Wedding 911

HELP! Have to invite somebody to wedding that does not even like me but is my fiance's relative.

My fiance and I have been going back and forth about inviting or not inviting his half brother to the wedding.  My fiance says that he HAS to be there (he did not say that he wanted him there) to avoid conflicts because his parents are now threatening my fiance that they will not come to the wedding if the half brother is not invited.  The half brother is nothing but disrespectful towards me and is constantly trying to get my fiance to dump me, and I do not see why I have to invite somebody like that to our wedding when he does not even like me in the first place. 

I just don't know what to do, we are already having to hire security for our wedding.  If I have to extend an invitation what can I do to mitigate the contact I have with this person?  Is there another way I can perhaps approach the situation to see about maybe him being there for the ceremony but not for the reception?  I just don't know what to do, my fiance won't want a wedding unless everybody can "get along" but at the same time why should I have to go out of my way to invite somebody that can't get along with me?

Re: HELP! Have to invite somebody to wedding that does not even like me but is my fiance's relative.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    Talynne10 said:
    My fiance and I have been going back and forth about inviting or not inviting his half brother to the wedding.  My fiance says that he HAS to be there (he did not say that he wanted him there) to avoid conflicts because his parents are now threatening my fiance that they will not come to the wedding if the half brother is not invited.  The half brother is nothing but disrespectful towards me and is constantly trying to get my fiance to dump me, and I do not see why I have to invite somebody like that to our wedding when he does not even like me in the first place. 

    I just don't know what to do, we are already having to hire security for our wedding.  If I have to extend an invitation what can I do to mitigate the contact I have with this person?  Is there another way I can perhaps approach the situation to see about maybe him being there for the ceremony but not for the reception?  I just don't know what to do, my fiance won't want a wedding unless everybody can "get along" but at the same time why should I have to go out of my way to invite somebody that can't get along with me?
    Well first, who is paying for this wedding?

    Second, you need to figure out if your FI wants his half brother there or if he only wants to invite him out of family obligation.

    If his parents are not contributing to the wedding and your FI really couldn't care less if his half brother is there or not then don't invite him and call his parents bluff.  But if this is the route you both choose to take then you need to be on the same page and your FI needs to be ready to stick up to his parents.

    But honestly, if it were me, I would just invite him.  You will be busy seeing the rest of your guests, having fun, dancing and most likely in a happy haze from just getting married.  The most you will have to do is say hi and thanks for coming to this person and then you can go about the rest of the night meeting with the rest of your guests.  Unless this is something that you and your FI feel super strongly about can you really justify starting crazy family drama over it?

    melbelleup
  • It will be primarily my FI and me paying for the wedding.  I have been footing most of the bill so far...

    My FI had told me in the past that he did not want him there, but just recently told me that he had to be there out of obligation.  If I were to invite him I do have some ways I can seat him to where I don't have to be directly in contact with him, and I think you are right about the whole being too busy to worry about it, we are hiring a security company and my parents back us up 100 percent about the situation and what we decide (which is helping me through this a lot).  My FI's parents were trying to get my FI to make his half brother the best man (which I thought was pushing it).  So it is safe to say that my FI's parents are of no help in this matter and I tell my FI that we need to just have a serious talk about this and see what we can do to mitigate the situation.

    Thank you for the great advice.  The wedding is not for another 7 months but that is just going to come and go really fast.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    As long as you and your FI are on the same page then that is all that matters in the end.  Good luck.

  • Yeah, I completely understand. However, I agree that you should go ahead and invite him. Odds are you won't even notice his presence at all during the event. It's not worth FI becoming estranged from his parents. And who knows? He might not even show.
  • This is is sucky situation, i have a similar one with my FI's ex-stepdad (if thats how to word it-FMIL's ex husband) we do not like each other, we know this about each other and although at first FMIL thought we should invite him, we told her how we feel and she agreed to take him off the list. 

    There are a few people that aren't my favorite that we are inviting to be nice, but they have already said (to others, because why would anyone be ballsy enough to tell me to my face?) that they will not attend. 

    If someone truly doesn't like you, I don't see them going through the expense of getting all dressed up and giving a gift...perhaps send the invitation anyway and look out for the regrets in the mail. 
  • Invite him anyway to avoid drama. You likely won't have to spend any time with him at all except to exchange pleasantries and it just isn't worth starting family drama over. We all have to deal with people we don't particularly care for at times in our lives just to keep the peace. It sucks to have to do that on your wedding day, but it is what it is.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited June 2014
    This is not worth the drama it will cause if you don't invite him.  Suck it up and invite the jerk.
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  • Welcome to every holiday for the rest of your life! Might as well get it over with, AND, make him out a liar-be sweet as pie in all interactions with him. Anyone he makes comments to will think he's an a**. As I always say, "I'll never give anybody the job of making me look bad-I do that myself well enough!"
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    My brother went BSC on me about a month before the wedding, and I was freaking out about inviting him, too.  He was invited and showed up.  I saw him just for a few minutes for pictures and he said goodbye before he left.  I'm pretty confident your half-brother won't cause a scene.  I don't think you'll need to hire security.

    Also, if he is invited to the ceremony, then he is invited to the reception.  That is an etiquette must.



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