Lesser of Two Evils

ricker1981

My fiancé and I are planning on having a small-ish ceremony in December (about 50 people). We booked a venue for our daytime cocktail style reception probably a bit too hastily because we liked the look of it so much and now we're finding it is nearly impossible to find an affordable place nearby to have a ceremony. While we could get married at the venue, it would be a bit of a hassle because the room is small enough that there is only enough room to do one part at a time (ceremony/reception), not both.

A friend suggested we marry there and just have someone quickly take the chairs away after the ceremony and my fiancé's mom said she thought that was tacky and that we should just have people stand since it will be a short ceremony. Personally, I would hate to stand at a wedding as a guest. His mom also thinks it's in poor taste to have the ceremony and reception in two different spots, even though I am trying to find spots literally a block or two away (downtown Sacramento). Is that unheard of these days or something?

At this point, I am feeling like I'm ready to throw the deposit away and just elope! (I worry I'll regret that though.) Should I have it all in one place, or is it logistically a terrible idea to try and clear out a room of chairs after the ceremony for the reception? Isn't it yucky to make people stand for our ceremony? Perhaps keep looking for a ceremony spot offsite or should I just forget about the deposit and look for a more suitable venue? I truly appreciate any insight!

lovesclimbing

I would keep looking for another venue for the reception.  I don't know why his mom thinks it's weird to have the ceremony and reception in two different places.  People do that all the time.

Are you getting married in a church? I could understand some people thinking it's a bit weird if you were getting married in a non-church venue and then moved to another venue for the reception.

KittyKaty20

ricker1981 said:

My fiancé and I are planning on having a small-ish ceremony in December (about 50 people). We booked a venue for our daytime cocktail style reception probably a bit too hastily because we liked the look of it so much and now we're finding it is nearly impossible to find an affordable place nearby to have a ceremony. While we could get married at the venue, it would be a bit of a hassle because the room is small enough that there is only enough room to do one part at a time (ceremony/reception), not both.

A friend suggested we marry there and just have someone quickly take the chairs away after the ceremony and my fiancé's mom said she thought that was tacky and that we should just have people stand since it will be a short ceremony. Personally, I would hate to stand at a wedding as a guest. His mom also thinks it's in poor taste to have the ceremony and reception in two different spots, even though I am trying to find spots literally a block or two away (downtown Sacramento). Is that unheard of these days or something?

At this point, I am feeling like I'm ready to throw the deposit away and just elope! (I worry I'll regret that though.) Should I have it all in one place, or is it logistically a terrible idea to try and clear out a room of chairs after the ceremony for the reception? Isn't it yucky to make people stand for our ceremony? Perhaps keep looking for a ceremony spot offsite or should I just forget about the deposit and look for a more suitable venue? I truly appreciate any insight!

Girl...you're in my 'hood! PM me. I used to live in Midtown, and I've got a local FB brides' group who are doing Downtown venues. (Mine is in Citrus Heights, although we did look at a few Downtown locales.)

phira

Is there a place for guests to go while the room is being flipped from ceremony to reception?

Both wedding venues we considered would have had our ceremony and reception in the same room, and my brother's wedding was also held in one room for the ceremony and reception. It does require a second room or area, though, where guests can go while the room is being changed (during cocktail hour).

I am curious: will there be any seating during your reception? Or just not seating for everyone? Honestly, while you're right that no seating during the ceremony is bad news, I'd think it would be worse not to have seating during the reception.

From the info you've given us, assuming the reception would have enough seating, I think you have two basic options:

- If you cannot or do not want to hunt down a second venue, have both the ceremony and reception at your current venue. No, it is not tacky or bad to have them in the same room. No, it is not okay to have no seating during the ceremony.

- If you're up for more venue hunting, no, it is not tacky or bad to have your ceremony and reception at different locations. It's actually really common. All of the wedding materials we have from our vendors ask us for the ceremony AND reception locations. Plural. In fact, at our venue, it actually puts us at a disadvantage: everyone gets 5 hours in their wedding package, but if you're having an on-site ceremony, you actually end up with less reception time than someone who did a ceremony off-site and THEN started their 5 hour block.

doeydo

Everyone needs a seat during the ceremony and the reception.  Could you do the ceremony outdoors (I know it would be December and might be cold, though) at a local park, someone's back yard, or just outside the reception location?  Or, you could do the ceremony at the reception location with everyone already at the tables.  Example:

Another option is to have one section of the reception room for the reception and another for the ceremony, if you have room.  Example:

ricker1981

You guys bring up some good points. We aren't getting married at a church because we're not religious and would feel weird haha.

There is seating around the room but not enough for everyone at the same time. I remember reading somewhere to have like 75% seating for cocktail receptions and I'd say that's about what we've got. The place is too small to have both parts (ceremony and reception) set up at once. The pic below is the best I could find.

Editing to add, this will be a short daytime shindig with family only and we aren't super formal, so that's why we're going with a cocktail style reception.

tammym1001

We are getting married and having our reception in the same room. It's a very small wedding so we are just going to have everyone sit at their tables for the ceremony. 

Are you saying you won't even have enough seats for everyone to sit down during the reception?

cowgirl8238

ricker1981 said:

You guys bring up some good points. We aren't getting married at a church because we're not religious and would feel weird haha.

There is seating around the room but not enough for everyone at the same time. I remember reading somewhere to have like 75% seating for cocktail receptions and I'd say that's about what we've got. The place is too small to have both parts (ceremony and reception) set up at once. The pic below is the best I could find.

I was all on board until that sentence...

Look for a venuee that can seat everyone at once or cut your list so every butt has a chair!!! No one wants to balance their belongings, food and drink while trying to eat because there aren't enough tables/chairs.  Just becuase you personally wouldn't mind, a lot of guests will and a lot of those people will judge behind your back!

delujm0

cowgirl8238 said:

ricker1981 said:

You guys bring up some good points. We aren't getting married at a church because we're not religious and would feel weird haha.

There is seating around the room but not enough for everyone at the same time. I remember reading somewhere to have like 75% seating for cocktail receptions and I'd say that's about what we've got. The place is too small to have both parts (ceremony and reception) set up at once. The pic below is the best I could find.

I was all on board until that sentence...

Look for a venuee that can seat everyone at once or cut your list so every butt has a chair!!! No one wants to balance their belongings, food and drink while trying to eat because there aren't enough tables/chairs.  Just becuase you personally wouldn't mind, a lot of guests will and a lot of those people will judge behind your back!

THIS.  i have been to several cocktail style receptions that i have HATED because FI and i wound up walking around with our hands full of food and drinks unable to find a seat.  When people see that there aren't enough seats for everyone, they tend to "hunker down" and claim their spot so that they don't lose it...which results in other people never getting to sit down at all.

 

the rule of thumb for the reception is that if you have assigned tables, you need at least one seat for every butt.  if you don't have assigned tables, you need a seat for every butt PLUS an addiitonal 10% because otherwise family groups wind up getting split up and it's a complete mess.  For the ceremony every butt needs a seat.

 

i'm ok with not having a seat for every butt for the cocktail hour...provided that it is no longer than one hour.  After that, i want to sit.

Jen4948

Your FI's mom is wrong about having people stand.  Everyone needs a seat for both the ceremony and reception.

It is not tacky or rude to have both the ceremony and reception at the same venue.  If you really want to stick with this venue, see if there's a way to do that.  If even that isn't possible, you need to find another venue even if you have to eat the deposit on this one.

RebeccaB88

You can absolutely get married at the venue in the one room. Just have them set up the tables and chairs for the reception (everyone MUST have a seat for the whole event, no exceptions, plus extra chairs if you aren't doing assigned tables/seating) and let your guests watch the ceremony from their tables. Once you proceed out after the ceremony, the reception begins. Done and done, and easy.

If you don't have enough room for everyone to have a table and chair, then you're right, you do need a bigger venue. 75% doesn't cut it. Or, cut the guest list to fit the room.

phira

Yeah, you never know who's going to NEED a seat. My normally able-bodied partner desperately needed to sit at the last wedding we went to. We were relieved that cocktail hour was in the same room as the reception so he could sit the whole time and not have to search for a seat.

In your cast, I'd abandon the venue entirely. Or I'd use it for your ceremony and find a reception venue.

ricker1981

Thanks everyone! I get what you're saying about having to juggle things in hands and I see now that it's not such a great idea after all to have limited seating for the reception. You all have given me some good possibilities to look into.

grumbledore

posting problems...

KittyKaty20

Also wanted to say:

Good job not getting upset when these fine Knotties stepped up to hand out advice from the trenches...sadly, others get a little to panty-twisty.

I wish I could gif. Insert jaunty salute here.

happymellow

I kind of like the idea of running an aisle runner straight up the middle of tables.  But maybe I'm weird.

Weesh

KittyKaty20 said:

Also wanted to say:

Good job not getting upset when these fine Knotties stepped up to hand out advice from the trenches...sadly, others get a little to panty-twisty.

I wish I could gif. Insert jaunty salute here.

Stuck in the box!  I agree--you asked for advice and took it really well.  Good luck,and I hope it works out for you!

SP29

We had our ceremony and reception in the same room. Room change over took 15 mins.