Bridesmaids and Who to invite to bridal shower / bachelorette party?

HMAmara

I've been a little MIA for a few months, super busy with my new job and whatnot. I've got all the major stuff books and reserved. Gown and bridesmaids dresses are ordered, Save-The-Dates sent, website up and running. I need to get down to picking out the detilas: deocrations, invitations...etc.

I have five bridesmaids: Two maids of honor (couldn't pick one) that live Pittsburgh, the other three live in NJ, including my sister and I live in MD now.

I got all the ladies together last month so we could pick the dresses together. It also gave an opportunity for everyone to meet and exchange numbers. I already have everyone setup on a groupme chat so i can sent one message to keep everyone informed.

I'm kind of disappointed that my maids of honor are no more proactive in planning what little they have to organize. I know nobody is going to be as excited and involved as me and my groom is insisting its too early. But I like getting things done early so I don't worry later. I reminded them both that they are responsible for organizing those too events since after I named them maids of honor they haven't brought anything up.

Besides that I'm wondering who should i invite? I figure I can at least give them a list of people so they have what they need.

amjcwedding

What is it that they have to plan? A shower or bachelorette party is not mandatory and they shouldn't be "responsible". If they decide to great, but it isn't a requirement for you to be married. 

HMAmara

Well I do want a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Obviously I can't plan my own bridal shower. I told them they could surprise me with whatever they want to do. My bridesmaids and mother are also looking forward to it.

Of course I don't need to to be married but all of the ladies like to have fun and I only get to do it once. You also don't need to have a wedding and can go to the justice of the peace but I am doing that too.

Do you have an actual response to the question of who should be invited or not?

Soon to Be Mrs Jay

I agree that your MOH's do not have to do your shower or bachelorette party. It can be planned by your mother, co workers, or other friends or family.

As for who should be invited, it depends on the person hosting the party. The shower is usually people you are inviting to wedding. The bach party is usually only the members of the bridal party.

HMAmara

Okay cool, sounds good. Gives me a better idea of what to do. Thanks!

LeciaB

Soon to Be Mrs Jay said:

I agree that your MOH's do not have to do your shower or bachelorette party. It can be planned by your mother, co workers, or other friends or family.

As for who should be invited, it depends on the person hosting the party. The shower is usually people you are inviting to wedding. The bach party is usually only the members of the bridal party.

this.. I am if you really wanted to you could plan your own shower with the help of others.. and I would invite those who are invited to the wedding (that you are close to besides those in the wedding party)

[Deleted User]

HMAmara said:

I've been a little MIA for a few months, super busy with my new job and whatnot. I've got all the major stuff books and reserved. Gown and bridesmaids dresses are ordered, Save-The-Dates sent, website up and running. I need to get down to picking out the detilas: deocrations, invitations...etc.

I have five bridesmaids: Two maids of honor (couldn't pick one) that live Pittsburgh, the other three live in NJ, including my sister and I live in MD now.

I got all the ladies together last month so we could pick the dresses together. It also gave an opportunity for everyone to meet and exchange numbers. I already have everyone setup on a groupme chat so i can sent one message to keep everyone informed.

I'm kind of disappointed that my maids of honor are no more proactive in planning what little they have to organize. I know nobody is going to be as excited and involved as me and my groom is insisting its too early. But I like getting things done early so I don't worry later. I reminded them both that they are responsible for organizing those too events since after I named them maids of honor they haven't brought anything up.

Besides that I'm wondering who should i invite? I figure I can at least give them a list of people so they have what they need.

Hawa, I'll be honest this sounds a teeny bit shitty and ungrateful.  I'm not here to start mess (that's a promise) but I can't tell whether you enjoy the prospect of having your friends stand with you or it's gonna be a pain unless they do things your way.  I understand the need to drive a process cause I've got that same planning-in-advance-uber-organizing-omg-this-is-gonna-be-awesome-gene too.  But maybe the question should be what would make it easiest for them to want to throw parties in your honor?  Yes keeping them in touch helps, but so does taking your foot of the pedal and trusting that this core group of women whom you chose and whom you love and whom love you will do something wonderful, even if at the end of the day, all that is, is standing in friendship with you one of the most memorable days you'll ever have.  Not that you asked for all this but one of the best general bridal tips I've read on these boards to managing disappointment is calibrating your expectations.   

In answer to the guestlist, prepare something for the ready but give it to your girls only if they ask for it.  Yes this day is about you and your groom, but the bridal party is about friends dear enough to you to witness it.  I just reread this, sincere apologies, it wasn't supposed to sound all lecturey but I don't have the energy to rewrite.  

HMAmara

If nobody plans anything for me, believe me I'll get over it. I'll be very disappointed and very hurt. 

But I'm used to doing everything myself for a very long time. I like being organized and I do not like looking foolish so I do like doing things ahead of time and I like to know what to expect. Yes is surprises me that nobody has tried to help me with anything. Since I'm used to doing things myself I don't ask. I let people know whats going on because they are my friends so its up to them what they want to do.

It's not that I don't trust them but I am always skeptical of people even when they do offer to help (in other situations) because I am used to people disappointing me. I let those things go because people doing things for me doesn't define the whole friendship but it does let me know a person's limitations. 

 Its okay, its my wedding so me and my fiancee will figure it out. 

[Deleted User]

HMAmara said:

If nobody plans anything for me, believe me I'll get over it. I'll be very disappointed and very hurt. 

But I'm used to doing everything myself for a very long time. I like being organized and I do not like looking foolish so I do like doing things ahead of time and I like to know what to expect. Yes is surprises me that nobody has tried to help me with anything. Since I'm used to doing things myself I don't ask. I let people know whats going on because they are my friends so its up to them what they want to do.

It's not that I don't trust them but I am always skeptical of people even when they do offer to help (in other situations) because I am used to people disappointing me. I let those things go because people doing things for me doesn't define the whole friendship but it does let me know a person's limitations. 

 Its okay, its my wedding so me and my fiancee will figure it out. 

tk, you absolutely fucking suck about eating posts.   get it tofuckinggether.

Hawa I was rambling again, but what I said was basically that, no expert am I but, disappointment doesn't have to be your narrative even if it's what you're accustomed to.  There's kee-keeing to be done and cake to be tasted and dresses to be twirled in.   Nobody spends $200 on being a bridesmaid for their own health, your girls want to do this with you and for you, let em.

p.s. can I say how disappointed I am that there are people in your life that would judge you for not having a party?  dude, this should make your guestlist way smaller lol.

You and your fiancé are gonna figure this out and whatever happens along the way, I really do hope you enjoy the entire thing.  (your girls are gonna need frownless pictures for the shower, help em out with that, k?)

M1ssJ

Who to invite:

The women who are invited to the wedding that you want at the festivities. 

Shower Planning:

You can totally plan your own events and hand over certain details to your MOHs if you're feeling anxious