RSVP Vent

klburke88

When we mailed our invitations a couple weeks ago, we were actually hoping to get a few declines. Our guest list was right at the max for our venue, and we were hoping to eliminate maybe 2 tables to open up some more space. However, some of the people who have declined so far have really blindsided us. Fiance's uncle, who is like a big brother to him, originally declined because of our "no children" policy, which we thought was extremely selfish. He's since changed his mind, but it still caused us a lot of stress. Now, I've found out that 3 out of the 4 grandparents I still have living are not able to make it. My maternal grandmother still hasn't RSVP'd, but she lives 6 hours away and is unable to drive, so I'm not sure if she will be there either. It's hard for me to imagine my wedding without my grandparents there. The sad part is that for the ones who are no longer with us, I know they'd drop everything to be there for us on our wedding day. Sometimes, it seems like people don't realize this is a wedding. They act like we are having a barbecue just because and that it's not a big deal if they don't show. Ugh

dluberts

Im worried that were gonna get a lot of declines also. When I addressed the invites I put mr and mrs soso. Most of my cousins and such have kids, im not saying no kids, in fact wed love the kids to be there. But im afraid me addressing the adults only will cause them to think its no kids, and theyll decline because if it.

klburke88

We were worried about going over our limit for the venue, so decided not to invite the children of our cousins and friends. One cousin actually wrote in her 3 children, when I only addressed the invite to her and her husband. I had to let her know that we couldn't accommodate her children, but that was before we realized how many people would decline. Now I feel like it's rude to go back and say, "Ok, your kids can come now". 

dluberts

 There are members of my family that would be rude about it if they thought no kids allowed. They would be very catty and decline because theyre stupid like that. 

delujm0

A. You sent invites a few weeks ago for a May wedding?  I hope your wedding is May 3.  Those suckers aren't supposed to go out until 6-8 weeks before hand.

 

B. When you make the decision to not invite children, you have to accept that it means that certain adults who have children will decline to attend.  Being mad about it isn't productive.  It's completely your right to not have kids there, but invitations are not subpoenas, and it is completely the invited guest's right to decline them because of that policy.

 

C. I hope I get some declines!  We invited 200 wen our venue only holds 178 at "seated rounds" which is our preference (the fire code max is well over 200, so no worries there - we can also select a diffrent seating style if we need to).  FI's mother "promised" that 30 of the guests on her list were courtesy invites.  At least 6 of those people have already booked rooms, and invitations won't even go ot for a few more weeks.  Sigh.  I tried to tell FI that it was inappropriate to invite so many people but he didn't listen to me.  80% of our guest list is OOT so I think we'll wind up ok.

klburke88

@delujm0 Yes, our wedding is May 3rd, and yes I feel that we sent invites out pretty early. I was overruled by FMIL, and in an effort to have as little drama as possible, I conceded. I tried explaining that the headcount wasn't due until the Monday before the wedding, but I digress....

I'm in the same boat as you in that I was counting on a few declines to come in. It's not the number of declines that has surprised me, it's who has declined. 

dluberts

@Delujum.... I will be having a lot of oot guests. Some that live hours and some states away. I needed to send out invites early in order for my guests to have time to book hotels, flights etc. Also there is zero way I wouldve been okay sending out courtesy invites. Thats an invite no matter how you look at it, and how those guests do. I wouldve said absolutely not, I did it with my dad when he said the same thing. And I wouldn't get upset if I was you and those people rsvp as accepted.  Just because someone says etiquette says you should do this doesnt mean its right, or that everyone should follow and do what etiquette says. I hope your inviting people you didnt want there ends up working in your favor, because over inviting and not being able to properly accomodate would be bad.

dluberts

And cause you and fiance unneeded stress. 

ArtTeacher23

Ugh, I hate relying on others, I never want to plan another party like this again lol. We sent out invites in late Jan/early Feb for a May 2nd wedding. Pretty much everyone we sent invites to has known about our wedding date well in advance (as soon as we booked we announced it to like the whole world and we also sent STDs out at the year mark). We've already gotten a few "No"s, but I'm more upset with the people who haven't sent back their RSVP when I know that they HAVE to/WILL be there (i.e. - half of my bridal party have not sent it in, including one of my bridesmaids who helped me stuff, seal & stamp the invites and took her's with her instead of letting me mail it to her). *grumble*grumble*

iloveotters2014

I've always heard you send the invites out at the 3 month mark, which is what we did. We are also worried about declines too since 75% of the guest list lives out of state. I'm really sorry about your grandparents. I'm having a hard time not having my grandparents at our wedding either. I lost both grandma's last year who were so excited about the wedding

omargotz

It's cool, ours is may 17 and we sent ours out a week ago or so. But there is a huge event happening that day in our city, and thus our hotel block is not available to be held open for too long...so i wanted to make sure people could take advantage of the block.. you know?

also we did no kids, and FMIL blames me. When actually its fi who desperately wants zero kids there. She doesn't like me as is, and she blames EVERYTHING on me. ANYWAYS, she was really pissed about no kids and for a lot of stuff we dont want to do. "there are just some things you have to do guys" ( like mother son dance) .

 BUT since there is no kid policy, his sister is not coming (she is mid thirties ,she doesn't agree with no kids since she has a kid). so we HAVE to do a mother son dance, but his own sister doesn't have to come? weird.

MrsAitch

dluberts said:

Im worried that were gonna get a lot of declines also. When I addressed the invites I put mr and mrs soso. Most of my cousins and such have kids, im not saying no kids, in fact wed love the kids to be there. But im afraid me addressing the adults only will cause them to think its no kids, and theyll decline because if it.

If you didn't include the kids names on the invitations, you didn't invite the kids.

Our wedding is May 3 and we just dropped the invites in the mail yesterday. So I assume people might start getting them tomorrow?

delujm0

dluberts said:

@Delujum.... I will be having a lot of oot guests. Some that live hours and some states away. I needed to send out invites early in order for my guests to have time to book hotels, flights etc. Also there is zero way I wouldve been okay sending out courtesy invites. Thats an invite no matter how you look at it, and how those guests do. I wouldve said absolutely not, I did it with my dad when he said the same thing. And I wouldn't get upset if I was you and those people rsvp as accepted.  Just because someone says etiquette says you should do this doesnt mean its right, or that everyone should follow and do what etiquette says. I hope your inviting people you didnt want there ends up working in your favor, because over inviting and not being able to properly accomodate would be bad.

I hear you.  we never would have invited these people if we physically couldn't accomodate them...we will be able to if they all show up, it just won't be in our preferred seating arrangement.  Instead of rounds we'd probably have to do banquet style seating or something like that.  If i thought we physically couldn't fit them all in i wouldn't have allowed it.  but FI was like "well they're FAMILY" and i was like "yes, but we've been together for 10 years and i've never met them so how close are they really?"  most of them didn't show for his sister's wedding, which was held a 2 hour drive from their homes, so i doubt they'll show for something that is a 10 hour drive or a flight...but if they do they do.  i didn't say i'd be upset about it.  anyone that cares enough about our wedding to travel so far to attend it will be properly hosted.  i just hope we get some declines so that we can do our preferred seating arrangement instead of redesigning the space.

Kristen625

May 25th wedding here, and I just sent out my invites last week.  I know I was a little early in sending them, but ALL my family is out of state.  I've already gotten a few responses back, and they are all yeses so far.  Nothing surprising yet.  I'll be surprised if certain aunts/uncles accept since they rarely travel and they haven't traveled this direction at all (at least to my knowledge.).  I'm still hoping for no more than 120 people.  I would prefer 100 or less, but I doubt that will be the case when over 150 people were invited.  As to the no kid thing, the people who I've invited that have kids, are super excited to have a kid-free evening and I'm pretty sure they are coming for that first and our wedding second