There are 2 possible timelines (roughly) for this:
4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30-6:15 Grand Entrance, toasts, first dance, spotlight dances, greeting guests
6:15-6:30 seated for dinner
6:30 dinner
A timeline like this would be a-okay by me.

4:20-5:30 Cocktail hour with light apps
5:30 - 6:30 Heavier apps are served
6:30 Grand entrance and dinner
This timeline would bore me to tears. 2 hours of mingling, and the dance floor isn't open yet? Yawn.

This. I would be drunk by dinner.

Everyone loves a drunk wedding guest, right?

Did she pull down the entire tent?! That's amazing.

STARMOON44

Why can't you just move your ceremony to 4:30?

RosieC18

Thanks all, we have a lot to think about. I'll talk things over with Fi and the caterer...