Vent

Adalia Iris

I know weddings aren't easy to plan, but ours seems to be a tug of war between my mom, me and my fiance. My mom knows how she wants things and since she's paying for the food for our wedding, I sort of have been leaving that to her. I've been handling everything else, while working 40+ hours a week, school, and trying to apply and figure out visa and immigration expenses (my FI is a New Zealander and I'm moving over with him). Anyhow, there has been all this needless drama about the food, my mom wanting one thing, my FI giving his opinion and me apparently trying to hard to make them happen when they aren't really reasonable, and today my FI and I talked on the phone and he basically said why not just have his sister and mom help out with it and get it done. I'm fine with that, but now I'm stressed out because I have to go discuss it with my mom and she has caused most of the stress with wedding planning. It feels like we're going in circles with the food, and it's not even that important!  

Also, I just found out today that my FI thought what I was doing with and where I was going with the flowers for our wedding was outragous and getting too big, and he didn't tell me that until today when I was discussing changing flowers with him. The whole reason I was going bigger with the flowers was that I got it into my head that he wanted more, when he really didn't. I have no idea how that mixup occured.

If I could do it exactly how I wanted to, I'd just go to the courthouse in a white dress with my FI and photographers, and that would be it. But instead our tiny rustic wedding (30 people at a log cabin) is turning into a big drama, and my mom wants a million things, my FI doesn't see how it has to be so complicated, and I feel like I'm the one everyone expects to do all the decision making, but if it was up to me I'd be married already and have gone to the courthouse! A actual wedding is only happening because my parents would be ticked if I didn't, and honestly I don't really know why else we're even having a ceremony.

I just feel so done with the planning. It sucks, and it keeps getting more and more complicated and frusterating.

mbross3

I'm sorry it's such a struggle for you! It sounds like you might have to have an honest conversation with both your mom and your FI about how you're feeling. Planning your wedding is inevitably stressful, but it should also be fun! 

It sounds like some of your issues are stemming from not having an open conversation about what both you and your FI want for your wedding. I realize your mom is paying for some of it, which definitely gives her some power over the situation, but I'm sure that she wants you to be happy too and will take your feelings into consideration if you just talk to her about it. It's not fun being stuck in the middle. These are all people who love you and who would not want you to feel stressed.

Is there anything you can make your FI point person on? Maybe if he's in charge of one aspect he will start to understand why you're stressed. 

kmedeiros89

Believe me, I know the struggle. My mom is paying for a lot of my wedding. While I know she's excited, I feel like she's really taking over more than "helping' in many aspects. Perfect example, my godmother told me that she would really love to be there when I try on dresses but my mom shuts down the idea anytime I bring it up. She makes it seem as if it's not something I would want when really, I do...but I don't wanna make my mother mad either so in reality she's causing more stress than anything else. No matter what I talk about (photographer, cakes etc) she says everything can be done cheaper. For a while it was at the point that I didn't even want to tell her anything. 

I'm sure that like my mom, yours isn't intentionally causing stress for you but I do totally get how they can make issues for us sometimes. Just breathe and enjoy the process with your fiance as much as you can. Maybe you can talk to your mother and get her to understand how she's making you feel. She may not even realize she's doing it.

msdidonato

Take a step back and remember something. This is just one day. It several hours. Your marriage and relationship with your mom and FI are really the most important things at the end of the day. 

charlottesmom0626

I'm having issues with my mom too..She lives 5 hours away and keeps insisting planning the wedding with me is impossible and I should get married where she lives. (regardless of my friends, fiance's family, etc.) Just breathe and it'll work out