Jewelry

LakeR2014

It is ok to request your bridesmaids to wear/not wear certain jewelry or is that rude/demanding?

Example:  Wear only Gold jewelry.  Or no necklaces for the wedding. 

ShallowSeas

I don't think that telling them not to wear a necklace, period, to the wedding is demanding. I also don't think telling them to wear a certain color is too demanding either.  I think what would be demanding/rude would be telling them or expecting them to wear a certain necklace.  If there is a certain necklace you want them to wear then you should buy it for them.  Other than that, I think you're fine.  As a BM, I have always been asked to wear certain color shoes or jewelry and I never felt that was demanding or rude.

Maggie0829

Jewelry, in the grand scheme of things, really doesn't matter nor is very noticeable in pictures.  Let your BMs wear whatever they want (it gives them a way to show their personality, and their personality is part of the reason you love them right?).  I couldn't even tell you what my two BMs wore nor did I care.

JennyColada

I think if it's something generic (gold, silver, none) then it's not very bridzilla. But if you get really specific (a gold necklace that has a 16 inch chain with a single turquoise drop pendant) then that gets a little crazy.

Inkdancer

When I was a bridesmaid most recently, the bride asked us to wear no dangly earrings and no necklace. Turns out that was because she was going to give us each a necklace.

As long as it's generic it's good. Don't assume your girls have anything though--you could ask them to wear pearls, or diamond earrings, or gold jewelry, and find out that they don't have any.

cupcait927

As long as the request is reasonable, then I really don't see a problem with it. I never wear necklaces so if you told me I had to wear a gold necklace, I'd just borrow one from a friend or my mom. But if it had to be a certain necklace, then I'd be a little peeved (considering how much money I've probably already spent at that point to be a bridesmaid). But honestly, jewelry really won't matter that much unless you have a statement piece that you'd like the girls to wear. In that case, then you should be purchasing the jewelry.

climbingsingle

Eh. I'm firmly in the camp of letting your BMs wear whatever they want. No one is going to notice their jewelry. I guess asking them to not wear a certain type isn't too demanding. But again, no one is going to be looking at their jewelry and I can guarantee you're not going to look back at your pictures in 10 years and think, "Gee, I really wish Mary didn't wear those earrings." 

LDay2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Eh. I'm firmly in the camp of letting your BMs wear whatever they want. No one is going to notice their jewelry. I guess asking them to not wear a certain type isn't too demanding. But again, no one is going to be looking at their jewelry and I can guarantee you're not going to look back at your pictures in 10 years and think, "Gee, I really wish Mary didn't wear those earrings." 

I'm with this...so long as there's not giant feather earrings with glow in the dark sprinkles

AroundTheBlock

It does seem a little controlling. I have a grand-niece who is a Christian and always wears a cross -- she would probably politely decline your request to be a bridesmaid if that were a sticking point for you.

I think controlling what dress your bridesmaids wear is about as entitled as a bride should get -- makeup, hair, manicures, tatoos, jewelry and what-not can be very personal. And personal is what you want -- you asked these people to stand up for you because of who they are, not what they look like. I

KickAssMOH

The only times I've been asked to stick to a certain tone of jewelry were because the bride was giving us a gift of something (earrings or necklace) in that same tone, or the bride brought options for us all to borrow so that we didn't have to go buy something particularly in her taste. 

Once I was asked to purchase a particular necklace (one that none of us would ever wear again) but it was $8 from Target so it wasn't a big deal....although that type of behavior is frowned upon in general on TK, I wasn't bothered by it at the time.  

AddieCake

Why would you care what jewelry they wear? I have no idea what jewelry my bridesmaids wore.

phira

LDay2014 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Eh. I'm firmly in the camp of letting your BMs wear whatever they want. No one is going to notice their jewelry. I guess asking them to not wear a certain type isn't too demanding. But again, no one is going to be looking at their jewelry and I can guarantee you're not going to look back at your pictures in 10 years and think, "Gee, I really wish Mary didn't wear those earrings." 

I'm with this...so long as there's not giant feather earrings with glow in the dark sprinkles

Now I kind of HOPE someone wears earrings like that!

I'm on the fence. On the one hand, you wouldn't be asking them to go out and buy something, and asking them not to wear something isn't the same as asking them TO wear something in particular. But I guess it's a level of micro-managing that feels unnecessary. Even if it were the sort of thing you'd notice in pictures, having perfect pictures shouldn't be the goal of the wedding day.

tammym1001

I think this might be a little bit of a know your girls thing too. I'm not having any silver in my wedding at all. Everything will be gold, but if I asked my girls not to wear silver jewelry then my one bridesmaid wouldn't be able to wear jewelry because she's allergic to gold. If you know your girls have jewelry in whatever you would prefer they wear and their still able to pick out then I don't think a little bit of direction is a bad thing.

fionahalliwell

I think it depends on the extent of the request. "Please don't wear gold" doesn't sound too demanding, IMO. "Please only wear real diamond studs, a real pearl necklace, and rose gold bangles" is a different story. 

It might not hurt to ask them if they've thought about jewelry at all. I mean, not in a bridezilla way, but just out of curiosity. You might even be able to help them pick, which could subtly provide the same result. 

Maggie0829

Okay for everyone saying that they can at least dictate the color/type of metal being worn, do you honestly believe that if one wore silver, another wore gold and another wore something with a lot of purple in it, that it will really matter?  I just can't see or understand micro-managing something so insignificant that no one will even notice or care about.  I never once thought about my BMs jewelry because I never once that it would affect my wedding, because it won't.

pumpkinsandturkeys

I think it depends on how ostentatious the jewelry is. Generally, I'm in the "let them wear what they want" camp, because it really doesn't affect the wedding. If it's really going to bother you, I would ask them to wear something understated of their choosing so that it doesn't stand out too much in photos.

If you're going to get really picky, then I think you need to be the one purchasing the jewelry. For example, if you're only going to allow silver stud earrings and silver bracelet, it's kinda like saying they can only wear pink, closed toe, 2-inch heels -- you'd better be prepared to source them out and pony up.

BMs aren't mannequins -- I think they should be allowed some individuality and personality.

AddieCake

OP, what is it you are wanting to tell your bridesmaids to do here? And why?

fionahalliwell

@Maggie0829 I pretty much agree with you. I just don't think it's a big deal either way. If the request is simple enough (again, something like "please don't wear gold-toned jewelry"), it doesn't seem like a serious problem. On the flip side, I can tell you that I wouldn't give a flying f*ck what color jewelry BMs wore in the same situation. 

LakeR2014

@AddieL73 I don't really think a necklace would go well with the dress that's been chosen for the bridesmaids, so I'd like to stipulate no necklaces.  Earrings/Bracelets/tattoos whatever else I don't care.  I think the reason I focus on the necklaces is that I was in a wedding last summer where one of the bridesmaids wore a huge statement piece necklace, and you're eye was always drawn to her because of it.  Not that I'd think any of my girls would wear that, but just noticed the differences in each bridesmaids necklines because of it.  

Weird I know, but that's where the question is coming from.

Maggie0829

fionahalliwell said:

@Maggie0829 I pretty much agree with you. I just don't think it's a big deal either way. If the request is simple enough (again, something like "please don't wear gold-toned jewelry"), it doesn't seem like a serious problem. On the flip side, I can tell you that I wouldn't give a flying f*ck what color jewelry BMs wore in the same situation. 

I guess I just can't believe that what jewelry the BMs are going to wear are on the brides radar.  I know that I was worrying about more important things like what jewelry I was going to wear and really didn't feel the need to add on something else that was such a minor detail in the grand scheme of things that I would need to make a decision on.

AddieCake

Ahhh, I see. I was just curious why you were wanting to do this.

phira

If a necklace won't go with the dresses you've picked, it's likely your bridesmaids won't try to wear one anyway.

jessicabessica

This is too much micromanaging.  Let everyone pick her own jewelry (or lack thereof).

Jen4948

This is a request I wouldn't make, because I wouldn't care to be on the receiving end of it.

Getting a specific dress is a reasonable request for a bride to make, but that's where I'd stop.  What jewelry, makeup, hairstyle, and accessories the bridesmaids wear should be up to them.

misshart00

I barely remember what jewelry I wore at my wedding.

lyndausvi

I personally see no problem with requesting no necklaces or even bracelets I guess. I draw the line at rings and requesting wear or not wear a certain metal to be over the top. Many people are allergic to certain metals or their own e-ring and/or wedding band could be the "wrong" metal. All that said, I cared so little about their jewelry my BM on their own decided to wear diamond studs for earrings (everyone owned a set). Whatever, their choice. I can't even remember if they wore necklaces or bracelets.

lc07

I don't understand the bridesmaids looking like clones thing. For the life of me I cannot figure it out.

phira

@lc07 Traditionally, bridesmaids and groomsmen were supposed to be kind of like decoys to confuse evil spirits or divert curses from the bride and groom on the wedding day. So bridesmaids were actually supposed to match the bride. I guess when you add "don't wear white!" you end up with your attendants all matchy-matchy in a different colored dress.

lc07

phira said:

@lc07 Traditionally, bridesmaids and groomsmen were supposed to be kind of like decoys to confuse evil spirits or divert curses from the bride and groom on the wedding day. So bridesmaids were actually supposed to match the bride. I guess when you add "don't wear white!" you end up with your attendants all matchy-matchy in a different colored dress.

Interesting! I didn't know that. Thank you for the explanation. So since we aren't able to ward off the spirits because we're no longer matching the bride maybe we should do away with the clone tradition altogether?

phira

@lc07 I concur wholeheartedly!

lc07

I am truly not trying to sound self righteous although I can see how it may come across that way, but my friends are my friends. I love them for who they are. They all have different styles and some of us poke fun at each other about them. For example, one if my bridesmaids is the stereotypical New Englander who will wear a sweater tied around her neck and is very preppy. I'm a little more edgy in style. I wore a wallet chain for years and had pink streaks in my hair. We love each other and have the same values just different style preferences. I want to look back on my picture and remember my friends for who they are. Not some fashion mold I'm am trying to fit 4 different girls into. I just don't understand how matchy-matchy is a true representation of life. I wanted my wedding to be real.